Knock! Knock! Knock!
"Friend? Is that you?"
I was out on the door, opening it bright and ready for my new friend out there. To my surprise, it was only my parents with their 'groceries'. Face was even sadder when I couldn't smell anything sweet from the bag. I want my new friend now! It gets boring when you're alone.
"Oh. Hey, mom! Hey, dad!"
"Dorriel, look at you! Oh, that old blouse of mine still fits you!"
"Your blouse? I thought it was mine..."
"It does. I just gave it to you after you turned 10! But turns out it was too big, so I thought it might've fit when you're few years later, and I was right!"
"Dorriel, are you okay?"
"Yeah, I was hoping you were my new friends here..." I was a bit bumped.
It didn't use to be a life without my cookie sisters and brothers. Joylings are not meant to be alone, so being here without anyone I knew well felt so off. Normally, I would've waited for Lily or Lydia, but they're not here. Everywhere is all humans to see, but not even a good one.
The room looks too small to explore. I have been around every edge of this house yesterday. And I found nothing interesting or as colourful as these flowers I had to pluck before my human parents returned. My cotton hair is getting too tired, too.
"Aww, we get it. You wanted a company. We can be your company, Dorriel."
"Thank you, mom. But I wanted a human friend that you promised me yesterday. I wanted know more about my life here as the 'Dorriel' you keep calling."
"Right, but can that wait for another day? We would like to, but Dr Volcker advised that you should avoid interacting with people for now until the Institute had more to say."
Today, I noticed that my parents were carrying home a package with a colourful wrapper. It has a beautiful heart on it, but I couldn't look at the name well. Could it be me? My hands couldn't wait to see what was behind that package. That is the only thing that keeps me happy today.
"Ooh...what's that, mother?"
"Oh, the package? It's something from the Institute they wanted to give to us. Not sure why the wrapper was pink, though!"
"That must be for me! Who else would have that heart?
"Is that go? I guess it was yours."
"Can I see it? Can open see it?" I plead with such a glimmering eye. But before I got my hand on the package, it was taken away from me.
"Sorry, Dorriel. This package is not ready to be opened yet. You have a lot to do first before we can pick up the box. Starting for you to register back to your school!"
"Aww...but I already study in the Institute!"
I couldn't get that prize from the grip of my human parents. How daring for me. If I had to wait for my human friends to come here, then I could try picking up my gift and see what Dr Volcker had for me. I was thinking of something precious to cover up my wings lately. These purplish feathers do make me float easily, but the colours are too dull.
I waited in the living room, doing all that I could as a human child. There was a paper on the table, but Doorwell wasn't meant to sign it for her fans. It has my human name on it and a contract for me to be listed on another boring day. It only needs my signature—my beautiful signature. On top of that, there's an Institute's symbol that I couldn't recognize along the name 'Coldham High School'. I don't like this.
"Mom, why should I go to school again? This is unfair..."
"Come on, Dorriel. You're still too young to quit early in life. Besides, don't you want to make a new friend in school?"
"I do want to make new friends, but this isn't the friend I want to go for. My friends are usually in front of my face when I need them..."
"Dorriel..."
"Uhm, I guess I could go for a...walk..."
I signed the paper, but I didn't get candy in return. All my parents could say is that tomorrow I'll be busy afterwards, and I will have a class full of human friends. They promised me it would be the friends I was looking for.
But as soon as I had that paper finished, there were clothes stacked on the table for me to wear. These were the human attires that I would soon wear for the rest of my life—and for school. This isn't funny, nor is it good for me. I wanted a blouse or a long dress made of petals! Why do I get this dull shirt and tie instead?
"Aww..."
"Hey, it does fit! I guess we don't have to buy you another one." My father was taking a photograph of me. I wouldn't say I look good in anything dark, especially blue. Dark flowers are not good flowers!
"Well, if you like it. But doesn't it make me a bit too...sad?"
"What? Why?"
"Because this is what Frowlings would wear! I don't want
"A...what now?"
"It's her little friend at the Institute, mother. Just someone who looks average and well as a member of society. Lots of these people are just crybabies who didn't like being dragged out of the joy." My brother even supported this choice. I am not happy with it.
"Crybabies? We don't cry! This cloth is just...awful for me."
"Well you have to wear it, Dorriel. You don't want to go out wearing nothing, don't you?"
