The next day Adam needed a change of pace. He had spent all day yesterday working on robots so he wanted to mix it up. He had plenty of other things on his docket, among which was getting concrete or cement to help make a wall around the entrance to the Vault cave as well as stairs down the cave itself. Luckily when he was driving to the scrapyard he saw in the distance what was probably once an active construction yard pre-war. It stood a decent chance of still having usable construction materials. That was the hope anyway. It seemed like a worthy use of the day.
Deccanus was the only one who was going to be joining him this time. Salvatore asked for a day off to relax in the Vault and Pearl was still somewhat recovering from her injuries. Then, as Adam and Deccanus were loading up into the APC, Rae rolled up.
"Are you leaving again sergeant?" They asked curiously.
"Yes I am Rae, what's the matter?" He asked back.
"Nothing is the matter, sir. I just wanted to know if it might be alright for me to join you on your mission!" Rae asked with a chipper tone. Adam was a bit caught off guard by the request but eventually acquiesced.
"Well sure, I don't mind, but is there any reason?" Adam asked, curious. Rae seemed to deflate a bit and their tone took on a sadder edge as they began to speak.
"My last leader stopped giving orders a long time ago and my squad left without me. I was… worried about being left behind again…" Rae said with a bit of hesitancy. "Is that… selfish of me sergeant?" Adan let off a soft sigh and then smiled sadly at Rae before putting a soft hand on their brain jar.
"Not at all, I'm sorry if I made you feel neglected, you are welcome to join me any time you want." He smiled. "Come on, hop in, we have some supplies to get."
"Sir, yes, sir!" Rae said before they rolled up the ramp into the troop transport section.
Adam then took off down the road, heading East, towards the construction site he saw before.
Deccanus was in the gunner's seat next to him and was staring out the small viewport in front of him, seemingly lost in thought.
"What's on your mind, Deccanus?" Adam asked.
"I am wondering where I would be if my legion had not fallen." He said with some introspection.
"Probably still serving the Legion I bet." Adam chuckled.
"Yes… but I mean what kind of person would I be? What would that person think, how would he feel, how would he act, would he approve of me?"
"Does the approval of this other version of you matter?" Adam asked, curiously.
"No. I would not care to hear his opinion any more than he would likely want to hear mine. But I am wondering who he would be. Would he have ascended to centurion? Would he be leading men of his own? Or would he have still left. Discontent with the state of the Legion, to strike it out on his own? I have no answers." Adam nodded slowly.
"There are no good answers to questions like those…" Adam added unhelpfully.
"The truth is…" Deccanus said as he looked at Adam. "I am beginning to ask myself these questions more and more, I find. And I do not see the point of them. They are not real, time spent on such idle thoughts is time waste." Adam shook his head.
"I disagree." Adam glanced over at Deccanus for a moment. "I do not think thinking about what could have been is a waste of time, no more so than daydreaming about what is or what may be."
"In the Legion, nay, in my life, time spent on such frivolous thoughts was time wasted. It was always better to be doing something instead of thinking, but I am finding myself doing this much more often now."
"Isn't that just because you have found a sense of comfort?"
"Explain." Deccanus said as he turned to Adam again.
"I mean before, even when you were in the Legion, it was always 'go go go' you always had a task, always had a goal, you never could see a finish line. Especially when you were alone you had to take care of everything yourself, so naturally time for daydreaming was short. But now you have the safety of the Vault to live in, the comfort of a community that helps take care of your needs, a warm bed, entertainment, a new direction in life that is challenging your old views. I think it's inevitable that these thoughts are coming to your mind often. Your world has changed, pretty drastically at that. And now you are trying to determine for yourself if the change is good, and, perhaps, if you can make it even better." Deccanus remained quiet for a good long while before he sighed softly.
"I… am not used to so much… free time. Ever since I met you I have had both a sense of purpose and time to myself, more than usual anyway. It is… strange. I have tried those movies you recommended, I have explored the area around the Vault, I have done many things but I no longer have a goal everyday, I find myself… listless."
"That is normal." Adam said softly. "Most people can't just sit in a small room staring at the wall all day. Even if they read a book, or go on a run, or whatever makes them happy, doing nothing is incredibly hard. I guess, perhaps, for the first time in your life you have the time to explore things other than jobs."
"How does one fill their time?" He asked.
"Well I've already seen you carving wood in the Vault before. Is that not a fun hobby?" Deccanus went silent for a few moments.
"I had never… considered it as a hobby. It was a skill I picked up for survival and I whittle when I need to… calm my nerves. But carving for… fun, that I'm not sure how to do." He paused again. "But I suppose you are right, perhaps this is the next step in my journey. Learning how to spend my time off." Adam nodded again.
"I think so. Downtime is important. It helps you be a more well rounded person too."
"I see…" Deccanus said, still unsure himself.
"By the way, how are you doing in the Vault? Are you still feeling claustrophobic?"
"It still feels… stifling, but I have grown more accustomed to it. As you have said before, I can leave the Vault when I feel suffocated, but I have slowly begun to feel more at ease down there. The large and open common room, however, is where I feel most comfortable."
"Whatever makes you happy. If you need something shifted around let me know, I want you to feel comfortable too." Adam said with a smile.
"Do not worry about me. Though I appreciate the offer."