Back in the livestream.
The chubby kid returned quickly, followed by a skinny, monkey-like guy carrying an incubator. Inside the glass box was an energetic, purple little beast—a male Nidoran.
"Here we are, Streamer!" The chubby kid pointed the camera at the skinny guy. "This is my classmate, just call him Monkey. His Nidoran is a substitute on our school team. It inherited the move Poison Sting, has a great Nature, and is definitely a high-quality bachelor!"
Monkey sneered at the phone screen, his brow furrowing with disdain. "Fatty, you actually believe these internet streamers? A small account with a few thousand followers—what kind of skill could he have? Don't get scammed. I bet this guy is just farming for traffic. 'Appraising?' He probably can't even memorize the Type matchup chart."
Monkey's words were aggressive, offering no face whatsoever. The viewers in the chat instantly fired back.
[Viewer "Passerby A": L take, Monkey! W Streamer saved two lives last night!]
[Viewer "Kindergarten Food Snatcher": What does this brat know? Bro is cooking! Just wait for the face-slap!]
Listening to the taunts, Miles didn't get angry. Instead, he smiled pleasantly. "Monkey, right? Don't be so hot-headed. Whether I'm a fraud or not, the results will speak for themselves. You say your Nidoran is a premium bachelor, which is fine. But if it gets rejected too, then the problem isn't with the groom—it's with the bride. Let's cut the chatter and bring out the female Nidoran."
Not wanting to hear his classmate argue with the streamer, the chubby kid hurried across the room and carefully brought over a pink velvet cushion.
On the cushion rested a small blue Pokémon. It had long ears, bright red eyes, and a few small toxic spines on its back. It looked like an adorable mix between a rabbit and a spiked mouse.
A female Nidoran. It lay on the cushion, lazily squinting its eyes, looking the very picture of tranquil innocence.
[Viewer "Henan Latte Man": Wow! What a cute Nidoran! Its coat is so shiny!]
[Viewer "Melon Eater": That's a top-tier specimen. Looks incredibly healthy. No wonder Fatty wants to breed it.]
[Viewer "Manager Ruby": This Nidoran has been raised very well. High coat gloss and great nutrition.]
Even Manager Ruby couldn't resist dropping a comment to praise it...
Miles' gaze immediately locked onto the blue creature.
[God-Level Pokémon Insight, Activate!]
Hum—
A stream of data instantly unfolded before his eyes.
[Target: Nidoran]
[Type: Poison]
[Level: Lv. 18]
[Base Stats: C (273)]
[IVs: B (150, Excellent)]
[Ability: Rivalry (Raises Attack by 25% when facing a Pokémon of the same gender; lowers Attack when facing the opposite gender)]
[Nature: Adamant (Attack ↑, Sp. Atk ↓)]
[Moves: Scratch, Double Kick, Growl]
Everything seemed completely normal up to this point. While an Adamant Nature and the Rivalry Ability weren't exactly standard, they weren't entirely rare for the Nido family either. It just meant this particular Nidoran was a spicy tomboy with a violent temper. This also perfectly explained why it had viciously attacked all the previous blind dates—the Ability had triggered, or it simply disliked them.
But then, Miles' eyes continued down the glowing lines of data, finally resting on the crucial [Gender] row and the golden [Fate Entry] at the very bottom.
His expression froze.
The professional smile plastered on his face locked up as if doused in liquid nitrogen. Slowly, his facial features contorted into a look of absolute, unadulterated bewilderment. His brows knitted together, his eyes squinted, and his mouth fell slightly open, perfectly replicating the 'confused old man squinting at a phone' meme.
'What... what the hell is this?'
Miles rubbed his eyes in disbelief, genuinely thinking he was hallucinating from staying up too late. He looked again.
Same result. The two symbols and the golden text flashed like a neon sign on his retinas, violently mocking his common sense.
[Gender: Male (♂)]
[Special Status: Shiny / Genetic Atavism / Perfect Disguise]
[Fate Entry (Gold): Androgynous Illusion (This is a one-in-a-million Shiny male Nidoran! Due to an extremely rare pigment mutation and genetic atavism, its coat didn't turn the typical "bright blue" of a standard Shiny male. Instead, it perfectly matches the "pale blue" of a female Nidoran. Its appearance, scent, and even its cry are virtually identical to a female's, completely fooling both Pokémon and humans alike. However, its biology, chromosomes, and soul are 100% pure macho male! Who says boys can't be cute? He's packing more than you!)]
"..."
