Li Wei was having a spectacularly average day until the universe decided to yeet him into a cultivation novel. It started with a double shift at Brewed Awakening, his tiny coffee shop in a strip mall that smelled faintly of burnt toast and desperation. He was wiping down the espresso machine, muttering about his student loans, when a customer's absurdly complicated order—quad-shot oat milk latte with half-pump vanilla, extra foam, served at exactly 165 degrees—sent him over the edge. In his haste to froth the milk, he knocked over his phone, dousing it in scalding espresso. The screen flickered, sparked, and then—*poof*. Darkness.
When he opened his eyes, he was sprawled on a park bench in what looked like a bustling city street, but with a vibe that screamed *not quite right*. Neon signs blinked in Chinese, scooters zipped by, and a group of teens nearby were whispering about "spirit stones" and "foundation establishment." A guy in a tracksuit was juggling a water bottle without touching it, his fingers twitching like he was conducting an invisible orchestra.
Li Wei sat up, blinking hard. "Okay, either I'm dreaming, or I just got isekai'd." He patted his pockets, finding his phone—miraculously intact—and a small thermos of coffee he always carried for emergencies. The phone screen glowed with an unfamiliar app, its icon a stylized lotus with the words "Nine Provinces Number One Group." His username? *Transcendent Barista*.
"No. Freaking. Way." Li Wei's heart sank. He'd binged *Cultivation Chat Group* enough times to know exactly what this was: the chaotic, hilarious, and *terrifying* world of Song Shuhang, Senior White, and a chat group full of cultivators who could probably bench-press a mountain. "I'm not built for this. I make coffee, not qi blasts."
His muttering was interrupted by a cheerful voice. "Senior! Are you cultivating in the mortal realm to grasp the Dao of simplicity?"
Li Wei turned, and his brain short-circuited. Standing before him was a girl with a high ponytail, eyes sparkling like she'd just discovered the meaning of life. *Soft Feather*. The Spirit Butterfly Island prodigy who'd once sent Song Shuhang on a wild goose chase for a "ghost spirit." She was clutching a phone, staring at him like he was a sage who'd descended from the heavens.
"Uh, what?" Li Wei said, scratching his neck. His hoodie was slightly singed from whatever cosmic nonsense had brought him here, and he probably looked like he'd just rolled out of bed. "I'm just… chilling. Long day."
Soft Feather's jaw dropped, her eyes practically glowing. "As expected of a senior! To sit so calmly amidst mortal chaos, your heart must be aligned with the boundless Dao!" She clasped her hands, bowing deeply. "This junior, Soft Feather of Spirit Butterfly Island, greets Senior Transcendent Barista!"
Li Wei stared, his brain struggling to process. "Hold up, kid. I'm not a senior. I'm Li Wei, 28, barista, drowning in student debt. No Dao, no cultivation, just a guy who needs a nap."
But Soft Feather was already typing furiously on her phone. A notification pinged on Li Wei's screen, and he glanced down, horrified:
Soft Feather: Met a hidden expert in Jiangnan City! Senior Transcendent Barista sits in the mortal world, his aura serene yet unfathomable! His title suggests mastery over an ancient art—perhaps an elixir path?
Medicine Master: Transcendent Barista? Sounds like a lost alchemy lineage. @Transcendent Barista, share your secrets, brother!
Northern River's Loose Cultivator: Soft Feather, stop poking random seniors. You'll get us all smited. Again.
Seven : Haha, this guy sounds chill. Bet he's got some wild tales. @Transcendent Barista, you free for a spar?
Li Wei's stomach churned. "This is bad. This is Senior White bad." He knew the chat group's reputation for chaos—half the members were walking natural disasters, and Senior White's beauty could accidentally trigger apocalypses. Getting on their radar was like signing up for a one-way ticket to the void.
Soft Feather was still staring, her enthusiasm undeterred. "Senior, your humility is truly profound! To call yourself a mere 'barista'—is this a test of my perception?" She leaned closer, sniffing the air. "There's a faint aroma… like roasted spirit herbs, but warmer, more… comforting."
Li Wei sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "That's just coffee. Look, you seem nice, but you're reading way too much into this." He unscrewed his thermos, pouring a cup of black coffee into the lid. The rich, earthy scent filled the air, cutting through the city's smog. "Here, drink this. Maybe it'll chill you out."
Soft Feather accepted the cup like it was a sacred relic, her hands trembling slightly. She took a cautious sip, then froze. Her eyes widened, and a faint shimmer of spirit qi swirled around her, like she'd just had a minor epiphany. "This… this is no ordinary liquid! It carries the bitterness of life's trials, yet warms the soul like a heavenly spring! Senior, is this your Dao of Balance?"
Li Wei nearly spat out his own sip. "It's Colombian roast, okay? Twelve bucks a pound at Costco. Nothing magical about it."
But Soft Feather was gone, lost in her own world. She sat cross-legged on the grass, clutching the cup, muttering about "the cycle of bitter and sweet" and "the harmony of mortal and divine." A faint glow pulsed around her, and Li Wei swore he saw a tiny lotus bloom in the air before vanishing.
"Oh, come on," he groaned. "I'm gonna need a stronger brew to survive this."
He glanced at his phone again. The chat was blowing up:
Soft Feather: Senior Transcendent Barista's elixir has enlightened me! I sense a breakthrough in my heart demon!
Thrice Reckless Mad Saber: Elixir? What's this guy brewing? @Transcendent Barista, hook me up!
Venerable White: Interesting. I sense a unique aura in Jiangnan City. @Transcendent Barista, may I visit? I'm curious about this 'coffee.'
