Li Wei had survived his first day in the cultivation world, which was more than he could say for his sanity. By the time the sun rose over Jiangnan City, he was elbow-deep in coffee grounds, trying to make Transcendent Brews look less like a condemned noodle shop and more like a place people might actually want to sit. The dusty counter was now polished, the rickety tables wiped down, and his portable espresso machine gleamed like it knew it was the star of the show. He'd scrounged up a chalkboard menu, scribbling "Espresso – 5 yuan, Latte – 8 yuan, Cappuccino – 7 yuan" in his messy handwriting. No spirit stones, no elixirs, just coffee. Normal, mortal coffee.
Or so he thought.
The Nine Provinces Number One Group had other ideas. His phone, tucked behind the counter, was buzzing like a possessed hornet's nest. Li Wei ignored it, focusing on calibrating the espresso machine's pressure. "If I can just get through today without Senior White leveling the block, I'll call it a win," he muttered, tamping down a shot of grounds.
The door jingled, and Li Wei's stomach dropped. He'd barely opened, and already the cultivators were descending. Soft Feather bounced in first, her ponytail swinging like a metronome, followed by Song Shuhang, who looked like he'd just rolled out of bed after a night of fighting ghost spirits. Behind them was a new face—a lanky guy with wild hair and a grin that screamed trouble. Li Wei's genre-savvy brain pinged immediately: Thrice Reckless Mad Saber. The group's resident chaos gremlin.
"Senior Transcendent Barista!" Soft Feather chirped, practically skipping to the counter. "Your shop is perfect! So simple, yet profound—like a hidden realm in the mortal world!"
"It's just a coffee shop," Li Wei said, already feeling a headache coming on. "And stop with the 'senior' thing. I'm Li Wei. Twenty-eight. No cultivation, no profound nothing."
Song Shuhang nodded politely, though his eyes kept darting to the espresso machine like it was a magical artifact. "Uh, Fellow Daoist Li, your coffee yesterday… it really helped my qi flow. I slept better than I have since joining the group."
"Yeah, that's called caffeine," Li Wei said, sliding a fresh latte across the counter. "Drink up, main character. You look like you need it."
Thrice Reckless leaned forward, his grin widening. "So, you're the guy who's got Soft Feather and Senior White buzzing? I gotta try this 'coffee' elixir. Hit me with your strongest stuff, Senior Barista."
Li Wei groaned. "Not you too. And don't call it an elixir. It's just coffee. Beans, water, heat. Pick a drink or get out."
Thrice Reckless laughed, undeterred. "I like you! You've got that cryptic master vibe. Bet you're hiding a realm-shattering cultivation base under that… what's that shirt called? A hoodie?"
Li Wei glanced down at his worn gray hoodie, which had a coffee stain on the sleeve. "Yeah, real mystical. You want an espresso or not?"
"Make it quick," Thrice Reckless said, tossing a shiny spirit stone onto the counter. "I've got a duel at noon, and I wanna see if your stuff's as good as Soft Feather says."
Li Wei stared at the spirit stone, which glowed faintly with what he assumed was spiritual energy. "Dude, I take yuan. Cash. Not shiny rocks."
Soft Feather gasped. "Senior, you reject spirit stones? Truly, your heart is free of worldly desires!"
"No, my heart just needs to pay rent," Li Wei snapped, but he pocketed the stone anyway. Cultivation world currency exchange was a problem for future Li Wei. He turned to the espresso machine, pulling a double shot with practiced ease. The aroma filled the shop, rich and nutty, and he handed the tiny cup to Thrice Reckless. "Here. Don't expect miracles."
Thrice Reckless took a sip, then froze. His eyes widened, and a faint ripple of qi pulsed around him, ruffling his hair like he'd stuck his finger in a socket. "Holy—! This is… it's like my meridians got a kick in the pants! What's in this stuff?"
