Kathrine's room was a mess.
Papers were scattered across the floor.
Her books were stacked high on the desk, with bookmarks sticking out in all directions. Her laptop was open, the screen glowing, waiting for her to type something… or anything.
She sat on the floor with her knees pulled to her chest. Her highlighters lay silently beside her. Her coffee had gone cold over an hour ago, but she didn't feel like moving.
She didn't feel like drinking it, even though she disliked letting her coffee go cold and hated it even more when she couldn't finish it. She truly wasn't feeling well enough to care.
It was past midnight. She had class early in the morning, and still, she hadn't finished reading the assigned chapters. She had tried, she really had. But her brain felt like it had shut off.
Was it the tiredness from all that studying? Or was it because of how badly she had failed that mock court?
She felt like it was everything. She was even blaming the words on the paper that had suddenly turned blurry.
Lying beside her was the same paper she had turned in last week. It was her trial brief.
The professor had handed it back earlier today with just two words written in red ink at the top: 'Needs work.'
That was it. No suggestions. No explanation. Just those two words.
She had worked on that paper for three nights straight.
She had edited it, rewritten parts, asked Lydia, her roommate, who was studying Political Science, to read it, and even tried to follow the structure from a sample she found in the library. But apparently, none of it was good enough.
She buried her face in her arms. Her chest felt tight, like it was too small for her lungs. She hadn't cried yet, but the pressure was building.
She did not want to cry, that was not who she was.
She was a strong woman, Beatrice's protector, even willing to fight against men if needed.
But now…
Why was this so hard?
Lydia knocked on her door.
Unlike when Beatrice had her own apartment before moving into the dorms, Kathrine had chosen to share an apartment with a roommate.
City S was a very big city, and her university was actually an hour away from her family home, so she had asked her parents if she could stay closer.
Their houses, including Beatrice's, were in a subdivision far from the bustling part of the city, making travel time much longer.
Her parents agreed and allowed her to stay in an apartment near the university.
It was an apartment that was five minutes by foot away from the university. It had two bedrooms and shared living spaces.
"You haven't eaten lunch or dinner. You've been overworking yourself these past few days. You might fall ill at this point," Lydia said, worry lacing her voice.
Lydia liked her roommate.
She had seen Kathrine's hard-working nature since they started living together at the beginning of university.
Despite coming from a prominent family of lawyers, Kathrine never took that for granted. Instead, she kept paving her own way.
But now, in the higher years of their study, Lydia noticed how much Kathrine was overworking herself, so much so that she was neglecting her own health.
Kathrine looked up at her.
"I made some soup. It's easy to digest. Come on and have some, hmm?"
Kathrine knew very well that she couldn't go on like this. If she kept pushing herself, she really would fall sick, and falling sick was not an option.
"Okay," she answered weakly and got up.
Lydia went ahead and served her a bowl.
"Eat it while it's still hot."
Kathrine did as she was told. The warm soup filling her stomach felt comforting somehow.
Lydia also prepared a glass of milk.
"You should drink this and sleep for tonight. What time is your class tomorrow?"
"Eight in the morning."
"Okay. I'll wake you up, so you don't need to think about an alarm. Just rest properly."
Kathrine once again did as Lydia said.
Once she was done, Lydia offered to do the dishes and gently pushed her to go rest.
Just as Kathrine was about to enter her room, Lydia called out to her.
"Are you really okay?" she asked gently.
Kathrine nodded with a slight smile.
"Just tired."
Lydia didn't press.
For now, she would do what she could.
Kathrine entered her room and sighed as she lay down on her bed.
She wasn't just tired.
She was exhausted.
Tired of feeling like she was starting to be left behind.
Tired of saying she was okay when she couldn't even bring herself to admit she wasn't.
Even if Beatrice had been the one in front of her, she felt she still wouldn't have been able to say she wasn't okay.
She had always been the strong one.
And she felt like she couldn't show weakness, especially not just because she was feeling pressured from her studies.
It felt like too small a thing to admit. Too simple a reason to say I'm not okay.
She even started to wonder if she belonged in law school at all.
Yes, this was her dream. She didn't want to give up.
But after the blunder she made in that mock courtroom, her conviction felt like it was starting to crack.
She sighed and closed her eyes, allowing herself to drift to sleep because her body was also screaming at her that it was already tired and she needed to rest.
Yes, she should probably sleep tonight and stop thinking, just for tonight.