The lonely life of an otaku is actually way more chill than most people think. Most people will say they want friends to give them attention, help them out through hard times, give their life purpose, and all that blah. But otakus understand the true reality of the world. Loneliness is inevitable, so who better to spend it with than your own imagination; inside a fantasy world full of wild magic and boys kissing, for example. This was the philosophy of Aidan Loong, the world's most quintessential femboy otaku with no real interests or prospects outside of his triple crowned Genshin Impact party compositions.
Once upon a time, Otaku Aidan was an accomplished university student at a prestigious university on the East Coast of the US, studying important smart-people shit like math or whatever it was his dad told him to do. That was until he discovered the world of gacha gaming and unhealthy escapism.
Now, according to his father, Aidan was a 31-year old disappointment and sexual deviant who brought shame to his ancestors and family legacy. Aidan was never really bothered by this. He'd officially ruined the family legacy of undiagnosed bipolar disorder and quietly beating your children into submission, how dare he. He'd much rather spend his time reading dirty fan fiction about hot dragon dudes than taking out his insecurities on some underage emo kid.
Aidan was happy with his quiet little life of gay porn and stagnation. He was perfectly content to cosplay in the privacy of his home, never having the courage to post anything online. He was content to spam reddit forums about how lackluster the Genshin protagonist's personality was in comparison to his unwavering harem that spanned across 7 entire nations. He was content to spend what little money he had on triple crowning his own virtual harem while his roommate mercilessly hammered into his girlfriend against the thin wall that connected their bedrooms.
This is all to say, Aidan was perfectly content with his depressing little life. That is, until, the one time he actually decided to leave the house. He had been feeling rather ill recently and thought it had been a good few months since he last went outdoors, so he might as well take a trip to the grocery store. He wasn't sure if it was his brain fogged, mentally ill mind that caused him to cross the street at the wrong time and get hit by a bus Mean Girl's style or if that was just his luck anyway, but now he was dead.
Damn. It be like that sometimes.
As he lay dying, his final thoughts were of the next Genshin update…how they'd promised to finally give the protagonist a new outfit and some much needed character development…
…
Aidan opened his eyes to see the bright blue sky above. He clenched his fists around the soft grass that lay beneath him, breathed in the pollution-free fresh air that surrounded him, and sighed contentedly. This must be heaven, he thought. The only thing that would make it better is if a hot anime guy was lying next to him on the grass. A nice plump body pillow would do.
As Aidan had this thought, he gently turned over to his side and looked next to him.
Oh shit.
The most handsome cosplayer Aidan had EVER SEEN was looking right back at him, and smiling.
Aidan immediately flushed beet red and turned over to his other side. What was this fanservice heaven he had woken up in?!
"Well, well, well," the cosplayer cooed with their melodic, taunting voice. "Didn't think you'd fall asleep so fast, Traveler."
No. It couldn't be.
There were many instances in the world where people referred to other people as "traveler," right? Hail and well met, traveler. Did people really say that? Or was that mostly a video game thing? He really was a wayward vagabond, though: a drifting spirit in this newfound heavenly realm. He was by all intents and purposes a traveler. Perhaps this gorgeous cosplayer was simply referring to him as such. The only problem was that this person was the spitting image of one of Aidan's most beloved, foolhardy villain characters from Genshin Impact. The Eleventh Fatui Harbinger, Tartaglia. Also known unfortunately as "Childe" which had really been a bad name to give a hot adult character for those poor otakus who liked googling ill-advised things.
Aidan remained in his balled up position with his back facing this Tartaglia cosplayer, who was also apparently really good at imitating even the voice actor, too. There was a prolonged awkward silence before Aidan had the obvious thought to look down at his own body…
There was no mistaking it.
His golden outfit's detailing, the excessively long blonde braid, the embarrassingly naked midriff…Aidan was The Titular Traveler reborn. How stupidly cliche.
After this daunting revelation, conversation convention dictated that Aidan, now Aether he supposed, was to respond in kind to this taunt of a greeting. Unfortunately for Aether, his body was now being inhabited by a shut-in otaku with no social skills whatsoever (especially when hot people were involved). He was about to completely butcher the Traveler's golden personality with his stand-offish nature. His only solace was in knowing that the Genshin protagonist used to be a silent one, so hopefully he could lean on that and somehow make it charming that he was completely socially inadequate.
