Summary: A small weird town
"Here's your flapjacks, Manly Dan." Lazy Susan smiled as she placed the plates (hah) down on the table.
"Flapjacks rule!" The man screamed,smashing the table into pieces as he chugged down the breakfast meal. Always a treat, even if insurance didn't fully cover lumberjack damages.
"And here's your strawberry sugar cone, Thompson."
"Thank you Ms Susan." The boy smiled as he drank his sugary treat. Such a kind soul, always helpful, even if his friends were a bit rough.
"Can I get my coffee?" Toby asked.
"The machine's still broken Toby." She told the man, before turning to Ms. Valentino. "I made sure your waffles were in your normal tombstone shape Ms V."
"I want to die with these waffles in my mouth. Maybe then I won't come back as a vengeful corpse waiting to eat brains." The head of the cemetery smirked as she chewed on her breakfast.
"Next up is Mcgucket's bottle of creamer." She handed the man his bottle.
"Hoi howdy! Nothing like sweet cream to get me thinking organ working!" Such a nice man, it was good to see his mind coming back to him.
"Seriously, I want my coffee."
"Machine's still broken, Toby!" She shouted back. Ever since he got that job with the news lady Sandra, his patience stumbled downward while his ego skyrocketed into the sky. "Some nice tea for you, Ghost Eyes."
"Thank you Ms Susan." The prisoner smiled as he knitted, looking down. "Oh, and you drew a kitten with the milk, lovely." She had no idea why everyone thought the man was scary. Sure he caved skulls into mush twenty times, but that was all in the past.
"And some carrot cake for Mr. Scoutt." She handed the farmer the meal.
"Howdy." The man nodded, grinning as he took a bite.
"Seriously want my coffee, and nothing's gonna stop me from demanding it!" Toby shouted … before a pink flash occurred, as a bus crashed down on top of him.
"That's peculiar…Buses usually crash into the diner on Sundays." Susan noted as the door opened, followed by multiple people stumbling out.
"Wait, your lion could've done that the entire time?" A blonde woman driving the bus asked as she hit the ground.
"Spice does his own thing most of the time, I can't really get him to pop a portal on commend.
"Grr." A giant pink cat walked over, staring intently at her pie.
"Is it really a good thing? He just warped the bus to who knows where, we have no idea how on or off the map we are now." A girl with dark skin rolled her eyes. "We could be days behind schedule now, even weeks."
"We can just ask." A short dark kid walked over. "Excuse me ma'am, we're looking for Gravity Falls. Do you know where it is?" He asked.
"Well you just crashed into the best dinner in Gravity Falls." She smiled. "Welcome to lazy susan's, I'm lazy susan. We're serving my secret ingredient coffee omelet at half off." She grabbed her eyelid. "Wink."
"So…is the eye thing just normal?" A boy covered in scars asked.
"Don't worry, I was promised it was temporary... twenty years ago." She waved off.
"I'm gonna eat this flapjack, after I punch the syrup into it!" Dan shouted, punching his food.
"... Is this whole town off?" A girl with purple hair asked.
"Everyone in this town is a tad strange." She reassured them. "Except ironically, Tad strange." She pointed to the man.
"Hey there everyone. Tad's the name, and being normal is my game." Tad waved.
"... Can't tell if he's creepier than Onion or not." The curly boy shivered. "So, you wouldn't happen to know anything about an elder god living around here, looks like a corn chip-"
"SSSSSSSSSSH!" She quickly hushed. "Rule number one of Gravity Falls. Don't speak of the thing that can't be spoken of!"
"... But we're looking for … exactly that." The dark girl said.
"Well you can't just go around town talking about it willy nilly! Sheriff Blurbs and Deputy Durland will tase you if they hear you asking about it." She responded.
"Wait, the police tase people for free speech?" The bus driver asked.
"Oh yeah, they once tased a man for being a buzzkill." She said. "But they're nice, so we love them all the same."
"...Normally I say don't engage in violent actions with the police, but for this one moment, I'll tell you guys to go nuts." The blonde woman nodded. "So since no one here is willing to talk about the Dorito chip-"
"That which shall not be mentioned!" Susan corrected. "We've banned all triangles because of it. Not even our pizzas are triangles anymore. It's all squares."
