At this moment, fragments of the red headpiece scattered across the sky, and Lady Deadpool's eyes sparkled as clear as a college student's.
As the delicate woman collapsed to the ground, a soft moan of suppressed pain couldn't help but ignite the long-dormant hormones of elderly Steve, sending them into overdrive.
"Eee~"
He shivered.
The next moment, Charlie leaped into action, his face "ferocious," gripping the old man's shield as he lunged toward Lady Deadpool.
"Demon, behold my treasure!!"
"Little Spider, don't hurt that beauty!!"
"What?"
Elderly Steve's bizarre outburst left Charlie frozen in place, but by then, the shield had already flown from his hand.
As the shield was about to slice across Lady Deadpool's tender cheek, elderly Steve let out a piercing scream.
"Don't hit her face!!"
"What~~"
Charlie raised his hand, shooting webbing to wrap around Lady Deadpool. As the shield whizzed past and embedded itself in the wall, her soft body fell into Charlie's arms.
In an instant, elderly Steve's eyes widened, watching the two spin in place.
"Only you~"
"Slap!"
Charlie smacked away the portable speaker at Lady Deadpool's waist, locking eyes with the clear gaze before him.
"I have a question," he said, dead serious.
Lady Deadpool shyly lowered her head. "Mmm, ask away."
Her voice was so soft that Charlie could only guess at her words.
Charlie, straight-faced, said, "Please, tell me where you got your face done. I want to try it too."
At those words, Lady Deadpool playfully pouted, hammering at Charlie's chest.
"Meanie, I didn't get anything done~"
"'I'?" Who's 'I'? Where are they?" Charlie looked around, utterly confused.
"Meanie, I'm done with you~"
"Wow, you're so extra."
Charlie stared intently at the oddly behaving Lady Deadpool, slowly backing away.
Just then, elderly Steve broke free of his ropes.
He landed beside Charlie, whispering, "Something feels off."
Charlie nodded, his gaze never leaving Lady Deadpool.
"It is off. This one's switched tactics. She actually knows I like green tea."
He clapped and stomped, fuming. "Damn it, she's got me figured out."
Elderly Steve shot Charlie a sideways glance. "Now I think you're the one who's off."
"Me? What's wrong with me? I'm totally normal!"
Charlie pulled out a mirror to check his face. "Still as handsome as ever."
Elderly Steve's expression grew stranger. "I suspect we've both been poisoned."
"Poisoned?"
Charlie raised an eyebrow. "By Ophelia?"
"Possibly."
"She shouldn't have the ability to affect Spider-Man."
"She didn't affect you. You're always like this."
"Uh, what do you mean?"
"I mean, the way you two were acting just now was gross."
"Gross?"
Charlie sized up the bashful Lady Deadpool, grinning wide.
"I think it's pretty nice."
Catching Charlie's gaze, Lady Deadpool shyly turned her head.
"Meanie, if you keep this up, I really won't talk to you~"
With that, she pulled out a spare headpiece and put it on.
In an instant, the shy Lady Deadpool vanished, replaced by a cackling, foul-mouthed nuisance.
"Wahahaha! Soap-dropping Spider-Man, have you fallen for your big sis's charm?
If you're willing to sacrifice your little chrysanthemum, big sis might just humor you—ow, who hit me!!"
A fist the size of a sandbag slammed Lady Deadpool's head into the wall, brains splattering.
"That was me!"
Charlie, face darkened, retracted his fist, watching as her exaggerated healing factor restored her.
He shook his hand, disappointed.
"Turns out it's a split personality. I got excited too soon."
He'd already prepared a training plan, only to get this mess.
Wasted emotions.
He turned to elderly Steve. "Grab the remote, tell Carter to deal with her."
"Got it."
Elderly Steve picked up the remote from the ground and called Carter.
"Hello, hello, this is the gutsiest Captain at Eisen Apartments. We've caught Wanda Wilson. You can come now. Oh, and please find me a doctor for surgery. That jerk planted something in me. What? I need an appointment? Come on, we're all on the same team—can't we cut the line? Fine, fine, thanks, Captain. I'll treat you to dinner later. No, no, it's not just talk—Little Spider's paying. What? Little Spider blew all his salary? Damn it, he promised to fund my retirement—"
Elderly Steve rambled on, while Charlie returned to the room, sending all of Lady Deadpool's prepared tools through a portal.
They were bought with money—no sense wasting them.
Then, he approached the playing-dead Lady Deadpool.
After a moment's thought, Charlie slowly reached out, trying to remove her headpiece.
Under his expectant gaze, the headpiece lifted halfway, revealing a mouth covered in scars.