He made a feeble attempt to turn his body back toward his conversational opponent, but one look at that handsome countenance and his words turned to mush before him. He opened his mouth only because he was in complete awe. One look in those deep blue anime eyes…
"You alright, comrade? I've never seen you sleep so soundly. Sorry for interrupting your beauty nap," Tartaglia smirked, probably not sorry at all according to his smug expression.
One thing Aidan/Aether could say about his social skills was that he could find the courage to speak only when curiosity demanded it of him and it was a weird, borderline inappropriate question. "You watch me sleep?" he asked. The words were out of his mouth in the Traveler's melodic protagonist voice before his brain could even register that he was speaking. Shit.
Tartaglia let out a big hearty laugh. Aether was certain he was going to say some silly dismissive crap like no of course not, or you're so charmingly bad at conversation, but instead he said, "Only to keep you safe, partner."
Partner?! Safe?! What kind of fanfic bait was this?! Not to mention the unmistakably loving way that this man was looking at him. He didn't remember the relationship between Childe and the Traveler being this suspiciously intimate…
Aether tried to find the words, but he couldn't think of another awkward question to ask so his conversation skills failed him. He just stared at Tartaglia's loving expression in confusion until the other man broke the silence.
"You really shouldn't be out here in the open like this, you know," Tartaglia spoke in a heartwrenchingly quiet and intimate voice as he leaned closer to the Traveler's face. Aether could fucking feel this man's breath on his lips! "It's dangerous. Anyone could see us out here…"
What the hell?!
As the hairs on the Traveler's neck stood up, Aether threw himself away from the other man, scrambling to his feet. This was way too much, way too fast! Someone call the fanservice police!
"What's wrong? Are you alright, partner?" Tartaglia asked, jumping to his feet as well. "Are you hurt?"
Partner this, partner that? The uncalled for concern as if the Traveler was some delicate little sweet flower? Either they were suddenly cowboys or this was brokeback mountain!
"I'm fine," Aether said dismissively, desperately avoiding the pained expression the other man was making. "Sorry, just groggy," he said, attempting to cushion the clear blow Tartaglia had just taken to his ego.
"I understand, Aether. It's been a long journey with little rest, but we should probably be a little more subtle with our approach," Childe said, tone finally normal again.
"Subtle?" Aether repeated, confused. From the looks of it, it appeared the two of them were just outside of Mondstadt proper, no real enemies in sight besides the odd hilichurl being a freak and dancing around.
"Of course," Tartaglia responded, also confused. "Don't tell me you've forgotten the mission?"
Mission? Was this some sort of new story quest for Tartaglia? He had already gotten a story quest if Aidan's memory served correctly, and he hadn't really even been relevant as a character in a few years worth of updates, so his proximity to the Traveler at this time was weird anyway. But a mission together? Who would even give this odd pair a mission together?
"Of course I remember," Aether responded casually, digging his own grave. "The mission."
"Good. Right," Tartaglia responded, eyeing Aether's cold and distant stare with scrutiny. "Then we should probably get going, huh?"
"Yes," Aether responded robotically. "Let's get moving." He tried to say that last bit with the fervor of a protagonist but it just came out sounding scared.
…
As the two odd traveling companions made their way toward Mondstadt, Aether had a very important realization.
"Hey, Childe," he pondered, "have you seen Paimon anywhere?"
Tartaglia's deeply confused expression threw Aether for a complete loop. "She's not a part of this mission, Aether. Did you hit your head or something?"
Did he hit his head?! What was Tartaglia even on about? Paimon was the Traveler's most trusted traveling companion! Not Tartaglia. Aether was starting to think that maybe Childe killed her and replaced her out of jealousy or something and was trying to be normal about it. Just what the hell was this ridiculous new plot?! The devs were really going to spend almost 7 years trying desperately to get the audience to like this squeaky flying baby only to have her killed off by some hot small fry villain in a last ditch attempt to incur fangirl favor?! Impossible! They'd never be willing to pay the protagonist voice actors more!
"Huh," Aether said, not buying it but too overwhelmed to push the issue further. "Sure, okay."
Tartaglia furrowed his brows as they walked. "Why does it sound like you don't believe me?"
