I was frozen. My brother precisely mentioned everything that Dr Churnik and Sebastian did to my siblings and me in the studio. As his words were sharp, my lyre lost its power, and I lost the memory of the music I was about to sing before him. All that happiness goes for nothing, and my brother finally made his act before me.
"Are you afraid of yelling, sister? Afraid of being...shouted?"
"Quit the facade, Dorriel. You didn't even do your role well. You expect me to believe you're all sunshine around a human who hurt you all the times?"
He was smart—way too smart for a brother. I cannot say anything about that, and I lost all my confidence. But with his words out, I find relief again only when he speaks. I couldn't think or talk with a silent face because they always scared me. My joyful face was finally exposed.
"Alright, you got me. So please just tell me why you hate me! Did I do something bad? What makes the two of us in trouble..." I begged. Only this time, I begged without a facade.
The way to the tunnel was still too dark to see clearly. The rider outsider can't be heard with the sound of the rail clashing with the wheels, so there's only my brother and I in this darkness. And this loud buzzing can only make a Joyling like me remember.
"You, Dorriel. You are the problem."
"What?" I was confused. Maybe I wasn't too human to understand.
"You came back to us after six years, and you had to come after everyone here is moving on from you. Do you know how infuriating that feels for us?"
"I...why? I thought you would be happy?"
Turns out reunion wasn't something my family wanted from me. Not all of them are happy, like my brother. Maybe I was too excited about this trip, but my brother's anger was somehow even more unreasonable. But he was sure that I shouldn't be here.
"You made us happy, Dorriel. That's the problem..."
"You insist to make up happy again for you. For you, and for all the things you made us."
"Do you think it's easy to just come in and out everywhere to mom and dad?"
I don't know what to say. I never had a conversation like this before. No one has ever made me talk like this, nor do I have to understand what Samuel was trying to convey. Was he angry that I was alive? Did he want me to stay away? Why didn't he want me to be here? It was such a cruel word from my brother.
"When you're gone, so many of us had to go through many pressures. You didn't even know what mom had to do when we were at home..."
"Dad lost his job and can't do anything well at home. He can't even apply for an office job anymore because he has to suffer numbness from his fingers by stress. He's like a stone all the way home."
"Mom goes mad at home, and neighbours start calling her a witch because of her stress. She even started chanting derangedly."
"And me? I had to be there and watch all of us in trouble. While you? You get to have fun in your damn studio and came here with an innocent face for what you think would be a good fun."
"You are lucky that you weren't there because they're going to spoil you and you'll see how insane they have gone since you left them."
Stone? Witch? What was he talking about? And was everything Samuel said really the reason? Did I make them do all of that? Because that was evil, and I couldn't imagine how I could inadvertently do so. But I didn't mean for all of this to happen. I only want to reunite with my family again.
My human parents were putting up a face, too? I don't know what to say about that, but I don't want to imagine my own family enduring what I did to them. If what Samuel said was right, then maybe I shouldn't be here in the first place. But what would they do if I'm not there?
"Do you not know what you're doing??" He slammed the wall, and then his hand went over my shoulders like a claw.
"You wanted so much from our parents after everything??"
"So demanding. What is wrong with you??"
"Why can't you just think for a second?? This isn't your new home!"
"Not your new stage! This is your old family calling for you!"
He was gripping me tight on the shoulders, and then he shouted and forced me to stare at that terrifying glare of his. There was nothing I could do to watch his angry face and hateful stare coming through me like a boulder on the wall. It used to be like this for me.
"I'm sorry," I mumbled. "I'm so sorry...please..."
"Please don't hurt me...please..." I begged. I wish he didn't try to hurt me. I wish he could understand what I'm doing.
"Hurt you? Is that what you want? Is that what you think you deserve now? You hurt them, Dorriel. Your negligence to everything is what hurt them..."
"But I don't hate you for that, I only want to remind you why I could not look at you well after yesterday and now. And that is something I hated you for today..."
"Then why...why did you hate me...for all day...?"
"You have to find that out."