Charlie: "!!!"
His face froze.
No, this isn't right!!
Gritting his teeth, he yanked the entire headpiece off, only to see a dreamy glow flicker as the scars on her face rapidly vanished, revealing a tantalizingly perfect face.
Charlie: "..."
He put the headpiece back on, then lifted half of it again.
Yup, same as before.
He removed the headpiece again.
"Ugh~Ah~"
Like a sleeping beauty, Lady Deadpool's eyelashes fluttered, her eyes slowly opening, full of shyness.
"Meanie, don't play like that—"
Before she could finish, Charlie slapped the headpiece back on.
"Wahahaha! Charlie, you little freak, big sis loves it! Quick, whip me hard—"
Charlie removed the headpiece, and Lady Deadpool's attitude flipped, her tiny fists pounding his chest.
"If you whip me, I'll—"
Charlie silently put the headpiece back on.
"Wahahaha! It'll be so thrilling—"
Remove headpiece.
"Mm~~ Don't do that—"
Put headpiece back on.
"Useless bug, are you coming or not? Big sis doesn't have time for games—"
Remove headpiece.
"Eek! You're so naughty, I love it—"
Put headpiece back on.
"Jerk, get your head over here so big sis can teach you a lesson—"
Remove headpiece.
"So embarrassing…"
Charlie kept at it for a while.
Nearby, elderly Steve's mouth twitched uncontrollably.
Was it really okay to keep hard-controlling her like this?
Soon, a quinjet landed at the scene.
When Carter saw this bizarre spectacle, her expression was a masterpiece.
Behind her, Agent Hill, quick on the draw, pulled out cuffs designed for superhumans and rushed forward, snapping them onto the unmasked Lady Deadpool.
"Ow! That hurts~"
"Shut up, you disgusting creep."
Agent Hill glared at the stunningly perfect face before her, seething with envy and hatred.
Young vixen, I'll lock you up for eight hundred years!
Without hesitation, she shoved Lady Deadpool into the quinjet.
Before the quinjet closed, Lady Deadpool looked back at Charlie reluctantly.
"Mr. Spider-Man, visit me in prison!"
"Sure, sure."
Charlie waved goodbye with a grin.
Seeing Charlie's smitten look, Carter scoffed.
"Youngsters don't know how cruel the world can be, but as your senior, I must warn you. That one's just a bit younger, prettier, gentler, with a better figure and a bit more obedient—that's all. You can't let something like that distract you and ruin your future. You're S.H.I.E.L.D.'s top… bah, number one hero, everyone's hope. You must stay true to your roots, never forget—hey, where are you going? Let me finish!!"
Watching Charlie walk away, Carter gritted her teeth. "Is this how you treat your leader?"
Charlie paused, turning his head. "Woman, please shut up. I'm going for a late-night snack with the old man. If you're done dieting, you can join us."
"No problem."
Carter promptly stashed the shield in the quinjet, gave Hill some instructions, and hurried to catch up with Charlie.
"What're we eating?" she asked.
"Northwest wind."
Carter: "..."
…
The next day, the TV blared news of the vicious criminal Lady Deadpool's capture.
"Breaking news: Wanda Wilson, also known as Deadpool, was apprehended by Spider-Man at midnight in Kate Tower. According to S.H.I.E.L.D.'s investigation, thirty-two citizens were brutally killed by Deadpool. Her methods were extremely cruel, and she is suspected of suffering from schizophrenia and hyperandrogenism. She has been sent to a mental hospital—"
In a room in the slums, dark-faced Thor stared at the red-and-blue figure on the TV screen, his eyes narrowing.
"Spider-Man? Seems interesting."
His expression shifted as he took a swig of beer.
"Bang~"
The door was violently kicked open, and Braid Guy and his crew stumbled in, crying and kneeling on the floor.
"Boss, we got beat up! Help us take down those cops!!"
Braid Guy screamed, accidentally dropping a pile of gold bars from his pocket.
The room fell silent.
Dark-faced Thor, seeing this, was speechless.
"Were you bullied, or did you bully someone?" he asked sternly.
No need to guess—he knew these guys had gone zero-dollar shopping again.
Before Braid Guy and the others could explain, sirens wailed outside.
As police cars chased into the maze-like slums, George got out, holding a megaphone and issuing a loud warning.
"You're surrounded! Drop your weapons now!!"
"Bang!"
The door was kicked down, and a blond, dark-faced brute slowly stepped out.
"I am the future king of Asgard. Give me some respect—"
"Bang!"
A bullet tore through the air, knocking dark-faced Thor to the ground with its impact.
Thor: "..."
