Today were going back to Canada. I've been holding back my tears since the moment I woke up. We're having breakfast with Ryujin's family right now and we're gonna leave in a couple of hours.
The last few days since we got back from Chicago wasn't really eventful. We mainly just relaxed and spent time with Ryujin's family. We played games a lot and I got to see Ryujin's competitive nature, Her and Yuna like to cheat though. They don't call it cheating. They say it's being resourceful,
Rosé and I have gotten close along with Lisa, They're such a lovely couple and they're raising Gabe so well. Lisa and Ryujin are fun to see interact because when they're both full of energy, there's no telling what those two are gonna do. They like to argue with each other even though they're completely talking about different things most of the time.
Ryujin's parents are amazing, especially her mom, She's always making sure that we're comfortable and well taken care of. She's always willing to help with Eva too, She literally treats her like a granddaughter already Mr. Shin is a man of few words most of the time but he has moments,
I still haven't met the grandpa and they keep saying that it's for the best, Ryujin is mainly scared that he will scare me off but I don't see that happening. I really want to make sure that Ryujin and I will work, I know I have to work extra hard to not push her away since we're gonna go back to being far away from each other.
I look around the table and I feel even more emotional, Mrs. Shin is feeding Eva, Mr. Shin is eating his food without a care in the world, Gabe and Yuna are playing, Karina is glaring at Travis while Travis is cutting up her food, Lisa and Ryujin are having their nonsense debate.
"What did you think of our family during your visit?" Rosé chuckles when she notices me watching everyone.
"I'm honestly gonna miss all of you. It's been so hard to stop myself from crying every second" I sigh.
"When are you having your baby shower?" She suddenly ask me.
"I didn't even think about that. I don't know if I'm gonna have one" I say truthfully.
"Why not?" She frowns.
"I really don't have a lot of friends so I wouldn't even know who to invite" I answer,
"Well you should have one. I'll talk to Karina to make sure you have one and we will make sure to attend" she smiles at me.
"Thank you but I don't want to bother you" I say.
"It's not a bother. I'm sure my mom would like to meet your mom" she says as she continues to eat.
How bad would it be if Ryujin's family is making all these effort for me and we end up not being together in the end.
Why do I feel so uneasy with this relationship? It's like I'm anticipating something bad to happen? I feel like this is too good to be true. It can't be this easy to love someone and be happy. I thought relationships are hard. We rarely fight, she doesn't really get mad at me. She's gotten upset but not really mad.
My sister notices me probably having some sort of panic attack so she signals me to excuse myself.
"I have to use the bathroom really quick" I try to say as calm as I can to Rosé. She gives me a nod and smiles.
I leave and go to the bathroom. Not long after, I hear a knock. I open it and thankfully it's my sister.
"What's happening?" She ask worried.
"Am I that broken?" I start crying now,
"What do mean?" She pulls me in for a hug.
"I keep trying to find faults in this relationship. Something doesn't feel right because I have no reason to be mad at her. She doesn't hurt me in any way. Physically or verbally. I can't settle down because I'm not used to this. I'm not used someone actually putting me first like she does, Her family is so amazing. They deserve so much better, I'm so broken" I cry
"Hey Yeji, Just because you feel or see yourself as broken, it doesn't mean others do too. If I could kick all your exes asses I would, Don't let them take away what's making you happy. Like you said, you're just not used to it. You're in a healthy relationship now. Someone by your side no matter what. Not someone who's always against you, It's gonna take some time to fully enjoy it but you will" she says,
"I always have the urge to want to start a fight with her. It's exhausting to stop myself. It doesn't feel like a real relationship if we're not fighting" I say.
"Yeji, listen to what you're saying. That's not healthy. It's normal for a couple to fight but it's also normal that they don't. What's not normal is constantly fighting and that's what you're looking for. You were doing so good so why all of a sudden are you feeling scared again?" She rubs my back.
"We're leaving today. We won't see each other every day. I guess I'm pushing her away again so if she does end up leaving, it won't hurt me as much I sigh.
She pulls me away from her and I wipe my tears. "Yeji, don't let your past haunt your present, Those no good assholes shouldn't affect your life now. You're free from them. It's your time to be happy and be taken care of. I can tell how happy you are with Ryujin despite you always trying to stop yourself."
"It's so weird for me to be accepted by my significant other's family too. They've always said I'm not good enough for their sons and I'm just gonna cause trouble or ruin their life. Then we came here and they literally asked if Ryujin is treating me well like what?!" I exclaim.
My sister chuckles, "Now you know how it feels to be accepted, Travis' family is the same. I have the best relationship with them, I mean we're also high-school sweethearts but that's not the point. All these feelings you're feeling are new and I understand that but keep telling yourself that every relationship you had before this was wrong and toxic."
I hug my sister again without saying anything. We stay like that for a few minutes before she tells me that we have to go back or they might start looking for us.
I get out of the bathroom first and head to the kitchen with my sister following behind me, Everyone is still busy but I know Ryujin is checking if I'm okay.
