Zay Pov
The shrill ringing of my alarm clock cut through the quiet morning.
I groaned, throwing my arm over my eyes to block out the sunlight peeking through the curtains. For the past two years, this bedroom abroad had been my safe zone. It was thousands of miles away from the city that had shattered my heart—a quiet place where I could reinvent myself into someone cool, calm, and collected.
But today was the day I had to leave it.
The original agreement with my parents was simple: I could go study abroad for one year to "clear my head." I had managed to stretch it to two by pleading, bargaining, and keeping my pre-vet grades high. Now, my time was up. It was time to go home and start my actual freshman year of Veterinary Medicine.
I sat up, my messy hair sticking out in all directions. I took a deep breath and looked at my reflection in the mirror.
You're fine, I told myself. Two years is a long time, You're over it. You're over him.
My packing was already done. All that was left were the heavy suitcases lining the wall. Dragging them out the door felt incredibly symbolic. I was dragging my past behind me, whether I was ready or not.
The airport was a blur of fluorescent lights, loud announcements, and rolling luggage.
By the time I finally buckled my seatbelt on the plane, my heart was drumming a nervous rhythm against my ribs. I leaned my forehead against the cool window as the engines roared to life. As the plane lifted into the sky, I watched the city shrink beneath the clouds.
I pulled out my headphones and blasted upbeat pop music. I didn't want to think. I just wanted to fast forward. I wanted to skip the anxiety, skip the flight, and just be settled and safe.
But time didn't work that way. Hours later, the pilot announced our descent.
When I stepped out of the arrivals gate, the heavy, warm air of my hometown hit me like a physical wall. It smelled exactly the same. The bustling crowds, the traffic, the loud chatter—it was all the same. A shiver ran down my spine.
This was the city where I had cried myself to sleep. This was the city where I had ghosted the person I loved most because the pain of a one-sided love became too heavy to carry.
I gripped the handle of my suitcase tighter. I am a different person now, I repeated like a mantra. I am a college student, I am going to be a veterinarian, and I don't have time for reminiscing.
"Young master Zay!"
I snapped out of my thoughts and smiled. Standing near the curb was our family's long-time driver, waving enthusiastically at me.
"Mang Ben!" I jogged over, letting him pull me into a warm side-hug before we loaded my heavy luggage into the trunk of the car.
"Welcome home, Zay! You've grown so much. Your parents are eager to see you, but they told me to drop off your things at your new place first."
The drive through the city was a sensory overload. I stared out the window, watching familiar streets flash by. Memories tried to bubble up, but I firmly pushed them back down into the basement of my brain. No thank you!
Soon, the car pulled up to a towering, modern high-rise building. It was beautiful, made of glass, and incredibly close to my new university.
We took the elevator up to the twelfth floor. When I opened the door to my new condo, my jaw dropped. It was perfect. It was modern, bright, and had a massive window overlooking the city skyline. Most importantly, it was empty of any memories. No ghosts lived here. It was a completely fresh slate for the new me.
"Do you like it, Zay?" Mang Ben asked, placing the last suitcase by the door.
"I love it," I breathed out, running my hand over the smooth kitchen counter. "It's perfect, Mang Ben."
"Good! Now, let us head to the main house. Your mother has been cooking since five in the morning."
I laughed, the heavy knot in my chest finally loosening.
When we arrived at my parents' house, the front door flew open before I could even ring the bell. My mom practically tackled me in a hug, smothering my face with kisses while my dad stood behind her, smiling warmly with his arms crossed.
The rest of the evening was filled with delicious food, loud laughter, and my parents grilling me about my studies. For the first time all day, I felt safe. I was surrounded by people who loved me. Sitting there, eating my favorite home-cooked meal, my confidence came rushing back.
I was home. I was healed. And tomorrow was the first day of university. What could possibly go wrong?
—
I have a confession to make: I have absolutely no sense of direction.
Standing at the front gates of the university on Monday morning, my jaw dropped. When the website said the campus was "sprawling," I thought they meant it had a nice lawn. I didn't realize it was its own mini-city. There were towering glass buildings, ancient brick halls, winding pathways, and enough trees to create a small forest.
Thousands of students were swarming past me, looking incredibly stylish and confident, while I stood there clutching my backpack straps like a lost toddler.
Okay, Zay. Breathe. You are an adult sophisticated college freshman now. You do not cry in front of strangers on day one.
I pulled out my phone to check the orientation map. It looked like a bowl of spaghetti. All freshmen were supposed to report to the Grand Auditorium first. After wandering in a circle for fifteen minutes and accidentally entering the Engineering building, I finally followed a group of students who looked just as confused as I was.
