The ability menu flickered in midair, swaying gently as if it had weight. It hummed. Menacingly.
Riko squinted at the screen, still half-distracted by the cubicle two aisles over, where a demon was actively sword-fighting a fax machine.
"Okay," he muttered, scanning the list. "This is some dollar-store RPG nonsense."
Delilah folded her arms beside him. "Choose one."
"I feel like this is the kind of thing I should meditate on."
"You have ten seconds before your indecision is interpreted as a voluntary forfeiture of future privileges."
Riko's eyes darted over the list again.
Verbal Judo: Your insults hurt more than fists
Dramatic Entrance: Every time you show up, reality flinches
Spectral Printer Jam:Summon a random malfunctioning office device as a weapon
Weaponized Eye Roll: Passive boost to sarcasm damage
Folder Toss:Launch sharp contract folders with explosive red tape
He pointed without thinking.
"Spectral Printer Jam. That one. Sounds hilarious."
Delilah raised one perfect eyebrow. "Of course you'd choose the most unstable one."
SELECTION CONFIRMED.
UNLOCKING POWER: SPECTRAL PRINTER JAM
The interface vanished. A ripple of cold air surged through Riko's body. Something creaked behind his eyes—like a paper tray being forcefully jammed by the hand of God.
His right hand tingled.
Delilah tilted her head. "Test it."
"How?"
"Summon it."
Riko blinked. "I—what, yell 'Printer Jam' like some kind of Pokémon move?"
The air behind him crackled. He felt it—something forming.
Before he could say another word, a whumph of cursed energy burst from the floor behind him, and a horrifying screech echoed across the cubicle maze.
A spectral printer rose into the air, spinning wildly, leaking ghost-toner and glowing red error lights. Its paper tray flapped like a demon's jaw. It floated beside Riko, vibrating with rage and the smell of ozone and old bureaucracy.
"OH MY GOD I SUMMONED AN OFFICE POLTERGEIST."
Delilah smirked. "It appears to like you."
"Do I give it commands or do I just let it vibe—"
The printer spun and launched a flaming legal-sized paper directly into the cubicle wall beside them. The blast knocked a hole in it the size of a coffin.
Skarna, still watching from a distance, narrowed her eyes.
"Oh hell no," she muttered.
Riko looked at Delilah. "Did I just... weaponize a copy machine from another plane?"
"Yes."
He grinned. "This internship's looking up."
"Don't get cocky. Spectral tech is unstable. It may backfire."
"Like... explode?"
"No." She checked her clipboard. "It may file a hostile work report against you and file you as equipment."
Riko turned back to the printer. "...Buddy, we're cool, right?"
The printer responded by spitting out a perfect, framed photo of Riko giving a thumbs up—from five seconds ago.
Riko blinked. "I love this stupid thing."
Above him, another screen flickered to life.
TRIAL INITIATION: FLOOR 2 COMBAT EVALUATION
OPPONENT: SKARNA — INTERN CLASS: SADISM SPECIALIST
Delilah looked pleased. "Oh good. Team-building."
Riko turned. Skarna cracked her knuckles.
"Let's see what your little ghost printer can do."