I was afraid—afraid of being hurt. But Samuel didn't hurt me or crumble any inch of my skin. He told me what I needed to know in that darkness—with that stare. I have a lot of things in my head—mostly fear from his gaze. But now I had a thought about my parents and how I could fix what I made before.
He pinned me to the wall while his hands were crushing my shoulder slowly. I knew he was trying to hurt me, but why can't I do anything about it? But he was looking into my eyes like he was...examining it. Could it be that he was also curious about 'Dorriel'?
"Doorwell, all of this wouldn't happen if you only listen to me. If only you didn't chose to be ignorant and stubborn, our parents would've been happy with what they have now."
"But you wouldn't understand that, didn't you? You would've had to overthink your way out of that star's facade if you wanted to help your parents."
"After all, you were a janitor before, didn't you? I guess you didn't make it as big as you thought you would..."
"I'm sorry...please, I'm so sorry...please..."
If this is a mistake, then I must apologize. I bowed many times. I did what I always do. Every human always wanted me to do this, so I bowed as I had to. Well, I couldn't lay on the floor, so I could only bow in shame. But my brother's face was indifferent to my plea. He was even dragged to anger.
"What is this? What is this you're trying to do to me, Doorwell? You're trying to get my validation?"
"Is that how you wanted to be treated? You wanted to be validated by people now, Doorwell? Since when did you do this?"
"Since I was in the...studio...?" My head is risen for a moment of mercy.
"And why's that? Getting your big man in anger, too?"
"I...*sobs* I'm sorry..."
Tears flew from my eyes, but my brother was the heartless one. However, as low as I could get to avoid his terrifying glare, my brother crept his hand under my jaw and lifted me up to make my eyes stare before his. There was no happiness for me to see there—only fear, regret, and cries for help.
"You're crying..." He muttered still. But he was taunting me, unlike many of those humans.
"Dorriel never cries. Did she got herself hurt by the mean people there?"
"Please....Please, just tell me...I don't...I don't like your words, brother..." I cried again.
"Ever since you ignored me, everything went bad in this family. So it's clear you needed a proper lesson from me. Let's start by reducing that negligence and stubborness and more of ears opened..."
"From now on, stick to what I'm asking you to do. Don't even think of going anywhere after this, because you'll be nowhere near outside again without my permission..."
"Mom and Dad careness won't be enough to teach you anything. So be sure not to expect their words against mine. You hear me?"
"Yes! Yes! Please...please...huhuhu..."
"Stop crying. I don't want to hurt you, and I don't like to make you think I'll hurt you..."
Tears flowed further like a river, and I couldn't hold my joyful face before him. Is this what he wanted? He wanted to see me cry like those humans? I don't want to be a Frowling, I don't want to be sad, and I don't want him to crumble me. I was lost.
"I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry..."
"Quit crying, or I'll give you what those humans made you."
"*Gasp* I'm not crying..."
The threat was sharp but not real yet. I can feel somewhat of a leash on my wings when Samuel's bickering the innocent me. There was nobody but me who could have seen that. But at least it was over, and the sun was shining back on the end of the tunnel.
"You want to know why I bring you here?"
"Because y-you want to get close to your sister...?"
"No. I want you to see what happened when you're on your own again. I want you to see that you would be a disaster because of your stupid passion..."
"You'll be crowded with humans all over that place, and you know you shouldn't be there, didn't you?"
"R-right...because I shouldn't be close to human until...t-tomorrow..."
"So that means you'll have to stay close to me and not get around with humans, am I right? Because there would be a lot of humans there for you to see..."
"Y-yes...but what does this have to do with...oh..."
"See? You're smart! Why can't the old you understand that?"
Now I understand what he was trying to do. It seems he was trying to ridicule me as a Joyling and a human sister of his. I had to be close to him if I didn't want to be turned into a warning for the Institute and him. But I didn't know if I could do this. Perhaps attaching to someone so hateful could be so dangerous.
I wouldn't hate him because that would mean I am a hateful creature. I am not! I only worried about him and his tone. If he wanted obedience, he could have asked for it kindly. Doorwell would like to take things with a nice voice, not a mean one. In fact, Doorwell has been fully obedient to every human in the Institute because they are kind to her.