After breakfast, we spend sometime in the living room. Just talking and watching TV. I'm sitting next to Ryujin now and she's holding my hand while my head is resting on her shoulder,
She would occasionally kiss my hand or my head. I honestly really enjoy the affection she gives me. It's weird not having to ask or beg for someone to just hold me.
A couple of hours pass by really fast and it's time for us to head to the airport. Ryujin's family gives each one of us a hug and say their final goodbyes.
Mrs. Shin is currently holding Eva and my daughter doesn't seem to want to let go. I think she knows we're leaving and she's crying.
Ryujin's mom had no choice but to be the one to put Eva in the car seat. Shes trying her best to comfort my daughter, I say thank you and I get in the car so did my sister and Travis.
Were finally on our way to the airport and Eva fell asleep from crying too much, I'm silently crying while looking out the window, I'm trying my best to keep it quiet so Ryujin doesn't hear.
She places her hand on my leg by my knee and squeezes it. I look at her and she gives me a faint smile, "I'll miss you so much" she says.
Hearing those words made me cry hard, I couldn't hide it anymore. "I don't know how I'm gonna do this, Now that I've experienced being with you, I don't know if I can go back to long distance" I cry out, I don't even care that Karina and Travis are seeing me like this.
"It's gonna be okay. We're gonna be okay We've done it before, we can do it again. I'll see you again really soon, I'll be there when you give birth" she says softly.
"That's still a few months away" I sob. I know I'm being ridiculous and acting like a child but I can't help it, I don't want to be far away from her.
"We will talk to each other everyday" she says,
"Why aren't you sad?" I ask, feeling grumpy now because how is she calm while I'm a mess.
"I am, Just because I'm not crying now, it doesn't mean I won't cry later. I can't really cry because I'm driving, Your safety is important" she smiles at me.
"Stop it" I pout.
"What did I do?" She raises one brow at me,
"Your smile is too cute right now and I'm trying to be sad" I say and she chuckles.
"Wow, I never thought I'd see my sister like this" I hear my sister comment.
"You shouldn't interrupt their moment" Travis whispers to her.
"Did you just tell me what to do?" Karina says in her cold tone.
"No. Who would do that? Ryujin, did you hear anyone tell Karina what to do?" Travis acts.
Ryujin and I laugh. I'm glad I'm not like that with this pregnancy
"Yeji, why is she so mad at me?" Travis whispers to me but I laugh because my sister can hear it.
"Ow!" Travis rubs his arm when Karina smacks him,
"I'm not mad at you, You're just so annoying. Your presence, your face, your smell just ticks me off Karina answers.
"Sometimes your breathing makes me want to kill you just so I don't have to hear it" Karina adds.
"It happens sometimes with hormones" I smile to Travis,
"Does it last the whole pregnancy?" He ask and I can tell he's hoping for a positive answer.
"It depends" I shrug my shoulders.
He sighs and leans back to his seat, looking defeated.
"Cheer up, Travis, Soon, you won't have an angry Karina. You'll just have a crying baby" Ryujin tries to tease.
"Did you just call me angry? Ryujin, you're lucky you're driving or I would kick your ass right now" Karina glares at Ryujin.
"Welcome to the hot seat" Travis comments.
"Now you two, stop it. Don't mess with a pregnant woman" I say to both of them.
"Yes boss" they both answer.
"They listen to you but they make fun of me. Make that make sense" Karina scoffs.
The rest of the ride to the airport was fun. Travis and Ryujin would talk about sports while Karina and I talk about anything aside from sports.
We arrive at the airport and Ryujin parks in the parking garage. We get out and get our bags out so we can start heading in.
We check in and check in our bags while Ryujin waits. My heart feels heavy again. I'm really leaving. I probably won't see her soon.
After we get our boarding pass, we head to the security line. "We will go ahead" Karina says. So its just Ryujin, Eva and myself that's left.
Ryujin says good bye to Eva and gives her a hug. I hold Eva in my arms while I try to hold back my tears in front of Ryujin,
"We will see each other again before you know it, okay? I'll send you the contact information for that job later too. Let me know when you land and when you get home" she says while staring at me, lovingly
"I'm really gonna miss you" I say.
"I'm gonna miss you too but remember this is just temporary, Soon, we will be living together and will start the beginning of our forever" she cheesily comments.
I smile at her because I thought it was cute.
"I love you" she steps closer to me.
"I love you" I smile at her. Why is my heart fluttering right now.
Next thing I know, I feel her lips pressed against mine. I automatically kiss her back. Every time we kiss, I feel like I get lost in the moment. All my doubts and worries go away. I want this for as long as I can have it.
She pulls away and I feel like I'm in a daze.
"Remember, I love you and if anything is bothering you, please talk to me or your sister. Please" I see in her eyes that she's worried.
"I will try my best. I don't want to lose you so I'll do anything" I say to her.
We say our final goodbyes. One quick kiss and hug before I walk away. She watches us as we go through security. I wave again until I can't see her anymore. I feel like crying again.