Chapter Six – Divine Realm of the Round Table: Camelot.
As expected, Ritsuka's group completed the ley-line shift in full. Everyone arrived safe and sound, no one was left behind. And, just as predictably, the exit point was a considerable distance from the intended coordinates.
"Hmm..."
Ritsuka looked around in confusion.
Desert. Quite logical, considering Jerusalem is in the Middle East. The problem was that it wasn't just a desert, but a raging sea of sand engulfed in a sandstorm – something you'd best never encounter in such places.
"Senpai, sand is flying in my face!"
"Oh, right. Poncho! Put this on!"
As a furious gust whipped Ritsuka's face with fine sand particles, Mash hastily covered him with a shield. Seizing the moment, Da Vinci-chan pulled out a poncho prepared as temporary gear and threw it over the young man. Mash and Da Vinci themselves were Servants, so the storm didn't cause them much inconvenience, so the protective cloak was prepared only for Ritsuka.
"No matter how you look at it, this is Tatooine. Exactly it. Okay, first things first, we need to find Ben Kenobi..." Deadpool muttered, a decent layer of dust already accumulating on him from the direct hits of the elements.
"Don't just stand there, move! Or you'll be buried alive!"
The sand curtain was so dense that visibility was limited to a couple of steps. They had to get out of this storm at all costs.
"Ritsuka, what about communication with Chaldea?"
"It's not going through. Maybe sand got inside..."
Ritsuka tried to contact base through the communicator on his wrist, but it was all in vain.
Items from Chaldea, let alone gear created by Da Vinci-chan, weren't so fragile as to break from ordinary dust. So, the cause of the glitch was something else.
"Perhaps this storm... was artificially created using magic?"
The situation had become truly desperate. Waiting for it to subside was impossible – for an ordinary person like Ritsuka, prolonged exposure to the storm's epicenter was deadly. But moving forward was also difficult: they had completely lost their orientation.
"Senpai! Are you feeling unwell?"
While they were deciding where to go, Ritsuka suddenly began to breathe heavily. Mash feared that sand had gotten into his lungs.
"Breathing... is difficult..."
"Da Vinci-chan, is it because of the sand?"
Da Vinci quickly examined Ritsuka's condition and concluded that it wasn't as bad as it seemed at first glance.
"It's just that the mana concentration in the air is extremely high, which is why your breathing is constricted. So, I was right: this storm was artificially created. This is bad, we need to get out of here as soon as possible... Oh, but first, put this on."
Understanding the nature of the storm, Da Vinci-chan hastily retrieved another piece of equipment for Ritsuka. It was a mask that allowed him to breathe even in areas with high magical energy concentration.
"It's definitely easier to breathe, but... the design is a bit..." Ritsuka hesitated.
The mask's appearance had a post-apocalyptic feel. Put a homemade armor made of scrap metal on top of it and give him a gun, and you'd have a typical end-of-the-world biker bandit.
"Is this Immortan Joe? Or, since he's still a rookie, Immortan Gudao? In any case, we're not in 'Mad Max,' are we?" Deadpool instantly recognized the style and, tilting his head in confusion, looked at Ritsuka in his new poncho and mask.
"Hmm... Desert all around, kid in a muzzle... 'Mad Max.' That's right, it's definitely him!"
"Hey, we're actually in Jerusalem. 'Max' takes place in Australia. Besides, it's the thirteenth century, not the apocalypse!" Da Vinci-chan replied so confidently that Deadpool was even surprised.
"Did you watch 'Mad Max'?"
"Listen, do you think I just lock myself in the workshop all day? I don't mind renting a DVD when I'm bored! And by the way, you! You still haven't returned 'Terminator 2' to me! Give it back, I wanted to watch it!"
"Wow. I was just about to return it, but since you're next in line, I've lost all desire."
As Deadpool began to act like a complete buffoon, Da Vinci-chan forcefully brought her staff down on his head.
A loud *ding* echoed, and Deadpool's scalp dented slightly inward, only to spring back immediately.
"Alright, alright, I get it. Comedy time is over."
"First, we need to figure out how to get out of here."
Since the immediate priority was escaping the storm, they decided to keep moving at all costs.
"Uh... everyone? I think we've already failed at 'getting out'."
Fighting against the gusts of wind, the group climbed a dune. Deadpool, who was in front, noticed something beyond the hill and sighed heavily, sensing that this Singularity was going to be difficult from the very beginning.
"A statue?"
"A living statue," Da Vinci corrected.
Through the veil of sand, the outline of a colossal statue emerged: a human face, a lion's body, and eagle's wings. Visibility was poor due to the storm, but the appearance seemed painfully familiar.
"Wait. Is that a Sphinx?" Deadpool asked Da Vinci-chan, looking at the approaching giant.
"Oh, it really is. Actually, if you go southwest from Jerusalem, you'll reach Egypt, but I haven't heard of terrifying living Sphinxes roaming around here..."
Seeing that the monster was relentlessly closing the distance, and there was nowhere to run in such a storm, Da Vinci told Ritsuka and Mash to step back.