The auditorium was massive. It was a sea of chatter and nervous energy. At the front, there were giant signs for each department. I let out a sigh of relief when I spotted the banner with a paw print on it: Veterinary Medicine.
I quickly shuffled into the Vet line.
For the next four hours, the university subjected us to the ultimate endurance test: listening to speakers. We listened to the Dean, the Vice-Dean, the head of student affairs, and even a very enthusiastic librarian. My initial excitement quickly dissolved into pure, unadulterated boredom.
I could feel my soul slowly leaving my body as the third PowerPoint presentation about "Campus Ethics" flickered on the screen.
By the time the orientation finally ended, my stomach was growling loudly enough to rival a hungry lion.
The speakers instructed us to follow our senior student leaders to our respective department buildings. Our upperclassmen were wearing bright yellow lanyards, and they rounded us up like ducklings.
"Vet Med students, this way!" a cheerful senior girl called out, waving a flag.
We were led out of the auditorium and toward the far left side of the campus. As we walked, I noticed another guy walking right next to me. He looked just as exhausted from the speeches as I felt. He was wearing a casual denim jacket, and he kept tripping over his own shoelaces while trying to read his schedule.
I couldn't help but chuckle. He looked up, caught me laughing, and gave me a sheepish, lopsided grin.
"Orientation speeches should be classified as a form of torture," he whispered as we walked.
I giggled. "Tell me about it. I think I fell asleep with my eyes open for at least twenty minutes."
He laughed and extended a hand. "I'm Pai. Freshman Vet student, and currently running on zero sleep and three shots of espresso."
"I'm Zay," I replied, shaking his hand.
"Freshman too. Please tell me you know where the cafeteria is, because I might faint."
"Even better," Pai said, leaning in like he was sharing a top-secret government file. "I live in the SkyView Residences right off campus. I have a stash of instant noodles and snacks in my room if the cafeteria lines are too long."
My eyes widened. "Wait. SkyView Residences? On the twelfth floor?"
Pai blinked. "Yeah! Unit 1204. How did you know?"
"I'm in 1208!" I practically beamed. "We're neighbors!"
Just like that, the terrifying, massive university felt a whole lot smaller. We clicked instantly. Pai was funny, dramatic, and just as obsessed with animals as I was. By the time the seniors finished touring us through our department building, Pai and I were already talking like we had been best friends for years.
Since our very first actual class wasn't for another four hours, we were set free to explore the campus.
"Let's go find the food stalls," Pai suggested, rubbing his stomach. "I saw some near the center of the campus."
We wandered toward the heart of the university. As we turned a corner, we stumbled upon a massive courtyard. It was even bigger than the auditorium, surrounded by beautiful stone steps that formed a natural amphitheater.
But we didn't stop because it was beautiful. We stopped because of the noise.
A massive swarm of students—mostly girls, but a fair share of guys too—were crowded around the courtyard. They were jumping up and down, holding up banners, and screaming at the top of their lungs. It looked like a K-pop idol had just landed on campus.
"What in the world is going on over there?" I asked, standing on my tiptoes to see. "Did a celebrity enroll here?"
"Let's check it out!" Pai said, grabbing my wrist and dragging me toward the crowd.
As we got closer, the noise became deafening. It wasn't a concert. Through the gaps in the crowd, I could see a sleek, polished outdoor basketball court.
"It's a pre-season match!" someone in the crowd shouted over the noise.
The game hadn't even started yet. The players were just warming up on the court, shooting practice hoops and stretching.
Suddenly, a group of girls right in front of us started a unified chant, jumping in rhythm.
"KAI! KAI! KAI! NUMBER SEVEN, SHOOT YOUR HEARTS!"
My heart did a violent, painful somersault inside my chest. Kai. I froze, my breath hitching in my throat. My brain instantly conjured up a memory of dark eyes, messy hair, and a smirk that used to make my knees weak.
No, I told myself, shaking my head violently. Zay, get a grip. Kai is a common name. There are probably fifty guys named Kai at this university. Don't be a paranoid idiot. You're fine.
I forced a laugh, ignoring the cold sweat breaking out on the back of my neck.
"Wow," I said to Pai, trying to sound completely casual and unbothered. "The sports culture here is intense, huh? They are really cheering for that Kai guy."
Pai nodded, his eyes wide as he watched the frenzy. "He must be the campus heartthrob. Do you want to stay and watch for a bit? Since our class is so far away, we have plenty of time!"
I wanted to say no. Every self-preservation instinct in my body was screaming at me to run back to the safety of the Vet Med building and hide behind a textbook.
But then I looked at the basketball court. My eyes locked onto the players walking out of the tunnel in their bright jerseys. My vision tunneled.