"Square pizza…for some reason I feel offended by that idea." The girl with pink skin muttered.
"Wait, then what do you do with mountains?" The scared kid asked. "They're just giant triangles, right?"
"Dynamite of course!" She chipperly answered. "Once every few months, we blow some up. It's become a town tradition."
"... Can you at least point us in a general direction of something that could help?" The buff girl asked.
"Sure, if you're into the kooky and magic stuff, head to the mystery shack. There's some pretty creepy mambo hoodoo stuff always going on there." She nodded. "So, anyone up for that coffee omelette? I can make it expresso."
"But you said … the machine … was broken." Tony cried out from under the bus.
"I changed up the recipe. The caffeine hits hard when you marinate the eggs with the grinds." She smirked.
"I don't know whether I should be relieved or terrified by how lax everyone is about the absurdity." The girl with blue streaks in her hair winced.
"It's nostalgic, but not quite." The curly haired kid muttered. "Anyway, we'll take those, and whatever Spice wants for getting us here."
"Grrr."
"One minced meat pie, coming right up!" Good thing too, she just added cat food into the recipe, so it would be perfect.
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Soos smiled as he sold another knick knack to another customer. "Come again to the Mystery Shack!" He waved to the man as they left. It was great being in charge. Every customer was their own wonder, and he got to interact with each and every one of them. Best part was that he only had to lie about half the stuff in order to sell it.
Sure, magic may have been real, and it was really cool, but after everything with Weirdmageddon, most people seemed content, even preferring the fake stuff. The real magic was in the imagination in creating new attractions.
He heard the bell jingle as a bunch of kids walked in. "Welcome one and all, to the Mystery Shack!" Soos smiled, waving his hand around. "Where the real mystery is what happens to your money."
"I feel like Eda's used that line once or twice." The girl with short hair and dark skin snorted. "So guys, scale of one to ten on the chances of seeing something real?"
"I'd give it a solid five." The short black kid poked one of the bobble heads. "They just keep wiggling…what secrets do they hold?"
"I'd give you a hand … if mine detached." The skull toy laughed along with Soos.
"Ah … classics … so, would you like the tour? Only ten bucks."
"If this is a waste of time, I'm burning this place down." The girl whose skin looked pink grumbled.
"Don't be too hasty Angel…we'll burn it down if they're jerks and waste our time." The curly haired one patted the girl's back. "No, we're just looking for information."
"Ah, then you seek the great Zazaro." Soos pointed over to a Zazaro box. "We got it yesterday from 'please take my possessions, they're trying to possess me' dot com, so you know it's legit."
"Are you guys trying to be haunted on purpose?" The girl with glasses asked.
"Eh, we like to mix it up." He gave a 'so so' gesture. "Ghosts tend to be messy to deal with. Sure, you don't have to pay them, but they don't know when to leave."
A man walked over and inserted a coin. "Two more fortunes until I am free." It spokes as a fortune came out.
"'True love will hit your face'." They read off, before scoffing. "Like that's going to-" He tripped, headbutting a woman as they both fell unconscious.
"And suddenly I'm getting flashbacks to oracle magic." The pink skinned girl winced.
"And then we have the thing from another realm." He pointed to a stuffed bird with three heads. "Totally creepy … all six eyes follow you." Disturbing.
"Uh hu, and those eyes aren't totally marbles." The purple haired one smirked.
"Ooh, real human marbles?!" The short kid got in close. "My dad kept throwing my collection away because he kept assuming they were candy." Fair enough. Soos ate many marbles in his day.
"We also have the rock that looks like a face." Soos showed off.
"Is it a face?" The boy with scars looked into it deeply.
"No, it's a rock."
"Then why is it a face?" The girl with purple hair asked.
"No, it's just a rock that looks like a face."
"Does it look like a rock from another angle?" The pink girl looked around it.
"No, it just looks like a face."
"What if it's the face of a rock?" Curly hair asked.
"Huh...I never considered that question before…note to Soos.." He spoke into a recorder. "Find a rock that looks like an arm and a leg."
"Is anyone else feeling like we're getting off track?" The blue haired girl asked.
"That's the power of the mystery shack, the magic draws you in, and your disappearing money kicks you out." Soos chuckled heartily.
