"Wake up, you moron! What's wrong with you?" Sasuke barked, hauling Naruto off the ground.
Naruto blinked, looking like a confused potato. "Sis... lemme sleep five more minutes..." He let out a massive, lazy yawn that showed off way too many teeth.
"Dead last? What did you just call me?" Sasuke snapped, shoving him back into the dirt with a thud.
Naruto finally snapped out of it and looked around, his brain clearly lagging.
[Wait, where am I? And who is this guy in front of me? He's so cute I wanna squish his cheeks, hehe!]
"What did you just say?!" Sasuke's face turned bright red. He was ready to throw hands, but he froze. Something was weird. Naruto's mouth hadn't moved, but Sasuke definitely heard him.
"Hey boy, care to tell me where I am? Did you kidnap this lady?" Naruto asked out loud.
[Honestly, even if you didn't kidnap me and just asked nicely, I wouldn't say no, hehe!]
Sasuke stared at him, the horrifying truth sinking in: he could hear this idiot's thoughts. But why does he think I kidnapped him? And 'lady'?! This moron actually thinks he's a girl and that I'm trying to do something 'sus' to him!
Sasuke's cheek started twitching as his entire face went nuclear-red. Is this idiot actually gay?
Naruto's brain was still a foggy mess when a sudden migraine hit him like a brick. He froze in place, his face turning into a literal statue. Many memories flashed through his mind. Sasuke stared at him, genuinely curious about what other weird-ass garbage this idiot was about to think next.
Suddenly, time itself glitched out and stopped. A floating screen popped up right in front of Naruto's face.
[CONGRATS, HOST! You've been handpicked by the Supreme System! You get the chance to be the protagonist, Naruto. This Lord System is gonna make the strongest shinobi, hehe!]
"Hehe, my ass! How dare you shove this pure maiden's soul into this boy's body?"
I don't care if it's Naruto or whoever. If you don't send me back or turn me back into a girl, this lady is gonna commit suicide, hmph!" \(๑^⤙^๑) Mamiko was so triggered she didn't even care about the supernatural stuff happening to her.
[Mamiko-chuan, this System will grant your request... BUT only if you admit I'm the cutest, coolest System in the universe ⚞(˶ˆᗜˆ˵)⚟]
"Cutest and coolest my foot! Just make me a girl right now!" (,,>﹏<,,)
[Fine, fine! Since this Lord System is so incredibly nice, I'll grant your wish.]
[WARNING: This is gonna hurt like a butt-cheek on a stick! Your body is about to go through it. You still want this?]
"Just do it!" Mamiko sighed, thinking about how much drama this idiot system was going to cause her in the future.
[ദ്ദി◝ ⩊ ◜.ᐟALRIGHT, BUCKLE UP! COMMENCING 'MAIDEN-IZER' MODE IN 3... 2... 1... OOPS.]
Suddenly, [Naruto body started glitching like a broken video game. His bones made a sound like someone stepping on a bag of dry ramen.
"OH MY GOD, MY EVERYTHING!" (⸝⸝๑﹏๑⸝⸝)Mamiko screamed, but it sounded more like a dying seagull because her vocal cords were being re-tuned like a guitar.
Suddenly, time snapped back to normal. Sasuke, who was still frozen in his original pose, freaked out when he saw Naruto literally catch on a pink strange fire.
Poof! After a few moments a massive cloud of pink smoke exploded right in his face. He coughed, waving his hands around. "What the hell?"
As the smoke cleared, Sasuke's jaw didn't just drop it hit the floor. Standing there wasn't the spiky-haired loudmouth. It was a girl with long blonde pigtails, looking absolutely exhausted and extremely annoyed.
[Hmph! Finally! This lady is back in business. Now... why is that cute emo boy staring at my chest like he's seen a ghost?]
Sasuke's brain officially short-circuited. His face went from red to purple. "YOU... YOU JUST... WHERE DID THE WHISKERS GO?!"
[What whiskers?! This lady just got her groove back and this guy just asked about whiskers? Hmp! Since I'm such a saint, I'll let it slide this once! (๑^⤙^๑)]
"Hey, Sasuke? Mind giving me a hand? This lady's body hurts like crazy," she said, pouting.
Sasuke just stood there, staring at her like she had grown a second head. His brain was officially fried. [Ugh, is he just gonna stand there? If he doesn't help me up, I'm gonna haunt his dreams!]
Sasuke finally rebooted his brain and snapped back to reality. He walked over to "Naruto" to haul him up, not saying a single word because his dignity was currently in the trash. He grabbed her by the shoulder and yanked her off the ground.
[This guy is actually pretty decent after all,] Mamiko thought. [Even if his face looks like it's begging for a punch 90% of the time, the rest of him is okay.]
Sasuke's face twisted like he'd just sucked on a lemon. What the hell is wrong with this idiot? he wondered. He wanted to scream 'What just happened to your face?!', but he decided to keep his mouth shut and eavesdrop on his weird thoughts first.Since "Naruko" now had the muscle mass of a wet noodle, she immediately tripped over a random rock. Sasuke, who was still holding her by the neck/collar area, got dragged down like a sack of potatoes. They both hit the dirt with a thud, and Sasuke's hand landed squarely and very awkwardly right on her chest.
Sasuke's face turned so red he looked like a ripe tomato. "Who are you?! Where the hell is Naruto?" he yelled, jumping up and snatching his hand off her chest like he'd touched a hot stove.
Naruko flushed, embarrassed by the sudden contact. She wanted to yell at him, but since she was the one who messed up, she kept her mouth shut. After a few moments, she took a deep breath and began to explain.
ヾ(•̀ ヮ <)و"This lady is indeed Naru... Naruko from now on," she said, trying to act cool.
"Don't lie to me! That idiot Naruto isn't a girl!" Sasuke snapped, his brain basically on fire.
[What is up with this boy?] Mamiko thought. [I should have transformed somewhere else. I was so desperate to get my girl-body back that I didn't think about how awkward this was gonna be.(｡" ◞ _◟) ]
"Sasuke, listen. I've had the soul of a lady since the beginning, but I was stuck in a boy's body. Finally, heaven heard my prayers and fixed me," Naruko explained out loud.
[Hmph, looking at how shocked Sasuke is, I must be super beautiful, hehe,(˶>⩊<˶)] her thoughts continued. [I feel bad, but this lady has never been in a relationship. If he confesses his love to me, I'm totally gonna reject him.]
Sasuke's face went from red to a dark, angry purple. Who the hell is confessing to you?! If he didn't punch him—er, punch her—today, the pride of the Uchiha clan was going to be flushed down the toilet.
Naruko, meanwhile, was actually debating whether or not she should accept his imaginary confession. She looked at his face and blushed a little. [(,,>﹏<,,)👉👈Actually, maybe I'll give him a chance since I'm such a saint. Sasuke should be honored that this lady is choosing him.] [(๑´>᎑<)~*hehe]
"Pooogh!" Sasuke started coughing, clutching his chest. He was physically struggling to hold back the urge to deck Naruko right in the forehead.
Sasuke sighed 'her brain is broken'