Willow cackled as she completed the page of the scrapbook she had started yesterday. "Embarrassing Boscha moments … next to Kiki falling in love with Cherry, Male Boscha is top of the list."
"Hey, leave Kiki out of it." Lucci complained. "She was completely misled by our mistake."
"The mistake where the only time you gain a crush on anyone other than Boscha is when you're fused with her?" Hunter laughed. "I know you're a glutton for punishment, but you still manage to surprise me with how you're willing to make yourself suffer."
"Say, should I start eating fish when we travel on the bumpy road?" Lucci countered. "Or maybe some lukewarm Oatmeal, all that warm, almost curdled milk…"
Hunter gagged, before swallowing his throw up. "...I see we're at an impasse … well played Clawthorne … well played." Just normal fun moments between friends. "So how far are we from the next item?"
"Considering it's in Kansas … pretty far." Sasha groaned as she banged her head on the steering wheel. "Doesn't help that Spice wrapped us all the way to California." The lion in question simply gave the woman an impassive stare, before licking its own paw. "Why do I get the feeling I'm going to despise you?"
"Aww who could hate this fluffy wonder?" Vee asked, jumping on Spice and petting his mane. Said feline just rolled on his back and yawned
"This is why I'm a dog person." Sasha moaned. "Alright, I can't drive anymore on an empty stomach. We're stopping for brunch." She took off the highway, onto a street. "Just name wherever we're going."
"Mcdonalds seems to have a lot of people." Gus pointed out. "Maybe its popularity means the food is a delicacy."
"No, it's because it's the cheapest, most inexpensive and convenient source of food around." Luz explained. "In fact, the food is so processed over there that most of the stuff it's made out of isn't even edible…which by witch standards would make it the perfect choice for you guys."
"Sweet, it's been a while since we've had witch food." Lucci smiled as they stopped over. They walked out and made their way inside, looking at the giant sign filled with words. "So many options." He muttered, tapping someone on the back. "Hey, have any recommendations?"
The large man … bear, turned around, smiling. "Personally I'd get the Big Mac meal, but recently they have a McFlurry special going on if you can finish punching out your card." The talking…bear smirked. "Then you have the Quarter Pounder challenge, where if you eat fifty burgers in ten minutes, it's free."
"Food challenges, haven't ever been in one of those before." Lucci smiled. "Maybe I could give it a go and-wait, something's not right about this picture."
"I know right? There's no vegetarian options." They turned their heads…and saw another bear, a black and white one looking at his phoon. "Sure I'm fine with just getting fries and a shake, but I need a little more substance than this."
"Ice Bear prefers Burger King. Burger King serves more mayonnaise." A THIRD talking bear, this one all white, stated plainly.
"Why is a polar bear in San Francisco?" Luz decided to ask the BOTTOM of the multiple questions popping up in their minds. "Shouldn't you…be dying from heat stroke by now?"
"Ice Bear tougher than the average bear. Ice Bear defy nature. Ice Bear superior life form." They responded.
"So you don't want to ask how they're TALKING!?" Willow shouted. She thought bears were one of earth's non sapient species.
"We learned English, just like anyone else." The black and white bear shrugged. "It was easier than learning Japanese, which was weird considering that's where I was born."
"Yes but … how?" Hunter asked.
"How do you talk? How do birds fly?" The brown bear asked as they pulled Hunter into a lopsided hug. "How do dogs run? How do apples fall down?"
"Gravity." The black and white bear answered while looking at his phone.
"These are questions no one knows. They simply are." They continued, unphased. "Such is nature."
"So it's….just you." Luz asked. "No magic, no genetic experiments gone wrong, no reincarnation of another life?"
"No, but if I am reincarnated, I want to be an white mage in my next life." The black and white one smiled.
"Magic is nothing but trouble and prices to be paid." The white bear said. "Ice Bear tougher than magic. Ice Bear surpasses all forms of life."
Lucci and Boscha raised their hands, before Amity shoved them down. "No …"
"So….do all bears just talk and act like people?" Willow asked, derailing the conversation before a fight could break out.
"Not really … it's just kind of us, and this koala that hates us." The brown bear said. "We met Bigfoot once, but keep it on the down low, he's camera shy."
"Grizz, we're not supposed to talk about Charlie!"
"Riiight. We did not meet Bigfoot. Who brought that up?" The newly named Grizz asked. "So, you tourists? Usually when people see us, they try to run away."
"Because you're talking bears?" Gus asked.
"No, because every other week we get into shenanigans that cause property damage." The black and white one answered. Suddenly Willow felt very nostalgic. "So, seeing the sights?"
"Something like that." Sasha said, coming back with a meal. "We're traveling to Nowhere."
"Ah, lone travelers with no destination." Grizz smiled. "My bros and I used to be like that. We traveled the entire world looking for a place to call our own as baby bears, a home or family to take us in … that never happened, but the point is that we always had each other."
"Found families, the best." Lucci smiled, patting them on the back. "Anyway, I'm gonna go try that fifty in ten minutes challenge. Anyone else up for that?"