"I believe you," Aether reassured him halfheartedly. This whole thing was starting to piss him off with how ridiculous it was, and he was already exhausted from having died earlier that day, so this placating really was the best he could do.
"Am I not good enough? Would you have preferred to go with Paimon like you usually do?" The jealousy in Tartaglia's voice was extremely obvious, you didn't need any social skills to pick up on his whiny heartbroken heartthrob behavior.
Maybe he did really kill her. Ah, well. So much for his emergency food.
"You're fine," he said, again, halfheartedly. Tartaglia looked absolutely crushed. Upon seeing his pretty boy companion's inner light dim at his harsh words, Aether tried again. "I mean, you're nicer to look at, at least."
Nicer to look at? Why the hell did he say that! And why was he trying to be all tsundere with one of his anime boy crushes?! Well it was true, but still! Aether dared to sneak a glance at his new traveling companion, fearful he had made the whole awkward situation even worse, but Tartaglia seemed to have perked up significantly.
"A backhanded compliment from the Traveler? I'm flattered," he smirked and playfully elbowed Aether's side. Aether never thought that calling someone better to look at than a floating diapered infant would make anyone light up this much, but he was relieved at Tartaglia's eagerness to please.
"Haha yeah," Aether said awkwardly, unsure how to playfully banter. Tartaglia didn't seem to mind. He was off in his little "I got a compliment" world somewhere, and Aether didn't have the heart to ask him more questions and burst his bubble. Had Tartaglia always been this easy or was this just getting weirder and weirder?
As the gates of Mondstadt proper came into view, Aether began to speed walk toward the bridge, excited to scare Timmy's birds away in person, but Tartaglia put an arm out in front of him. "Where do you think you're going?"
Aether couldn't help but look very disappointed. He really wanted to kick those birds. "Mondstadt?"
Upon seeing his partner look so defeated, Tartaglia softened his tone a bit. "Yes, but we can't just waltz in the front door, Aether. What happened to your master tactician strategy?" he teased.
Aether just stared at him blankly and said the first thing on his mind. "I wanted to kick Timmy's birds."
"Ah," Tartaglia sighed in understanding, his tone softening even more, "I promise we will kick Timmy's birds on the way out, okay? I'll even shoot one for you with my arrows. Would that make you feel better?"
Aether felt like a toddler being told his favorite toy got destroyed. He nodded his head solemnly, fighting the urge to hold Tartaglia's hand for comfort. "Okay."
Tartaglia looked at the Traveler with what could only be described as deep adoration before leading him toward the back entrance of the city. "I'll even make a sweet madame out of it for you next time we camp. I promise." Tartaglia whispered under his breath so Aether could barely hear. At this point Aether wouldn't have been surprised if a single tear trickled down the man's cheek.
As the two began to approach the back of the city, Aether was noticing exactly how stealthy his partner was being. This struck him as super strange. Not only did he not get to kick birds and incur a child's wrath because of this guy's insistence on being sneaky and cool, but he didn't even get to bask in the glory of being the Honorary Knight, Hero of Mondstadt. Something about this whole story quest was off. Not to mention Tartaglia's doting attitude towards him. Since when was the Traveler Childe's little prince whose every word made or broke him?
As the two approached the back gate, Tartaglia pulled something out of his bag and handed it to the Traveler while they were out of sight of the guards. "Put these on," he said quietly, "and take your hair down."
Aether glanced down at the commoner clothes that Childe had just placed in his hands. Wait a damn minute, a disguise?! How on earth was this thing necessary?! Were they throwing the Knights of Favonius a surprise party or something?!
Aether knew better than to ask any questions with this sort of plot. Besides, he was sure Tartaglia was going to make some sort of sad kicked puppy face at him if he refused. Instead he just sighed and started stripping.
"W-wait!" Tartaglia whisper-yelled. "What are you doing?!"
"Changing," Aether said completely shirtless, his cape and crop top already in a pile on the pavement.
"Not out in the open! Just…let's just go behind this bush here at least…" Tartaglia stumbled over his words, beet red.
It took Aether a moment to realize what the big deal was. He had gone his whole life feeling so undesirable and being so alone that he had forgotten the social implications of stripping in public, especially when you're hot. Whoops. He felt his cheeks heating up at this realization. As he changed, both he and his "partner" were big blushing messes who couldn't so much as look in the other's general direction.
