What the fudge!?
I plopped into the huge oval dining table like it was a small planet and sat across from Kirill. Duchess was beside me, looking all proper and shiny, and the head of the table was… empty. Esther and Duke's chairs were vacant.
The table itself was ridiculous. Plates stacked like tiny towers, bowls glinting in silver, and food everywhere. Duchess called this was only a "little."
Little? I could get full on these alone.
There were long, thin breads, darker than anything I'd seen, with seeds that shimmered like tiny beads. Some kind of translucent, jelly-like slices glowed faintly pink, and when I sniffed (very carefully) it smelled sweet but… not like sugar, more like flowers.
A platter of fish, but not like normal fish had stripes of bright yellow and purple, and their fins curled like ribbon candy. I didn't dare touch them.
Bowls of grain that wasn't rice, more like tiny, smooth orbs, and when you bit into one it was chewy but nutty, and some kind of root mashed into pale green lumps that looked like mashed potatoes, but smelled faintly of cinnamon and pine.
Even the fruit was… weird, round, fuzzy orbs with translucent flesh and tiny black seeds that glimmered. I had no idea if they were sweet, sour, or meant to be eaten raw at all.
Okay… I can fill my stomach with these only… or I could die trying.
Just as I was mentally debating which glowing fruit wouldn't kill me, the door slammed open.
Oh, fantastic.
Duchess spun around, and I followed her gaze. Duke Oberon stepped in. Red hair streaked with white, face lined but warm somehow, wearing a loose robe that looked way more comfortable than the torture-device corset Duchess had forced me into earlier.
His deep blue eyes landed on me, and I swear they practically lit up and got bigger like those animations.
"Eri!" His voice cracked like an excited little girl, "Nobody told me you were awake?"
Duchess and Kirill chuckled behind me. I hadn't expected the Duke to be… soft.
I stood, chair scraping, and walked toward him.
"Fa… Father…"
He nodded, arms wide, "Come, my little one… I missed you terribly."
I didn't hesitate. I ran straight into him. The second his arms wrapped around me, I felt a little greedy and ridiculously embarrassed because these weren't my real parents, but after a life of none, screw it.
He spun me a little in his arms, and I couldn't help but laugh, buried against him.
"How can you all be so selfish and not include me in your hugs!" Come the voice from door.
I blinked away from Duke's chest and looked toward the doorway. There stood Esther. The mismatched eyes. The boy who looked like a chaotic blend of Duke and Duchess....one eye gold, one blue and hair too red, maybe orange, sprinkled with freckles, messy curls that made him look like he'd been chasing mischief all morning.
He stomped forward and planted himself right in front of Duke and me, only a few inches taller than I was.
"Father?" he said, hands on his hips, eyebrows raised, eyes practically daring the Duke. "Will you let her go?"
Duke groaned, like the weight of the world or maybe just this ridiculous kid was pressing on him. "You insolent boy! How dare you disturb me!"
He finally let go of me, and I gasped in relief, lunging just slightly away. Ahh… sweet oxygen. I didn't realize how suffocating hugs could be until now.
Esther didn't back down. "Insolent? Me? Father, you're the one smothering everyone! I just wanted to meet my sister too!"
"You insolent boy indeed!" Duke snapped, wagging a finger at him, though the corners of his mouth twitched like he was barely holding back a grin. "You dare lecture me, your own father?"
"Oh, please! I dare!" Esther shot back, standing tall despite being shorter. "She woke up, and you're hogging her like some… giant bear!"
I stared at them, frozen, hands still hovering awkwardly in the air, my mind screaming What is happening? Who let these people in my life? It was like watching a duel from the audience, except I was somehow the prize.
"This… is insane." I muttered under my breath, wishing I could just vanish through the floor.
Then came the sharp, commanding voice of Duchess. "My Lord! Esther!"
Both of them froze mid-gesture. Duke's finger hovered accusingly in the air, and Esther's arms were mid-flail. Their mouths opened, closed, and opened again.
Oh… right. The stern mom glare.
I took a small step back, slouching my shoulders, feeling invisible for once. They were both trembling under her glare like children caught plotting mischief.
"You two will behave this instant," she said, voice controlled, the kind that could make grown men shrink.
And just like that… silence.
Both of them walked to their seats and sat there like grumpy kids.
A few maids filed in like soldiers, each balancing trays stacked with steaming platters. The table already looked full, but apparently "main dishes" meant prepare your stomach for war.
There was a roasted bird, bigger than any chicken I'd seen, skin glistening golden and stuffed with herbs that spilled out like green confetti.
A whole fish, silver scales still faintly shining, lay swimming in some kind of red, thick sauce that smelled tangy and sweet at the same time.
Then came these dumpling-like things, except they weren't dumplings. They were bigger, puffier, and filled with something creamy that oozed when the knife cut through.
Bowls of thick soup, dark bread rolls crusted with seeds, and vegetables carved into shapes that looked too pretty to eat lined the table like a food parade.
How could five people even eat so much?
I shook off the thought and rubbed my palms together, trying not to drool while the maids set everything neatly before us.
.
.
.
.
.
Remember when I wondered who could even eat so much?
Yeah. Mystery solved.