Miles fell into a dead silence.
His gaze scanned the "delicate" blue Nidoran on the screen, which was currently batting its innocent big eyes at the camera. He looked at the chubby kid beside it, a boy full of hopeful dreams about the babies his "wife" was going to have. Finally, with a look of profound, agonizing pity, Miles looked at Monkey, who was holding his purple Nidoran, getting ready for his bro to score a date.
This wasn't a blind date. This was a fencing match waiting to happen!
This wasn't a female Nidoran! This was a burly dude crossdressing as a loli! And to make matters worse, it had the [Rivalry] Ability!
Miles' brain worked in overdrive, instantly making sense of the utter madness. Why did it reject all the male Nidorans? Why did it ruthlessly attack those premium bachelors?
Case closed! Because in its eyes, those approaching male Nidorans weren't handsome suitors—they were guys! Competitors! Intruders!
Under the effects of the [Rivalry] Ability, its Attack power was boosted by twenty-five percent against the same gender. It wasn't rejecting courtship; it was defending its turf! It was screaming: "Back off, bro! Don't touch me!"
Just imagine being a totally straight dude, and your owner forcefully pushes your head down to go on a blind date with another dude, who then tries to get all touchy-feely with you. You'd be lucky not to get beaten to death! Honestly, the fact that this disguised Nidoran didn't immediately use Double Kick to crush the other suitors' balls meant it was incredibly well-mannered.
"Pfft..." Having figured it all out, Miles couldn't hold it back anymore. A snort of laughter exploded from his nose.
It was too tragic. Too chaotic. This chubby kid had raised a "wife" for years, only to find out it was a bro with a joystick. If word got out, how much psychological trauma would the kid suffer?
"Streamer, what are you laughing at?" The chubby kid caught the expression change and looked totally lost. "Is it serious? Does my Nidoran have a terminal illness?"
Monkey frowned in disgust. "Laughing like a creep. Don't tell me you've taken a fancy to this Nidoran? Let me tell you, this belongs to my buddy. Back off!"
"It's not serious, not serious... just enough to shatter your entire worldview," Miles said, waving his hand. His face was flushed from the effort of holding back his laughter. He took a deep breath, noticed Monkey reaching for the incubator, and suddenly shouted, "Stop right there!!"
The roar startled Monkey so badly he nearly dropped the incubator. "What are you doing? Freaking me out!" Monkey glared at the camera.
"Monkey, listen to my advice." Miles sat up straight. His expression turned unprecedentedly serious, almost taking on a holy mission. "Put that Nidoran away. Do not let it out. For the sake of its... uh, physical safety and mental health, whatever you do, do not let it out."
"Why?" Monkey looked completely unconvinced, lifting his incubator higher. "Are you afraid my Nidoran is too handsome and will steal your thunder? Or are you afraid it'll successfully mate and slap you in the face?"
"Yeah, Streamer!" The chubby kid panicked. "We're already here, why not let them try? This Nidoran really is excellent, I think there's a chance!"
"A chance?" Miles' mouth twitched. There was definitely a chance. Just not for a romance drama. More like a boys-love tragicomedy, or a violent martial arts flick.
"I'm afraid that if it comes out, not only will the blind date fail, but it'll trigger a... philosophical wrestling match." Miles stared into the camera, his tone turning bizarre, his eyes filled with a profound meaning only men of culture would understand. "Or rather, a bloody, literal case of Brokeback Mountain."
"Huh?"
Everyone froze. The chubby kid, Monkey, and the hundreds of viewers in the livestream were suddenly sporting collective mental question marks.
[Viewer "Kindergarten Food Snatcher": ??? What does that mean? Philosophy? Brokeback? What kind of wild talk is bro spouting?]
[Viewer "Melon Eater": Why do I feel like something is terribly wrong? Don't tell me...]
[Viewer "Veteran Driver": Holy sh*t! I think I get it! Is the streamer trying to say...]
[Viewer "Manager Ruby": ...This kid, how are his eyes so sharp?]
Seeing that the room was still entirely clueless, Miles stopped keeping them in suspense. He extended a finger, pointing directly through the screen at the seemingly harmless, adorable blue "loli" resting peacefully on the cushion.
"Chubby, mentally prepare yourself. Take a deep breath." Miles spoke methodically, finally dropping the world-shattering, air-freezing truth bomb. "You guys got it wrong! You got it completely, utterly wrong!"
"That is not a female Nidoran! That is a Shiny male Nidoran! It's a boy! It's a bro packing heat!!!"