I gasped hard and it stayed there in the air long. I roved between them pointedly. Not once, not twice but three times."You two-" I even shake my head in denial. My gasp is still held in. Ifan pulls me to the side.
"You two had sex and you didn't bother to tell me you were interested in her?!" I speak loudly. Ifan puts his hand on my mouth and keeps looking back, checking to see Faiza doesn't hear.
"Shut up! It's not something to tell."
"You kept deying the fact you were attracted to her and then I walk on you! all over each other?" I bite back my scream.
"Don't exaggerate!"
"Let me go!" My voice is muffled because he's kidnapping me! HELP!
"You lost your virginity and thought it wasn't important enough to tell me!"
"Oh Come on, I lost it when I was 20! fuck you. Besides you haven't told me about your secret girl either!"
"Don't turn this back on me, I'll tell you when it's the right time to tell."
"Same goes for me, too. I wasn't ready to tell you."
"At least I'm not having sex with my secret girl!"
"Bro who stopped you?"
"I'm respecting you!"
"Me?"
"No- its not- I mean- shut up!" I give him a cold shoulder.
"I don't know what I'll do now- she thinks it's a mistake." He growls burying his face in his hands. Talk about mistakes- I know how that might feel, it stings- but our reason is him, what's their reason?
"I think I should go." Faiza informs from outside. "No no wait-" Ifan runs after her. "It's okay Ifan, your brother's here." Faiza says.
"He was just leaving."
No I was not what the-
"Look Ifan- I'm embarrassed, we shouldn't have done that, last night was a mis-"
"Misunderstanding?" Ifan completes, though I think that wasn't what she was gonna say.
"Misled" She says. Oh shit, damn.
"By who exactly?" Ifan raises a brow.
"I should be going." Faiza says.
"I feel like I'm interrupting." I was about to walk out when she stops me.
"No, you stay Sam, I'll going." Faiza leaves. why's she acting guilty?
"Faiza-" Ifan was about to run after her again but changes his mind half way, he's stomping back and forth, running his hands through his hair. "Ugh!" He yells.
"Why would she name you as a mistake?" I ask, not because I want to rub it on his face, I've been told this too by his sister. I'm genuinely concerned.
"She was okay this morning, I- I don't know what went wrong- I uhn I saw someone calling her- maybe that's why she left- I don't know." He sits down in frustration.
"I understand buddy." I say. "You wanna talk about it."
"Yeah.. yeah I'd like that, or?" Ifan looks at me with a smug gaze, guessing I'd know what he's thinking of when he mentioned "or"
Which is one hundred percent correct. I do know.
"Or let's forget about them and get drunk. Just the two of us. Like old times."
"Hell Yeah! but don't puke on me!"
"I can't promise." I grin.
As the DJ spun a pulsating beat, I grabbed Ifan's arm and yanked him onto the dance floor.
I laugh and we both took a shot, gulping the tequila down, we're both weaving through the crowded floor as we danced with abandon.
We danced crazy, standing beside each other. After a few songs, I signal the bartender and order another round of shots.
Ifan follows me, grinning and we clinked glasses. We downed the shots in unison, the liquor burning our throats as we whooped in excitement.
One shot.
Three shots.
Five shots.
Five turned into ten.
And ten into fiveteen.
I burp in drowsiness.
Ifan bursts out laughing. "Ew grosz!"
I snort, laughing at his comment.
"You're gross!" I say.
He takes another shot, and because we were already laughing, the alcohol rushed through his nostrils, and we cracked up, tears of laughter run down my face.
"I'm so glad we forgot about our women!" I yell over the loud noise of the club.
"I know right!"
An hours later.
"She just said it was a mistake, as if it was that easy to claim?" Ifan tells me.
"I know right? How will we get over them?"
We got on Ifan's building's rooftop, it's nice up here, the cold wind, the lights, the view. Everything.
"Like—like I know we have obstacles between us but I told her I'd manage it, she should've believed me." I tell him.
"How can you have sex with someone and then lebal it as a mistake? That's just brutal!" Ifan complains.
"Yeah, even though she kissed me first which means she wanted it."
And so did I.
"She always have me questioning and wondering about her I even dream about her." He's frowning.
"She kissed me first! I didn't even touch her without asking." So I frown, too.
"She went all in with me, I thought we'd have it all." He crosses his arms.
"It was a mistake for her." I, too cross my arms. Repeating the same way.
"It was just a non serious mistake for her."
"Ugh" We both sigh and lay low.
"Your girl too man?" Ifan asks.
"It took you a whole conversation to realise that?" We're both drunk, but we deserve a treat after being dumped. First I get cheated on- then I get dumped by the woman who liked me first? What else is to come? Is my father even my father? Ugh.
"Sam, I don't want to get involved in the whole police mess." He says.
"I know. I'll try to keep you away." I force a smile.
"I think, I'm falling in love- I don't want to get dragged in all of the shit back in town." He growls.
"I never wanted you to get pulled in this, but you were apart—wait what?! in love!?" I'm flabbergasted.
