The room had fallen into silence. As tiny petals still drifted delicately through the window, Lucian found Nathan sitting in front of him, his gentle eyes fixed on him.
At that instant, Nathan, realizing who stood in the doorway meeting his gaze, his expression shifted. His face, which had been cold and indifferent, transformed: his brows furrowed, and he was on the verge of closing his eyes slightly, as if the simple act of blinking had suddenly become an arduous task.
"Lucian…" Nathan whispered. His voice, almost broken, sounded exhausted and faint.
For Lucian, hearing his voice after so long evoked a clear reaction: his body stiffened, his cheeks began to warm, and his eyes welled up. And his heart… it was pounding.
Pulling away from that absorbed gaze in Nathan's eyes, Lucian immediately withdrew it and decided to approach despite his nervousness. Shifting the chair slightly, he sat across from Nathan and, with an effort to speak, reciprocally, he uttered his name
"Nathan."
The only difference was the coldness with which Lucian chose to address him. He didn't want to show more of his feelings than necessary. He was embarrassed, even if he didn't know exactly what Nathan was thinking or if Nathan's memories of him were complete.
'Will he remember what happened years ago?' he thought to himself, biting his lips with anxiety and uncertainty. He would have preferred if the unpleasant moments they shared were not among the memories he still held.
Nathan, confused by Lucian's demeanor, began to speak in a raspy, low voice, yet calmly.
"I can't remember anything." He lowered his gaze. "I have no idea who I am or what happened to me." He turned his head to contemplate the scenery visible from the window.
"Lucian." Nathan repeated, this time indifferently and without mixed feelings.
Lucian, hearing his name again, recoiled from the effect Nathan's voice had on him.
Nathan, turning to look at him as if to confirm something, said, "Your name." He paused for a moment.
"Strangely, I recognize you and know your name, but I don't know who you are."
He began to lie back as if the effort to remember more was exhausting him.
Lucian was confused.
So, did that mean he remembered absolutely nothing of him? The only thing he could recall was his name? Then what about everything they had been through together? All those moments when he called out to him and looked for him. The way he always admired him. Doesn't he remember it anymore?
He didn't understand why, but Lucian began to feel his heart tighten, and unexpectedly, his eyes started to tear up slightly.
'Huh? Why am I crying?'
'Ugh… I don't understand,' Lucian tried to think as he wiped his tears with his shirt.
'No, stupid feelings! We said I shouldn't let my feelings get the better of me!'
Still, the harder he tried not to cry, the redder his eyes became, and finally, he began to whimper uncontrollably.
Nathan, perplexed by Lucian's crying, responded in surprise, "You–" He tried to modulate his voice, adopting a slightly gentler tone.
"Don't cry. I don't know exactly what I should tell you…".
He extended his arms as if to touch and comfort the other, but realizing what he was about to do, he immediately withdrew them.
He didn't understand why, but ever since he woke up, his heart, more than other parts of his body, ached profoundly. He had a bitter feeling. It weighed heavily on him, and he couldn't stop worrying about something he himself couldn't grasp.
Since regaining consciousness, there had only been a lot of commotion around him.
First, after the nurses, a woman who appeared to be in her 60s approached him, crying and claiming to be his mother. Subsequently, only two other people who had also arrived with that woman, plus the doctor, approached him as if to check on his condition.
After that, many other people tried to enter, but the woman absolutely forbade it.
Later, he was informed that for his safety, he shouldn't say anything to anyone since his case was delicate, and they didn't want unnecessary problems to arise among the public.
He had barely woken up and was already overwhelmed with instructions. It was suffocating.
All of this caught him off guard, and he couldn't stand being thoroughly bombarded with so much hearsay. He had a lot of information to digest, and still unable to shake off his confusion, having woken up with no memories, it gave him a terrible headache.
Unable to bear it, he shouted loudly for everyone to leave, and the others, caught by surprise, could only obey. The doctor later returned, asking the others not to make him overthink and to let him rest.
Finally, with a bit of peace and quiet, being alone, he began to reflect. But no matter how hard he tried, it was truly impossible for him to remember even his own name, which everyone had continuously called him before.