By the end, I was slumped in my chair, staring at a table full of empty plates. More than half of it had vanished into one man. Kirill.
The Paladin. The "protector of the kingdom." The human vacuum cleaner.
Is that what a paladin is? Someone who saves the kingdom by eating its food supply in one breath?
By the time I stood up from the table, my eyes were already halfway shut. The warmth of food and chatter wrapped around me like a blanket, and I could barely walk straight.
Kirill said something about "escorting me," and honestly, I didn't even argue. My legs felt like jelly, and I probably would've face-planted into the hallway carpet without him.
I barely noticed the corridor, the flicker of lamps, or the maids bowing as we passed. Everything was a blur until my back touched the mattress.
That was it. Lights out.
I didn't even remember closing my eyes.
.
.
.
.A bird screeched, not chirped or sang but screeched.
My eyes flew open, and I immediately wanted to punch that feathered alarm clock straight out of existence. I groaned and rolled over, burying my face into the pillow… except the pillow was soft as clouds, not the lumpy brick I was used to back home.
I peeked one eye open and sat up slowly. Sunlight poured in through the curtains, golden and too fancy for someone like me. The whole room glowed like I had woken up inside a fairy tale.
My hair tumbled forward when I moved, and I stared at it for a good five seconds like it had personally offended me.
The memory of last night hit me in pieces. Dinner. Too much food. Duchess crying. Duke hugging the soul out of me. Esther being a loud little ginger menace. And Kirill....eating enough for three kingdoms.
I rubbed my face. "Yup… definitely not a dream."
A soft knock tapped at the door.
Oh great. Round two.
"Yes?"
"Lady, if you be awake, may we enter?"
"Uh… sure." I wasn't exactly used to being treated like some precious artifact yet, but the bowing and hesitant whispers somehow made me puff up a little. Power is weird.
I straightened my shoulders, "What is it?"
Three girls walked in, one after the other. Triplets, maybe? They looked exactly alike...same height, same delicate features but the only difference was their hair: one brown, one black, one silver-grey. It was kind of unsettling, like seeing the same face three times over. They looked younger than me.
"It is time for your bath, lady. The Duchess requested it."
"Oh… I'll bathe and be ready in a few minutes."
The three of them froze. Their identical faces looked like someone had just told them pigs could fly.
"Lady… we… we always bathe you. Have we made a mistake that you wish to do it yourself?"
They looked genuinely terrified, like I was about to summon a dragon or something. I waved my hands frantically, "No! No! You've done nothing wrong… but—is it really necessary that you bathe me?"
"But… we've done this for so long, and you've never refused us."
I blinked at them, suppressing the urge to laugh. Oh wow… these girls take "duty" way too seriously.
I huffed, crossing my arms like some stubborn noble, "No, really! I can do it myself, it's not—"
But the girls… oh, the girls. Their faces puffed up, lower lips trembling, eyes shiny at the corners, like they were about to burst into tears any second. Each one of them. Brown, black, silver-grey. Tripled guilt.
Oh no. Not the waterworks…
I froze mid-argument, my sarcastic fire draining instantly. They looked like someone had just told them their entire lives were a mistake. And me? I was the villain in their tiny tragic story.
I groaned dramatically, letting my arms fall to my sides. "Fine… fine. You win. You can… bathe me. Happy now?"
Their faces immediately softened, the tension melting as if I'd just performed some miracle. They blinked at me, caught between relief and sheer adoration.
I slumped back. Great. I lost to crying triplets. What a life.
I followed them reluctantly, trying to keep some shred of dignity, but apparently dignity didn't come standard in this palace. The door next to my bed, which I had assumed led to some storage closet, was actually the bathing chamber. Of course.
The bathtub was… ridiculous. Big, circular, carved from some weird stone, and the shelves around it were stacked with bottles, jars, and powders that smelled like someone had crushed an entire garden into the air.
Before I could protest, the triplets ghrabbed my nightgown. And, well… I didn't have much choice. Next thing I knew, I was blinking at the ceiling, naked, and wishing the floor would swallow me whole.
"Into the tub, my lady," one said like it was perfectly normal. I did as I was told and before I could think of anything sarcastic, water poured over my head.
One washed my hair like it was a ceremonial ritual, the second fussed over my hands, scrubbing and massaging as though they were priceless artifacts, and the third massaged my legs like I was some prized carriage horse.
I felt… weirdly relaxed. But also, let's be honest, completely exposed.
And then they started singing. In unison.
"Bubbles and blossoms, the lady of roses,
Wash and be sparkling from toes up to noses!"
I blinked at them like it was some invisible camera filming my life. Really? This is my life now. Naked, in a tub, being serenaded by tiny triplet maids.
"Rinse and we lather, scrub-a-dub-dub,
Your ladyship's legs are cleaner than grub!"
I stared at the ceiling, internally groaning. I swear, if someone were filming this, I'd demand a cut right now.
"Hair like the sunset, hands like the moon,
Bathe, oh fair lady, and we'll finish soon!"
I took a deep breath and sank lower into the bubbles, trying to pretend I was some dignified noblewoman. Meanwhile, the maids' song was… catchy. I hated myself a little for noticing.