Why does every human have to be so mean to me? All I did was follow the cookie's recipe and leave as they wanted. All of a sudden, Doorwell always did wrong in the kitchen and in the garden. It always had to be Doorwell who took the blame when she became the Angel of Love on the stage.
—————————————————————————————————
[University]
We arrived at the place—a place my brother called 'University'. All I see is a huge institute standing on the land with another unusual mark on the front. So many windows and so many stairways, but there's no sight of doctors or caretakers.
So many humans are here, and it looks like they're just having fun everywhere—grass, trees, and even near a plaque. Why are they outside? I thought they weren't ready yet to be released like Samuel. They even carried bags and books, which is what I'm about to do tomorrow. There are so many things I could talk about in this huge place.
But I cannot stay here long enough to be Doorwell. Those humans are still unaware of what hit them right now (It was a star)!. so I had to disguise myself with the human clothes and stick close to Samuel or else he would be mad. Or else everyone would be angry—Angry is a feeling too hateful to exist.
"Woah, do you really learn from here, brother? It's so humongous...and so crowded..."
"Which is why Dorriel would learn to stick with her brother so that she doesn't get caught, is it?" He left the carriage holding a box.
"Y-yeah! I will..."
We went through the gateway like we did in the Institute, passing these humans on our way behind the huge wall. It's only a package for my brother's little need. But I'm getting fascinated by this place as quick as thunder. However, I couldn't bother myself to get caught or disappoint my brother, as we promised.
It was simple. I was carrying boxes from my brother's dorm together with him. It would've been swift and easy with his human strength, but the other humans are looking at us by the door out of curiosity. Silly humans, this isn't the right time to see Doorwell yet.
We couldn't do it in time with all this big stuff in the wardrobe. All of these are trophies and big stuff beyond my knowledge, but I could recognize an award when I see one. I could say I'm proud to have a brother who can compete with me, but I don't have the courage to speak to him now.
"Nice sister you got there, Samuel!"
"Nice joke, Sarah. But you know I don't have one."
"Then who's that young one? Your nephew?"
"Sorry, can't tell you anything. I'm too busy packing up stuff from my dorm..."
"Since when did you have a sister, Samuel?"
"I told you I don't have one. She's not my family...and please stop looking at her. Nothing's good to talk to her."
"That's a rude word for a little girl, don't you think?"
The humans were getting too close to us, and some even started to wonder out of pity for me. Maybe Samuel needs to be kinder if he wants me to stay hidden. But there's nothing I could say to change that mind now.
"Stay off of her, Sarah. She's not going to talk to you..."
"Aww, and why's that? Was her voice taken from his big brother? Don't worry, little one...the big bad wolf won't eat you tonight..." The woman was teasing me, but he still couldn't see behind the scarf and the hood cover.
"Come on, Samuel. It's not like you could even hide a thing!"
"I do. Which is why I need you to go out and let me go. I'm not here to have fun..."
So the humans didn't know much about me? Was it because Samuel didn't want to tell them? He said it drives people insane. But these humans are not insane yet. Rather, they just wanted to know what's behind the pretty mask. They wanted to get too close to me.
"Hey, kid. Show us what's inside that hood now. Why are you wearing so much cover? Are you sick?" The woman's hand was reaching for me. I couldn't do anything but go further.
"She might be sick, Jonathan. But I wouldn't know that until I find out myself."
Their hands suddenly reached for me as if begging for the face to show out. I couldn't let them know, right? Maybe they won't think that I'm a sister of a hateful brother, but they would think a cookie couldn't appear in this world of humans.
*Thought* "No...no...no..." I was cornered.
"Come on, kid. Don't make this hard for us. We just want to look at you..."
"Yeah! Samuel didn't get to bring guest before...how rare is that, Sam?"
"Ooh, this one looks like she's playing with us."
The children's hands are getting close to me, trying to pry my mask out. Meanwhile, the others are praising me with a clap, thinking it was a game. I was scared, but that's when my brother suddenly showed up.
"Alright, kid. I'm the IT now..."
*Thought* "No, no, no...I'm sorry, brother...I'm sorry..."
Slam! The table was slammed, and everything went silent.