Remaining Days: 1
The night has been rather restless. How could I possibly have slept after what Saber told me? I do not think Saber had a better night. She seems just as shaken as I probably should be, but I do not feel like this. I feel empty. I feel unsure. I am afraid. But shaken? Not so much.
"Are you awake, Saber?" According to the time, it is already our last day of Preparation Period, so we have to use it. We do not have the luxury to be able to take it easy or be moping around, especially when we still need the second Trigger to even qualify for the Elimination Battle tomorrow.
"How couldn't I be?" Saber's tone is grumpy, but I cannot blame her. I know she does not take a lack of sleep too well, and this should not even be her issue to begin with. Whatever happened to my body, to me, out of the Moon Cell, I do not know. I cannot remember a thing. Maybe it is not as bad?
But that is just my optimism. What Saber saw is for sure the last memory of my real self. I wrap my arms around Saber. "It'll be fine, I'm sure," I tell her, even though I honestly have no idea whether that is true or not. But chances are, I will die sooner or later in this Grail War. Worrying about what comes after makes close to no sense. After all, there is not much we could do now about it.
Saber does not talk back to me, even though I am pretty sure she knows I am just as unsure as she is. Maybe she wants to believe everything is fine. I will go with this too, though I wish there was someone to talk to about this. Then I remember—I could ask Rin. Saber may not be really happy about this idea, so for now I will keep it to myself. I will just bring it up when I run into her again, hopefully soon.
And on our way to the Arena, this wish of mine is granted—we really happen to run into Rin. "Oh, Ritsuka," she greets me, "How did it go?" I am proud to tell her the results, after all, her Code Cast played a major role in the success. "We beat Jabberwock. Well, Alice's twin then made it disappear, completely. It's dead."
It takes Rin a moment to process the information. "So, this wasn't their Servant? Then who is?" I wish we knew. I shake my head. "Well… good luck for tomorrow, then. I doubt you'll figure out much today. Did you even get both Triggers?" Rin is harsh, but honest. I know she is not wrong, she just puts it as it is. "We're on our way to get the second one…"
"Oh." Rin does not even seem very surprised, as if she would expect me to be so slow about this. Or maybe she just understands how rough it is to face a child like Alice and her twin, especially with me being… well, me. I will never know which of these two it is. But just as Rin decides to move on, I grab her wrist. I cannot just let her go, I still have a question after all.
"Rin, wait a moment! Please," I add as I face the irritation that is written clearly on her face. "What is it?" She seems concerned now. Of course, me being the amnesiac anomaly, it must be something big if I badly need to tell and ask her. I explain to her about Saber's and my Alteration of the Soul, what Saber saw about me and that it must have been my 'last moments', considering I saw Saber's.
Though I do not tell Rin about Saber's memory, I feel that would hurt the trust between us. I know she already is uncomfortable with me knowing about it, spreading will do no good. Also it may give Rin a clue to Saber's True Name, something even I do not know yet. Not really a good idea, considering I may face her later on.
"That's… strange, to say at the least. Even for an anomaly like you," says Rin, though she offers no explanation. "Does this mean, I'm… dead?" This is hard to ask. You are not supposed to ask whether you are dead or not. You are not supposed to wonder about that. And yet, being the anomaly I am, of course, I get into this kind of situation.
"Not necessarily," says Rin, rubbing her chin. "It's the last memory of your life outside of the Moon Cell. You might just be in cold sleep, or comatose instead. Not that it's much better…" But it is! If I am in cold sleep or comatose, it means I can still wake up someday. It should ease Saber's worries, should it not?
"How can we tell for sure what it is?" Saber asks, surprisingly. My body's state must be really important to her, considering she asks Rin of all people for advice. "I don't know, but I'll do some research, okay? I'll keep you updated," she promises. And I know she means it.
Rin excuses herself but she needs to do some errands for today, and we head for the Arena. Despite the news, Saber seems still somewhat tense—albeit not even close to as bad as she was last evening or this morning. We will talk about it, after the Elimination Battle. Now is my time to be there for her, even though this is an issue that is supposed to concern me more.
In the Arena, we meet neither of the twins and no Servant either, though me manage to find Trigger Code Zeta and with that we will be able to face Alice tomorrow. After Saber blew off enough steam by cutting through helpless Enemy Programs, we go back to our room.
"What Rin said is good news, isn't it?" Saber nods and gets into her pyjama, so do I. "Are you… mad?" I have not heard her talk since she asked Rin. "No, I don't think so. I'm not sure," she says. I already noticed Saber is really bad at expressing emotions, but maybe she is just as bad at placing them. Maybe she really most of the time does not know what exactly she feels.
I wrap my arms around her from behind, holding her close enough to not let her go but not too close to possibly make it physically uncomfortable. "It's fine," I whisper softly.
Tomorrow is the Elimination Battle, and having no information we need to make up for this badly.
We need to be closer than ever.