"So you came all this way just to drink with me?"
Noah sat in a booth with Loki and Thor inside a large bar in Westminster, complaining as Thor indiscriminately chugged beer.
Thor completely ignored him.
Bottle after bottle went down as Thor drank however he pleased.
Loki glanced at Thor's miserable state and sneered, clearly enjoying the scene. He didn't say anything. It was obvious Thor had run into bad luck, and Loki was more than happy to watch his brother suffer. The worse Thor looked, the better Loki felt.
"Of course not—damn it, Noah! I… I…" Thor grabbed another bottle, smashed it against the table corner, and started guzzling again.
Noah watched helplessly.
This guy always spoke halfway and then drank. Was it that hard to finish a sentence?
Another bottle disappeared. Thor still showed no signs of getting drunk, but his reddened eyes made it obvious something had hit him hard. As for his alcohol tolerance, Noah wasn't surprised. Thinking about that fat version of Thor who drank all day without getting drunk, this was nothing.
"I got dumped! Damn it, I got dumped!"
Thor finally finished a sentence.
Then he burst into tears.
Several nearby patrons looked over.
Noah immediately felt embarrassed.
Loki, on the other hand, looked delighted. There was even a faint flush on his face. His reaction almost made Noah wonder if Loki was happy about the breakup for… other reasons. The thought felt inappropriate, so Noah kept it to himself.
"So what if you got dumped?" Noah thought for a moment before speaking. "It's not a big deal. The world's huge. There are always women you can't handle. That's normal."
"But she said I don't understand her at all!" Thor wailed, clearly devastated.
Loki covered his mouth, laughing even harder.
Honestly, was it really that strange? How many couples truly understand each other completely? Falling in love was a process of testing limits and learning tolerance. If the other person stayed within your bottom line and you were happy together, things worked. If not, breakups existed for a reason.
Thor was stubborn. A straight man through and through. Even more so than Noah.
Jane Foster wasn't simple either. She was just as strong-willed.
Considering Thor's behavior in Asgard, Noah wasn't surprised at all. They broke up in the movies too. Budget reasons or not, the outcome was the same.
There was nothing Noah could do.
"Well… maybe your personalities just don't match," Noah finally said. "So it's not your fault."
"But I really like her!" Thor opened another bottle and started drinking again.
"Are you sure you like her?" Loki finally spoke, barely holding back his laughter. "Or do you just like her…"
"Body?" Noah added calmly.
"If that's the case…" Loki's eyes lit up as he glanced at Noah and continued seriously.
"Then you've really gone too far, Thor," Noah sighed, putting on a grave expression.
The two of them spoke in perfect sync.
Thor immediately sprayed beer everywhere.
After choking it down, he glared furiously at both of them.
They ignored him completely.
Still, after being mocked like that, Thor did look slightly better. Only slightly. He kept drinking, slumped over like a defeated dog.
Noah sighed.
Wasn't Thor supposed to be a playboy? Why did he look like an innocent fool now?
After thinking about it, Noah figured this was probably how Thor became a legendary playboy in the first place.
Playboy or not, the end result was the same.
Single.
Shaking his head, Noah grabbed a bottle, opened it, and tossed it to Loki. Then he opened another for himself and raised it halfway.
"Alright," Noah said, looking at Thor. "Today's worth celebrating."
"Congratulations on becoming a bachelor again."
"Cheers."
He drank it down in one go.
Thor slammed his bottle on the table and followed suit.
Only Loki hesitated. He looked at the bottle in his hand, then at Noah. After a moment of internal struggle, he decided to stay quiet and drank as well.
All three of them had absurd physiques.
To them, beer was basically water.
In no time, all the bottles were empty.
"Ah, that's nice," Noah smacked his lips. "I haven't drunk like this in ages."
"Ages?" Thor opened another bottle. "You're barely in your thirties. A baby. What do you mean 'ages'? Did you start drinking in the womb?"
Noah was speechless.
Since when did this guy talk like Loki?
He glanced at Thor, unimpressed. I transmigrated, alright? As for fetus talk, he didn't bother replying.
By Asgardian standards, Noah was practically an infant anyway. Arguing was pointless.
Besides, Thor was over a thousand years old and still got beaten senseless by him.
That was embarrassing enough.
"None of your business," Noah said, opening another bottle. "And honestly, I never liked your relationship with Ms. Foster."
"Oh?" Thor squinted. "Why? I was happy."
"Happy?" Noah sneered. "You live worlds apart. Who knows when you even see each other? And that 'more-than-friends' thing of yours… did it even happen?"
"No…" Thor blushed.
"Platonic?" Noah raised an eyebrow. "Interesting."
"It's already a miracle you lasted this long. What are you complaining about? You're not suitable."
"What does 'platonic' mean?" Thor frowned. "And how are we not suitable?"
"Plato was a person. Ask Tony," Noah waved him off. "That's mortal knowledge. Not my field."
"Ordinary people are… more passionate."
"And as for suitability—haven't you noticed the gap between you two?"
"How big is it?"
Noah rolled his eyes.
Huge didn't even begin to describe it.
For Thor, a few decades were nothing. For a human, that was an entire life. That difference alone was terrifying. As for personality issues, Noah decided not to mention them. That would hit this straight man too hard.
He didn't want Thor turning into some kind of emotional central air conditioner.
Not that it seemed likely anyway.
After thinking for a moment, Noah asked, "Have you ever had a pet?"
"A pet?" Thor burped. "A thousand years ago, I had a two-headed dog. It died a few hundred years ago. I was sad for a long time—it was my favorite—"
"Stop," Noah cut him off. "Think about it. That dog stayed with you for a few hundred years."
"Ms. Foster is human."
"How long do humans live? A hundred years is already lucky."
"After a hundred years, you'll still be you."
"But she won't."
"Can you endure thousands—tens of thousands—of years alone after that?"
Noah stopped talking and drank.
Thor fell silent.
So did Loki.
For Thor, a century was barely enough time to make trouble. For Jane, it was everything.
It wasn't fair to either of them.
After a long while, both brothers sighed at the same time.
They had understood.
"Let's drink," Thor said, raising his bottle. "Tonight, let's just have fun."
"Right," Noah smiled and raised his bottle. "Have fun."
"But remember to pay the bill. I left in a hurry and didn't bring money."
"Do they take gold coins?" Thor laughed. "That's all I brought. If not, open a portal so we can run faster."
"No problem," Noah laughed.
This was the Thor he remembered.
Once he figured things out, he forgot them fast.
In no time, he was just a cheerful drunk again.
Noah relaxed.
Then Loki suddenly asked, his expression strange, "Noah… you called this a bachelor party?"
"That's right," Noah nodded. "Aren't all three of us single dogs?"
His face stiffened.
Loki's expression grew even stranger.
"Is that so?" Loki asked. "Then what about your Minister of Magic… Ms. Granger?"
"Huh?" Thor froze and turned to Noah suspiciously.
The atmosphere in the bar instantly became… awkward.
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