Once the Traveler was done changing and bundling up his old outfit, he began to feel more calm and level headed. This NPC outfit was really doing it for him, he felt right at home in the plain working clothes of the Mondstadtian public. He especially enjoyed how his long hair could be used to hide his face a little bit. Ah, the security of being an unknown. How he already missed those days…
Tartaglia on the other hand could not stop staring at Aether as soon as he proclaimed he was done changing. Somehow he looked even more ethereal without his grand protagonist outfit. The blandness of the normal clothes juxtaposed with his angelic, celestial face made him even more blindingly beautiful than usual. Not to mention his hair. Like golden rivulets of light cascading down the sun itself…
Tartaglia found himself absolutely speechless.
"How do I look," Aether asked casually, feeling rather comfortable and frumpy.
"You…you're dressed. That's good," Tartaglia offered, sweating.
"Yes," Aether responded. "Good."
There was a long pause as the two "partners" looked at each other for instructions on what to do next.
After a moment that was much longer than it needed to be, Tartaglia remembered that they were supposed to be doing something. "The mission," he said, turning to look away from the Traveler as fast as he could. "Let's go."
Entering the city of Mondstadt was as easy as ever, which is why it was so strange that Tartaglia had put them through this whole rigamarole. They simply walked up to the only two guards guarding the back entrance, smiled at them as they sounded off with a hearty "Welcome to Mondstadt!" and the two suspicious travelers were on their way. Aether specifically remembered Tartaglia saying that they wouldn't be able to just waltz into Mondstadt if memory from the last thirty minutes served correctly, but here they were. The Traveler gave Tartaglia a quick side eye as they walked straight into the city with no problems. What on earth had this guy been expecting? It really must be Jean's birthday or something and they were in charge of throwing a surprise party. But putting Tartaglia in charge of the party planning committee? No way in hell.
They walked in awkward silence for a while in the direction of the chapel. Tartaglia kept refusing to look at him, which was making Aether start to think that he was doing something wrong. For some reason, he felt that small talk must be the solution.
"This secret mission is going well so far," he said, stealing a glance up at the taller gentleman.
Tartaglia's eyes widened and he looked at the Traveler like he was insane. He quickly shushed him and awkwardly laughed. "Yes, best keep that to ourselves, shall we?"
Such secrecy. This was driving Aether mad. "Is it someone's birthday?" He couldn't stop himself from asking.
Tartaglia looked puzzled at first, but then some sort of realization must have dawned on him because he let out a light laugh and quickly relaxed. "Yes, of course. We're throwing a surprise party."
The way he said it was so stilted that Aether immediately knew it was a placating lie. He might as well have aggressively winked at him really, really slowly. "Whose birthday is it?" Aether asked.
Tartaglia pinched his eyebrows together with his fingers. "You know what, let's just go to the chapel and get the party ready. Can't keep everyone waiting." The man was quickly losing his patience. Aether was amused despite his confusion.
Upon the birthday party planning committee's arrival at the chapel, Aether saw some familiar faces. He almost greeted them, but then he remembered that he was in a disguise, so he quickly rethought his social strategy. "Hello. We are here for the surprise party," he said stoically to one of the nuns in the doorway.
Tartaglia looked like he wanted to jump out of his skin.
"Sorry, my friend here is a little lost," he explained to the nun, shooting a stern look at the Traveler, who sunk back into silence. "I'm just looking to offer some prayers to Barbatos to help the needy. My friend here is in need of some charity."
Stupid, stupid, stupid, Aether thought to himself. Why would he mention that the party was a surprise? Or that there even was a party? He just jeopardized the entire story quest! If it wasn't for Tartaglia's quick thinking, the quest may have failed completely! Aether was really struggling with this whole thing. For starters, he had never been invited to a party in his last life, much less been to one. How was he supposed to know the procedure?!
"Of course, my child. May the wind guide you," the nun said, and ushered them both inside.
As the two entered the chapel, Tartaglia turned to the Traveler most likely to give him a quick lecture on surprise party etiquette, but upon seeing Aether's downtrodden expression, his tone changed completely.
"How about you let me handle the talking from here on out, okay?" Tartaglia cooed. "You just focus on the mission." He nervously patted Aether's head in a lackluster attempt to comfort him, but it was clear he wasn't really sure what to do either.