"Yeah. But can we have something brighter?"
"I'm afraid we don't have that."
"Aww..." I am saddened. I shouldn't be.
All these living room groceries were just my parents preparing me for the worst day of my life. First, it was uniforms, then it was books. I wouldn't say books are a burden to me because I do enjoy reading. But sometimes, I prefer reading things that aren't complicated, like numbers and signs. But these books are blank, and the others are too many pages to read.
They're not really colourful, either. They were all red but not as bright as a tulip or a Chrysanthemum. Looks like I have to start sharpening my pencil again after months of avoiding that. Luckily, I didn't forget how to write like Pearl did—poor girl. Some of us Joyling were unfortunate not to touch a pencil.
"These books are going to be your notes for school, Dorriel. You better get those educations straight, Dorry..."
"What am I learning there anyway? I've been learning everything!"
"You'll see. Tomorrow, when you can finally walk out of this house, you'll have to prepare everything for school."
"But that would be the day when I would have to go to help a human. There might be someone here who needs the help of love! That's my name, after all."
"Wednesday?"
"Doorwell always help people every day!"
"Sister, that isn't funny. Be serious for once, can you?"
"What's funny? I'm telling the truth! There are people out there who had waited for me to come out, brother! I had to go out there and—"
"You're going to school now! You hear me? Stop messing around and just take the books already!"
"Eek!"
I don't have much choice but to deny this request from my family. Should I do that, Samuel would be so angry, and my parents would be so sad. It's not like I have anything to do in the house compared to what happened in school. I heard the place was immense and had many children like me, except they were all humans and smarter.
However, I was still scared at the moment I had to hear my brother coming to stand against my choice. Samuel was still angry, as always, and I could not think of anything else but fear. Maybe humans are not as easy as I thought they would be.
"W-well, I can think of going if you need! I just...you guys sure I should go there...after what happen to me...?"
"Oh, Dorriel. You're a strong girl. We knew you were there against your will. But this time, you wouldn't be in the same place that once turned you into...this."
"W-what do you mean this? This...as in...me?"
"No, we mean that you are...new to this. You're soft but bland because of the studio's doing. You have to be re-introduced with the human life again by school's life..."
"You know? The life that Dorriel had once."
I wasn't sure if they were lying or not because humans do lie a lot around me and other Joylings. Although, I wonder what they would think of me when they saw a pretty face in a cookie dough. I've been told that humans don't usually see us.
You know what? It's fine! I can go with that every day, but I wonder how would Dorriel feel about this. Maybe she didn't like going to school, just like all of us cookies. But she didn't get to have fun either, so perhaps she wanted to have fun like me.
"Alright, mother. I'll go to school tomorrow..."
"There. You got it, sweetie! We only want the best for you!"
Humans do say those words many times to me. But that was the reason I was set on the studio as nothing more but a pretty face. I wasn't made for the show and tell for the humans, but they assured me that I was. I still doubt that word from humans. I only hope I can do something that doesn't need those words to be uttered.
"So, Dorriel. Care to join me and help me pick up some things together?" Samuel came to me with the same glare, but I was spared for today. It still didn't give me a reason not to cover myself with my wings.
"B-brother?"
"I need to carry some stuff in Plymouth from my University. I need someone to help me do that..."
I see nothing else to do but my brother's task. Our first meeting didn't go well, and neither does he now. I worried he might be filled with hate, like Frowlings—or Fuss. Every time he got closer to me, I just knew I couldn't stand still and let him do so. His hatred can be felt in my hair.
But when he described the task he was trying to get for, he wanted only me to help! Mom and Dad were set aback by this idea, knowing I couldn't risk exposure to humans yet. But Samuel was charming in his reassurance, even making me impressed. However, I have a terrible feeling about this.
"Alright, Samuel. But you had to promise that Dorriel won't be in a trouble, okay?"
"Don't worry. It's just a siblings game, father. I can assure you that Dorriel won't be in a trouble as long as she and I are in the carriage until we reached the University. Which is a long time for the two of us to stay hidden..."
"Okay...?" I stare curiously and worried. The way he toned those words scares me.
———————————————————————————————————
[Wiltham Street]
He just left me a riddle, but I know only that I have to go with him or else something loud happened again. I had never been shouted at like this before, even by Mr Churnik, who constantly had his voice raised at me. He might be disappointed with me, but I cannot judge such an idea.