"I'm keeping my stomach empty." Hunter rubbed his stomach. "I can barely handle the smell of all this grease."
"Ice bear stick with Fish sandwich. Ice Bear gather strength. Ice Bear get stronger to defeat all enemies."
"Ooh, that sounds good." Boscha spoke up. "I'll take five of those on the go to eat on the bus."
"Hg." The boy ran outside.
"I'll go grab him." Willow sighed. It was just one of those days, it seemed.
========================================================================
Sasha's eyes twitched as the lion roared again. "Lucci, would it kill you to at least tell me ahead of time when Spice is going to warp us? I crashed the bus three times already from the sudden jolt."
"Sorry, he has a mind of his own." The boy said, staring at the lion. "Seriously, warn us." The feline stared at the boy, before booping his nose. "Dang it, I can't stay mad at you." Weak.
"Again, this is why I am a dog person. Dog's actually listen to you." That and it had something to do with her compulsive need to get people to listen to her. "Alright, let me just look at the GPS and figure out where…" Sasha looked at the environment front of her … then stared blankly at the meter in front of her. E … empty … "...FUCK!"
"What's wrong?" Luz asked in panic.
"Out of gas." She answered in a dead tone. "Maybe we should've refueled in San Francisco instead of just eating…..damn it, curse my thinking with my stomach!"
"To be fair, we were on a high speed chase running from the Pigeon Mafia." Amity spoke up. "...That's a sentence I never thought I'd say." Apparently talking bears wasn't the end of the weirdness in california.
"I have a feeling we're gonna be saying that alot." Boscha nodded.
"Oh, should we try pushing it to the gas station?" Vee asked.
"That's not gonna be very plausible." She continued.
"I'm pretty sure with Clawthorne's, and Captain's strength and Spice pulling it with Spinel as a rope, we can get somewhere in a relatively decent time." Hunter suggested.
Sasha didn't verbally answer the why, standing up, stepping out of the trailer, and pointing to a half rusted sign. "Nowhere." She responded, gazing at the desert with no roads, no signs of civilization, and a dying cactus. "Welcome to Nowhere Kansas USA."
Luz looked out on the horizon, and twitched. "When they called it the middle of nowhere….I didn't think they LITERALLY meant MIDDLE OF NOWHERE!" She pounded on the ground. "What, was the edge of nothingness taken!?"
"Surprised most places on earth don't have a name this accurate." Gus noted. "Well, you guys are the human experts, what do we do?"
"Yeah … we don't really have a way to survive the desert." Vee said. "I have a limited supply of rose tears, we're gonna run out of food, and if that cactus is any indication, there's not enough natural water for even plants adapted to the heat and cold to live here."
"Lucci, what are the chances that Spice is going to open up another warp soon?" Sasha asked what should be their easiest answer.
The boy looked at his lion. "Come on Spice, we need a-" A lizard scampered across the ground, causing the lion to chase after it, as every witch watched the creature disappear across the horizon. "...Would you take a message?"
"So that's it then…we're…we're just boned." Boscha kicked the tires in frustration… which caused them to pop, and deflate. "GAAAGGGH! Stupid! HUMAN! MANUFACTURING!!"
"Boscha, you're putting dents in the van!" Amity yelled, pulling her back. "Beating up our only source of shelter for the night isn't helping anything!"
"She has a point." Luz said. "Despite how bad it is with no gas and flat tires, we're gonna need this thing. It's our only hope." Luz said as she patted the trailer.
Crack
As the ground broke apart, causing the van to fall down into a massive sinkhole. "… At least you were all out." Vee tried to look at the silver lining.
"WEEEEEEE! FALLING RIDE!" They heard Spinel cry from inside the hole.
"...Of course Spinel was still inside." Luz rubbed her forehead in frustration. "Come on, let's find her and try to get the bus out-"
Chchkchkchkchkchkchckchckchkchckchkchchkckhckchk
"Anyone else hear that?" Sasha asked, hearing a very soft sound, almost like clicking.
"Kinda … it's escalating." Hunter spoke, looking around, his entire body on edge.
"I think it's coming from the hole." Lucci said, moving his head down to get a better look.
"Bzz." Willow's palisman buzzed around.
"Clover says it sounds like insect chittering." Willow observed.
"But they sound big….like Amphibia sized bug-big." Sasha took out her blades. "Okay people stand back, this is going to probably be an enemy/possible dinner."
"Yeah, we've dealt with those." Amity noted as she pulled out her staff. "This thing was probably big enough to set the trap, meaning we're dealing with an enhanced predator. Lucci, get ready to block."
The boy smirked. "I can block one big bug."
Chchkchkchkchkchkchckchckchkchckchkchchkckhckchk
What looked like a geyser of black shadows emerged from the ground … which upon closer inspection was .. "SWARM!" Gus shouted. "It's a swarm of giant bugs!"