"Colombian beans and desperation," Li Wei said, deadpan. "Next?"
But the damage was done. Soft Feather was typing furiously on her phone, and Song Shuhang was staring at his latte like it held the secrets of the universe. The chat group lit up:
Soft Feather: Senior Transcendent Barista's espresso is a divine spark—Fellow Daoist Thrice Reckless just had a qi surge!
Medicine Master: A qi surge from a drink? @Transcendent Barista, I'm coming over. Need to analyze this.
Northern River's Loose Cultivator: Thrice Reckless, don't drink random stuff. You'll blow up the city. Again.
Venerable White: I'm on my way. Save me a cup, Fellow Daoist.
Li Wei's phone buzzed so hard it nearly fell off the counter. "Senior White's coming again?" he muttered, his heart sinking. One visit from the walking calamity was bad enough. Two in two days? He might as well start digging his own grave.
The door jingled again, and a crowd started trickling in—cultivators, by the look of them. Some wore robes, others modern clothes, but all had that faintly unhinged aura Li Wei was starting to associate with the Nine Provinces Number One Group. A grizzled old man with a beard down to his waist demanded "the elixir of balance," while a young woman in a tracksuit asked for "whatever Soft Feather had." Li Wei worked the counter like a man possessed, slinging lattes, cappuccinos, and espressos, all while muttering under his breath about how his life had become a cosmic joke.
By noon, Transcendent Brews was packed. Cultivators sat at the rickety tables, sipping coffee and murmuring about "profound flavors" and "qi harmonization." One guy claimed his cappuccino had cleared a bottleneck in his cultivation, and a woman swore her latte had banished a heart demon. Li Wei wanted to scream that it was just coffee, but every time he opened his mouth, someone bowed and called him "**Senior**," so he gave up and kept brewing.
Song Shuhang, still nursing his latte, leaned over the counter. "Fellow Daoist Li, how do you make this stuff? It's like… it's calming my spirit root. I didn't even know I had a spirit root until last week."
Li Wei sighed, wiping his hands on a rag. "Look, Shuhang, it's not magic. It's chemistry. Caffeine stimulates your nervous system, makes you feel alert. That's it."
Song Shuhang blinked, then nodded slowly. "Chemistry… is that a branch of alchemy? Like, mortal alchemy?"
"Sure, why not," Li Wei said, too tired to argue. "Call it whatever gets you through the day."
The door jingled again, and the room went quiet. Li Wei didn't need to look up to know who it was. The air felt lighter, the colors brighter, like the universe had turned up the saturation. Senior White. He strolled in, white hair flowing like he'd stepped out of a shampoo commercial, his smile so serene it made Li Wei's knees weak. Not in a romantic way—just in a "please don't accidentally destroy my shop" way.
"Fellow Daoist Li," Senior White said, his voice like a melody. "Your shop has a pleasant aura. May I try another of your creations?"
Li Wei swallowed hard, his hands already moving to the espresso machine. "Uh, sure. How about a cappuccino this time? Nice and frothy, not too strong."
Senior White nodded, taking a seat near the window. The other cultivators watched him like hawks, whispering about how the "Venerable" was gracing the shop. Li Wei focused on the cappuccino, steaming the milk to a perfect microfoam and pouring it with a quick wrist flick to create a heart pattern. He handed the cup to Senior White, praying it wouldn't trigger a tribulation or, worse, a city-level explosion.
Senior White sipped, and the room held its breath. A faint glow enveloped him, and the air shimmered with tiny motes of light, like fireflies on steroids. "Marvelous," he said, his eyes sparkling. "This 'cappuccino' carries the warmth of a spring dawn, yet the strength of a mountain. Fellow Daoist, your Dao of Brewing is truly unique."
Li Wei's eye twitched. "It's just milk and espresso, man. No Dao. Just dairy."
