Sun, 17 March
10:48 PM
Dear Diary,
Today something almost happened.
Someone asked me,
"Are you really okay?"
Not the casual "you good?"
Not the passing-by type question.
They stopped.
They looked at me properly.
And for a second…
I felt seen.
I wanted to say it.
I wanted to say,
"No. I'm not okay. I'm tired. I'm confused. I feel disconnected from my own life."
The words were right there.
But then this thought came:
"Don't make it awkward."
"Don't make it heavy."
"They didn't sign up to carry your emotions."
So I smiled.
And said, "Yeah, I'm fine. Just sleepy."
Why is it so hard to be honest?
There's this quote I read once:
"I open up in my head more than I ever do out loud."
That's literally me.
In my head, I say everything.
Out loud, I say nothing.
After that conversation, I kept thinking…
What if they actually cared?
What if this was my chance?
But I let it pass.
Again.
Maybe I'm scared that if I start talking,
I won't know how to stop.
Or worse…
What if I finally open up
and it changes nothing?
I think that's what I'm most afraid of.
Being honest
and still feeling alone.