I walked down a hall, I didnt have a direction i just wanted to get far away from the banquet hall. I didnt want to get angry, when i heard what she said, I just wanted to caution her but when I heard she was lord gavin's wife, I just lost it. Seeing the woman who dared to abuse such a sweet man..... it just made me see red and to also hear her call him a pig in public not caring for his feelings. It was painful, how utterly trashy.
When i came to a stop I was in front of a room I wished earnestly to go into when I was younger, I opened the door stepping in slowly. It still smelled so much like how I remembered from afar, I had caught glimpses of her room when I was younger and it still looks the same, the dull colored sheets, the room without a single decoration. It feels lonely, lost, like the person living here was grieving, grieving a life they couldn't have.
"She always felt sorry to you" i turned around and the head maid was standing by the door.
"Madam Caroline...." she walked in running her finger against the desk.
"Greetings your grace, i'm glad to see you doing so well... her ladyship always wanted to be there for you but she just couldn't. No matter how hard she tried all she could see when she looked at you was Anna Marie. Her golden locks were one you could never forget."
Anna Marie? Was that my birth mother's name.
"I know, that's why I could never fully hate her, i understood her..... she was also a victim just as much as I was." I knew countess dumont was a victim.
"She would always cry that she couldn't do it, she would stare at you and would be reminded that her love would never be returned." She paused in front of me, taking my hand.
"She felt bad that she couldn't protect Anne's child, she wanted to.... she would steel herself over and over again, trying to reach her hands out but each time, the anger, the hate, the resentment... she couldn't do it." She pats my hand then let go, walking towards the door.
"I knew she was hurting, but my younger self needed her. I may not be able to forgive her completely but I can understand her perfectly." Thats right, i understand but my heart just can't let go, its just too painful.
"She loved him, even till her last breath she loved him. I always wondered if it was possible to love someone so much, i couldn't understand her love... her obsession for him." She sighed gently, walking out the door.
"She would have lived a full and happy life.... I'll never understand why she did it, why she gave herself whole to someone who never deserved it. Have a good night your grace. Greetings young master."Greeting clark who just walked in as she disappeared from view.
He walked in sitting on the bed, he looked up and smiled at me.
"Brother, you look like a mess" I sat beside him, he turned to me tussling my hair.
"Brother" I pushed him gently as we laughed.
"When did you get so big? I still remember your younger self slamming the door on my face each time I came to spend time with you." We both laughed again.
"Not my best years,huh?" We just sat there in the silence, but it wasn't awkward.
"How are you doing clark?" He put his head on my shoulder and let out a sigh.
"I'm scared..... I'm so scared..... the dumont name.... being referred to as count dumont it scares me, clarisa." I put my arm around him stroking his head.
"I looked so much like him... what if i become like him.... a monster.... I sometimes look in the mirror and I'm scared of the face that stares back at me... I'm scared i'll be him."
"You are nothing like him Clark, if he was half the man you are, I don't think anyone of us would have been so miserable while he was alive. You are not a monster clark, to me you were my light in darkness. Even though i never said it in the past. I was very grateful to you, each time you reached out to me, each time you smiled at me, i was so thankful i was seen." I understood Clark's fear but he has nothing to worry about, Clark is more man than count dumont ever could be.
"I really needed that clarisa, thank you."
"I'm here for you if you need me, so don't hesitate to talk to me about anything. You are not alone Brother." He smiled lifting his head from my shoulder.
"Look at you all grown up."
"Stop it brother" we both laughed.
"Who would have ever thought 'my husband is adorable' would come out from you." I felt my face burns hot as I stared down.
"I'm sorry I caused drama at the funeral." He turned my hair again as I smacked him for messing with my hair.
"Its fine clarisa, i would have done the same if someone said that to bella, also it felt good finally seeing you stand up for yourself to those stuck up ladies im high society."
"Your grace" sister in law had called out to me as I walked down the hallway.
"Lady Arabella please we are family, you can just call me theo." She smiled walking beside me.
"Then please call me Arabella and I'll drop the formalities Theo." I noticed yesterday but she is a very friendly person and easy to get along with.
"Of course Arabella." We walked in silence for a while, with her leading the way and giving instructions to the maids we met on the way.
"To be honest Theo, when I first heard about your marriage to clarisa, I was against it. I didn't know you well, I'm sorry for judging you so harshly."
"Its fine Arabella, honestly had i heard the rumors about me without meeting me first, I would also have been against the marriage. " she burst out laughing.
"You truly are like how clarisa describes you, honest to a fault."
"Its clarisa who is the honest one, I sometimes struggle to keep up with how forthcoming she is with everything." She turned to me with a bewildered face.
"Who knew miracles could happen? My clarisa being honest..... well i guess that is true." She giggled out.
