"O-Old man! Who the hell are you to dare slap me?!"
The scammer clutched his cheek in pain.
To be honest… that slap the old man delivered was crisp and loud—very satisfying to hear.
"Hmm~ That's the kind of music I like to hear~"
The old man relaxed, standing on one leg in a perfect Kung Fu Panda pose.
"OLD MAN, DID YOU HEAR WHAT I—"
"YEAH! I HEARD YOU CLEARER THAN I HEARD YOUR MOM MOANING AT MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT!!"
Another brutal slap landed, sending one more tooth flying from the scammer's mouth.
This time blood poured from his lips, and his face was stunned, completely lost as to what just happened.
"I-It can't be! Is this the legendary 'Ear-Slapping Kung Fu' people talk about?! When this technique is used, the sound wave from the slap causes brain concussion and severe neurological damage!" Kai wiped sweat from his forehead while explaining dramatically.
"Isn't it just… a regular slap?" Eru raised an eyebrow.
The scammer was dazed. After a moment of blankness, he spat out a mouthful of blood, looked down, and finally realized what was happening.
"Y-You bastard!!! How dare you slap me!"
He stood up—no more playing the victim. His face twisted with pure rage as he glared at the old man.
He raised his fist, ready to smash the old geezer without caring about consequences.
But before he could swing, the old man who had just slapped him—suddenly collapsed.
"?!"
Everyone jumped in shock. The old man staggered, eyes rolling upward, body twitching violently.
"Oh nooo! This uncultured thug is bullying an old man! Everyone come look at his face! I tried to stop him and only lightly touched his cheek, and now he's attacking me! I'm old and frail, I have illnesses, and this punk shows no respect at all! If society has people like him, it's doomed!!!!"
…Wow. This old man's acting-victim game is on another level, way more experienced and powerful than the young guy. A true veteran.
"Pipi?!"
"I-It can't be! Is this the legendary 'Shameless Scamming Kung Fu' people whisper about?! This technique allows the user to instantly fall to the ground, convulse, and spout complete nonsense to make the opponent extremely uncomfortable. Terrifyingly effective!" Kai and Pandora were both sweating buckets as they explained in unison.
"…It's just playing the victim."
The scammer stared at the old man wailing nonstop and began to feel genuine fear. He glanced toward his accomplices.
"Don't you run! Everyone saw it! Don't let him escape!"
The old man pointed straight at him and shouted to the crowd.
Holy shit! Master, I bow to you. Your victim-playing skills are so advanced even gods would tremble!
His accomplices started sweating too, planning to grab their bro and bolt—but the old man's loud yelling had already drawn too much attention. No way to save him now!
'This geezer is a veteran. No way we can win!'
He was terrified. The old man was still whining dramatically, but the corner of his mouth was smirking, and his eyes were pure sleaze.
It was as if he was silently telling the guy:
I'm older than you. I have decades more experience. You're still a greenhorn virgin compared to me—you're nowhere near my level!
Fighting me in my own specialty is suicide!
"Y-You damn old bastard!!"
Rage took over again. He raised his fist once more.
This time the old man stood up straight, pulled out a thick stack of medical papers from inside his shirt, and shoved them in the guy's face.
"High blood pressure, arthritis, osteoporosis, coronary artery disease, diabetes, terminal cancer in every organ… and diarrhea, that one's the most important."
"Of course, all of these are officially certified by the hospital. You tear these papers and you're automatically fined."
How the hell is this guy still alive with that many illnesses?
The punch froze mid-air. The scammer's face turned deathly pale.
"Oh, and I'm 91 years old this year. Doctors say I've got maybe one or two months left. These diseases are torturing me so badly I'm actually looking forward to dying."
The old man stepped closer, grabbed the guy's hand, and pressed it against his own face.
"You just need to hit me lightly and I'll drop dead. Then you go straight to prison. Honestly, I'd prefer you rot in jail—it sounds pretty fun." He gave a warm, friendly smile.
Hearing that, the scammer's rage vanished—replaced by absolute terror.
The undisputed grandmaster of the victim-playing world!
As everyone knows, under the law, people over 70 are not held criminally responsible and receive special legal protection. And this guy is 91.
And what else? A laundry list of terminal illnesses? Late-stage cancer in every organ?
This is an airtight offense-defense combo! Even the slightest injury to him means guaranteed prison time—and the sentence would be far heavier than assaulting a normal person. Let alone killing him?!
This old man… is untouchable. Absolutely untouchable!!
"Ahaha… I think there's been a little misunderstanding—"
SLAP!
Another direct hit to the mouth. Down he went, losing yet another tooth.
"What were you about to do to me just now? Hit me?"
"N-No—"
SLAP! Another tooth flew.
"No what? You're not gonna let me live? Or should I not let you live either?"
"Y-Yes—"
Another tooth soared.
"Yes what? Were you about to say 'Yes sir, may I please have permission to hit grandpa?' I know your type too well."
"D—"
Another tooth rocketed into the sky.
"Speak up faster! I'm old and hard of hearing, and you young people mumble so much these days!"
His accomplices huddled together in fear, watching their brother get slapped so hard his face swelled purple and distorted beyond recognition—even his own mother wouldn't recognize him now.
And yeah… all his teeth were gone. Time to start saving for implants.
"I-It can't be… this is the legendary—"
"Are you done yet?" Eru looked utterly fed up and complained out loud.
"Yeah, I'm done."
The old man planted his foot on the scammer's back.
"You still dare pull this scam-victim shit in my territory?"
"Y-Yes… *sob* No, sir…"
"You still dare bully other people?"
"No sir… *sob*"
Aww man, now I actually feel sorry for the guy. He's crying real tears.
"Where are your buddies?"
"?!!"
The accomplices panicked the moment they were called out.
"Are you lot still gonna go around scamming people together?"
"NO SIR!"
"HELL NO!"
The old man unleashed a drop kick that sent the whole group tumbling.
"IF YOU WANNA SCAM, YOU CALL ME! THAT GUY'S SCAMMING WAS SHIT—MADE MY EYES ITCH JUST LOOKING AT IT! NEXT TIME YOU CALL ME. IF YOU DON'T, I'LL GRILL ALL OF YOU LIKE BBQ!"
So that was his real goal all along.
"YES SIR!!!!"
The whole group screamed in unison, hoisted their swollen-faced brother, and fled the scene.
The crowd blinked for a second… then burst into applause for the old man.
"Thank you, grandpa!!!"
The innocent young guy who got dragged into this mess grabbed the old man's hand and thanked him profusely.
"No big deal. I just thought they were eyesores, so I stepped in. Justice can arrive late, but that doesn't mean there won't be another kind of justice."
Truly a kind-hearted old man… if he didn't have such terrifying tactics.
"…What an eventful night," Eru sighed and glanced at Kai.
But she noticed Kai had his hand on his chin, deep in thought.
"This way of talking… this aura… Pandora, doesn't it feel familiar?"
"Pipi?"
"Hmmm… alright, I've decided!"
Kai marched straight over to the old man, dropped to his knees, and grabbed his hand.
"Master Shifu! Please accept me as your disciple!" Kai's eyes sparkled with burning determination.
…Huh?