"I haven't touched a woman in so long. The other night, I went to buy some gold, and the salesgirl accidentally brushed my hand. I totally lost it and ran straight home. Sigh."
"…And that's your excuse for robbery and sexual harassment?"
"Here's what happened. I was staying at a hotel, and someone slid a flyer under my door. It said, 'Male escort, 100 per session, strong and fit, guaranteed one hour minimum. If I finish early, I'll pay you 400.'
I thought, 'Damn, good deal.' So I called him over. But that useless bastard finished in five minutes, tossed 400 bucks at me, and then—boom! You guys stormed in.
So technically, I wasn't soliciting. I was just a customer. Cut me some slack. Just give me a few days in detention, call it even?"
"Listen, I buy second-hand phones for a living. How was I supposed to know the customer gave me a hotel location? But hey, money's money. Of course, I went. And yeah, negotiations got a little intense, some back-and-forth, some sweating. So we had to shower afterward. As for the bank transfer you found in my phone—obviously, that was just for the phone, duh."
The hell…?
Lin Li sat there, listening to the conversations drifting from the nearby interrogation rooms, utterly shook.
It was like a live recording of Cops: China Edition.
This place was filled with talented individuals, all with amazing storytelling skills.
No wonder people called these places "training grounds for future enlightened beings."
With so many people caught tonight, plus ongoing investigations, interrogation rooms were running low.
But since Lin Li was the only minor, he got special treatment, skipping the line for an early interrogation.
His seat? A classic stainless-steel interrogation chair.
Uncle Yang Liang was a good man.
As soon as Lin Li called him "Uncle", he immediately added leg restraints too.
Lin Li could feel the bond forming between them.
Maybe, if he patted Yang Liang's butt, the guy would instinctively assume the correct position.
"Isn't cuffing and shackling this kid a bit much?"
Interrogations required at least two officers present.
One of them, who seemed to outrank Yang Liang, glanced at Lin Li's restraints with a raised eyebrow.
"This little bastard begged me to cuff him."
Yang Liang snorted, exasperated.
"…" The other officer was speechless.
"This brat's brain is probably messed up. Juvenile plus mentally unstable— F*er's stacking buffs like an RPG character. I don't even wanna interrogate him anymore. Just call his family and let them deal with him."
Yang Liang looked absolutely done with life.
"It's not that simple. I'm actually a transgender individual— Biologically male, but psychologically female. However, I suffer from transvestism, so I still dress like a man.
I'm also homosexual, so I like women.
Additionally, I'm a Jewish-Black mixed-race orphan, but due to a rare albinism-related genetic mutation, I resemble a local."
Lin Li raised his hands dramatically and began chanting nonsense.
"International buffs don't work here. Shut up."
Yang Liang had mastered the art of telling Lin Li to shut up.
After shutting him down, he turned to his colleague.
"See? I told you—he's nuts."
The other officer rubbed his temples in frustration before nodding in agreement.
"I think calling someone crazy to their face is rather impolite," Lin Li said with dignity.
"Yang Liang, you're right. Let's wrap this up and have his family pick him up."
The other officer nodded even harder.
"Alright, kid, interrogation starts now. We ask, you answer."
Yang Liang slammed his palm on the table, ready to begin.
But Lin Li spoke first.
"So just because two lovers… don't know each other's names… they have to be interrogated?"
Yang Liang: "..."
He was so f***ing done.
This was too much work.
He wanted to use the Forbidden Memory-Wipe Technique.
As everyone knew, this country was called "The Land of Etiquette and Rites."
And rites should be delivered with fists—BANG! BANG! BANG!
"Alright, uncles, I've had my fun. Time to drop the act. I'll be honest with you."
Lin Li suddenly paused, his expression turning mysterious.
Then he smiled.
"I'm one of you. I'm undercover."
The other officer: "Yep. Definitely crazy."
Yang Liang: "Told you."
Lin Li: "I'M NOT."
"We're not gonna get anything useful out of him. Did he have any ID on him?"
"Didn't find an ID, but he had a phone. Let's check that."
"Bro, can you acknowledge me for a second?"
"You should've said that earlier. I thought we only had this one lunatic."
"Let's go, then."
"Mm."
Lin Li: "I'm a woman. Hello? I'm a woman. Did my message not go through? I'M WOMEN."
The two officers completely ignored him, speaking in calm monotones as they got up to leave.
Lin Li felt disrespected.
Seeing them about to leave, he hurriedly explained,
"No, wait! Listen, uncles—I really am the informant!
You guys only raided that place tonight because someone reported it, right?
Well, that was ME!
My name's Lin Li. My phone number ends in 9749. Check your records—I guarantee it matches!"
Silence.
The two officers stared at him for a few seconds.
Then Yang Liang's eyes widened.
"Wait. You're… the so-called 'mentally unstable' informant the headquarters mentioned?!"
Lin Li: "…"
'Mentally unstable'?
They actually wrote that in the report?!
Damn, the dispatch center had a foul mouth.
"No! Not me.
I am NOT mentally unstable.
I am a normal, rational, upstanding citizen."
Lin Li shook his head, then gently nudged them in the right direction.
"Surely, your headquarters also mentioned another informant—
A noble, compassionate, honorable whistleblower.
That's me."
Another moment of silence.
Then—
"Yeah, it's definitely him."
"Makes sense. This brat would totally do something like this."
Yang Liang laughed in relief, turning to his colleague.
"No wonder no one approached me at the scene—it was this kid all along."
The other officer, amused and exasperated, sighed.
"Alright. You handle him, then. I've got my hands full tonight."
"Even though you're the informant, we can't let you go immediately. You still need to complete a formal statement."
Yang Liang stepped forward to remove Lin Li's restraints but then hesitated.
Then, with a knowing look, he said:
"No. There are too many people waiting for interrogation. We can't waste a room just for paperwork."
Lin Li's eyes widened.
He had been preemptively countered.
He hadn't even patted Yang Liang's butt, and yet the guy already knew his next move?!
…Impressive.
Still, Lin Li nodded in agreement.
Messing around was fine, but he didn't want to actually cause trouble.
Once freed, he stretched and followed Yang Liang to the office, retrieving his phone and confirming his call records.
Yang Liang leaned back in his chair, rubbing his head.
"Damn, I don't even know how to start this report."
Then, in a gentler tone, he asked,
"Xiao Lin, anything you want to say first?"
Lin Li nodded seriously.
"I won't say a single word until my lawyer arrives."
Yang Liang: "???"