I stared at the translucent menu, scrolling through the icons.
[SKILLS: 24 TOTAL]
Combat: Attack, Strength, Defence, Ranged, Prayer, Magic, Constitution.
Gathering: Mining, Fishing, Woodcutting, Farming, Hunter, Divination.
Artisan: Cooking, Crafting, Firemaking, Fletching, Smithing, Herblore, Runecrafting, Construction.
Support: Agility, Thieving, Slayer.
"Twenty-four," I whispered, my thumb hovering over 'Slayer'—the skill Elena seemed so proud of. It was locked behind a golden padlock icon. "Back home, I couldn't even master Microsoft Excel. Now I'm supposed to learn how to weave runes and brew potions?"
I shook my head, clearing the interface. First things first: The Cook's Assistant quest. It sounded simple. Basic. Safe.
I made my way toward the castle kitchen, the heavy oak doors groaning as I pushed them open. The smell of burnt flour and desperation hit me instantly. A man in a tall white hat was pacing back and forth, wringing his hands so hard I thought they might snap.
"Oh, woe is me! The Duke's birthday! The cake! The catastrophe!" he wailed.
Above his head: [The Cook - Level 5 - Culinary Crisis Expert].
"Hey," I said, stepping into the light. "I heard you need some ingredients?"
The Cook spun around, his eyes wide. "A volunteer! An adventurer! Oh, bless your Level 3 soul! I need top-quality flour, a fresh egg, and a bucket of milk. The Duke won't settle for anything less than perfection, and I'm far too stressed to leave this stove!"
[NEW QUEST ADDED: COOK'S ASSISTANT]
Objectives: 0/1 Flour, 0/1 Milk, 0/1 Egg.
Reward: Cooking XP, Quest Points, and the Duke's favor.
"I'm on it," I said, feeling a strange spark of purpose. "Where's the nearest... uh, egg source?"
"The farm to the north, past the gate! Just mind the chickens. They're... spirited."
I stepped out of the castle and headed north. The grass was impossibly green, swaying in a breeze that felt like silk. I spotted a small fenced-in area filled with white feathers and aggressive clucking.
I hopped over the fence, spotting a perfect, speckled egg sitting in a nest of straw. "Easy money," I muttered, reaching out.
SHREEE!
A chicken—no, a beast in avian form—suddenly stood between me and my prize. It wasn't large, but its eyes held a prehistoric vacuum of mercy.
[Chicken - Level 1]
"You're Level 1," I laughed, my hand still outstretched. "I'm a grown man. Move aside, Colonel."
The chicken did not move. It pecked.
It was fast. Faster than the truck that hit me. Cluck-thwack! Its beak struck my shin with the force of a hammer.
[-1 Life Point]
"Ow! Hey! That actually hurt!" I barked, hopping on one foot. I tried to shoo it away, but the bird flapped its wings, flying directly at my face. Feathers exploded everywhere. I was flailing, swatting at the air like a madman, while a Level 1 farm animal systematically dismantled my dignity.
From the nearby fence, a familiar laugh rang out.
I froze, one hand holding the chicken by its neck (gently, I'm not a monster), the other shielding my eyes. Elena was leaning against the wooden rail, her arms crossed over her leather chestpiece.
"Is this the legendary adventurer I met at the fountain?" she teased, her eyes dancing with mirth. "Wrestling with a hen for a brunch ingredient?"
"It's a very aggressive hen!" I defended, finally grabbing the egg and scrambling back over the fence. I landed in the dirt at her feet, covered in downy feathers and looking like I'd lost a fight with a pillow.
Elena reached down, plucked a feather from my hair, and blew it away. "You know, Adam, usually people use their 'Attack' skill for combat. You seemed to be using the 'Dying of Embarrassment' skill. It's not on the list of 24, but you're nearly Level 99 in it."
I groaned, standing up and brushing off my tunic. "Laugh it up. I got the egg."
"So you did," she said, her tone softening slightly. "And you survived your first encounter with a monster. Even if it was just a snack-sized one. Here."
She tossed me a small, wooden vial.
"What's this?"
"An attack potion. It'll give your accuracy a little boost. If you're going to keep adventuring, you'll need more than just luck. And maybe some better pants." She winked, turning back toward the path. "I'm heading toward the wizard's tower. There's a rumor of some magical disturbances. If you finish your grocery shopping and don't get pecked to death, meet me at the bridge in an hour. I might have a real quest for you."
I watched her walk away, the sunlight catching the metal plates of her armor. My heart was thumping—not from the chicken attack, but from the realization that this world was infinitely more interesting than the one I left behind.
I looked down at the egg in my hand.
"Right," I said to the empty field. "Flour and milk. Then, the wizard's tower."
I opened my menu and saw a new notification.
[ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: SURVIVOR OF THE COOP]
[Reward: +50 Attack XP]
[LEVEL UP!]
[ATTACK: LEVEL 2]
I grinned. It wasn't a corner office or a salary, but for the first time in twenty years, I felt like I was actually getting somewhere.