Once the Great Hall was fully decorated, Lockhart spread his arms wide and loudly declared:
"Happy Valentine's Day, everyone! You can start giving me your greeting cards now.
"Who will be the first lucky girl to receive my autograph?"
Lockhart grinned at the students, flashing his teeth, but the response was lukewarm at best.
Most of the students had come to realize that he was all appearance and no substance. A handsome but useless ornament.
However, Lockhart wasn't the least bit embarrassed. Thick-skinned as ever, he continued, "Of course, I must remind you not to send all your cards to me, or else other students, or even professors, might be so jealous that they'll want to kill me."
As he spoke, Lockhart deliberately glanced at the professors' table.
Professor McGonagall looked as though she had a painful wisdom tooth. Her mouth was pressed into a tight line, and her cheek muscles twitched.
Professor Flitwick slumped in his chair, as though trying to resist the temptation to use magic on Lockhart.
Snape was gripping his wand so tightly that, if not for the fear of Azkaban, he would have already blown a hole in Lockhart's head.
Lockhart clapped his hands, and from the main entrance to the hall, twelve sullen dwarfs entered.
These dwarfs were squat, humanoid magical creatures who liked living underground and mining. It was quite impressive, if baffling, that Lockhart had managed to find so many of them.
The dwarfs all had golden wings pinned to their backs and carried harps, looking especially hideous.
"My friendly little cupids, here to spread the love!" Lockhart announced cheerfully, "They'll be roaming around the school all day, delivering Valentine's Day cards to you!"
"And, of course, the professors can share their life wisdom as well."
Lockhart gestured theatrically toward Dumbledore.
"If you don't know how to write a card, you can always ask the Headmaster for advice.
"Dumbledore's sonnets are the best... You didn't know, did you? Back when he was still the Transfiguration professor, he was quite the carefree poet."
Everyone turned to look at Dumbledore, astonished. No one had expected their venerable headmaster to have such a colorful past.
Dumbledore's face reddened as he coughed and adjusted his half-moon spectacles.
Since becoming headmaster, he had never felt this embarrassed.
Who doesn't have a bit of a scandalous past hidden away?
A flicker of doubt passed through his eyes.
His identity as a "great poet" had been buried for decades, how could Lockhart have known about it?
Who had Lockhart stolen memories from during Christmas?
Dumbledore narrowed his eyes, lost in thought.
Hearing about Dumbledore's past made Snape the happiest person in the room. He couldn't help but let out a low chuckle.
Lockhart caught sight of Snape's amused expression and called out loudly:
"Why not ask Professor Snape to teach you how to brew a Love Potion?
"Don't be fooled by his usual appearance, our dear professor has never made a mistake in potion-making."
Snape's smile vanished instantly, replaced by a cold, eerie glint in his eyes.
He reached into his pocket, already plotting to slip something into Lockhart's evening drink.
Meanwhile, Cedric was feeling restless.
Today was the perfect day for a confession, like April Fool's Day or Truth or Dare, where one could avoid the sting of outright rejection.
Cho seemed to sense his intentions and warned immediately, "If anyone dares use those dwarfs to humiliate me, I swear I'll haunt them even as a ghost!"
William nodded in agreement, casting a cautious glance at the giggling, love-struck girls nearby.
He had just noticed Marietta and a group of girls whispering together while sneaking glances his way.
"Let's go somewhere safer," William suggested.
A public confession in a crowded area was basically a form of public execution.
Cedric tried to think of an excuse to slip away to the restroom. However, before he could put his plan into action, a dwarf had already latched onto him.
Despite his "master-class suitor" reputation, Cedric was undeniably good-looking, handsome in a clean-cut, charming way that made him very popular.
With everyone.
Including the boys.
In fact, the ratio leaned slightly, just slightly, in favor of the boys, roughly 80/20.
The title "Hufflepuff's social butterfly" wasn't given to him lightly.
Within the span of an hour, Cedric had been confessed to by seven or eight boys, and dwarfs had chased him into the bathroom to read him love letters.
During class hours, the dwarfs didn't know how to behave themselves either.
They kept barging into classrooms, delivering Valentine's Day cards, driving the teachers mad with annoyance.
In Professor Flitwick's class, twelve dwarfs took turns entering to read love letters to William.
William had no choice but to cast a Silencing Charm to shut all the dwarfs up.
During Professor McGonagall's class, she went straight to locking the door, forbidding any dwarfs from entering.
The dwarfs, however, pressed their faces against the windows and demonstrated their Lip movement skill, reading their cringe-worthy poetry in a clumsy Cockney accent.
It was even more mortifying!
In the afternoon Potions class, Professor Snape, surprisingly, remained completely passive.
He had heard about the chaos in Flitwick's and McGonagall's classes and was preparing to use this chance to humiliate Lockhart.
Sure enough, three minutes into class, five dwarfs rushed in.
William pulled out his wand, ready to cast a spell if any dwarf dared call his name.
Professor Snape drawled lazily, "Stark, who gave you permission to take out your wand? Five points from Gryffindor!
"Go ahead and read it. Let me experience... the full disgust."
Snape flashed a malicious grin and made a gagging motion.
The Slytherins in the class, taking their cue from their head of house, erupted in laughter.
One of the dwarfs strummed its harp and began to sing:
"I have a musical message that I must personally deliver to Professor Snape!"
Snape: "???"
"Oh, Snape!
"My dearest old friend,
"I've fallen hopelessly in love with you!
"If you don't accept my confession,
"I'll kick your behind with my boot.
"Oh, I swear,
"By Merlin's beard,
"I really will.
"You foolish groundhog!"
"Reducto!" Snape's face turned crimson as he raised his wand and blasted the card into smithereens.
The dwarfs scattered in a panic, but even as they fled into the hallway, they continued loudly reading the love letters written for Professor Snape.
"This has to be the twins' doing," Cho said as they made their way to the Great Hall after classes had ended.
And indeed, it was the work of the twins. But they hadn't done it personally, they had hired some Gryffindor students to help.
The twins had emptied their "sewer treasure fund" to form the "Adorable Snape Fangirl Support Group."
They rallied students to write love letters to their "idol" for one knut per five letters, payment delivered daily!
The contents were simple:
Declare your love for Professor Snape.
The pay wasn't much, but with such a massive volume of letters, it added up. Plenty of students took on the job as a side hustle.
"Snape is definitely going to retaliate," Cedric sighed.
"Well, his target for revenge will be Lockhart," William grinned, "This Valentine's Day fiasco was all his idea."
"What is that?!" Cho suddenly raised her hand and pointed toward the sky.
Everyone turned their eyes upward.
A massive image of Lockhart's face, composed of countless bright green, star-like dots, floated in the sky.
The words "Happy Valentine's Day" slithered out of Lockhart's mouth like a serpent's tongue.
The image grew higher and higher, emitting a radiant green glow that shimmered like a new constellation against the evening sky.
If Lockhart's face had been replaced by a skull and the letters by a snake...
This would have been... the Dark Mark!
"Has Lockhart gone insane?!" Cedric was dumbfounded.
William shrugged.
"Pretty much."