It's not a piece of cake to face your inner demons while you're internally shaken and chaos is ruling over your mind. However, while standing right in front of Kriti's flat, my heart was calm as a lake. A strange serenity washed over me as Lalith rang her doorbell.
Chinnadevi Akka's PG had a very important security flaw that everyone in the building knew. None of the flats in the building had an eyehole. Everyone had chains inside that were used to make some space good enough to see who was on the other side of the door.
It's really not a problem if you are used to it or constantly remind yourself about it. However, at the end of the day, we all are humans. We all make mistakes.
And so did Kriti, who opened the door without checking who was at the other end. For if she did, I am pretty sure she would have smoothed her hair and put on a new shirt that probably was lying deep in her closet that she never bothered to clean. Just like me.
Kriti opened the door on the second ring. Her wolf-cut hair was in a messy ponytail, and it looked like she had been ripping her hair out of frustration. Her long beige t-shirt had a recent coffee spill, and so did her shorts. Her room smelt of coffee and cigarettes. A deadly combination of aromas that I like being in when I am in the zone of pulling an all-nighter.
Kriti saw me and instantly smoothed her hair.
"Hi, how are you?" Kriti said, with a slight nervousness in her voice.
"Hi," I said, fiddling with my handbag. "You busy?"
Kriti turned back to see her pile of work and said, "No, not at all. Come in."
"Uh-hum." Lalith coughed.
"Oh, hi, Lalith. What are you doing here?" Kriti asked, crossing her arms like she was annoyed by his presence.
"I am here because I dropped your girl here." Lalith said, raising his eyebrows.
Kriti gritted her teeth and said, "Thank you, but you are not needed here. Unless you wish to help me with the work that you dumped on me before going back to your apartment."
"I'll pass. I take my leave. Jasmine, you better do it." Lalith glared and pointed at me and turned back to leave, down the staircase.
Kriti opened the door wide open and said, "Come on in."
I entered and removed my shoes inside, keeping them neatly beside Kriti's.
Kriti quickly ran to her workspace and tried her level best to clean up all the papers that were scattered to make some space for me to sit. Curious, I peeked into the pile and was stunned.
Document after document of complaints, academic notices, and screenshots of messages printed out and colour-coded. I picked one of the sheets and read the contents. It was a screenshot of a chat log between Jaya and Kriti discussing Manaav's past.
Kriti snatched the paper and said, "Don't bother yourself with this matter. It's an irrelevant matter."
"Why are you investigating Manaav?" I asked bluntly.
"Well, it's come to notice that he has been given three notices regarding his conduct. So, we are evaluating his performance, academically and socially." Kriti said, averting my eyes. She softly banged the stacks of papers on the table to align the papers.
"But this notice is not something new. I clearly recall it came four months ago. I remember seeing it on the notice board and having an argument regarding this." I stared at Kriti, who turned her back at me and busied herself with tidying her room up.
"Coffee?" Kriti asked, taking out two instant coffee packets and still avoiding my face.
"No, I just had tea with Lalith." I said and walked up to her, facing her face to face.
"There is a reason why Siddharth and Jaya can't keep secrets with me and eventually spill everything to me." I said, locking our eyes.
"Because I am not naive enough to trust surface-level circumstances and think that coincidences exist. I have been betrayed too many times to get it ingrained in my brain that people lie the most to those they are closest to. So tell me, Kriti, why do you love me?" I asked, calmly.
"Because it's you." Kriti said, without flinching the slightest.
And crazily, there were no butterflies in my stomach or racing heartbeats. Just a feeling of cosiness and warmth that enveloped me. My heart didn't feel tremors like I felt around Manaav.
It just felt right. Like it made sense loving each other and building something that lasts for eternity. However, I needed more. I needed to hear more. My heart wanted to hear more. Every cell of my body wanted to know this wasn't a prank. That this, was real. That I wasn't imagining those side glances we had during library or the awkward tea stall moments or when we paid each other's bill at the counters because we happened to run into each other. Those moments when we avoided each other's sudden eye contact during lunch or felt an instant connection when we talked.
"Why me? There are 1.4 billion people in this country. Around four lakh people in this locality and university. Heck, there are fifty people in your class you can choose from. Why me?" I pressed more.
"Do I really have to say it out loud? Were all those moments with your cousin being the third wheel just in my head? Were the past years just my imagination?" Kriti gripped the handle of the coffee cup harder.
"I thought it was just me. I thought it was just my wishful thinking. It's not easy to tell one's feelings out loud without the fear of losing what's barely there. So, I didn't say. I didn't say at all." Tears started to well in my eyes. I could barely see Kriti's face clearly.
Instantly she knew I was about to cry, and she kept the cup on the table and hugged me tightly. She patted my back gently and soothed me.
"With others I am intense, overwhelming, too opinionated, and too passionate. I am argumentative and don't back away from a fight. Yet, somehow with you, I am soft, emotional, weak and nervous all the time. Yesterday was like a dream I wish turned into myreality." I cried softly.
With others I am laid-back and chill and don't care what the future holds at all. I rarely check what's going on in others' lives until someone tells me about it. I am more invested in my career goals than partying with the boys. But with you, I am patient and curious, ready to check what interests you and remember every single conversation we ever had. I really love you, Jasmine. I really do." Kriti said and continued, "And I really want us together."
"So, are we dating?" I asked cautiously as she wiped my tears from my face.
"Yes, we are." Kriti laughed, and so did I.