"Mash, protect Ritsuka. Deadpool and I will handle him."
"Yes!" Mash clasped Ritsuka's hand tightly and raised her shield.
Meanwhile, the Sphinx approached. Its figure was carved with astonishing precision and power. Its massive paws, bulging with stone muscles, looked as if a single blow would shatter every bone in the body.
"[Stop. I am the Sphinx, guardian of the sandstorm.]"
"Oh, it really is a Sphinx," the mercenary confirmed.
Instead of attacking immediately, the monster suddenly sat down and introduced itself.
"[Those who have trespassed into the lands of the great Sun King without permission will find no mercy. Therefore, by the authority granted to me by the Sun King, I shall subject you to a trial.]"
Deadpool and Da Vinci-chan tensed at the solemn tone of the Sphinx. Usually, "trial" meant either a fight to the death or being sent to another dimension to find something within a limited time. However, the conditions turned out to be much simpler.
"[I will choose two who are willing to undergo my trial and ask three questions. If at least one answers honestly, I will allow you to cross the domain of the great Sun King 'for a moment'.]"
This "for a moment" was a bit unsettling, but at least they found out who caused the storm. Moreover, the Sphinx kindly offered to let them pass if they succeeded. And the trial itself consisted only of honest answers. Deadpool and Da Vinci-chan were encouraged.
"Hahaha! I can solve these kinds of problems with my left hand. There is no more crystal clear, sincere, beautiful, sexy, cool, fun, and honest Canadian than me to complete this 'Monty Python and the Holy Grail' style quest."
"Showing off again," Da Vinci-chan snorted.
Deadpool shot her a sideways glance, but she just pretended not to notice and began to whistle carelessly.
"[In that case... I shall quell the storm 'for a moment'.]"
The Sphinx let out a long cry, and the raging wind around it subsided, creating a free space. Silence reigned, as if they had found themselves in the eye of a typhoon.
"[So. Who will challenge my trial first?]"
"Oh, I'll finish this in a jiffy. Watch and learn: the great six-star Grand Deadpool will show you his skills now!"
With a confident look and straightened shoulders, Deadpool stepped forward.
"[I begin. What is your name?]"
"I'm Deadpool. Wade Wilson."
The first question was passed without a hitch.
"[Why have you come here?]"
"We're looking for the Holy Grail."
The second question was also left behind.
"[Name the capital of Australia.]"
"Sydney!"
Incorrect.
"Oops! No! Canberra-a-a-a-a-a-a!!"
The Sphinx instantly jumped up and sent Deadpool flying with a powerful blow from its front paw. Soaring high into the sky, the mercenary plummeted down in a vertical trajectory and buried himself in the sand. The landing was rough – the poor guy was bent almost at a right angle.
"Ouch..."
Looking at Deadpool's ridiculous pose, the entire group, led by Ritsuka, couldn't help but burst out laughing. Da Vinci-chan was especially amused: she saw how confidently he blurted out "Sydney!" and then tried to correct himself mid-air with wide eyes. She was literally rolling in the sand with laughter.
"Damn it, caught on the basics. Not like me. Or is this also a nod to 'Monty Python'? Well, at least I didn't fly into the Abyss of Eternal Doom, that's something!"
"I will definitely never forget this singularity. What's more, I don't want to forget it! Fortunately, my staff has a built-in recording device, so I'll capture every moment. But to pull out such a... *cough* *cough* *cough*... such a big fish... Haha! G-G-Grand Deadpool? P-ha-ha-ha!"
Da Vinci-chan, still unable to contain herself, tried to suppress a giggle, but eventually burst into laughter again, which seemed to spread throughout the world.
"Make a mistake. Please. To hell with the singularity collapsing, just make a mistake. I'll hunt you down to hell and mock you. Please, just one wrong answer. I don't care about restoring human order or anything else. Just screw up for once."
Enraged, Deadpool had forgotten all about the missions – he desired only one thing: for Da Vinci-chan to fail. He was even willing to sell his soul to Mephistopheles just for her to make a mistake. Fortunately, Mephistopheles did not appear.
"[Next. Who will challenge the trial second?]"
"It's my turn, right?" Da Vinci-chan stepped forward.
The Sphinx sat down again and majestically began the interrogation:
"[State your name.]"
"I am Leonardo da Vinci."
The first question was answered.
"[What is the purpose of your visit?]"
"To find the Holy Grail."
The second question was also left behind.
"[State Picasso's full name.]"
Finally, the third question.
Not only Deadpool, but also Mash and Ritsuka were speechless upon hearing the Sphinx's task.
"Are you kidding me?!" Deadpool exclaimed. "How can you pronounce Picasso's full name?! It's impossible to even read it!"
Extreme indignation was frozen on the mercenary's face. However, deep down, filled with malice even greater than Angra Mainyu's, he prayed to the devil for her mistake.
"Mash, what's wrong with Picasso?" Ritsuka asked, apparently unaware of the artist's biographical nuances.
