The first time it happened was on the 17th day after I'd "gone stupid".
Shen Zhao said she wanted me to move into her room.
Her excuse was, "Niannian has nightmares at night. She needs someone to stay with her."
The Shen family was only too happy to agree.
They moved my pillow over that very night.
Her room was huge.
The curtains were drawn tight, and the lights were a warm, soft yellow.
I sat on the edge of the bed, head down, keeping up my slow, obedient act.
Shen Zhao closed the door.
The click of the lock was faint, but my ears caught it.
She sat down on the bed beside me, so close I could feel her presence.
I didn't move. I just blinked slowly, pretending to be fascinated by the small lamp on the nightstand.
"Niannian," Shen Zhao's voice came from right beside my ear, so close it made my skin prickle.
There was an emotion in it I couldn't place.
"Were you good today?"
I nodded.
"Then how about sister gives you a reward?"
She pulled a lollipop out of the drawer.
Orange flavored.
The plastic wrapper glinted in the warm light.
I stared at the lollipop, but didn't reach for it.
What would a fool do when they saw candy?
Would they be happy? Would they grab for it?
I had no idea.
All I could do was keep up that slow, delayed reaction.
I lifted my head slowly, looking at the candy with that empty, vacant gaze, then up at her.
"I… I want it."
My voice was soft, like a little kid's.
Shen Zhao smiled.
When she smiled, her eyes curved into pretty half-moons, the cold in her features melting away in the warm light.
She looked impossibly gentle.
She held the lollipop up in front of me, but didn't unwrap it.
Instead, she tapped the bottom of it lightly against my lips.
"If you want it," her voice dropped to a whisper, so low only I could hear it, "take your clothes off."
I thought I'd misheard her.
But I hadn't.
Her eyes were clear, too clear.
There was a light in them I couldn't name—not lust, or not just lust.
There was something deeper, darker in there.
Like someone who'd waited in the dark for years had finally found an exit.
I froze.
It wasn't an act.
I really froze.
Shen Zhao tilted her head, her voice almost childlike.
"You don't want to, Niannian? That's fine then."
She made a move to pull the lollipop away.
I reached out and grabbed her sleeve.
The move was instinctive.
It wasn't about the candy.
It was because I'd suddenly realized… this was a test.
She was testing how far my "stupidity" went.
Testing if I'd fight back.
Testing if I'd really turned into a doll she could do whatever she wanted with.
If I said no, she'd know I wasn't that stupid.
If I said yes—wait.
If I was really just a fool, would I say yes?
A fool wouldn't know what taking off clothes meant.
A fool would only know that being good got you candy.
I let go of her sleeve.
Head down, my fingers slowly curled around the hem of my shirt.
Shen Zhao didn't say another word.
She just watched me in silence, as I took off my clothes, one piece at a time.
My movements were slow, clumsy and delayed, like a kid who didn't understand a thing.
The room was warm, but when my bare skin hit the air, I couldn't help but shiver.
"Cold."
My voice was tiny, laced with a faint whine of hurt.
Shen Zhao reached out and pulled me into her arms.
Her chest was warm against me, the buttons of her coat digging painfully into my skin.
But she didn't let go.
Her hand slid down my back, her fingertips cool, sending a fine shiver across my skin as they moved.
I froze.
My body tensed up against my will.
But I couldn't push her away. I couldn't.
"You're shaking so bad, Niannian."
Shen Zhao's voice was right against my ear, her breath warm.
"Are you scared?"
I shook my head.
"Then what is it?"
I was quiet for a second, then spoke in that slow, dull tone.
"Don't know."
Shen Zhao let out a soft laugh.
It was quiet, brief, like a thin blade slicing through the silent air.
"It's okay," she said.
"Sister will teach you."