I hopped on the carriage and watched as the wind blew on my face with fierce strength on the railway. I had to wear a lot of covers here so that the men outside did not see me. But trying to focus on my cover isn't as easy as I thought with a brother like Samuel who sat before me in this cabin.
"Woah! It was such a nice view around here. I guess with or without flowers, it feels good to see a town that I never get to see as a Joyling..." I looked outside. I see more human buildings and humans outside playing the game I wish I could have.
"Right, brother?"
His eyes were sharp, and his sitting stance was as eerie as the humans. There's no smile on his face ever since I met him, and now that we're alone in this carriage, I was directly faced with his heartless glare. The only thing I could do to make it less scary to me is look away—but that only drags him.
I looked away without showing a suspicious face to him. "Do you think maybe the two of us can go out and do all those things too, brother?"
"I always imagined being out there and see my fans, too. I wonder if Doorwell Lovemore is still a hit here? I was a big star in the studio, you know?"
"Maybe I wasn't that big, but I get to star many episodes. Maybe they even waited for me? What does that mean to me now?"
"Do I get my own place in here, too? Like my own studio?"
"W-what do you think, brother? Would you like me to be?"
Nothing's changed, even if I tried to convince him with something. But his eyes do look away for a moment, maybe bored by my words. I didn't want to annoy or tire him with my speech, but I didn't want to have him aiming those glares back at me. I can feel my blouse getting wet from the sweat I have just by looking at him, and it is terrible to feel.
"So, now that we're family. I wanted to talk about...t-things we have recently...Y-you see..." I sat down and tried to grab his attention.
"I n-noticed we were not really..good with each other lately. Even f-for two days, we didn't make many bonds..."
"I...I know you must have a c-certain reason to feel different from me. Maybe you didn't expect me like this? Or maybe you have a...uhm...issue?"
"But it would be better if I get to know why...? I don't want to bother you if something goes well for you to l-love me..."
I tried to get close to him, trying to understand his reason for being angry, and that's when he finally got closer. He wasn't as closed as I thought, but he didn't come to me because of soft talk. He stared at me grimly with hate before he finally muttered some words with those same eyes.
"Doorwell, what do you think of your life?"
"Do you like it? Do you enjoy it?"
"Do you think being the stage's face is good like you wanted or not?"
He called me by my name. My fear turned into a slight comfort after hearing him talking. It relieves me to know that he didn't intend to hurt me like I thought humans would in this conversation. But I was confused as to why he needed to know my name or why I was happy.
"Yeah! I like being there. I get to do so much happy stuff and helped children to feel love! Even I got to be on the spotlight for once..."
"Being a Joyling to work on the backstage cleaning cookie crumbs and props do get boring at the end. I'm just glad I finally get to be something more than holding a broom..."
"Like holding a lyre!"
"So why return, sister? Why not come back to that studio and have fun like you always did?"
Those words alone are what pushes me to silence. Only when the carriage was taking a dark tunnel my brother's face was beyond recognition. But his eyes were still there, filled with hate.
"Brother?" I asked him.
I couldn't see anything, and I was afraid to move around. Oh, I don't like this feeling, but I had to follow up with Samuel's face. A face like that could only mean a disappointed human. After all, why would he be so angry at me?
But if I stay silent now, sitting in this chair and doing nothing, would he be angrier than before? I can't decide. Doorwell didn't like this. It's really not fun and more like her studio's life. I can feel the touch of a fake leaf falling on my blouse like it has always been there.
"Oh, no...what is this...?"
"What is he doing?"
"Is he...? Is he mad at me?"
I pulled my lyre as soon as I could. Better to hear that tune than Samuel's voice. Is he going to yell at me? I'd been holding this lyre in the dark for so long, but I couldn't hear anything out of him. But I could hear his breath getting thicker.
"Brother, I...think we should play some music here! It's too dark here and I don't think it's good for us not to look at each other. Aren't we?" I raised my lyre, which I brought here from home. I tuned a string, hoping it would make him happy.
"Keep that thing out of my face, Dorriel. Look at me when I'm talking to you..."
"B-but you wouldn't like to hear one?"
"Why? So you can disappoint me again with your terrible performance and expect a punishment less than getting yelled at? Or are you afraid I would crumble you like your big man did?"