"Not just bugs…Cicadas!" Sasha identified, dragging one of her swords through their underbelly, only managing to draw a little blood. "Hides are super thick, and the underbelly isn't that vulnerable either!"
Lucci put up a bubble, which stopped them all from being enveloped under a swarm of sharp teeth trying to tear them apart. "Okay, definitely rethinking this!" He shouted. "Amity, Boscha, you're the only ones who can hit multiple targets at once."
"Kind of hard to do that when they just shrug fire off!" Boscha said as one was still attacking, even when it was lit up all over. "This is more embarrassing than dying to veggie Lucci's! At least those are cute!"
"What do cicadas use as a main sense!?" Gus asked.
"Hearing! They use sound to establish territory!" Sasha shouted as she tried to stab one making its way through the bubble.
"Cover your ears!" He shouted, pulling out his palisman and making a massive circle.
CKCCCKCKCKCKCKKKCKCKCKCKCKCKCKCKCKCKCKCK
What sounded like Cicada noises amplified over one another and on stereo played out. The creatures all jumped away, flying around like sharks as they kept their distance, clearly disoriented. "Great job Gus….." Hunter panted. "Ugh, something tells me we're not getting the van out anytime soon."
"No." Sasha agreed. "We should run and regroup. Come back with better equipment."
"Yes, equipment." Willow replied. "In the middle of nowhere!" Right, issue number one. "Where the hell are we going to get equipment in the middle of nowhere!? The cicadas are too tough to fight directly, not to mention there's WAY too many of them! The van's in a ditch, Spice ran off, and the desert is so dry that I can't draw upon any of my plant magic!"
"And it's not like we can walk. It's probably miles till we'd meet up with anyone." Lucci noted. "I mean we could fly, but I'd rather not have one of the Palisman drop Luz where there's no soft landing."
"Hssssh." Sometimes Sasha wondered if those animals were more violent than the witches themselves.
"So what are we going to do? Just wait for some random kind hearted person to come across us in the middle of nowhere?" Amity asked.
"I mean, we found talking bears in San francisco…I'd believe anything is possible right now." Vee shrugged.
"Yes, but again, in the middle of nowhere. We're looking at the horizon right now, there is nobody around for MILES!" Boscha shouted.
"Abu." … They all turned to a small pink dog with a cracked buck tooth and spots on his fur. "Abububuh, bubbhubbuh, huhbbuh." It stood on its hind legs and pointed outwards. "Buh, buh, bu!"
"Aww, it's adorable!" Vee hugged the canine. "So precious. Are you out here all alone?"
It shook its head. "Bubuggbuu, hububua, abu!" It pointed in the same direction.
"Are you telling us to follow you?" Sasha asked.
"Uh huh, uh huh." It spoke, nodding its head.
"...Did you just talk?" Willow asked.
"Yep." The dog answered, slipping out of Vee's grip and moving in the direction he pointed in. "Abuabuabuhbuh!"
"… Not the weirdest thing, and we are a bit desperate for help." Luz nodded. "But you may want to hurry."
"Hmm?" The dog tilted its head in confusion.
"We're in the middle of running for our lives from a bunch of bug monsters."
Ckckckckckckckckck The cicadas grumbled as they got up.
The dog stared at the bugs for a moment. "AAAAAAAAAAA!!!" Before stretching its mouth in such a wide scream that it grew beyond the height of Sasha herself, before spinning its legs fast enough to sound like tire marks as it ran.
"… Is everything pink running on toon logic these days?" Sasha asked. First Spinel now this.
"You're the one that keeps saying Dog's are better than cats, and you're going to look a gift snorse in the mouth now?" Lucci asked.
"No, just questioning if you or Boscha are gonna survive being flattened like a pancake at this rate." She rolled her eyes as she ran after the dog. This was somehow not what she expected when signing up for this roadtrip.
========================================================================
Courage took a few puffs of air as he finally got close enough to the house to see it. Why was it always random monsters? Couldn't he get a month of peace? The things he does for love … which wasn't even what he was doing this time. He thought he was helping a bunch of stranded kids. No one said anything about giant cicada monsters!
"A house … someone lives inside of this place?" A kid who smelled like a rock asked in surprise. "It's so empty … the isolation alone would probably drive people insane." Well they weren't exactly alone …
"If they have water, I'm down." The girl that smelled like plants sighed. "We've been running for hours. Even my workouts aren't this intense."
"Hah, wimp. I can run in this heat for days." The girl with three eyes smirked. Courage would've been more afraid of her, but she had yet to try and scare him, so he was willing to give benefit of the doubt.
"You sure that it's okay we're here?" A short kid asked. "We don't want to intrude."
"Aabbububu." As long as it was Murial that opened the door. She was such a sweet and welcoming woman…if a little too naive at times. How she ended up with Eustace was a question he was still asking himself.
"Say, do you think this is natural like the bears?" The kid that smelled like a really weird tree asked. "Or would dark matter have something to do with it?"
"I faintly smell magic on him, but it's not strong." The girl that smelled like a salamander said as she kept rubbing his head affectionately. It was nice.