We got to an open door, we peeked in to see clarisa and Clark sitting together his head on her shoulder. Arabella looked stunned as her eyes welled up, she took a deep breath.
"Sorry to break up your bond but i need to steal my husband for the night." Both of them turned and Clark's eyes lit up the moment he saw Arabella. I could finally understand what he meant when he said she meant the world to him.
"My love." Clarisa had wrapped her hands around me, as Clark and Arabella cheer in the background.
So this is what it means to have a brother and sister, it feels nice. Having people who have your back without conditions, people who aren't obligated to loving you nor waiting for the opportunity to plunge a knife into your back.
"Theo." Clarisa touched my face and i smiled to her. She frowned grabbing my hand and excusing us from Clark and Arabella, she pulled my hand in silence towards our room,
She sat on the bed patting her legs. I lay down placing my head on her leg as she ran her hands through my hair.
"My love, what's wrong?" Her hands softly running through my hair.
"I know i may sound childish but watching you interacting with Clark and Arabella i felt a bit jealous. I always wondered what it would feel like to have people who i could trust around me, not people obligated to me but those with me without conditions." She must think I'm extremely childish with this, but I don't want her to misunderstand me, she was silent for a while so I looked up and she had tears in her eyes, i sat up and she caressed my face before pulling me in for a hug.
"My love, you have me, clark and Arabella now. I know it's not a consolation for the past but we will always be here with you going forward." I was stunned for a bit but I could feel myself ease up in here embrace. This was the kind of person clarisa was, she wasn't someone who would dismiss me or throw out my concerns.
Arabella ran her hands across the chair facing the window in countess dumonts room.
"Mother loved this chair, she would sit here for hours just staring out the window smiling lost in her own world." Clark lifted his head up smiling at her.
"Thats right, sometimes she would forget I'm sitting right across her and just be so mesmerized by the scene outside."
Arabella paused and turned facing him, he stared lovingly at her.
"Clark... " she wanted to say more but she was scared, right now she could stay clueless and continue to live in this perfect world, she looked up at clark and his eyes that stared at her like she was all he had left, she strengthened her resolve.
"I want to know.... please tell me, I would like to share this pain with you." She sat beside him placing her hands on his. He looked mortified at the thought of sharing his secret with her but her eyes were unwavering, he couldn't stop his tears from falling as the thoughts of her hating him, being scared of him or even giving him a strange look terrified him.
"Bella.... I'm scared.... what if you hate me?" She pulled him into a hug stroking his back.
"Let me share this weight with you clark..... its too heavy for you to bear alone... so let me share it with you." He sobbed on her as she comforted him.
"Father... father didn't just pass away..." there was a silence, he didn't know if he should keep going but her comfortable warmth never stopped, it was like she was telling him to keep going.
"I was the one who did it..... I couldn't let him hurt you bella..... when I saw you scared and bruised..... I snapped... I didn't mean to do it... when I had stopped he was already...he was no longer moving..." she hadn't said a word in a while, clark got scared as he pulled away from her hug too scared of what he was about to see.
"I always knew clark." He was taken aback by her expression, she was smiling. She caressed his face kissing him on the lips. She pulled him into a hug again as he didn't know what to make of her smiling face.
"I knew something happened that night, I didn't know the details but I could roughly guess what had happened. I wanted to ask you about it but I saw how hard you were struggling, I was scared that I would make things worse." She squeezed him harder as his sobs got louder.
"I'm sorry clark, I should have been there when you needed me, I'm so sorry." He wanted to let her know it wasn't her fault, it was his duty to protect her, but the words wouldn't come out. He couldn't believe he didn't trust her enough to tell her the truth as this time as he sobbed.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Bella, I should have been truthful with you..... I was just so scared..... I was scared you would leave me..... I was so scared...." she released him holding his face as she placed her forehead on his.
"I'll never leave you, even if the world turns it's back on you, i'll always be on your side. You will always be my number one priority clark, I love you, I love you so much."
"I love you so much Bella, I love you so much." She kissed him and he deepened the kiss, she stared into his eyes. She didn't want to hide anything from him, she was scared not knowing how he would react but she wanted him to know. She was scared it wasn't the right time, but what exactly is the right time?
"Clark...." she paused for a while as both sobs had settled down.
"I'm pregnant." It took him a few seconds to register what she just told him, he pointed to himself as she nods gently. He pointed to her, she nods giggling.
"I'm going to be a father?"
"Yes, you are going to be a father." He begun crying again pulling her into a hug.
"I'm going to be a father..... me .... a father..... I'm so happy.... I'm so happy Bella.... thank you..... thank you... Bella thank you." She held him in her embrace as he cried thanking her, she couldn't explain it but saying it to clark suddenly made her understand the weight of the word, she was going to be bringing a new life into this world.