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Chapter 30 - To harden me...

Since you've been gone...man,

The world has really changed.

It's really strange

How morally weak people are.

It all seems a little deranged

And...

I really wish you could have stayed

And lived another day.

Another way...

I wish there was a way

That I could make you stay...

-

But since you passed away

The world for me

Has been quite gray.

And even when I laugh

I frown a bit,

I have to look away...

But since you had to go

I have to know

What made you go

That day?

What were the final things

On your last thoughts?

The last words you would say...

-

Hmmm...

The things you've missed...

No, I still don't have kids.

I'm not married,

Or dating.

No house and no business...

But fuck,

I've been trying.

As god is my witness...

It's gotten much harder

For me to barter

But dammit, I'll get this...

-

Since you've been gone...man,

So many others have passed as well.

And COVID sent the world

Into some version of

A waking hell...

Now people don't visit,

And unless you see them,

Who knows who is doing well?

Maybe it's fear

That keeps us here...

There's no way i can really tell.

-

But since you up and died...

I became so numb...

I've have hardly cried...

I disowned your son...

Yeah, he fucking lied...

He did all the shitty things

That I despise...

Since you had to leave

I lost a decent part of me...

A part of me

That I believe

Was really worth 

The heart in me...

I really fucking hate it,

You'll just have to pardon me...

You died on my birthday,

For what?

One last slap

To harden me...

-

Since illness took you 

My worldview

Has just been different...

I'm less patient with all these people,

Especially when they act ignorant...

Especially when they're indifferent...

Intentions are just malignant...

Just trying to brave

The waves

With this burning sage

And my pendant...

-

Since you've been gone...

I don't always know what to do...

I've gotten more indecisive.

More caught up here in my youth.

More caught up here in the truth.

Of what is tucked behind the booth.

Humanity just never flosses

But still fear the bloody tooth...

Since you've been gone...

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