Aftermath
Back in our room, I already feel like apologising to Saber once again. But she asked not to talk about those things anymore, so I keep quiet. I still do not know for sure how she feels about all this. And as it is, I will never know. This is such a crushing feeling.
And the last minutes only add to that. "She really liked you," Saber breaks the silence. She is right. "I never really realised it. Maybe I could have done more… be kinder to her." I truly regret it. Maybe if I was not as slow, I could have realised in what condition she is. Maybe then I could have taken care of her, comforted her… But I did not.
Saber shakes her head. "You were kind. I was the one who assumed they were cold-blooded killers." We do not know for sure they were not. But they never harmed me, not at all. Even Jabberwock would probably not have fought us if I just played with them as they asked me to.
"She died again," I state. It reminds me of Shinji, whose dead is still nagging on my consciousness every day. But this is different. "She had nowhere to go, even if she won," Saber says. Nowhere to go? What does she mean by that? "Couldn't she have used the Moon Cell to revive herself?"
Saber shakes her head. "Impossible. If you're dead, you shouldn't even participate. The Moon Cell would just delete her as soon as she is the winner." Alice and Caster probably knew that. Maybe they have given the victory to us because they want me to win this whole tournament. But I would not know.
"Then why did they let us win?" Saber stays silent for a minute, before answering. "You're kind, even to someone who should be after your life. Maybe they just wanted someone like you to get to the Moon Cell's core. I don't know, really." Though, nobody knows if I am still alive. I may be unable to use the Moon Cell as well.
I am not as special, but Saber's words comfort me. I feel like and I hope they are not only what she imagines Alice and Caster may have been thinking but also her own opinion on me. We decide to sleep, we do not know what dangers we may face next week but I suppose it could not get much worse than not really daring to talk much with your own Servant.
I doubt I will be able to catch much sleep, I cannot get Alice out of my head.
I wish I had read a fairy tale to her at least once, Caster said she liked having those read to her.
I wish I played with her, just as she asked me to.
I wish I got to know her better.