"So it could be around here, but exactly "where" is a mystery." The tall woman noted. "We'll start searching tomorrow after getting the van back."
"Ubabhhabbaba." He would lead them to town tomorrow. It was easy when you knew the routes of Nowhere.
"Do you actually talk, or is it just mumbled grunts?" The girl Courage was certain was human asked.
"Yes." It was just hard to form cohesive sentences all the time when he was screaming for his life. "Ubhubhab." Now they had to be quiet, or else they might end up awakening-
"I thought I told you salesmen I don't need house insurance!" ..Great, Eustece was awake.
"Salesmen?" The tall woman blinked before shaking her head. "No, we needed shelter and-" Nononono. "Your dog took us here." … Dang it.
"Stupid Dog! You were supposed to bring home dinner, not freeloaders!" Eustence went on to insult him, reaching down and- "OOGABOOGAOOGABOOGA!"
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGH!" Why did he always have to do that!? It just came out of nowhere every single time.
"There there, there's nothing to be afraid of." The girl that oddly smelt like a salamander petted him calmly. Aw, such a sweet girl.
"Now, get off my property!" The man shouted.
"Mister, please, we're going to die if we don't find a place to crash for the night." The human girl begged.
"Not my proble-!" He began to rant-
Bong
Only for a frying pan to hit him across the back of the head as usual. "Eaustace, why would you ever turn away a guest?"
"Because they're just gonna eat my food, Murial." The man complained, rubbing his head. "The food I worked hard for!"
"You don't work at all, dear. You haven't worked in forty years." Muriel chastised him. "I'm sorry about my husband, dearies, he's just cranky. The cable got cut off again."
"… Right." The kid that smelled like a rock nodded. "And this is … your dog?"
"Ah yes, Courage. The bravest and most adorable dog around." She smiled, reaching behind his head. "He's really taken a liking to you it seems." Murial said while scratching him in his favorite spot. "It usually takes a while for him to get comfortable with strangers."
"I just know what it's like to need hugs when the world seems too scary." The salamander girl nodded.
"Would it be too much trouble to ask to stay the night?" The tall woman asked. "Just until we can get to a town."
"Oh no trouble at all! Stay as long as you need." The angel on earth opened up the door to them. "I just made a butterscotch pie."
"But Murial, they're not even paying us for it!" Easutus complained. "And that was supposed to be my pie!"
"It was, now it's going to a greater cause. Life is only worth living when you share all that is good."
"… Why are they together?" The salamander girl asked, to which Courage just shrugged. Even for a dog that has seen aliens, demons, and sand whales, some mysteries were just beyond the realm of comprehension.
========================================================================
Muriel placed down the casserole. "Just let me know if that doesn't fill you ladies up. It's bad manners for a hostess to leave her guests hungry." It was so nice to have company. And if Courage vouched for them, they must be good.
"Thank you." The pink girl named Boscha smiled as she started to dig in. "Wow, this is sweet, but not in a bad way."
"Cooking is all about getting the perfect balance of flavors, so that everyone gets to enjoy at least one thing with each bite." The woman smiled. "I'm sorry we don't have a variety of drinks."
"Water is fine." The girl with glasses, Willow, smiled as she drank a large glass. "I don't know how you're able to live in the middle of such a desolate place."
"When you show kindness to the world, you'd be surprised with how much kindness it shows back." Murial smiled. "From the skies, to the lands, every memory interconnecting … plumbing and electricity help." The woman chuckled. "Nowhere might be empty, and hot, and miles from most people, but when you truly have a home, even the most hostile environments can feel safe and secure."
"Finally, someone gets it!" The Lucci boy exclaimed with a wide smile. "I kept telling that to Pearl, but all she could focus on was how my home 'corrupted' and 'traumatized' me. I like where I live. Why can't it be as simple as that?"
"Dang ol hippies m, Eaton my food." Eusice grumbled, prompting her to take out her rolling pin. "What, I can't have an honest opinion in my own house anymore?"
"Seriously, is this man blackmailing you to stay with him?" The Amity girl asked with concern. "You can tell us, we can deal with it."
"He has a good heart deep down." She assured the girl. Also he still knew how to treat her right on certain nights. "Plus Karma always finds its way to him every now and again, so there's no need for cruelty. Just some simple understanding is all it takes."
"Wow….Okay I think we've managed to find the second kindest being to ever exist in the universe next to Charlie." Luz spoke up, taking a bite out of her dish. "So Muriel…you wouldn't happen to know about anything strange going on around here?"
"None that I can think of." She answered honestly. "We occasionally get neighbors from space and that one time a sand whale ate us, but I don't recall too much of anything out of the ordinary." Courage would occasionally panic about monsters, but that was probably an overactive imagination. "Honestly, the only strange thing I can recall is this one cat who was a captain of a vacation submarine … he didn't even wear pants. The crazy things that happen in the ocean." She shook her head. "Besides; if anything dangerous did happen here, my darling Courage is always there to protect us."
