"Oh, oh, oh, here's a great one. The 'Charlotte Observer' states: Allow me to summarize the viewing experience as 'a yawn.'"
"Fifty points!"
After reading the review, Anson dramatically opened his mouth and mimicked a yawn.
Pfft.
Boo.
A chorus of boos erupted in the living room.
Seth Rogen's iconic booming voice cut through the noise, "Oh, that's just rude. Even a bad review should use some adjectives, right?"
Ha-ha, everyone burst into laughter.
The movie review party had begun, but things weren't exactly going as imagined.
Wait, wasn't Century City saying it was a hit? What's happening here?
Here's the situation:
Indeed, the first batch of reviews uploaded for "Spider-Man" was positive—not just one or two, but a full five reviews, all scoring above 80 points.
For a popcorn movie, having an average media score above 80 is undoubtedly a breakthrough, enough to get half of Century City excited.
Couple that with the genuine audience reactions from last night's premiere, without any rehearsals or manipulations, and everything seemed to suggest that the movie's quality exceeded expectations.
Instantly, the atmosphere brewed with anticipation, ready to dive into summer blockbuster mode.
Finally, after half a year of stagnation and depression, it was time to get hyped. "Spider-Man" might just turn things around.
The entertainment industry is always fickle; people were eager to cheer after just a couple of good signs. But no one expected that five positive reviews were still too small a sample size. The reviews that followed were overwhelmingly mixed.
Things took a sharp turn.
Actually, they were just mixed reviews, not bad ones. From any perspective, mixed reviews aren't something to worry about too much—it's not the end of the world.
But the higher the expectation, the stronger the impact of the fall. And "Spider-Man" was carrying such heavy expectations. After five positive reviews, the bar was set sky-high, so when the mixed reviews started pouring in, Century City was thrown into disarray.
Wait, could this bad omen actually be coming true?
What Ryan feared most finally happened: a group of strangers sitting in a room listening to bad reviews.
Ryan felt like he could curl his toes and dig out an entire Disneyland castle from the floor. But surprisingly, Anson managed to turn those reviews into jokes and banter, so instead of awkwardness, there was a joyful atmosphere.
Watching Anson, who was clearly reading out mixed reviews, yet his animated performance had everyone in stitches. A room full of young people joined in the fun.
It seemed like bad reviews weren't that big of a deal.
It was hard to believe, but that last one was actually a fifty-point review—
No, mixed review. It was a mixed review.
"Oh, oh, oh, you should hear what 'Time Magazine' had to say."
As soon as Anson spoke, the crowd started cheering in excitement.
"'Time, Time,' this is a heavyweight!"
"Come on, Anson, give us something juicy."
Anson looked around and smiled, "Fifty points, also fifty points."
Immediately—
"Meh, only fifty points? Nothing lower?"
"These critics, do they even know how to criticize properly? Give us a twenty-pointer."
"Anson, be honest. Are you afraid to read out a ten or fifteen-pointer? If you're scared, let James do it."
Ryan looked around. What was with these people actually welcoming a more brutal storm? Weren't they supposed to hope for good reviews?
Anson shrugged, "Sorry, the worst review so far is still fifty points. I guess they don't want to hurt my fragile heart."
Ha-ha, everyone laughed together.
"Come on, come on, 'Time Magazine.'"
"We all know Anson is very handsome; everyone knows this. Sam Raimi really didn't need to keep reminding us with constant close-ups."
Period.
The whole room fell silent.
James couldn't believe his ears, "That's it?"
Anson spread his hands.
Boo! Pfft! Boo!
The crowd booed loudly, and some even threw chips at Anson, showing their strong disapproval.
Seth, with a face of mock sorrow, said, "Believe me, we already know that. You don't need to keep repeating it. One narcissistic James is already more than we can handle, okay?"
James replied, "Hey!"
In the midst of all the laughter and noise, the damage from the sharp shift from good to mixed reviews seemed to be fading.
Anson wasn't lying—
So far, the worst review score is still fifty points.
It felt painless, without truly hitting any sore spots. Of course, there's also another possibility—maybe "Spider-Man" wasn't that bad. Even the pickiest critics gave it a fifty.
"Los Angeles Weekly," fifty points: "Thanks to the absolutely awful CGI and the marshmallow-stuffed coming-of-age storyline, Peter Parker's story as a superhero is undeniably mediocre and dull. He seems more concerned about a girl changing her dress than his superpowers or the end of the world."
Innovation often comes with pressure.
When Sam Raimi chose to explore Peter Parker's story through a coming-of-age angle, it was bound to polarize viewers—
After all, there's a segment of the audience who enter theaters wanting to see heroes fight for justice and punish evil, not a teen's romantic and emotional growth.
Thus, "Los Angeles Weekly" fired all its shots.
"San Francisco Chronicle," fifty points: "Maybe the real problem is how to update the 'Spider-Man' story to keep up with the times. The original comic was born in 1962, creating a unique superhero that showed people there could be more to the world of comics. But Raimi hasn't found the right way to bring the story into the present, forty years later. For audiences born after the 70s, this story is too outdated and clunky."
Accurate, sharp, and ruthless.
So, is that all?
No bad reviews?
Not fifty-point mixed reviews, but a true, scathing critique?
The answer is... no.
After five positive reviews, there was a stream of ten mixed ones, instantly overshadowing the good reviews. The string of mixed reviews is indeed quite striking:
After all, "Digital Murder" also landed in the mixed-review range in the end. It never really fell into the bad review category, but the movie still ended up losing money.
If "Spider-Man" wants to open strong and turn around the slump of the summer, a string of mixed reviews isn't enough—not by a long shot.
No bad reviews—that's something to be relieved about. But a flood of mixed reviews? That's concerning.
"Next, 'The New Yorker.'"
Anson threw out a heavy hitter.
Sure enough, everyone started chattering. Compared to other media, "The New Yorker" prides itself on its independent character and literary quality. It has a strong influence among intellectuals and the middle class.
But then again, it's not surprising that "The New Yorker" doesn't like popcorn movies.
"Fifty points."
Everyone shook their heads, and Annie even shouted, "I'm disappointed in you, 'New Yorker.' You can do better; your critiques could be harsher."
Amidst a round of applause and whistles, Anson finally revealed the verdict.
"The movie is as timid as a spider, tentatively trying to take a step forward but ultimately just hiding in the corner, frozen stupidly in place, as if afraid that stepping out of the shadows might… I don't know… expose it to the sunlight? Ew."