"Wow, mom would love this place, this is a scammer's paradise." The curly haired boy observed.
"I learned from the best, from the original mister mystery himself, Stan Pines!" He presented the wax figure. "I only hope to honor his memory."
"I … I'm sorry to hear." The dark girl looked down.
"Soos, the toilet's clogged again!"
"In a minute mister Pines!" He was still a mechanic after all, and this was the man's house,..technically it was fords, but tomato potato.
"Wait…Stan Pines….his full name wouldn't happen to be Stanley; would it?" The curly haired one narrowed his eyes.
"Oh yeah. He used to go by Standford for a while, but his real name's Stanly." Soos nodded. "Chances are if you know that, he scammed you or a loved one out of your life's savings at some point or another."
"Why is everyone in this town so okay with crime?" The blonde woman asked.
"Because the police are bad, remember?" The dark girl asked, before smirking. "Sounds like your kinda town, eh Lucci … Lucci?" She turned to the boy, who seemed to be shaking a bit, staring at Mr Pines as he walked out of the bathroom.
"I swear, Ford better not be flushing his paper clones down the toilet again: I cannot deal with paper zombies at night anymore. Too many paper cuts." His former boss shook his head, before noticing the boy. "Uh…hey…You want an autograph or something? Cause that'll cost you fifty bucks."
"Did you happen to ever meet a woman by the name of Edalyn Clawthorne?" The curly kid asked.
The man looked surprised. "Haven't heard that name since Vegas." He smiled. "Robbed the crazy broad of everything right under her nose, she stole my wallet, we threw some punches, and did things I'm not legally allowed to say in front of minors." He smiled.
"Good, just wanted to make sure before I kill you."
"... Wait what?" He blinked.
"I'm her son!" The now pink boy screamed jumping at the screaming man with claws that weren't there before.
"My horoscope is real! Why didn't anyone tell me that my horoscope was real!" Mr. Pines tried to hide behind a shelf, which did nothing as the kid ripped through it like paper.
"Say goodbye to your heart!" The boy screamed, as he lifted Mr Pines up and swung him like a baseball bat.
"Whoa, little dude, take it easy." Soos tried to speak out. "Sure Mr. Pines isn't exactly the most upstanding guy, and he has a long list of screwing women and children over-.."
"Not helping Soos!" His former boss yelped.
"But he's got a good heart down there. He took me in when no one else would. He's the closest thing I have to a dad, or a parent for that matter." Soos continued. "Give him a chance."
The boy looked back and forth, and growled a sigh. "You're lucky I'm a sucker for found family over biological ones ..."
"Thank you-"
"I'm still going to break your legs."
"Yeah that's fair, could have sworn I wore prote-"
"And we're done now." The blond woman cut him off. "Lucci, put him down so we can actually do what we came to do."
"Fine." The kid threw Mr. Pines through the wall into the living room.
"... What'd you do this time Grunkle Stan?" Dipper asked, looking up from a book.
"My ex-wife's jokes came back to haunt me." The man weezed out.
"Wait, you married Eda?" The dark skinned girl took out a notepad. "Details, give them to me now."
"Same!" Mabel shouted, taking out a notepad of her own. "Only time you talk about your past is when mobsters start bearing down at the door demanding money." Oh, new friends for the kids, that's nice.
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Mabel grumbled with her new sister from another mister. "It was just a drunk hitch. No romance at all." She complained.
"Oh good, that means mom wasn't hurt too much by it." Her possible cousin said with a sigh of relief. "Understand that I had to be as rough as demonly possible. Mom complained about him the most out of all her exes. Been waiting to break him apart for over a decade."
"I can get that, people are super protective about family." Dipper nodded. "So, I take it you're all not locals?"
"What gave it away, the fact you never saw us?" The pink girl said sarcastically.
"No, the fact curly he said demonly, which means you have experience with demons as a whole." And Dipper was on his theory binge again, great "And you have pink skin, which isn't a dead give away, but five out of the eight of you are covering your ears in some way in a climate that doesn't really require you to do so, so either you all have horrible/embarrassing disfigurements, or you're trying to hide the fact that you're not human."
"Heh, observant." The blonde adult woman smirked. "Well considering Lucci went feral, I think it's safe to drop subtlety."