"Ubabwabu." The dog cooed from his bowl, before going back to eating kibble.
"So you've noticed nothing? Not even the giant cicadas popping out of the ground?" The Gus boy asked.
"Oh my, did I forget to buy bug spray again?" She pondered. "They've been quite bothersome especially as of late."
"... And they don't strike you as odd?" The woman, Sasha, asked.
"Now that you mention it … they do seem a bit upset. Maybe they're just out of season …"
"... She's completely oblivious to the bigger picture, isn't she?" Hunter asked her Courage.
"The things I do for love." Aww, it was always adorable when Courage made it sound like he could speak.
"Baaagh, who cares about some dumb ole dung Beatles. If ya see one, just squash them under ya boot." Eustice grumbled. "I face flies everyday and you don't see me complaining."
Crash
A particularly nasty bug crashed through the floor and dragged Eustice down. "Bawwaaaaaaaaaaah!"
"When you get back, Eustice, can you bring some eggs and milk? I have to prepare everyone's breakfast." She called down the hole. "He must be taking the subway to town."
"Wow, you weren't kidding about Karma." Boscha noted.
"AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!" Courage was getting better at jumping lately, it's almost like he leapt out of his own skin. "Ugagagabugah! Bugahgahabugah!" Courage pointed down the hole.
"Wait, you want to save him?" Lucci asked. "But he treats you like crap."
"Hey, language now, deary." She scolded the boy. "If you're gonna be in my house you need to-"
Crash
Oh dear, another particularly large bug held her in its grasp. "I don't mean to bother anyone, but could someone get the fly papeeeeeerrrrr!" She screamed as she was dragged down a hole.
"MURIEL!" Courage barked that cute bark as he jumped down, like the brave dog he was.
========================================================================
Vee watched as Courage jumped down the hole. "I'm coming buddy!" She followed the kind dog that saved their lives.
"Vee no!" Now Lucci jumped in after her. "The point was to avoid the giant bugs!"
"I'm not about to let an innocent dog get crushed for no reason other than to protect his family!" She exclaimed back to him.
They fell down with the others, before eventually rolling across the ground into an open area. "Great." Boscha growled. "Now we're stuck in the heart of it all."
"When are we not?" Luz asked, looking over the cave. "So, does anyone have eyes on Murial, Courage, or even Eustace?"
"Are we really going to save that old man? He seemed like a one dimensional bitter grump." Willow asked as she felt the walls. "The ground is still dry under here, but there's a few roots I can call upon."
"I mean Courage was willing to risk his life, I feel we're dragged into that at this point." Vee said. "He was just so precocious, all pink and trembling, and so brave."
"AAAAAHHHH!!" They turned to the pink dog, running from an army of about … a thousand or so giant cicadas rushing at them.
"I think brave is stretching it a little." Hunter deadpanned.
"It's the thought that counts, I guess?" Lucci shrugged as they quickly became surrounded by the swarm. "Alright, how are we handling this? Are we charging through and grabbing the old people or do we fuse and beat the ever living shot out of these bugs?"
"There's a bit too much for fusion, we should probably grab and run the moment they attack." Amity said, pulling out an abomination fist. "Vee, are they magic? Can you drain them?"
She sniffed the air. "Um … not magic … but they do smell … off?" She scratched her head. "It's not anything I've smelled before. It's not Boiling Isles, but it's not Gravity Falls either."
"Ckckckckckckc." A giant Cicada walked forward, opening its mouth at the surrounded witches … before clearing its throat. "Mimimimi." … It was doing vocal exercises. "Topeka Kansas, topeka kansas, topeka kansas." It muttered, before turning back to them. "Greetings, I am your host slash consumer, Glabtob. It's a pleasure to eat you."
"... Why do you sound like Tom Kenny?" Vee asked.
"I'm a fan of the actor."
… They turned to Courage. "Are all monsters around here this polite?" Gus asked.
"Uh….sorta." Courage shrugged, giving a so-so gesture.
"Could you start off by explaining … all of this?" Sasha asked, gesturing to the world.
"Of course. You see, we cicadas are rather simple creatures, quite contest with our lot in life. Roaming the desert, eating what little wild and plant life exists here, digging, poker nights, you know, the usual things people love to do."
"Yes … usual." Luz slowly nodded.
"But that all changed when our deity emerged from the sky." They spoke. "Falling down with a pitch black glory, radiating a purple energy that grew our bodies, but more importantly, our minds." He explained. "At first we didn't notice too much, but that changed when the smartest of us built a cannon system out of twigs to defeat the nearby ant colonies. I mean, do you know how BIG that is for us in the bug world? We defeated ants, the most organized and united bugs out there."
"I thought that was Bees?" Lucci asked.
"Pfft, bees are wusses. Communist bastards." They grumbled. "So with our knowledge we moved on from a hunter and gatherer society to an agricultural one, trying to bring as much life as we could to the desolate land." The cicada gestured to a small farm. "How's it going Tecronom!?"
"I grew a banana/potato hybrid! Double potassium for the win!"