"Yes, Senpai. Picasso, the founder of Cubism, is famous for his incredibly long name. It's usually shortened to 'Pablo Ruiz Picasso'."
After answering Ritsuka, Mash looked at Da Vinci-chan with concern: would she be able to give the correct answer? But Da Vinci-chan, already ready to answer, just confidently raised her head and looked at the Sphinx.
"Pablo Diego José Francisco de Paula Juan Nepomuceno María de los Remedios Crispiniano de la Santísima Trinidad Ruiz y Picasso."
"What the hell?!"
Without a single hesitation, clearly, enunciating every syllable, she gave a perfect answer. Da Vinci-chan looked at the towering Sphinx with a "Well, are you satisfied?" expression.
"[Correct. The trial is passed. By the grace of the Sun King, the sandstorm will subside... 'for a very short time'.]"
The Sphinx rose, spread its enormous wings, and with a couple of flaps, calmed the storm.
"[May the grace of the Sun King be with you 'for not long at all'...] "
Not forgetting to mention this annoying "not long at all," the Sphinx soared into the heavens.
The storm subsided, and the desert opened up to their view under the scorching sun.
"...That's cheating," Deadpool grumbled, his broken back already healed. He rotated his waist with displeasure, muttering to himself.
"Don't like it? Try becoming a genius yourself," Da Vinci-chan smiled triumphantly, clearly provoking him.
"This round isn't over yet. It's just the beginning!" Gasping with indignation, Deadpool walked alone across the sands.
"Are you guys coming soon?!" he barked, and Ritsuka's group hurried after him.
Deadpool, whose everything had gone wrong from the start, climbed a sand dune in a bad mood.
"Hmm?"
In the distance, in the middle of the desert, he noticed some dark figures.
"There's someone there."
Hearing his words, the others quickly climbed the hill. Shadows in white masks were moving across the desert. One of the massive figures had some kind of bundle hanging from its back.
"Who could that be?"
"Enemies?"
"Or allies?"
"Or instant noodles?"
To the last remark from Deadpool, Da Vinci-chan responded with a reflexive smack on the back of his head.
"Remember: in singularities, any person or Servant you encounter is very likely to be an enemy."
Warning Ritsuka and Mash, Da Vinci-chan ran down the hill towards the strangers.
"Mistress Hakumo! Strangers are approaching us."
"Damn it. Is it the Sun King's punitive squad?"
"No. They don't look like it. But that shield..."
Among the running shadows, a tall, sinewy, and muscular woman watched the approaching group warily. One of her subordinates, noticing the shield in Mash's hands, exclaimed in amazement:
"That shield! Those are the Lion King's people!"
"What? The Lion King can't just show up here!"
"What should we do, Mistress Hakumo?"
The woman, named Hakumo, reasoned that if they tried to escape now, they would reveal the location of their refuge. They would have to fight.
"Everyone to your positions!"
At her command, the shadows instantly rearranged themselves into a battle formation.
"Hey, old lady! They look like they're going to fight?"
"Oh. I wanted to approach peacefully, but it seems there's been a misunderstanding."
Ritsuka's group froze in indecision, seeing a bristling formation of weapons before them.
"If they're hostile, we have no choice. We'll have to fight back."
Da Vinci-chan stepped back, preparing for defense. Deadpool, happy for the opportunity to stretch his legs, began to pull out everything from his pockets that could pass for a weapon.
"No killing!" Da Vinci-chan strictly ordered.
Deadpool, who had already pulled out a box of ammunition, deflated.
"Listen, if they hit first, they're enemies, right? Why can't we just take them all down?"
"They might just be mistaken. We don't need to escalate a conflict over a trifle, do we? So, you and Mash – only suppress them. You know, like... 'blunt force trauma'?"
Blunt force trauma – a tactic they had already tried in Orléans, Mash understood immediately and resolutely raised her shield.
"I said – no killing!"
Noticing that Deadpool was still fiddling with lethal weaponry, Da Vinci-chan nudged him again. With a very displeased look, he pulled out a magazine and showed her the bullets. At her command, he replaced the combat rounds with non-lethal rubber bullets.
"Rubber, rubber! Damn it, rub-ber! If anyone dies from a rubber bullet – then they're just weak! Do you think I never listen to you? Pfft..."
Muttering and grimacing with irritation, Deadpool finished his preparations, while Da Vinci-chan tightened her grip on her staff.
"Ritsuka. We'll focus on your protection. If necessary, use 'Made in Fate'. Understood?"
"Yes, I understand."
Da Vinci-chan gave the worried young man an encouraging smile.
"Oh? You have time to get distracted by the rear guard right in the middle of battle?"
At that moment, a white mask appeared directly in front of Da Vinci-chan. She tried to block, but the dagger in the shadow's hand was already flying towards her throat.
"Death to the Lion King's knights... *cough*!"
With a short cry, the figure spun in the air and fell. The mask cracked, and the face beneath it instantly swelled from a powerful blow.
"You're welcome, I'm happy to help. Now we're even, you dig?" Deadpool grinned, pointing at the scattered rubber bullets.