"I guess that's fair." The girl with purple hair shrugged. "We … are witches."
Mabel instantly jumped across the room, putting on a pair of mittens. "YOU SHALL NOT TAKE MY HANDS!" She was prepared after last time.
"What kind of fucked up stories do you tell about us up here?" The purple haired girl questioned.
"None, we ran into a witch last summer." Dipper explained. "Our Grunkle swindled a watch from one, they stole his hands and tried to force him to date her because she had no idea how to hold a proper relationship."
"That sounds weird even to us." The buff girl with glasses winced. "We're just regular people; except we do magic, and we live in another dimension on a giant corpse."
"Oh thank Axolotl." Mabel sighed in relief as she took off her mittens. That took a load off.
"Wait; you know about the bug god!?" The short cute one shrieked.
"Super strange voice that mortal minds can't comprehend as nothing but an axolotl? Yeah, we met them after dealing with some time pirates." Dipper explained. "Super vague, only spoke in rhyme."
The girl who shared her interests groaned. "Lucky, he gave me a 'it's a wonderful life' scenario." She rolled her eyes. "Except the point was to tell me life doesn't matter if I exist or not, because terrible things will happen regardless."
"Gods are jerks. That's why we kill them." Mabel sympathized, patting the girl on the back. "Wait, what about her?" She pointed to the blue haired one. "Human or witch?"
"Basilisk."
"Do not look into her eyes, you'll turn to stone!" Dipper shouted, jumping for sunglasses.
"That's Gorgans." Curly rolled his eyes. "Seriously, humans need to brush up on their demon studies."
"Meh, you'd be surprised." Mabel shrugged. "Once I thought I was dating a vampire. Turned out to be a bunch of gnomes."
"When I grow old, it'll be in this town." The only human girl there mumbled. "So that mystery shack thing…is that just some kind of cover..?"
"Both yes but kind of no." Dipper shrugged. "Long story involving both our Grunkles, but since the town can't handle the existence of the supernatural most of the time, this is Stan's way of profiting off it without freaking them out too much." He answered. "So, none of you have a creepy obsession with hands and want to force someone into a relationship, that's an absolute fact right?" Dipper asked
"I think Luz might have done the latter at one point." The short kid pondered.
"Come on, shipping two people together in real life isn't a crime." Said girl waved off.
"Finally, someone is speaking my language!" She showed off her blackboard of potential relationships. "It's perfectly natural to imagine scenarios where two or more people can find love with each other." Mabel looked at the group. "And if my shipping senses are tingling …" She pointed at the human girl and the purple girl. "You two are chaste but close." Then the three-eyed girl and the curly haired boy. "You two are super into it." The chubby girl and the blonde. "You two are trying but not anything just yet." The blue haired girl. "Taken by someone back home." And the cute short guy. "Single and for the taking~." She purred.
"Guys, I need an adult!"
"Don't mind her, she gets a crush every other day; it'll pass." Dipper tried to kill the move.
"Ahh, so she's the opposite of Lucci in romance." The girl with glasses snorted: "He's only had one crush for most of his life no matter how much we tried to stop it."
"That's not true." The curly haired kid pouted. "There were also the Blight Twins. I just happened to make the right choice."
"Yes. Because if you ever break up with me, I will raze the land in a fire pit that'll make demons in hell green with envy before ending all life within a thousand mile radius." The pink skinned girl held the curly boy's face affectionately. "But my Crystal's too smart for that, aren't you?"
"Yes I am, my darling Angel." The boy smiled as he was petted.
"Wow, it's like watching you and Pacifica." Mapel noted.
"I am not that much of a doormat."
"No, you're worse; and you mutter like a nervous dork." Mabel slapped his back heartily. "Just realized we haven't even gotten to names yet! I'm Mabel Pines, sweet and all things sparkly enthusiast! The nerd in the lumberjack hat is my twin brother Dipper."
"I'm Luz Noceda, this is Vee, Amity, Willow, Gus, Hunter, Doctor Waybright, Lucci, and Boscha." Her new bestie listed off. "So … quick question. Have you guys seen a Dorito chip or …" Oh no, he infiltrated her dreams!