"You mean the party?" Aether offered, trying desperately to deduce the nature of this mysterious mission.
"What?" Tartaglia asked, confused.
"The…surprise…party…?"
Tartaglia's expression suddenly got very serious. "Aether."
"Yes?" He gulped.
"Are you trying to be funny?" Tartaglia said, stoic.
Aether couldn't think of anything to say.
"No more jokes, Traveler. Let's just get the gnosis and get out of here."
The WHAT?
Aether's spit went down the wrong pipe as he gasped and coughed violently, drawing all the attention in the entire chapel. Tartaglia looked like he was going to evaporate on the spot.
The gnosis? Like the pinnacle of power of the anemo archon?! Like the thing that if it goes missing throws an entire nation into political shambles? The thing the evil villainess of Genshin Impact wants to acquire from each nation in order to rule the world?! That gnosis?!
As the Traveler's worldview shattered, he began to hear a beautiful melody emanating from one of the nearby pews. Sure enough, there he was, making his grand entrance at the absolute worst of times. The famous nomadic bard himself, secret god of Mondstadt, and femboy extrordinaire: Venti.
This was Aether's moment, he thought to himself. Somehow he must have been blackmailed into helping Tartaglia steal the anemo gnosis for the Tsaritsa. Now that Venti was here, he could just spill the beans on the whole operation and then they could take Tartaglia down in a fight two on one.
Suddenly, a loud ringing in Aether's ears caused him to clutch at his head. A robotic voice seemed to be reverberating inside his mind!
[WARNING: OOC behavior detected. Please refrain from compromising the canon plotline or canon points will be deducted.]
Aether rolled his eyes. He'd read enough transmigration webnovels in his past life to know exactly what type of bullshit this was. Also, there were several issues with this. For starters, how the hell was any of this supposed to be considered canon?! This was a completely different plotline from what he had previously played in his past life! It was a complete outrage if you asked him! It seemed to him that he had been dropped near the beginning of the story seeing as the gnosis was supposedly still here in Mondstadt and not already in the Tsaritsa's collection which happened in the near beginning of the original plot. Secondly, wasn't the Traveler supposed to be instrumental in the effort to stop the gnosis from being stolen in the first place? Also, Tartaglia wasn't even introduced during the Mondstadt arc, let alone a key player in the gnosis theft! None of this was canon at all! So why was this stupid notification giving him a what for?!
[WARNING: please proceed with the plot. If canon points drop to zero you will be transported back to your original world.]
Ah, yes. The world in which he was dead. A kind way of saying he would die immediately. But how was he supposed to proceed with the plot if he had no idea what the plot even was?! Just go with the flow? As soon as he had this thought, he heard an affirmative beep inside his mind. Oh, God, this was going to be stressful wasn't it. He absently wondered how many canon points he had at this point.
[Current canon point pool: 1.]
Just one?! How did that happen?!
[Canon point log:
Original point pool: 10
-1 penalty for attempting front gate entrance
-1 penalty for attracting attention by stripping naked in public
-1 penalty for loudly announcing secret mission objective in public
-1 penalty for suspicious behavior regarding "surprise party" near cathedral
-1 penalty for drawing attention to oneself by coughing in cathedral
-1 penalty for pissing off/upsetting Tartaglia x4]
Ah, so it was mostly Tartaglia's fault. Well it wasn't Aether's problem that he was such a fragile little flower!
[Incorrect. Objectively, it is.]
Oh, shut up! Who asked you!
Aether sighed. He was one point away from complete termination already. It had only been a couple hours since he'd even woken up in this world and already he was on the verge of death again. Just his luck. Well, he had to think of something to keep Tartaglia happy, he supposed, since that had seemed to be his downfall thus far. He was going to have to steal the gnosis for the Tsaritsa, wasn't he. Again, just his fucking luck.
Aether took a deep breath and attempted to prepare what little social skills he had (mostly from observing charismatic characters in anime) in order to turn on the charm for the disguised anemo archon.