"Wow … this is kinda nice." Vee noticed.
"Really nice." Willow smiled. "I'm surprised you're content with being down here at all."
"Well at first we did try to make human communication with humans to achieve peace between species. Sent some of our finest diplomats." The Cicada said.
"Where are they now?" Gus asked, probably interested as a fellow negotiator himself.
"Well they're resting over there." … Glabtob pointed to a small graveyard. "In retrospect, it probably would've been better to introduce ourselves one at a time rather than bursting through their floors and crashing through their walls. We didn't exactly figure out English yet, so they got squashed."
"Yikes." Luz winced.
"Exactly. We tried sending them the traditional decapitated elder piece offering, but they took that as a threat for some reason. You humans can be so sensitive and thin skinned."
"Tell me about it." Sasha rolled her eyes. "So what happened next?"
"After that we were content just waiting for you humans to kill yourselves out, as you eventually will with pollution and civil wars alone." That was fair. "Until an RV crashed through our caves and landed onto our queen, killing her."
"....We are so, so, SO sorry about that." Vee humbly bowed her head. "We weren't trying to hurt anyone, our bus just ran out of gas and it fell in."
"That may be, but we do demand a blood sacrifice to our god for compensation, plus our men are hungry from chasing you all night." He said. "So we're going to start with killing the pink one that beat up our men in the name of a 'game', before feasting on the rest of you … would you prefer to be cooked or eaten raw?"
"These are some of the politest people we've pissed off." Amity noted.
"Wait, Pink one?" Lucci noted, realizing what the cicada meant. "Spinel! Time to play a game of get the hell out of here!"
"Wahoo!" A crash was heard in the distance. "Play time!"
"... Okay, we are definitely going to cut you up for that alone." The cicada deadpanned, before he tried jumping on Lucci.
"Everyone scatter!" Willow called out as she used one of the hanging out roots to shove the attacking monster aside.
"Don't need to tell me twice!" Vee shouted, grabbing onto the panicking Courage. "Find Spinel, Muriel, and Eustice and pack it!"
"Ckckckckckckckckc!!" The Cicadas screamed out, as the swarm attacked.
"AAAAAAAAHHH!!" Courage screamed in her hands. This was so not her day.
========================================================================
Lucci punched another cicada through the ceiling, letting out a bit of a pant. "Does anyone … have a headcount yet!?" It's been ten minutes, and all they've done is run around trying to find Murial, Spinel, and that old bastard. At some point they got split up as the swarm enveloped them.
"I lost count….at fifty…" Sasha grumbled as she sliced off the head of one of them. "Fighting giant bugs….I can't believe I thought I missed this!"
"Definitely starting to miss abomatrons! They were easier to kill than these guys!" Willow shouted as she strangled some over a cliff.
"I have never been more grateful for my magic cutting sword!" Luz screamed as she cut through a couple cicadas. "But I don't think we can keep this up forever!"
"Does ANYONE have eyes on the people we're looking for!?" Amity screamed as she tried to suffocate a cicada with abomination muck.
"MURIEL! MURIEL!" Courage shouted as Vee carried him as they pointed upwards to the ceiling, where a pair of glasses were stuck on some icky green muck. "Up, Up, Up, Up!"
"Wait, do cicadas make cocoons for prey, I thought that was a spider thing." Gus asked as he ran over a few heads.
"A couple of insects do it." Hunter said. "It's all about the type of method needed to-" He was hit by a cocoon glob, teleporting out of it. "Right, not the time for talking." He muttered as he launched some lightning at them.
"Can't you just leave us alone? Or at the very least let the old couple leave, they had nothing to do with this!" Vee begged.
"Given the difficulty of the fight, we could negotiate simply eating the pink stretchy one for some mild labor." A nerdy sounding Cicada spoke. "But she's toying with our god like they're a soccer ball."
"It's just so much fun!" Spinel cried out, jumping into the air suddenly with a weirdly glowing rock in her arms she was kicking around.
"You are NOT helping our case!" Sasha screamed out as she stabbed another cicada.
"But it's a special ball! So many fun things happen when I kick it at people! Watch!" Spinel did so, kicking it at cicada….which turned into a giant chocolate bar once it bounced off.
"She angers our god! Grab her before they're wrath spreads to us all!" Another cicada called out.
"...Guys, call me crazy, but I don't think that's a ball." Luz starred.
"Stating the obvious, are we?" Boscha deadpanned as she set off another fire. "What the hell is-" The ball bounced next to Boscha … as she turned into a bunch of building blocks. "-... That." She finished, falling to pieces.
"BOSCHA!" Lucci ran forward, looking her over. She seemed alive, but cut up into pieces.
"Doesn't….hurt…..stilll…..dizzying…" She grumbled.
"That ball….I bet my soul again that's the dark matter we're looking for!" Gus called out.
"So let me get this straight." Willow said as she held a cicada down. "Not only did we kill their queen, but now we have to take away their god?"