Mapel immediately pinned the girl. "Dipper, grab Ford! We need a mind wipe stat!"
"Burn her brain and I turned yours into mush!" The purple haired one began making fire from her hands.
"Listen, we don't like it either, but this is serious." Dipper raised his hands. "If Bill is around and in your heads, you could already be under his control without realizing it."
"Who the fuck is Bill?" Curly asked
They looked at each other, before sighing. "Bill Cipher … the triangle that nearly made existence weird….and not in a good way."
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Luz was glad she wasn't getting mind wiped … but now she wished she was. "So then he turned our friends into tapestry and threatened to eat our organs in front of our grunkles, but after a quick escape involving a grappling hook and a size shifting flashlight, we tricked him into Grunkle Stan's mind and erased all his memories to kill off Bill forever." Mable finished. "We got his memory kickstarted again … but it's obvious a lot of stuff is gone … for good."
"According to the Axolotl's riddle he may or may not be reincarnated in some form, so we're trying to not take chances in case he wants his three dimensional body back to try and kick start Weirdmagedon again." Dipper added on the reason for their panic. "So if you ever see someone with yellow eyes, erase their mind. It's the only alternative to the … permanent solution."
"So dream demons….as if I needed another reason to hate oracle magic." Lucci rubbed his head. "This Bill guy sounds like the Collector if he had Belos's bloodthirstiness."
"At least Belos only targets non-humans." Hunter shivers. "I don't think this guy cares if he accidentally kills the universe."
"Well his old dimension was decaying, so probably." Dipper shrugged. "Chaos god, literally only lives for his own amusement."
"I'm still baffled by the fact so many supernatural beings live here." Gus scratched his head. "Witches, Multibears, nomes, fairies, all of that you find in the Boiling Isles.
"You think there's a leak of titan's blood, like Eclipse Lake?" Amity asked.
"Not sure what Titan's blood is, but when Grunkle Ford came out of the nightmare realm, the machine he made created a bunch of rifts that lead to a bunch of alternate timelines. I found the mabelverse." The braces wearing girl smirked. "There was a me that was constantly on fire, a me that was a fluffy cat, and the worst one of all….the anti Mabel."
"Please don't bring up alternate timelines, those suck." Boscha groaned.
"Did you run into evil version of yourselves?" Dipper asked.
"Some of us, yes, most of us though ended up in other timelines where we were dating people aside from our actual partners...it was so unpleasant." Amity shivered.
"We surprisingly have a lot in common…..have you had dramatic reveals too relating to family and/or giant conspiracies?" Luz asked.
"Huge reveals." Mabel nodded. "Have you been the puppet for malevolent forces and trapped within a fantasy world you don't want to leave?"
"I've been the former, Lucci's been the latter." Luz explained.
"Ironically, Hell is now my fantasy world. The Boiling Isles is home, and earth is just a mild annoyance I tolerate for my family." He smiled.
"...How seriously do we need to take that Hell line?" Dipper asked in worry.
"Completely. Hell is real and according to most people, including the Princess of it, most of everyone ever alive is going to it." Hunter explained. "My only hope is that whatever healing factor Clawthorne has keeps him so old I never have to worry about him being down there with me."
"My reign as an overlord will be chaotic but fair." Lucci was far too eager to die for Luz's liking.
"So anyways, we're building a portal door back to the boiling Isles and we need a 'piece of an elder god'." Willow asked. "Our therapist's friend saw a picture of this 'Bill' guy's statue, so…yeah, that's why we're here."
"You guys still have a therapist?" Mabel asked in surprise.
"Therapist/Army general/bus driver/swordman teacher." Sasha smirked, before pausing. "Wait, what do you mean 'still'?" She asked.
"Our last therapist got sent to the mental ward in a straight jacket after we told him our life story." Dipper shrugged.
"Well I have an edge. I was stuck in a world full of amphibian people for six months. Even helped save the planet, so…you know..your welcome." Sasha winked.
"Wait, how did we not hear about that?" Dipper raised an eyebrow.
"I don't know, how did we not hear about a chaos Dorito trying to turn the universe into his own sandbox?" Lucci shrugged. "Crazy stuff happens all the time, most humans are just too dumb to realize it."