But Senior White was already lost in thought, staring into the cup like it was a scrying pool. The chat group exploded again:
Venerable White: Fellow Daoist Transcendent Barista's cappuccino is a treasure. It resonates with the harmony of heaven and earth. I recommend all group members visit.
Thrice Reckless Mad Saber: Told you! This guy's the real deal. I'm on my second espresso, and I swear my saber intent's sharper.
Medicine Master: I'm here. @Transcendent Barista, save me a sample for analysis.
Li Wei groaned, slamming his forehead onto the counter. "Why is everyone in this world so extra?"
The chaos didn't stop there. Medicine Master arrived next, a tall, scholarly guy with a perpetually tired expression and a notebook full of alchemical scribbles. He ordered a black coffee, then proceeded to sniff it, swirl it, and hold it up to the light like it was a fine wine. "Fascinating," he muttered, jotting notes. "The qi is subtle, yet potent. Fellow Daoist, what spirit herbs do you use?"
"None," Li Wei said, exasperated. "It's coffee beans. From, like, South America. Not a spirit herb in sight."
Medicine Master raised an eyebrow. "South America? Is that a hidden realm? A secret herb garden of the ancients?"
Li Wei threw his hands up. "Sure, let's go with that. Ancient Starbucks realm. Knock yourself out."
As the day wore on, Transcendent Brews became a circus. Cultivators lined up outside, some offering spirit stones, others bartering with talismans or medicinal pills. One guy tried to pay with a live chicken, which Li Wei politely declined. Soft Feather bounced around, playing barista's assistant, though her "help" mostly involved hyping up the coffee to every new customer. Song Shuhang stuck around, looking increasingly overwhelmed as more group members arrived, including a grumpy-looking guy who introduced himself as Northern River's Loose Cultivator.
"You're causing a stir, Fellow Daoist," Northern River said, sipping an espresso. "Half the group thinks you're an immortal in disguise. The other half thinks you're a scam. I'm reserving judgment."
"Appreciate the vote of confidence," Li Wei said, sarcasm dripping. "I'm just trying to pay my rent, not start a cult."
Northern River chuckled. "Good luck with that. Once Senior White's involved, things tend to… escalate."
Li Wei glanced at Senior White, who was still gazing into his cappuccino like it held the secrets of immortality. A tiny spark of lightning crackled above the cup, and Li Wei's heart skipped a beat. "Escalate how, exactly?"
Northern River smirked. "You'll see."
By evening, Transcendent Brews was a madhouse. Cultivators were packed shoulder-to-shoulder, debating the "profound mysteries" of Li Wei's coffee. One guy claimed his latte had improved his swordsmanship, another swore his espresso had revealed a new cultivation technique. Soft Feather was now calling the shop a "sacred ground," and Thrice Reckless was loudly challenging anyone to a duel to prove his "coffee-enhanced saber intent."
Li Wei slumped behind the counter, chugging his own coffee to stay sane. "This is not what I signed up for," he muttered. "I just wanted to pay off my student loans, not become the patron saint of caffeine."
Song Shuhang, ever the empathetic soul, patted his shoulder. "It gets easier, Fellow Daoist. The group's… intense, but they mean well. Mostly."
"Mostly?" Li Wei snorted. "Your group's gonna get me killed. Or worse, audited by a cultivation IRS."
Before Song Shuhang could reply, the door burst open, and a new figure stormed in—a burly man in a black robe, his aura crackling with menace. The crowd parted, and even Senior White glanced up, curious. The man pointed at Li Wei, his voice booming. "Transcendent Barista! I am Iron Fang of the Black Tiger Sect! Hand over your elixir recipe, or face my wrath!"
Li Wei blinked, holding a coffee pot. "My what now?"
The room went silent, and Soft Feather whispered, "Senior, he's a fifth-stage cultivator. Be careful!"
Li Wei sighed, setting the pot down. "Great. Day two, and I'm already getting mugged by a wannabe Sith Lord. Somebody get me a stronger brew."
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