Tartaglia on the other hand, who was staring at the Traveler in worry due to his sudden coughing fit and then awkward silence, was starting to get pretty antsy. Palms sweating, he was about to suggest something (anything) to the Traveler in order to move this mission along, but instead his partner turned to him with a reassuring look and began marching confidently toward some local bard who was minding his own business and practicing his lyre. Ah, perhaps this is some sort of contact he has planted here, Tartaglia thought briefly. This conjecture was immediately dispelled in the next moment.
Aether proceeded to approach the unsuspecting bard, skipping any sort of greeting and instead just staring daggers at him, completely silent. This seemed to make the bard a little uncomfortable, so he stopped playing and instead took in the leering audience member before him.
"A fellow lover of poetry, are we?" The bard said in a friendly tone. "Did you have a song you'd like to request me to play?"
Meanwhile, Aether was just staring at the beautiful anime boy in front of him in complete awe. Venti was cute and everything in the original game, but he was the first premium five star they ever released, so Aidan had paid him little mind since he knew Venti as a unit would be quickly outclassed in the coming updates. He had always admired, however, the shock value of the guy's gender. The sheer amount of regular joes who downloaded the game because of the "adorably sexy green girl" only to find out their preferences were actually homosexual brought endless joy to Aidan's sad little heart.
But damn, those guys had a point.
After basking in Venti's femboy glow for a moment, Aether realized that he needed to come up with something to say in response. He had a vague plan when he walked over here, but those huge green eyes and pretty pink lips were endlessly distracting. Aidan hadn't even been the type to be interested in that sort of genre! He preferred the big, sexy ladies with their bouncing booba, or the massive tank dudes with muscles bigger than their heads. In essence, he liked the ones who could kick ass and step on his face. Venti could blush and giggle all he wanted, it meant nothing to Aidan.
Looking at him now, however, Aether was wondering if his preferences had changed in death or if Venti was just that cute. This revelation made stealing from him that much harder. Shit.
"You are very pretty," he ended up saying. Aether was only a man at the end of the day.
Venti let out a sweet, endearing giggle, "Why thank you, stranger. You're not bad yourself. In fact, you seem a bit familiar…"
Childe threw himself between the two when that phrase hit his ears. "Please excuse my partner," he said with emphasis, his reasoning unbeknownst to Aether. "We have had a long journey and our manners are a bit rusty."
"Nonsense! I welcome all compliments," Venti beamed, charm exuding from his every pore. "Where are you two traveling from?"
Aether looked up at Tartaglia, mostly because he genuinely didn't know. Also, he figured anything more he said in this situation would get him in trouble with his traveling partner. Or worse, the system.
"My partner and I hail from the outskirts of Schneznaya. You're a Mondstadt local, I presume?"
"Of course, what gave me away? Was it the fact that I am a bard and have a free spirited air about me? Or was it my skilled lyre playing?"
Normally, Aether would have assumed that anyone who spoke like that about themselves was somewhat of a narcissist, but the way Venti said it so kindly and effortlessly just made him more alluring. Aether really was no match for his anime wiles.
Tartaglia let out a charming laugh. "All of the above, of course! Perhaps also the rosy red in your cheeks, the result of a few too many afternoon drinks?"
Venti smiled brightly. "You are quite the observant outlander! Have you had a chance to partake of our famous Dandelion wine? If not, perhaps I could take you to the Angel's Share and show you around?"
Tartaglia's face lit up, but Aether could sense some sort of malicious intent behind that smile of his. "That would be fantastic! How exquisite to have a seasoned local such as yourself give us a guided tour. We would certainly love to take you up on such an offer. Drinks will be on us, of course," Tartaglia offered.
"Then we have a deal!" Venti agreed without hesitation. "Shall we make our way there now?"
Aether understood that Tartaglia was simply trying to gather intel about the whereabouts of the Anemo gnosis, which was a good instinct to have. What he hadn't considered, or rather couldn't consider, was that Aether already knew where the gnosis was and how to get it. The only issue was that they either had to sneak into the depths of the chapel (which had never been the traveler's strong suit even in the original game) or smooth talk someone into giving them access. Another option that suddenly occurred to Aether was that perhaps he could simply swipe the lyre Venti was currently playing and hope to all hell that it was the one they were looking for. A hugely risky move and if it failed would destroy any attempt at reconciliation with the bard. But perhaps they could get him drunk enough…
"To the Angel's Share," Aether agreed nervously. "Let's get wasted.