"Bill was actually stuck here in Gravity Falls due to the weirdness magnet this place has, but still fair point anyway, this is it." Mabel waved her hands dramatically. "The statue!"
They turned … It was just a statue. One of a tiny pyramid with a comically large eyeball, stick limbs, and a top hat. Nothing crazy in the design … so why was every hair Luz owned standing on end? "This thing….this thing tried to tear apart the universe?" Vee asked, looking similarly freaked out. "It feels….unassuming…but….cold."
"That's how Bill operated. He may look like some kind of mascot for cereal or a funny cartoon character….but that's all to lure people into his trap." Dipper kept his head down. "He targets you when you're at your lowest point and makes deals that are too good to refuse, but twisting his words just enough for him to trick you with a loophole."
"Alright, I'll say it." Lucci mumbled. "Definitely worse than Belos." He walked over to the statue. "Luz, hand me the sword, I'll try cutting off a piece." It went unsaid that he didn't trust her to get close enough. At any second it seemed like they'd be ripped apart if they got within choking range.
"So… this Bill guys … he doesn't still… exist in this body, right?" Gus asked trepidatiously.
"No, like we said, his mind was cut off from it when Ford used the memory gun on Stan." Dipper nodded. "The one advantage regular people have in the dream realm is that we're just as capable as he is there, so we're on equal footing."
"Good." Willow nodded as Lucci prepared the cut. "That's … really good for us."
Shink
They watched as a small chunk of rock fell from the body, staring at it as if it would explode …and Lucci simply bubbled it without a second thought. "Finally, we get to do something easy for once."
"Is it….is it really that simple?" Luz let out a breath she had been subconsciously holding in out of fear. "No trial, no test, no last minute faustian bargain?"
"Yep … just make sure to stay away from anything Bill related … forever." Dipper shivered. "It's for your best interest."
"We did it….we got the first item on the list!" Luz couldn't help but get excited. For once, they all set out to do something, and they did it without a single hitch. "We're on our way back to the boiling isles!"
"Small problem….the piece of the Elder god was the only ingredient on the list we had any idea where to find." And Amity, being the good girlfriend, brought her back down to reality.
"Then I guess we'll just blindly search the rest of the country, since we're here as is." Gus shrugged. "Plus side, we get to see human attractions!"
"Come on, this is literally the only place on earth we've been able to find any magic at all, there has to be more here." Boscha took out the list. "You, hat nerd."
"Names Dip-"
"I don't care, noodle arms." Boscha cut him off. "Know a place where we can find something called Dark Matter?"
"... Call by my name, and we'll talk."
"Better idea." She pulled out a ball of fire. "Talk now or I start-"
"Flammas Prohibere." Dipper spoke, before the fire dissipated. Boscha's eyes widened in shock as Dipper smirked. "Latin magic."
"...Teach me….NOW!" Luz grabbed the boy by the arms. If magic was possible on earth after all, then she needed EVERY edge she could get!
"We-we-we-wecan-can-cansee-Grunkle-FORD!" Dipper said she shook him back and forth. "HE-HE-HECAN-Canhelp-with-dark-matter-thing!"
"Who cares about that, teach me magic!" That was treated with a smack in the head.
"Luz…home." Lucci glared at her.
"Right…Dipper, teach me as we see your Grunkle!"
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Ford looked over the witches. "Fascinating … I once met a witch myself, but it was more of a practice than a race." He poked their ears. "You wouldn't mind if I gave you guys an x-ray?"
"Only if I can examine your six fingers." The short one gazed into his hand. "So majestic.
"Of course, I'm happy to help anyone's learning." He smiled. Truly a pleasure to meet a fellow curious mind.
"So that's the jist of it." Dipper finished explaining to a girl. "It takes years of practice though, so I'd hold off on trying something."
"Oh please, I've got this. I mastered glyphs in just a week after learning one" Luz grinned, pointing her hand at an apple. "Ponen Em Homo!" Wait, wouldn't that …
A blast came from her finger, bouncing off the apple and into the three eyed girl … and after a poof of smoke, a male version of them was standing there. "Human…" The former girl growled, before erupting in blue flames and launching at them. "CHANGE ME BACK YOU ASSHOLES!"
"I GOT IT, I GOT IT!" They screamed as they ran away.