Having given up on forcing his memory, he looked out the window and became absorbed, witnessing a beautiful tree with small pink flowers.
Something about it drew him in. He looked at it in detail until, naturally, he couldn't help but recall a name.
What surprised him most was that it wasn't his own, but someone else's, whose face he could indeed picture.
'Lucian…'
That was the name he now constantly repeated in his mind. And as if it were the only thing he could cling to to maintain his composure, he decided to call that woman and ask her to call that person.
The latter, upon hearing his request, frowned and angrily asked him why he could only think of that person, stating that the moment he barely woke up, the first thing he did was desperately call that name.
Nathan, upon hearing this, couldn't help but become more interested in this person. He didn't know what kind of relationship they had, but just remembering him caused such a strong reaction, both from his side and from the woman who claimed to be his mother.
'How curious,' he mused.
'Just who exactly is this person?...'
And so, with that question hanging in the air, Nathan waited for this person to visit him to clear his doubts, to confirm his identity, and to understand why his heart fluttered when he thought of him.
That's why, at that moment, finally having him in front of him, he didn't know how to react or what to do. What he was sure of was that he felt pain seeing Lucian cry so excessively. He wanted to do something for him, but he didn't know what.
Lucian, embarrassed by crying so childishly, almost yelled back, "It's not that I'm sad!" he asserted, "I'm just surprised! That's why…" he tried to justify himself.
Nathan could only nod his head and assure him that he understood.
He decided to wait a few seconds for him to finish venting. When he was sure Lucian was no longer in a delicate state, he began to ask him what he so desperately wanted to know.
"Who are you, really? And how do I know you?" His brows were only slightly furrowed with an air of confusion.
Lucian, now calm, took a moment before answering. It was very difficult to have to figure out how to tell someone who had just had a serious accident and, not to mention, lost their memory, the kind of relationship they had had.
'How should I tell him? Should I lie?'
After all, Lucian thought that if Nathan had truly lost his memory, then he could tell him anything, and Nathan, with no other alternative, would have to believe him.
But on the other hand, Nathan's mother was counting on him to help her son recover his memories, which wouldn't benefit him.
Despite how bad he felt about Nathan not being able to remember, Lucian preferred it that way, at least for the moment. He wouldn't know what to do if he had to face him face-to-face after their last encounter years ago, fully remembering everything that had happened. It would be awkward and, above all, disturbing.
But what exactly was their relationship?
Despite the seemingly close relationship Lucian hinted at and despite the distaste Nathan's mother showed, they never actually had a deeper relationship than that of friends.
That's right.
They never had a relationship worthy of being called romantic.
However, for Lucian, the relationship they had wasn't enough. Ever since they started seeing each other more often after school, his feelings, as time passed, grew deeper and more profound.
Not only that, but being alone with Nathan also made him nervous, and his heart couldn't help but pound like crazy. That's how, for a long time, Lucian decided to love him in secret.
Of course, at the time, he tried to captivate or seduce him in every way, but in the end, his efforts seemed futile against Nathan's rigid and uninterested personality.
That was the first time he had fared so badly in love, and as expected for a first time, it was the one that stuck with him the most.
In the end, he never truly knew exactly what the other felt for him. But he was sure that Nathan was aware of his feelings; he just chose to ignore them. Of course, until a certain accident occurred. So, he was in doubt about what kind of relationship he should tell Nathan they had.
At that moment, as if a light bulb had gone off, Lucian remembered something his friend had told him earlier in the car.
'So this is now your next boyfriend…'
John's words kept coming back to his mind as a constant suggestion. And Lucian, with a doubtful and mischievous expression, turned away to think a bit more.
Nathan, watching him, couldn't help but feel a little uncomfortable. What was this guy thinking? And why was he taking so long to answer?
His doubts came to an end when Lucian decided to turn back again, but this time with a blushing face and blinking rapidly. He said:
"Well… I was someone really important to you" stealing glances over his shoulder.
"You see...our relationship was a bit complicated… and difficult…". All his expressions screamed flirtation.
Nathan was perplexed.