"This really isn't the time to have a guilty conscience, they're trying to kill US over an accident!" Amity exclaimed. "Spinel, we have to play keep away! As in, keep that ball away from the bugs!"
"Got it! Hunter, catch!" She kicked it over.
"Wait, if Boscha turned to blocks, what happens to-" The moment it hit Hunter … he turned to a small Selkidomus. "...Great, now I feel even more guilty for all the ones I hunted down."
"What can we say, Karma's a bitch!" Luz shouted, grabbing the ball … before she started to fall sideways. "My gravity is off, my gravity is off!"
"Okay, how about we don't touch the crazy magic orb until we figure out how to contain it-" Sasha was hit next…turning into what looked like a pink Newt. "...Huh, ironic, but workable." From what Lucci heard about her story, he was half expecting a toad.
"How is Spinel kicking it around!?" Gus asked.
"Maybe because she's a gem?" Vee suggested. "Lucci, think you can hold onto it?"
"Spinel, over here, wide open!" He waved his arms after kicking away another cicada.
"You got it, best bestest best friend!" Spinel threw over to him like a baseball.
The moment he touched it, he felt energized, as if every hair was on end and every nerve was tingling. It was like the time he was six and mom left the lion licker fridge open … his first sugar rush. "Oh…hehehehehehe….oohh….this feel….so….goood!" He couldn't stop himself from jumping up and down in the air. "HEHEHEHEHEHEHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAAHAHA!"
"Oh my titan, I think we just created a bigger monster." Willow gulped.
"He defiles our god, after the bastard!" They all jumped at him….
Pop
And he popped like a bubble, reassembling from the mist on top of the monsters.
"Sorry folks, tonight we have a different show in mind other than senseless violence." Lucci grinned, spinning around and summoning a tux and a top hat, using Sugar as a cane.. "Tonight we shall show senseless violence … as a musical!"
"Grab Murial and RUN!" Gus shouted. "Lucci's about to use bard magic!"
"You'll thank me later blocky!" Willow shouted, using vines to put Boscha into a makeshift leaf basket.
Lucci could almost hear the music in the background, or maybe he could, who knew. "If you're in a situation …" He looked at the multiple cicadas trying to grab him. "And just can't find the nerve." He poked one of the bugs, as they began zapping each other like lightning rods, or a bug zapper. "There's no need for contemplation. Lucci ran up the walls and wrapped a couple in their own shadows, throwing them high into the sky. "Just a taste for the absurd." He created a tidal wave of ice cream to wipe out a small section of the army.
"Our god is enraged, they slay us all!" One bug screamed.
"Kill his pink companion, he'll surrender if we take her!" Another one shouted.
"We're still in the blast radius, keep running!" The still sideways Luz screamed.
"If you're feeling tired of losing.And find you're getting scared." It always sucked when you lost too many times, too many bad situations. "Then welcome to the town that isn't there." He created a fake city, using the buildings to crush some cicadas. "Where "kooky" is a compliment!" Weirdos thriving where they could be themselves. "Bananas" is a verb!" He turned a few into bananas and squashed them underneath giant shoes. Revelry, I'm confident, Is still a dirty word!"
"Revelry?"
He slapped the bug, sending them flying. "How naughty, good sir." Lucci said dramatically, before giggling.
"The entrances are clogged up with sweets, we can't run!" Vee screamed, before Courage began eating his way through.
"Don't worry, I gotcha!" Lucci cackled, creating a giant paddle ball to break a hole through. "You sure you don't wanna stick around, this chorus is a doozy!"
"Can we just say we stuck around and not get traumatized?" Gus begged.
"Yes, everywhere is Nowhere." Lucci cheered as he made rocks fall into statues. "Before the somewhere comes." They began pounding the cicadas. "And the opposite of fear is fun!" If only more people could see it that way.
"Really, I always thought the opposite of fear was love." Luz asked.
"I thought it was courage." Hunter asked.
"No, Courage is half unconscious from fear." Vee said.
"Who's on first?" Spinel laughed, slingshotting herself to his back. "Hey Lucci, mind if I take the mic for a sec?"
"Feel free my lovely partner." He handed a mic over to the gem as he swung around Sugar to block some cicadas. "The stage is all yours!" He created a spotlight that shined on her.
"Sweet!" She turned her legs into a pogo stick and smashed their heads into the ground."If you're falling down a rabbit hole, the only way is up!"She free fell for a bit before head butting into one of the bigger bugs. "So laugh until you cry a bit, And then you'll get unstuck!" Lucci created two fruitcakes and placed them in her hands, which she used to sandwich five cicadas together in one messy and oozy cream. "Are you nutty as a fruitcake!? Are you looney as a tune?!" She did her best tasmanian devil impersonation and created giant tornadoes that began to suck everyone up. "Then quit your scowling, Do some howling at the moon!" The ground broke open to show off a laughing moon. "LIKE ME!"
"Is this an illusion or is he pulling a Collector right now?" Hunter asked in concern.
"I'm just not going to…question anything right now." Vee accepted it.