"Recording this for future blackmail." The buff witch with glasses smiled as she held up a camera. "That's definitely going in the scrapbook."
"You started a scrapbook?" The boy with scars asked.
"Yeah, it's a little hobby I picked up a while back, you know, to help me look more on the bright side of things." The buff witch shrugged. "Memories like this will forever bring me joy."
"FIX ME NOW OR I WILL BRING VENGEANCE!" The not a girl anymore screamed out in rage, only held back by the boy with curly hair.
"Look on the bright side, angel." The boy tried to pacify the pink skinned one, gently rubbing their face. "You still look beautiful even like this."
"Crystal…" The pink skinned one blushed.
"Huh, witches are progressive. Never would have guessed." Mabel smiled, taking out a camera of her own. "Scrapping this for later."
"Oh yeah. Pretty much anything is okay with consent." The human girl shrugged. "You'd be surprised by some of their taste-AH, okay, I'll fix it right now!" She dodged another fireball, pointing her finger at the three eyed one. "What's the spell!?"
"Give me a few minutes, it takes months to memorize one line!" The boy shouted, flipping through pages.
"DO IT NOW OR I KILL EVERYONE HERE!"
"Hey angel, relax." The curly boy spoke, gently kissing their forehead.
"On it, on it….got it!" The human girl of the group flipped through the book on her own. "Hetero Cataya Retruno!"
A flash came from her finger, and the three eyed boy came out of the smoke, once again a girl. "Finally…I am going to choke you for that later, Luz. How dare you do that to me."
"Yeah…uh…you're not…completely normal." The girl pointed to the now long feline tail attached to the girl's backside.
"..." She created more flames.
"I told you I needed a few minutes!" Dipper screamed in terror.
"Angel, angel, I know, you don't like it when people mess with your body without consent, I feel for you, and I will most likely smack Luz across the head later for messing with magic too quickly..."
"That's fair." The girl herself nodded.
"But I'm always going to love you no matter what form you take." The curly boy smiled with a blush. "Plus side….if you're willing to experiment…with other forms…I wouldn't mind going ghost again."
The girl blushed back as well, a bit of drool running down her face. "Crystal … you …"
"So in an effort to derail THAT, do you know where to find a cup of Dark Matter?" The young girl with purple hair asked.
Dark Matter? Oh, that was easy. "Nowhere."
They all stared at him. "So this whole thing has been pointless." The three eyed girl growled.
"No." He pointed to the map. "Nowhere Kansas USA."
"....There's literally a place on the map called 'Nowhere'?" The Basilisk scratched her head.
"It's a massive desert with a blank road for days on end. You either die of dehydration, get rescued by a hitchhiker, or cursed and lose your soul to a gambling deity."
"How does no one know about that, or even about this place!?" The human exclaimed.
"That goes into my relativity of weirdness theory actually." He began marking off tacks on the map. "Each town with supernatural occurrences, whether they spring from magic or aliens, emit a field of weirdness that keeps it for the most part contained. I believe that it has a subconscious effect on the minds of each town, creating an almost blindspot in people's minds that prevents it from being explored or discovered."
"That would weirdly explain why the gems in gravesfield didn't get that much attention before Belos tried to take it over." The boy with the scars rubbed his chin.
"Anyways, I believe I can map out the rest of the ingredients." He took a glance at the list they had provided. "... Except the sands of time, those are in another dimension all together."
"Meh, if we can get most of them, I'll call it a win." The curly boy shrugged. "So old man, get to it. We've been stuck here for four months and I want to see my mom again."
"I'm working on it. You have time after all." He told them.
"... What do you mean by that?" The kid he was x raying asked.
"Because I'm not the only one who saw you drive a broken bus that needed repairs after crashing into a diner." Ford deadpanned.
"So beat up the police, got it." The three eyed girl nodded. "Come on Crystal. After that, we can go to that seafood restaurant I saw while we were walking through town."
"Of course my darling angel." The boy cooed.
"Should I get you a bowl of milk while we wait for you?" The girl with glasses asked with a grin, even as a ball of fire was thrown at her head. "Totally worth it, you'll never hear the end of it from me!"
"You have such fun friends Luz." Mabel patted the girl on the back.
"Thanks, a lot of people don't get that."