"Yeah." He sighs.
"What.. did you.. did you just say you're falling in love?" My eyes grow even wider.
"I don't know. I think I am."
"Damn man. I mean, wow."
"For the first time in my life, I don't feel ashamed with her Sam. For what I am, for what I've done, maybe because she isn't aware- but if she ever hears- I'll be devastated, I'll never be able to meet with her eye to eye."
"I get it buddy, I know. She won't hear about it, I promise." I say. And he gives me a lazy smile.
"Anyway, what were you guys talking about the other day in the rain when I came?" He's asking about the day I made out with his sister behind his back. Did he saw us or what?
"Arguing." I casually answer.
"About what?"
"Life."
"Life?"
"Yeah. She was complaining about how we left her here without asking her if that was what she wanted. She grew up lonely."
I can tell It broke his vision in half.
"Oh no." He lowers his head.
"It's not your fault Ifan."
"But my baby sister felt that way and I couldn't do anything about it. Nor did I know."
I understand him. The worst feeling in the world is to feel desperation without being actually guilty.
"We were protecting her from all the bad that goes in that mansion. And if by any chance I get to relive this life, I'd still do the same for her. All over again." I say, looking at the sky.
We've seen how women are treated in our town, our moms, our aunt. And we don't wish that upon any woman
"I didn't know she felt that way." He feels sad for her. "She could've told me that, I'm her brother."
"She's okay now, don't worry. She doesn't have anything to complain about you. It was my idea, I'm to blame." I say.
"You were at her best interest." He defends me. But it must have been hard on her. Its not easy being alone. The silence of our own being can get heavy to hold. And she's been holding everything alone for a long time now. She deserves to feel surrounded, included. And I'll make sure to make her feel that way but how if she keeps looking at me with doubt.
"Not all good intentions leave people happy behind." I sigh.
"You're targeting again." He elbows me. I laugh at his gesture.
"Now go back to where you said you're in love? How!" I clench my teeth, to bite back surprising expectation. "Shut up." He laughs.
Love—love is a strong word. The only person who pops up in my head when I hear the word love is—
My phone starts to ring. 'In coming call from Ayat.' Oh. I was just remembering you sweetheart. I accept the call immediately because I'm drowsy.
"Hey?" I say.
"Can you come home" she says "please" her voice cracked as she snifs.
The fuck? She's crying?
"I uhm I, I'm sorry, I gotta go buddy- uh business call." I tap Ifan's shoulder and run downstairs.
Grabbed my motorbike.
Reached the speed limit.
U-Turned,
Over the bumps,
Tilting into turns,
Overtaking every vehicle that comes in my way.
Crossed the speed limit. I don't give a fuck.
She was crying and that's all I can hear.
It starts to rain. Cruse you universe!
My helmet gets wet, the rain droplets make it harder to see.
But I move, Leaning into a crave,
Didn't even parked the bike properly, just threw it half way, jumping out of it
As I bang open the door.
"Ayat!?" I yell. She comes out of her room.
Red nose, puffy eyes.
She definitely cried.
"Are you okay?" I walk to her up close, I bend a little so that I can see her eye to eye. I stand up straight, scanning her place, its a mess, Everything's torn apart, vase broken down, pillows laying here and there. "What happend here?"
She wasn't crying because of me-
Ayat hugs me, and I get startled. Her arms around my waist while my arms stay free. I don't know what to do. I raise my hand gently to pet her head, she burries her face against my chest as I rub my other hand over her back comforting her. She's scared? Water drips down my clothes.
"Who did this to you?" I ask "Are you okay? Are you hurt?" I ask again as I held her, but this time as gentle as I could. Even though my heart is racing. I don't let my shallow breaths be noticeable. Because even if I'm tensed, so is she, more than me.
"A guy from your work place came" She sniffs. "Who?" My eyes immediately trace the whole room. Why would someone destory our house? Even if after me but who could possibly know about her?
"Fragile woman huh"
No. Could it be?
"He was tall and he had a scar on his eye"
No, no, no.
No fucking way-
It's Victor.
"What did he do?" I'm frustrated.
"He just came and was looking for something, when he couldn't find it he left, but the way he sreached was abnormal, he looked scared. As if he was losing, maybe it had to do something with what he was trying to find." Ayat sniffs.
I could intensely cuss right now but I respect her too much to do that infront of her. She's an angel.
What could Victor possibly want? Either way he's dead now. I think I've struck a nerve.
How dare he make her cry, I'm going to fucking peal his skin off.
Anger is bad luck anger is bad luck.
I don't care! So be it be ill fate, bad luck, misfortune. I don't care, to hell with it. I'll face whatever punishment that come across my way this time. You mess with my woman, you get what you deserve. What more could the universe do? take her away from me? I won't let it be. I'm already damaged, might as well challenge death itself, because this time I'll even fight death for her.
Hell doesn't scare me, what scares me is her suffering when I die.
And I'm destined to die in this lifetime.