"What, are you disappointed by how I am? Do you want me to get a mirror so you can look at yourself? That look of absolute disbelief in your eyes... Did you think I was holy? Noble? Inviolable?"
The light deep within Raiden Mei's eyes grew increasingly bizarre.
"I used to think so too. Ever since I was old enough to understand, everyone around me—teachers, classmates, elders, friends—bent over backwards to please me with absolutely no bottom line. Anything I wanted, if I asked for it during the day, someone would deliver it to me on a silver platter by nightfall. Aristocrats, Far East politicians trying to curry favor with my father, and oblivious idiots like you who don't know their place and think a little 'sincerity' can win a girl's heart."
"Until my father went to prison. Everyone tore off their masks and started distancing themselves, ostracizing me, bullying me. At first, it was awful. It felt like falling off a cliff—my future, my life, my body, and my mind all plummeting together. But soon enough... I experienced another kind of feeling, something unprecedented..."
"The feeling of a third-person perspective, watching myself be manipulated."
"Do you understand? That feeling of being bullied by everyone, yet you understand exactly what's going on and just play dumb. They think they're messing with you, but in reality, they're all just your playthings. They surround you, pouring out their undisguised malice onto you... You don't have to think, you don't have to put in any effort. Even if you just stand there and do absolutely nothing, countless emotions and existences revolve entirely around you!"
"A pitiful little boy like you couldn't possibly understand. The status of a young lady, the face and body of a supermodel served right up to you, and you don't even have the guts to eat it. So gentle it makes me want to throw up... Hey, were you fantasizing about us supporting each other through thick and thin, sharing hardships, and eventually falling in love? No way, right? You didn't actually think that, did you?"
"Eww... That's way too disgusting..."
The five fingers of Raiden Mei's right hand suddenly squeezed hard, gripping him with a deathly force, not holding back in the slightest.
The intense pain made Li Wu arch his back, his expression twisting into something incredibly hideous.
Why?
Li Wu didn't understand.
When he drew the comic, all the Valkyries were based on their official character designs. At their core, they were all genuinely pure, kind, and beautiful. That was exactly how the comic's protagonist attracted them and fell in love with them.
So why, now that he was here, were their personalities not just different, but entirely unrecognizable?!
The Raiden Mei in front of him was an absolute psychopath with a terribly twisted personality who didn't give a damn about anyone else!
Before Li Wu could react, a warm, soft tide surged past the dam of his teeth. Low-hanging thunderclouds and streaking trails of electricity roamed across the wasteland of his body.
After a long time, Raiden Mei wiped a smudge of blood from the corner of her mouth, smiling disdainfully. "I thought you'd last a bit longer. I didn't expect you to be this fragile."
"Since you've seen my true colors, I'm sorry, but I have to send you to your death myself. Before you die, let me fully satisfy that pathetic sexual repression of yours. You got this young lady's first time, you idiot. Now you can die in peace."
For the rest of the time, Li Wu remained conscious, but his entire body went from aching to agonizing pain, and finally to a state of deathly, despairing ash.
Raiden Mei had completely discarded her "good girl" persona, becoming twisted, manic, reckless, and unhinged.
One hour, two hours, three hours...
The midday sun slowly set. Its holy, refreshing, and warm glow turned gray and dim, leaving only a backdrop like the embers of a ruin, as the ordeal continued relentlessly into the night.
Four hours, five hours, six hours...
Never pausing, never resting.
By the end, Li Wu didn't even know if he was still alive. His consciousness had long since shattered amidst the extreme agony, his eyes vacant and unseeing.
Like a walking corpse, meaningless and ignored dry heaves and low growls occasionally escaped his lips.
Seven hours, eight hours, nine hours...
He had been broken long ago, but like withered moss suddenly glowing with a sickly light, he was forced to endure until the starlight paled and the dark night blurred.
The three greatest joys in life: meeting an old friend in a faraway land, seeing one's name on the imperial examination roll, and the wedding night.
It should have been the most beautiful, joyous time of a human's life. But right now, it was no different from death by a thousand cuts—unable to live, yet unable to die.
Ten hours, eleven hours, twelve hours...
Wanna die, wanna die, wanna die, wanna die, wanna die, wanna die, wanna die, wanna die, wanna die, wanna die...
...
...
"Ugh, ahhh...!"
At a busy intersection, Li Wu suffered a "sudden attack," dropping to his knees. His entire body trembled uncontrollably, every single cell seemingly still immersed in that unimaginably horrifying "nightmare."
Passersby cast strange glances his way, but Li Wu couldn't care less. No, it wasn't that he didn't care—he couldn't care.
"I-I'm back..."
"I'm back!"
Li Wu clutched tightly at his chest right over his heart. His eyes were red and swollen, and he almost burst into humiliating tears. He held it in for a long time before finally swallowing them back.
Twelve hours of a terrifying nightmare.
The massive psychological trauma had nearly crushed the rationality he thought was so clear-headed. Whenever he recalled that instant of uncontrollable agony, he reacted like someone with PTSD, his entire body breaking out in goosebumps.
Unable to resist, unable to endure, unable even to beg for mercy.
With every wave, the pain doubled, yet under the influence of the drug, he was forced to remain conscious and standing.
Li Wu could only passively endure the exponentially increasing torture. His brain was completely incapable of thought throughout the entire process. The pain was so intense that there was no escape other than letting his consciousness blur.
If dying instantly in the bus explosion the previous times was somewhat acceptable, then this death experience made him entirely revere the sanctity of life.
Or rather, it made him revere "Return by Death."
That utter despair of being unable to live or die... Just recalling it drained him of all his courage, let alone experiencing it a second time.
[You have fifteen minutes until Raiden Mei finishes her shower. You should head back now.]
The system proactively spoke to Li Wu, but he merely gripped the shopping bags and shakily stood up, making no move to return.
"Was that... a nightmare? How could Raiden Mei... look like that..."
Li Wu's heart still palpitated with lingering fear, and his entire body throbbed with a phantom ache.
Although "Return by Death" refreshed his body's data, his memories and consciousness carried over. This meant that when his brain received those memories and consciousness, his body still reacted, producing the exact same illusions of pain as the last time.
The deeper the memory, the more real the pain.
This was also the overall tone Li Wu had set for his story: the mental torment of being repeatedly tortured by fear and anxiety was far worse than physical death.
[I told you already: a comic is a comic, and reality is reality. With "Return by Death," you naturally treat this world like a game, like a comic. But don't forget: the character controlled in a game, the protagonist drawn in a comic—they are just soulless shells. You are different.]
[You have a real soul. The unbearable first playthrough, the second playthrough, or even hundreds and thousands of failed playthroughs don't affect a fictional character at all. But for you, these are genuine experiences. Whether you fail or succeed, no matter how unbearable the memories are, they will leave a permanent brand upon you, like ever-increasing entropy.]
[Please value every life, please value every death, and please value every rebirth...]
"Hey, tell me... What if I pretend to fall for it again, but this time I wait until I 'can't take it anymore' before pinning Mei down? How does that sound?"
[...]
After a long while, the system slowly typed out—
[?]
A single question mark.
However, after scanning Li Wu's mental state, the system determined that he was simply using nonsensical jokes to numb his nearly shattered nerves.
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Abbreviation: PTSD.