Lucci smirked as he and Spinel spun themselves around, shooting themselves upward and back to the surface, where they forced the cicadas out like a volcano, shooting them all the way up into the atmosphere. "'Cause everywhere is Nowhere! Before the somewhere comes! And the opposite of fear is fun!"
"We….we….we will have our REVENGE!" A cicada screamed.
"No you won't. Spinel, mind telling them why?" He asked with a smirk.
"Let's tell him together, bestest best friend!" She grinned widely as he grabbed her by the foot as she shifted herself into a giant hammer. "'Cause everywhere is Nowhere! Before the somewhere comes!" He spun her around rapidly, lighting her on fire before sending her straight down at the bastard. "And the opposite of fear is fun!"
Splat
Lucci laughed as he walked over to everyone. "Oh man, this is fun fun fun. Say, lets try and rip a portal to the boiling isles right now. I can take it real good ya know, ya know?" The boy asked. "I'mma imma imma gonna to punch one oppen right now!"
"Lucci, are you sure you want to do that, your body's going kaleidoscope right now." Luz pointed out to him. "And your pupils are turning into spirals."
"I know isn't infinity fun!?" He shouted. "I feel great, I feel awesome, I feel invincible!"
"Say, Lucci, mind handing Spinel the ball real quick?" Willow asked.
"Hmm? Oh yeah, playing catch." He handed it over. "Catch catch … catch … catch …" Sugar crash.
========================================================================
Luz felt Lucci's pulse as he stirred and groaned from the magic high. "Okay, note for the future, dark matter is a magic enhancer on par with titan's blood, but more addictive like a drug. Also, effects when the user is done go away rather quickly." She noted the now normal Sasha and Hunter.
"Does that mean the cicadas are still alive down there?" Gus asked. "Since the damage is undone?"
"Maybe , but it would balance out with them being unmutated to begin with." Amity brought up. "They only got as smart as they did due to the constant exposure. Without it, they'll just be regular bugs again."
"Gaaahh." Lucci groaned. "Why do I feel like I went into Mom's 'do not touch' fridge?"
"You temporarily became a crazed god on a power high." Willow deadpanned. "How many fingers am I holding?"
"None, it's a closed fist-ow!" He shouted as he was hit in the head. "What was that for?!"
"For using a dangerous magical item without knowing what it could do to you, and for going Collector level crazy!" Willow exclaimed.
"Oooh, are we playing a punching game, my turn!" Spinel enlarged her on fist, and swung it right at Willow, sending her flying across the desert floor.
"Ha!" Boscha chuckled.
"Oh I hope we did enough for you dearies." Murial smiled as she walked away from the RV. "I'm sorry things got a bit hectic."
"Wait, how did the RV get here?" Sasha asked.
"You're welcome." Lucci rubbed his head from where he was hit. "Just because I like having fun with my powers doesn't mean I can't prioritize at the same time. Even refueled it."
"Sweet!" Boscha cheered, kissing the boy's face all over.
"You've done enough as it is Muraial, thank you for everything." Sasha assured the woman. "Like seriously, your hospitality is one of a million."
"Oh, it's nothing. I'm just so appreciative whenever my Courage can make new friends with kind people. The world isn't always a nice place, so we must be nice whenever we can."
"You are an amazing inspiration." Vee smiled, before turning to everyone else. "You could learn a thing or two guys."
"Vee, we just came out of a situation where the only option we had was to fight or die." Hunter groaned. "Kindness and forgiveness is good, but not for every situation." Honestly, that was probably the most practical lesson anyone could learn.
"Please tell me the freeloaders are leaving. I'm not sharing my pillows!" The grumpy man Eustice complained as he crawled out of his cocoon. "And they made a mess!"
"Oh, and Mr.Eustice, for your….hospitality, I have a gift for you." Vee slithered up to the man.
"Oh yeah, what it tha-"
"OOOOGGAAABUGGAOOOOGGGAAAA!" The basilisk shapeshifted her face into the man's mask.
"BWAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" The old man ran inside the house.
"Oh that Eustice, such a scaredy cat." Muriel laughed.
"… Never seen Vee so vindictive." Lucci smiled. "I'm teaching her well." …This was probably the only acceptable time Luz would be okay with it…Eustice was a jerk.
"So where are we heading next?" Luz asked, trying to figure out how to escape the desert before a ghost tried to eat their souls.
"Well…considering Spice left us in the middle of nowhere, the closest thing on the map would be Illionois…" Sasha spoke up, before said lion popped up. "....Again, this is why Dogs are better than cats. Courage at least stayed by our side the entire time."
"Not easy." The little dog sighed as Vee patted him on the back.
"To Illinois we go then." Amity nodded. "You filled our ride up with gas while you were a cosmic god, right Lucci?"
"Yeah I filled it up with oil."
Sasha, Luz, and Vee all paused. "... Gas or oil?" The older woman asked.
"Same difference, right?"
"....We're gonna have to stay here the night after all." At least they had one ingredient down….today would count as a win.