Li Wei's blood ran cold. Senior White. The walking calamity whose charm could topple empires and whose curiosity could topple *literal mountains*. "Nope. Nope. I'm out." He stood, ready to bolt, but Soft Feather grabbed his sleeve.
"Senior, please! Guide this junior!" Her eyes were practically sparkling. "Your elixir has stirred my cultivation. I must learn from you!"
"I'm not a teacher!" Li Wei protested, but his words fell on deaf ears. He sighed, slumping back onto the bench. "Fine. Stick around, but don't expect me to start tossing out talismans or whatever."
Soft Feather nodded eagerly, already typing another message to the group. Li Wei rubbed his temples, wondering how his life had gone from steaming milk to dodging cosmic cultivators. He needed a plan—fast. Step one: figure out where he was. Step two: avoid getting obliterated by a well-meaning Senior White. Step three: maybe open a coffee shop, because if he was stuck here, he might as well make a living.
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The next morning, Li Wei found himself in a small, abandoned storefront on a quiet street in Jiangnan City. It had a dusty counter, a few rickety tables, and a vibe that screamed "failed noodle shop." He'd stumbled across it while wandering, and the landlord—a nervous old man who kept muttering about "strange customers"—had practically thrown the lease at him for a handful of cash Li Wei found in his inexplicably refilled wallet. Cultivation world perks, apparently.
"This'll do," Li Wei muttered, setting up his portable espresso machine, which had somehow followed him through the interdimensional coffee spill. He didn't question it—cultivation worlds ran on weird logic. He hung a sign outside: Transcendent Brews. Ironic, sure, but it beat calling it "Li Wei's Sad Coffee Shack."
By noon, the shop was ready, and Li Wei was brewing his first batch. The aroma of roasted beans filled the air, and he felt a flicker of calm for the first time since arriving. That is, until the door swung open, and a familiar figure strolled in: Song Shuhang, the everyman protagonist of *Cultivation Chat Group*, looking as confused and earnest as ever.
"Uh, hi," Song Shuhang said, glancing at the sign. "You're the Transcendent Barista? Soft Feather said you're… a senior?"
Li Wei groaned internally. "Not you too. Look, I'm just a guy who makes coffee. Want a latte? On the house, since you're, like, the main character."
Song Shuhang blinked, tilting his head. "Main character? What's that mean?"
"Nothing, forget it." Li Wei waved a hand, already steaming milk. "Sit. Drink. Don't call me senior."
Song Shuhang hesitated, then sat, watching as Li Wei expertly pulled a shot of espresso and swirled it into a cup with foamed milk, finishing with a quick latte art—a simple leaf pattern. The aroma hit Song Shuhang like a freight train, and he inhaled deeply, his eyes widening.
"This smell… it's like spirit herbs, but… different," he said, taking the cup. He sipped, and his face lit up. "Whoa. This is… calming. Like my qi's flowing smoother."
Li Wei snorted. "It's just caffeine, dude. Perks you up, settles you down. Basic chemistry."
But Song Shuhang was already lost in thought, muttering about "qi alignment" and "hidden alchemy." Li Wei sighed, leaning on the counter. "This is gonna be a thing, isn't it?"
The door jingled again, and a figure stepped in, radiating an aura so serene it made the room feel brighter. White hair, flawless features, and a smile that could make anyone question their life choices. *Senior White*. Li Wei froze, his coffee scoop clattering to the floor.
"Greetings," Senior White said, his voice like a gentle breeze. "I heard about your 'coffee.' May I try it?"
Li Wei's brain screamed *run*, but his body betrayed him, nodding dumbly. "Uh, sure. Espresso? Cappuccino? What's your vibe?"
Senior White tilted his head, curious. "Whatever you recommend, Fellow Daoist."
Li Wei's hands shook as he brewed a simple espresso, the machine humming like it knew the stakes. He handed the tiny cup to Senior White, who sniffed it, smiled, and sipped. The room seemed to hold its breath. Then, a faint glow enveloped Senior White, and a tiny spark of lightning crackled in the air—a sign of a minor tribulation reacting to his aura.
"This… is extraordinary," Senior White said, his eyes sparkling. "It's as if the heavens themselves roasted these beans. Fellow Daoist, your Dao of Brewing is profound."
Li Wei wanted to scream. "It's just coffee! Beans, water, heat! No Dao involved!"
But Senior White was already typing in the chat group:
**Venerable White**: *Fellow Daoist Transcendent Barista's coffee carries the charm of the mortal world, yet resonates with the heavens. I sense a breakthrough. Visiting his shop is recommended.*
The chat exploded with replies, and Li Wei's phone buzzed nonstop. He slumped onto a stool, staring at the ceiling. "I'm so screwed."
By evening, *Transcendent Brews* was packed with cultivators—some local, some who'd flown in on flying swords after reading the chat. Soft Feather was back, dragging a bewildered Song Shuhang, who was now clutching a second latte like it was a lifeline. A grizzled old man in a robe demanded "the elixir of balance," and a young cultivator swore Li Wei's cappuccino had cured his heart demon.
Li Wei worked the counter, slinging drinks and muttering to himself. "This is fine. I'm fine. Just don't let Senior White blow up the shop."
As he handed out another latte, he caught Soft Feather's eye. She grinned, raising her cup. "Senior, your shop is a sacred ground! The Dao of Coffee will shake the cultivation world!"
Li Wei sighed, pouring himself a double shot. "Yeah, well, the Dao of Coffee's about to need a vacation."
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