"Fine." He forces out.
"Just fine?" I cheekily respond even though it's clear he doesn't want me to. "Where's the fun in that? You need to get out more."
...
He ignores me in favor of announcing the upcoming match. "The final match of the tournament will be between Leiko of Kusagakure, Red of Otogakure, and Midori of Otogakure. Again, this is a free for all match. There can only be one winner and that will be the last person standing. Fighters ready?"
"You betchya!" I happily clap my hands together. I'm going to have fun with this.
"Yes." Sasuke drolls out.
"I am ready to get this over with." Leiko says. There's no doubt in her eyes, she's thinking that Sasuke and I will team up to defeat her. Too bad she's wrong.
"Begin!" Eito disappears in a swirl of grass for the last time.
In the same instant that Eito vanished, Leiko leaped backwards putting a large distance between herself and Sasuke and me.
"Hey Leiko!" I call out. "We have a proposition for you!"
"... I'm listening." She forces out while trying to figure out her plan of attack.
"Well we recognized that it's a bit unfair for you right now, there's two of us and one of you. So we came up with something to make it easier on you! See how nice we are?" I sweetly talk to her.
"Yes. It's apparent. I can't believe I didn't notice before." She monotonously drones out, no doubt she's mad that I'm poking fun at her.
"We were thinking that we'd only fight one at a time. You vs me then if you win you'll take on Red." I gesture to Sasuke who is standing behind me. "Sound good? He'll sit out no matter what, he won't come to help me."
"I accept. That makes this much easier." Leiko has a glimmer of hope in her eyes for the first time today.
"Okay!" I turn to Sasuke, showing Leiko my back, and wave him away. "Shoo! Shoo! Go look menacing someplace else!"
"I'm going to stab her." Sasuke mutter to himself over and over. "I'm going to stab her until I lose count of how many times I've stabbed her. Then I'll stab her some more."
A small sphere, no larger than a golf ball, drops right behind me and breaks on the ground. A cloud of gas pours out of it, surrounding me in moments.
"Haha! Take that!" Leiko laughs with just a touch of madness. "You left yourself wide open!"
"Huh." I say from within the could. "This really clears up the nostrils. I might have to blow my nose now. Thanks for that, do you have any idea how gross it is to have a runny nose in a mask?"
"WHAT!?" She shouts in fury and shock. "How are you standing! That gas could knock out a team of horses in seconds!"
"Well what kind of an idiot uses a horse gas on a human?" I grin under my mask. "That right there is your problem."
"Gah!" She whips out a kunai and throws it at me with all of her strength. It's terribly slow. That being said I'm used to Orochimaru throwing kunai at me.
"Oh no." I look at my left shoulder where I let the kunai hit me. It's buried up to the hilt. "It looks like I've been impaled. Whatever shall I do?"
I firmly grasp the kunai and give it a yank. It comes out with a spray of blood.
"Does this one have a horse poison on it too?" I toss it back to her. I didn't try to hurt her with it, I was merely returning her kunai. "Because I think we already went over this, but I'm not an animal. I think? I mean Orochimaru-sama has toyed with me a bit, I could be part something. Wolf? Maybe a cat? I knew this one cat that hates everyone but for some reason loves me, that could be why."
"How about a bitch!" Leiko shouts from her spot a long distance from me.
"Nah I don't think so. I would have bonded with the Inuzuka more if I was part dog." I scratch my chin. Or rather I scratch my mask but where my chin would be. "You've always been pretty bitchy, maybe you have some dog in you!"
"That is IT! I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU!" Leiko does something new, something we've never seen before. She makes hand seals. Well this should be interesting, I might have to dodge. "EARTH RELEASE: BONDS!"
"Kinky!" I shout out as two rather thin pillars of earth rise up and trap my hands in them. They then pull my arms taunt, I'm like a T. My feet aren't left alone either, earth surrounded them too. "Oh my Kami if you pull out a whip this will be the best day ever!"
"What is wrong with you?" Sasuke mutters from his spot on the sidelines. "You need serious help."
"Leiko, I'll have you know that my safe word is... uh..." Crap I need a safe word! What's the first thing that comes to mind? What's something I hate a lot? Something that pisses me off since I want to piss her off even more. "Muffins!"
"HAHAHA!" A boisterous laugh echos across the field. "He said Muffins! Muffins! Oh man that is just too good!"
"Remain quiet you fool. I want to see this and you're distracting me." A deep gruff voice cuts off the cackles of the first one.
"Wait no not muffins! Anything but muffins!" I frantically shout. I will not be having that! No thank you! "Apples! It's apples! I totally meant apples!"
"WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP!" Leiko roars in fury as she starts to stomp over to me. She thinks I'm actually caught, how unfortunate.
"Wait! Wait! Hold on!" I panic for a moment. Terror fills my voice and I halfheartedly struggle in my bonds.
Leiko actually pauses at my sudden flip. "What? Finally come to your senses and want to surrender?"
I take a shaky breath. "I need to get into my submissive role. Hold on." Leiko's eyebrow starts furiously twitching. "Okay I'm ready! Tell me to shut up again!"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP!"
I smirk at her, but she can't see it. What a shame. "Yes Mistress."
"GAH!" She resumes stomping over to me.
"Aw, does that mean you don't like being the boss? That's okay, I can switch roles with you. I promise to be gentle. Okay, no I don't. I promise to make it hurt. It's so much more fun that way!"
"You're like thirteen! You don't know what you're talking about!" Leiko points at me accusingly.
"Well I mean sure I don't know how to wield a whip correctly but I know exactly how to use candle wax." I let a dreamy expression take over my entire body. "It burns so good!"
"Okay, fuck this. I'm done with you." She's finally an arms length away from me. In fact she's even holding a kunai to my neck. "Surrender."
"Nope!" I happily say, as if I don't have a deadly weapon only a scarf's thickness from my neck. "I don't feel like it."
"Then I'm going to kill you."
"THHBBBBBBBBBT!" I blow a raspberry at her.
Fury overtakes all thought in Leiko. I've finally pushed her over the edge. Honestly I'm surprised it took this long. She was already a bundle of frayed nerves before we even stepped out onto the field.
"WILL!"
She drops her kunai and instead pull out the tanto that I have strapped to my right calf.
"YOU!"
She swings it at my neck, cutting about a third of the way through. Blood pours out of the wound, staining my nice coat and conveniently hiding the black of the Jiongu.
"SHUT!"
She yanks the blade out and swings again, cutting another third of the way through.
"THE!"
Another swing completely severs my head.
"FUCK!"
My head rolls off my shoulders and thuds against the ground.
"UP!"
She rears back her leg and viciously punts me across the field. I'm a good twenty meters away from my body, that was one hell of a kick.
"Finally!" Pure bliss forms in her eyes. "She's quiet. Finally. Oh this is so nice."
The crowd is stunned. No one is even daring to breath, they simply can't comprehend Leiko's actions. Her murderous actions.
"Wow Leiko, I like a touch of pain as much as the next person but isn't this a little extreme? I might be a little bit of a masochist at this point – totally blaming my sensei for that one – but damn! Even I draw the line somewhere!"
"HOW IS SHE STILL ALIVE!?" Leiko shouts in equal parts anger and terror.
"I make sure to eat plenty of vegetables." I say despite not having lungs at the moment. I wonder how that's working? Eh, I'll chalk it up to the Jiongu. Speaking of the Jiongu, "Okay, now here we go! Let's see if this works!"
...
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