Bella Pov
"One hundred and fifty thousand dollars."
That's what Dr Martinez said when we went back to see her. I watched Damian's face go completely white.
"For one round of IVF," she continued and she pushed some papers across her desk. "And sometimes it takes multiple rounds before it works."
I felt sick. Not because of the needles or hormones she was talking about but because I could see Damian shutting down right in front of me.
"Can we have a minute alone?" Damian asked.
"Of course," Dr. Martinez said and she left the room.
As soon as she closed the door Damian stood up and started walking back and forth. He only did that when something was really really bad.
"Damian talk to me," I said.
"One hundred and fifty thousand," he said again and he laughed but it wasn't a happy laugh. "Do you know how much money I lost last quarter?"
"No," I said.
"Three million dollars," he said and he stopped walking. "Three million Bella. The company is falling apart. Clients are leaving, deals are falling through. I'm barely keeping things together."
"But we have savings," I said.
"Those savings are keeping the company alive," he said and he sat down next to me. "I can't just take out one hundred and fifty thousand right now. I need that money to pay people and keep the business running."
My throat felt tight. "So what are you saying?"
"I'm saying I might not be able to pay for this," he said and he looked down at his hands. "I'm sorry. I know how much you want this now."
"How much I want this?" I said and I felt angry. "Damian you were the one who wanted kids. You were the one who said we needed an heir. This was your idea not mine."
"I know," he said. "I know and I feel terrible. This is all my fault. If the company wasn't dying then we could do this easily but right now I have to choose between saving my business or paying for fertility treatments."
I got up and walked to the window because I couldn't sit still anymore. I looked outside at people walking around living normal lives and I wondered how my life got so messed up.
"What do we do now?" I asked.
"We wait," Damian said. "We wait until the company gets better and then we try again."
"And what if it doesn't get better?" I asked and I turned around. "What if your company keeps losing money? Do we just never have kids?"
"No baby I promise we will have kids," he said and he came over to me. "I just need time to fix this. Please trust me."
He put his arms around me and I let him even though I was still mad. I was tired of fighting and tired of feeling bad and tired of everything.
"I love you," he said into my hair. "I love you so much and I won't let this destroy us."
"I love you too," I said but part of me wondered if love was even enough anymore.
The next few weeks were really hard. Damian was never home. He left before I woke up and came back after I went to sleep. When I did see him he looked exhausted and stressed and he barely talked to me.
I tried to be supportive because I knew he was going through a lot but it was hard when I felt like I was losing him to his work.
"How's the company?" I asked one night when he actually came home at a normal time.
"Bad," he said and he loosened his tie. "Really bad. I'm losing contracts everywhere. My secretary quit last week because I couldn't give her a raise. Everything is a mess."
"I'm sorry," I said.
"Not your fault," he said and he sat on the couch next to me. "I just don't know how to fix it."
"Maybe you need help," I said. "Maybe you need to hire someone new who can help you manage everything."
He looked at me and smiled and it was the first real smile I'd seen from him in weeks.
"What would I do without you?" he asked and he pulled me close and kissed my forehead.
"Probably fail," I said and I tried to laugh but it came out sad.
"Probably," he said.
Two weeks later Damian told me he was interviewing people for his secretary job. He seemed more hopeful than he had been in a long time.
"I have interviews all day tomorrow," he said while we were eating breakfast. "Hopefully I find someone good."
"I'm sure you will," I said.
The next day I had a photoshoot for a new campaign. It went okay but I kept thinking about Damian and the company and the fertility stuff and everything else.
When I got home that evening Damian was already there which was weird. He was in his office staring at his computer with a strange look on his face.
"Hey," I said when I walked in. "How did the interviews go?"
He looked up at me and something about his expression made me feel nervous.
"Good," he said. "Really good actually. I think I found someone perfect."
"That's great," I said and I smiled. "When do they start?"
"Monday," he said. "Her name is Karen Tyler."
That night, I closed my eyes and tried to fall asleep but my brain wouldn't shut off. I kept thinking about the doctor appointment and the money and Damian's stress and this new secretary he seemed so excited about.
Something felt off but I couldn't figure out what it was. It was like a weird feeling in my stomach that wouldn't go away.
I told myself I was being paranoid. Damian loved me. We were going through a hard time but we would get through it together. That's what married people did.
But deep down I knew something was changing and I was scared of what it meant.
Next to me Damian's phone buzzed. He picked it up and the light from the screen lit up his face. He smiled at whatever he was reading and then typed something back.
"Who's texting you this late?" I asked.
"Just Karen," he said. "She has some questions about Monday."
He was smiling at his phone. The kind of smile I hadn't seen in months.
"What's so funny?" I asked.
"Nothing," he said quickly and he put his phone face down on the nightstand. "Just work stuff. Go to sleep baby."
But I couldn't sleep. Because Damian used to smile at me like that.
And now he was smiling at her.