After dining and bathing, I am back in Liz's bed. I'm not uncomfortable down there anymore, and actually, I don't even have panties under the pants I have changed into for the night.
I'm reading one of Liz's books while leaning against the headboard when she comes back from outside. She ties her hair and comes to lie down beside me.
"It is getting late. You should rest."
"I have slept enough already. I'm not feeling sleepy yet."
"Why are you sulking?"
I glance at Liz's smiling face close to me, then ignore her.
And she is right, I'm sulking. I'm feeling upset that she hides things from me. I'm also upset with the world that does not want to give me the time to grieve, to simply and property grieve.
I try to continue reading, but the words that have been easy to perceive before suddenly seem jumbled up. My frustration mounts, then I'm suddenly attacked on the sides of my body by Liz's fingers.
I can't make sense of her actions before I have to contort myself because of the movements of her fingers. Despite trying, I can't stop the laughter that explodes out of me.
"Hahahaha… Stop… Liz, stop… Hahahaha…"
I throw the book aside, and I'm forced to put my focus on her, to laugh when I want to give her the cold shoulder.
Unfortunately I can't run. My wound at the leg is only a few days old still.
"Alright, enough Liz. I give up, stop."
I breathe heavily after my surrender is accepted. I glare at her, but I have little strength to put behind that glare.
She rests on her elbow and towers over me. The smile on her face bums me, and I want to turn away, but she places her hand on my cheek.
She caresses my face, and pushes my short hair behind my ear. Her softness melts all my dissatisfaction away.
"Max, don't worry about anything, alright? Dad and mom are not here anymore, but I will take their place and take care of you. I also miss them, but it is just us two now. Lean on me, okay?"
I lose myself in Liz's violet eyes. I lower my head, and I simply hug her.
She lies down and pulls me deeper into her embrace.
"When you were little, everytime you got frustrated, Mom used to give you her breast to suckle, and that always calmed you down."
Instead of making me blush, her smiling voice only brings me memories of our mother. I don't cry. The grief has dulled thanks to Liz always making me a priority. But the sadness can't seem to go away.
And beyond being sad for myself and our parents, and our grandparents, I'm the most sad for the smile Liz has been showing despite everything.
I push my head in her chest without a word. I thought we would stay like that, but she moves and soon, I have her freed breast before me, the nipple held before my lips.
"Here, Max. Anything that can make you feel better, just tell me. I will be your support now."
I look at the nipple. It is beautiful, just like the bountiful breast it is sitting on top of, but not more than the gentle heart of my sister.
Silently, I open my lips and swallow the protrusion, taking even the areola in. I close my mouth on the breast, and make my teeth scrap its surface, before I lightly bite on the nipple at the end.
Liz stiffens, then relaxes. She strokes my head, but I take her hand and bring it to my own small breast inside my t-shirt.
She can rest on it, fondle it, or do whatever she wants. She can support me, but I will also support her. I will not just take, I want to give too.
As I suckle on Liz's breast with vigor like I want it to produce milk, I stiffen when she squeezes my breast.
I don't look up, but I can feel that she was smiling.
She pulls me tighter, and we sleep like that, in the arms of each other, supporting each other as the only family member of the other.
With her with me, I can face what we must do going forward.
There is the room of our parents we must tidy. We must pick up the ashes of our grandparents. We must get paperworks done for everything Liz listed before she left the house in the morning, and some more, now that our grandparents passed away too.
Then there is life itself. It must go forward.
School. And Josh.
My friends, I can see myself coming out of my grief to still smile at them. But Josh, I don't want to see him again. I don't know how to look at him. I don't know how to interact with him, nor do I want to.
Thinking about him brings back the same feeling of nausea as before, and only what I have in my mouth makes me feel grounded.
Life must go on. The future, I will think about it later. The echoes of the past are already guiding me toward maturity, but I will decide later, after my heart has rested enough, after my mind has cleared up.
Suddenly, life doesn't seem gloomy anymore.
I feel Liz's hand move. It was like it was bored staying inside my t-shirt. Her warm hand rests on my skin while her finger starts tracing lines on my breast, especially around my areola and my nipple.
I shift my legs and curl my toes. I can't think anymore. I focus and suckle harder. At the same time, I start to regret not wearing panties. I hope my pants will dry before Liz notices anything tomorrow. Still the excitement makes me smile with my occupied mouth.
Yeah, the sky is brightening up. Rather, with Liz holding me tight, the sky is already bright. It is already bright enough, and it will always be bright.