After a long battle with Ammar on the frontline, we both logged off and found that the others were waiting for us. They were hungry and waited for me to help.
After a lot of chaos from deep-frying Rimuru, fighting a fire rabbit, my three little ones visited, and apparently accidentally cooked a human man we got from the street. [Extra chapter]
The living room was still half-covered in soot from the last "cooking attempt." Someone's pan was embedded in the ceiling. Rimuru was sulking in a soup pot, refusing to reform his shape until further notice.
We'd given up and ordered takeout from three worlds at once — Fontaine sushi, Mondstadt roast, and something suspiciously glowing from the Abyssal Café.
[Grey]: So, tell me about how school was.
I said that as I took a bite from the cooked and seasoned rabbit.
[Loiten]: Uh… my headmaster exploded.
[Grey]: Exploded?
[Loiten]: Yup. Like—actual explosion. He touched my notebook. It screamed. Then boom. They're calling it an 'educational incident.'
[Reefer]: That's nothing! My teacher turned out to be a Grimm. Half the class joined her cult before lunch.
[Bit Bob Collen]: I bit a table.
[Grey]: …Of course you did.
Rimuru, now back to normal and sipping from a straw, blinked.
[Rimuru]: Why is that said with pride?
[Bit Bob]: It bit me first.
[Grey]: Good defense.
The table went quiet for a moment—peaceful, even—until the takeout bag from the Abyssal Café started trembling.
[Klee]: It's moving again!
[Doctor ]: WHY DID YOU ORDER FROM A PLACE THAT DELIVERS SENTIENT FOOD!?
[Grey]: Because they don't burn the kitchen when they fight back.
Everyone dove for cover as a dozen glowing noodles burst from it like divine serpents, lashing at the walls.
[Reefer]: You said this was safe!
[Grey]: I said edible! That's not the same thing!
A noodle wrapped around Ammar's arm.
[Ammar]: My lady! I think dinner's trying to promote me!
[Loiten]: I hate family dinners.
[Bit Bob]: I don't.
[Grey]: Alright. Everyone, grab your forks—no fire this time!
[Later]
The chaos had finally died down. The noodles were dead (or married; no one could tell), and the house smelled vaguely of victory and garlic.
I sat beside Loiten on the couch. He had a notebook in one hand, a pen in the other, and the kind of serious face that made me nervous.
[Grey]: You studying, or planning a coup?
[Loiten]: Uh… neither, Father— I mean, Mother— okay, listen, I need some love advice. And don't say you can't give me any. I know how babies are crafted, and that you have a secret harem. That's how we were crafted!
He said it like he was reciting a scientific fact. I blinked. Twice. Then stared at the romance novel poking out of his pocket.
[Grey]: Kid. How many times have I told you that I'm a woman?
[Loiten]: Eighty-seven. Counting this one, eighty-eight.
[Grey]: You know what? Fine. Tell me about your love… experience.
He brightened up immediately, which was not a good sign.
[Loiten]: Okay, so—there's this girl in my class, right? She's got this silver hair, glows a bit in moonlight, possibly cursed, and she—uh—stabs people who flirt with her. But she didn't stab me! She just glared!
[Grey]: …And you think that's a good sign?
[Loiten]: It's better than a stab! That's progress!
I leaned back, staring at the ceiling.
Sometimes, I wondered if my bloodline was just cosmic punishment for existing.
[Grey]: Listen, Loiten. Love isn't about surviving someone's glare. It's about mutual chaos, understanding, and not having to resurrect each other more than once a week. If she hasn't killed you yet, maybe you've got a chance.
He nodded like I'd just quoted a divine scripture.
[Loiten]: So… be patient and don't die?
[Grey]: Exactly. And if she ever tries to stab you, propose. It worked for your—for someone I used to know.
He grinned, jotting notes like I'd just handed him the key to the universe.
[Loiten]: Thanks, Father—uh, Mother. You're… surprisingly good at this. Now, let's talk about the rest of them.
I froze mid-smile.
[Grey]: …The rest of what, exactly?
[Loiten]: Ah, my… uh… relationships?
[Grey]: Relationships. Plural. How many future daughters-in-law am I supposed to be preparing for?
He scratched his cheek, avoiding eye contact.
[Loiten]: Damn me and my mouth... Ah, not many! Just ten, give or take.
[Grey]:…Ten.
[Loiten]: If I count the dead and the dragon girls, it would be thirty.
The world went silent. The lights dimmed. Somewhere in the distance, a kettle screamed in despair.
I stood up.
He nodded like this was perfectly reasonable.
[Grey]: MY. SON. IS. A. HAREM. PROTAGONIST.
The table flipped. Rimuru screamed from the next room. The ghost rabbit caught fire again.
[Doctor]: WHO DEEP-FRIED THE FLOOR THIS TIME!?
[Loiten]: Mother, calm down! It's not like I—
[Grey]: DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW MANY HEARTS THAT IS TO MANAGE!? DO YOU HAVE A SPREADSHEET?!
He looked away guiltily.
[Grey]: YOU HAVE A SPREADSHEET!?
[Loiten]: It's color-coded…
[Grey]: OH. MY. GOD.
Without a word, I reached under the table and pulled out the belt.
[Loiten]: NO, DAD, NO—WAIT, MOM, WE CAN TALK ABOUT THIS—AAAH!
[One Belt Season Later]
The air smelled faintly of burnt food and regret. Everyone sat around the half-charred dining table, quietly eating the slightly overcooked takeout. Rimuru slurped noodles like none of this concerned him.
[Rimuru]: Sooo… when's the wedding?
I stared into my cup, eyes hollow.
[Grey]: …Which one? Because I can't remember all one hundred of them anymore.
The table went dead silent. Even the ghost rabbit outside stopped screaming.
[Loiten]: I told you they were just potential routes…
[Grey]: Routes? You're not a dating sim, Loiten—you're my son!
[Beelzebub]: To be fair, one hundred partners is impressive. Even by demon standards.
[Rimuru]: At this point, he's basically the 'Harem King of the Light and Dark Realm.'
[Grey]: Don't give him a title!
[Loiten]: Already made the guild banner…
[Grey]: I need holy water. And therapy. Possibly both in the same bottle.
[Noah]: I think we all need a walk. I heard this world has corn in cups with butter for ninety-nine cents.
Everyone immediately got up.
[Beelzebub]: Can I bring the rabbit soul?
[Grey]: Only if it's not on fire again.
[Chapter end