It's 2:33 a.m
Like always , I am awake late at night , playing games and doing nothing . Just sitting on my bed under my blanket with my phone , and after my phone get discharged , I started thinking this
Why I am wasting my time doing nothing just playing games and resting under my blanket. Like always , I think I will start things for tommorow no matter what , but I know I am just a big talk and not going to do anything and going to repeat this things , just like I always do
Sometimes I think Why I can't start doing things , Is it because of my phone ? Is it because I just don't want to start ? or Is this because of my past that I become like this ?
I think about this things everyday ,
but I never get a proper answer .
Everytime the answer is different , or I just ignore everything like I always do , just because of my personality, I think so .
Or something else entirely what I even didn't realise or Even if I realised it never take it seriously and ignored it like I always do .
Whatever , I really don't know
Is there really a need to start things in ours life for a better future or life I guess ?
Why I didn't get hit by a truck and get isakaid in a anime world or a fantasy world with cool super powers as a main characters?
Or Why I born in a middle class family instead of a rich family ?
So many fantasy and different thoughts in my mind but .....
What I want to say is , I also don't know . I just want this things to get happened with me in my life , so I can start a new life with new people around me , new atmosphere , although I really don't want anything in my life but still I wish I want things , not like my presence life .
Whatever my current life is trash , and I am a scum and trash ,
So what right I really have to complain about my current life
Just going to think and live in my fantasies and going to do nothing just repeating everything like always,
Just this things are going and who knows until when this things are going to continue or going to end with me only .
Sorry , I really thought so many things and even don't know how to tell them or express them , what I am really thinking
Means I think so many things , so many thoughts how can I explain this , it's so difficulty to explain , I mean whatever
I think people call it as a introvert problem or overthinking , I guess .
It's 3:02 a.m
And now my phone is charged and I can play games one's again until 5 to 6 a.m until the morning . One's again thinking the same that I will start everything after tommorow .
Just one last day I am doing this , from tommorow I will change and not going to repeat this again ,
But the truth I know it's clear like glass that I am going to repeat the same things again and again
That Tommorow is never going to come
I am really scum and trash or I can say even worst then trash just talk and going to do nothing .
Why I don't feel shame about myself , I even never feel ashame on myself but I also didn't feel ....
Let it go it's just not normal
So , I am going to change in my life , or not I don't know ?
May be I will change someday or not
Going to live like this forever I also don't know , but one thing , I know for sure until now in my life
" The Beginning Never Happened "