Because walking onto the court, bouncing a basketball with effortless, lazy grace, was a tall, broad-shouldered guy with jet-black hair.
The breath was completely knocked out of my lungs.
It wasn't a coincidence. It wasn't someone with the same name.
It was him. Kai Alexandre Frasier. My ex, I mean ex-situationship. The boy I had spent the last two years running away from.
He was wearing a black and red basketball jersey with the number seven on it. He looked taller than I remembered, his shoulders broader, and his jawline sharper.
He was laughing at something one of his teammates said, spinning the basketball on his index finger with effortless cool.
He looked happy. He looked fine. He looked like he hadn't spent a single second of the last two years wondering where I was or why I had disappeared.
A wave of old, familiar hurt washed over me, instantly followed by a hot flash of panic.
I need to leave. Right now. I need to run to a different country. Again.
"Zay? Earth to Zay!"
Pai's voice snapped me out of my trance. He was waving a hand in front of my face, looking at me with concern. The rest of the crowd was cheering and vibrating with excitement, while I was standing there looking like I had just seen a ghost. Which, in a way, I had.
"Are you okay?" Pai asked. "You look super pale all of a sudden. Is it the heat?"
"Yeah!" I squeaked, my voice jumping an octave. I cleared my throat and tried again, forcing a stiff, robotic smile. "Yeah, just the heat. And hunger. Maybe we should go find those food stalls now? Like, immediately? In the opposite direction?"
"But the game is starting!" Pai pouted, grabbing my arm so I couldn't escape.
"Look, the referee is getting ready! Let's just watch for a little bit. We still have over three hours until our next class. Come on, it'll be fun!"
Before I could invent a believable illness to get out of it, the shrill blast of the whistle echoed through the courtyard. The crowd erupted into a deafening roar
I was trapped.
I resigned myself to my fate and sank onto the stone steps, trying to make myself as tiny as humanly possible. I pulled the hood of my jacket over my head, even though it was humid outside, and used Pai as a human shield.
The game was fast and aggressive. I tried not to look, I really did. I tried to focus on the architecture of the buildings, the clouds in the sky, or literally anything else. But my eyes kept betraying me. They kept snapping right back to number seven.
Kai was dominating the court. He moved like lightning, weaving through the opposing team with a laser-like focus. When he jumped for a layup, his jersey shifted, and the crowd absolutely lost their minds.
Pai was right there with them, jumping up and down and screaming for our school's team. I just sat there, my heart hammering against my ribs, a tangled mess of anxiety and annoyance.
Then, it happened.
About halfway through the second quarter, the ball went out of bounds near our side of the court. Kai jogged over to retrieve it. As he bent down to pick up the ball, he paused. His chest was heaving, sweat dripping down his neck.
He tilted his head and his dark eyes swept over the crowd.
And then, they stopped. Right on me.
Time seemed to grind to a halt. My breath hitched. Even with my hood up, our eyes locked. For a split second, his intense, resting-grumpy face flickered with something. Shock? Recognition?
But before I could decode it, Kai blinked and looked away. He grabbed the ball, jogged back to the center line, and got right back into the game without a single backward glance.
My heart sank all the way to the soles of my sneakers.
He didn't recognize me, I thought, a bitter taste filling my mouth. Two years. Two years of me agonizing over him, and he didn't even recognize my face in a crowd. The realization didn't make me feel safe—it made me feel pathetic. He had completely moved on, while I was still jumping at the mere mention of his name.
The rest of the game passed in a blur of cheering that I didn't hear. When the final buzzer sounded, our school won. The crowd went absolutely feral, swarming onto the court to congratulate the team.
"That was amazing!" Pai shouted, grabbing my hands and jumping up and down. "The energy! The skill! Zay, we have to get a picture with the team! It's a freshman tradition!"
"No," I said instantly, digging my heels into the ground. "Haha, Absolutely not Pai, please I am begging you.. I am very hungry, actually I could eat you right now and I am really tired. I just want to go home and look at pictures of cute puppies."
"It'll take two seconds!" Pai laughed.
He didn't listen. Pai was surprisingly strong for a guy who tripped over his own shoelaces. He grabbed my wrist and used his elbow to navigate through the sea of fans like a professional running back.
"Excuse us! Coming through! Freshmen wanting a photo!" Pai chirped.
I was dragged, stumbling and tripping, right into the center of the basketball court. My heart was in my throat. We pushed past a group of giggling cheerleaders, and suddenly, there were no more people in front of us.
We were standing directly in front of the players.
And standing right in the center, wiping his face with a white towel, was Kai.
He was dripping with sweat, his hair messy and damp. Up close, he was impossibly handsome. The scent of his familiar cedarwood cologne mixed with sweat hit my nose, and my brain short-circuited.