Under George's and the others' wary gazes, dark-faced Thor slowly sat up, clutching his shoulder and wincing. "Ow, that hurts. Too much…"
"Definitely a superhuman, but seems more like a mutant."
George's eyes narrowed.
He pulled out his communicator. "Professor Charles, we've got a mutant criminal here. Please send the X-Men for support."
No sooner had he spoken than dark-faced Thor stood up.
Furious, he roared, "Puny Earthlings, you disrespect me? I'll pound you to death—"
"Bang!"
Another bullet struck his forehead. Though it didn't break the skin, the sheer force sent dark-faced Thor crashing back into the room.
"Boss!"
One of his lackeys moved to help, but Braid Guy yanked him back.
"What boss? While this idiot's taking bullets for us, we can escape."
"Makes sense."
"Run!"
"Wait for me!"
Amid the rubble of the shattered wall, dark-faced Thor looked up to see his disloyal crew fleeing, his face red with rage.
"Those bastards! You're only fit to pick cotton! I'll pound you all someday!!"
"Click!"
Armed officers swarmed in, and dark-faced Thor reluctantly raised his hands.
"Don't shoot, I'm scared of pain," he said, obediently putting his hands behind his head, glancing at George as he approached.
"Is my form good enough?" he asked.
"Perfect. You're definitely a repeat offender."
George gave a thumbs-up, then spoke into his communicator. "Professor Charles, no need to trouble you. I've got this guy under arrest."
With that, he waved. "Take him away."
"Yes, sir."
Soon, the armed officers escorted Thor to S.H.I.E.L.D.
George followed, activating the vehicle's flight mode.
In the passenger seat, his chubby subordinate was curious.
"Sir, why send this guy to S.H.I.E.L.D. instead of the X-Academy? He's clearly a mutant. Doesn't that break protocol?" he asked.
George glanced at him. "It's like how I'm the boss but still have to drive you around."
The chubby officer had a revelation. "I get it—they don't have a license!"
George: "..."
Soon, at S.H.I.E.L.D.
Interrogation room.
Dark-faced Thor sat at a small table, bound by specialized cuffs.
Harsh light shone on his face, forcing him to squint.
"Is this how you Earthlings torture captives?" he sneered.
Agent Hill, expressionless, replied, "You're not a captive. You're a criminal."
"I didn't commit any crime."
"You helped those thugs buy time."
"They're not thugs."
"They stole a ton of gold bars."
"In Asgard, stealing gold bars isn't a crime. You can pick them up off the ground."
Hearing this, Agent Hill glanced at Coulson. "Take this guy to psych for evaluation."
"Understood."
As Coulson stood, dark-faced Thor recalled the TV report about the captured Lady Deadpool.
She'd been labeled mentally ill too.
He slammed the table in anger, only to wince as the impact numbed his hand.
"Hiss~Cough I protest! I'm not sick!!" he glared at them.
Agent Hill had no patience for nonsense. "Sick people always say they're not sick, so you're definitely sick."
With that, Coulson pressed a button on the remote, and the cuffs' electromagnetic pulse knocked dark-faced Thor out cold.
Coulson dragged Thor out of the interrogation room.
Carter, watching it all, frowned slightly.
"Cotton-picking Thor? Trouble in Asgard again?"
Her thoughts raced, and she dialed Charlie.
"Hey, gutsiest guy at Eisen Apartments, we just arrested a Thor. Come pick him up."
On the other end, Charlie's expression shifted.
"Pick him up?"
"Of course. We don't have an extradition treaty with Asgard, but Thor's dad is the Allfather. Keeping him at S.H.I.E.L.D. would be a hassle, so you'll have to take him back to Asgard."
Carter lowered her voice. "If you can, maybe strike a cosmic trade deal with them. Bring back some of that Asgardian gold lying around."
Charlie: "..."
What a damn business mind.
"Got it."
He hung up, looking out at the sky.
What's different about the main universe's Asgard? He was curious to find out.
Wait.
Charlie suddenly realized the invincible Spider-Man had never been to Asgard.
Damn it!
He smacked his forehead in regret.
Even grabbing a random chamber pot from Asgard could fetch a fortune on Earth, securing financial freedom.
How had he not thought of this?
He'd be poor forever!
With a wave of his hand, he called out, "Old man, let's go."
"Where to?" Elderly Steve poked his head out from the kitchen, where he was cooking.
"To Asgard to stock up and earn your pension."
"Wait for me! The food's almost done. Let's eat first."
"Your cooking's so bad even dogs won't touch it… Fine, pack it up. We'll bring it to Asgard as a gift."
"Good idea."
So, elderly Steve carefully packed the food and summoned Mjolnir.