"Hi!" Pai said cheerfully to the group of players, completely oblivious to the fact that I was actively trying to melt into the floorboards. "Can we get a quick group photo with you guys? It's our first day!"
"Sure, man," one of the other players laughed, throwing an arm around Pai.
I was shoved into the lineup. By some cruel twist of universal fate, I was pushed right next to Kai.
I stood stiff as a board, staring straight ahead at Pai's phone camera, refusing to look to my left. I could feel the heat radiating off Kai's body. My hands were shaking. Just look ahead. Smile. It will be over in three seconds.
Kai didn't say a word. He didn't lean in. He didn't greet me. He just stood there, tall and silent, holding his towel. It felt like he didn't even know I was there.
Click.
The photo was taken.
"Thanks, guys! Great game!" Pai beamed, checking his phone.
I didn't wait, I practically bolted out of the courtyard. My sneakers slapped against the pavement as I marched toward the student lounge, my face burning with a mix of humiliation and pure, unadulterated anger.
Transferring. I am transferring schools tonight, I thought wildly, pushing open the heavy glass doors of the lounge and throwing myself into a beanbag chair in the corner. I pulled my knees up to my chest and hid my face in my arms.
Two years. Two years of ocean air, heavy textbooks, and sleepless nights trying to forget Kai Alexandre Frasier. I had convinced myself I was healed. I had convinced myself I was over him.
But seeing him stand there, looking effortlessly handsome, smelling like cedarwood and sweat, and worst of all acting like I was just another nameless face in the crowd? It destroyed me. It proved that while I had spent two years running, he hadn't even noticed I was gone.
"Zay! Slow down! Are you trying to join the track and field team too?!"
Pai burst into the lounge, panting heavily. He bent over, resting his hands on his knees as he tried to catch his breath. After a few seconds, he walked over and plopped down into the beanbag chair next to mine.
He didn't say anything at first. He just sat there, studying my face. I didn't look at him. I just kept staring at a scuff mark on my sneakers, my lower lip trembling slightly.
"Hey," Pai said softly, his playful tone completely gone. "Are you okay? You've been zoning out ever since we got to the basketball court. Did something happen? Is it about that guy from earlier?"
I stiffened. My heart skipped a beat, but I forced a dry, breathless laugh.
"What? No! Why would it be about some random basketball player?" I waved my hand dismissively, though my voice was a little too high-pitched to be believable. I shook my head violently. "I don't even know who that is. I'm just hungry, Pai. My blood sugar is low, and the sun was hot, and I think I might have a mild case of heatstroke."
Pai didn't look convinced. He leaned back in his chair, tapping his chin thoughtfully.
"That's weird," Pai murmured, his eyes narrowing as he scrolled through his phone.
"Because while we were standing in line for the photo, I asked one of the seniors about him. His name is Kai. Apparently, he's a sophomore and the star player of the varsity team. He's known for being super grumpy and unapproachable. He never even takes photos with fans, but he allowed us to take photos with him"
I bit the inside of my cheek. Yeah, that sounds like the Kai I know. Cold. Distant. Grumpy.
"So?" I said, trying to sound bored. "He took a photo with us. He probably just didn't want to make a scene on the first day of school."
"Maybe," Pai said, leaning closer to me, his voice dropping to a whisper. "But here's the thing, Zay... while we were standing in the crowd before the game, I saw him looking at our direction, He wasn't looking at the girls with the banners though. He was looking directly at you."
The air in the room suddenly felt very thin. I stopped breathing. I slowly turned my head to look at Pai.
"What?" I whispered.
"Yeah!" Pai nodded eagerly, his inner matchmaker clearly coming to life. "He looked completely shocked for a second. And then, when we were taking the photo... Zay, he was looking at you the entire time through the camera lens. Perhaps Do you guys... know each other or something?"
I stared at Pai, my mind completely short-circuiting.
He had looked at me? He had recognized me? And if he did... why did he act like I was a total stranger?
The anger in my chest suddenly flared up, mixing with a terrifying spark of hope that I desperately tried to squash. It didn't matter if he recognized me. It didn't change the past. It didn't change the fact that he didn't love me back then.
I took a deep breath and stood up from the beanbag, grabbing my backpack.
"No," I lied, my voice shaking just a tiny bit as I looked at my new best friend. "We don't know each other. He must have just thought I looked like someone else."
I walked out of the lounge and headed toward our first real lecture of Veterinary Medicine. I sat down in the very back row, opened a fresh notebook, and gripped my pen tightly.
Love Me or Lose Me, I thought bitterly. You lost your chance two years ago, Kai. And this time, I am not letting you in.
End of Chapter 1