The academy cafeteria smelled intensely of roasted meat and aggressive magical privilege. Long wooden tables stretched endlessly under massive floating crystal chandeliers, where students in expensive silk robes ate tiny portions of fancy food.
I grabbed a plain plastic tray and stood in the serving line. The grumpy lunch lady handed me a steaming bowl of gray mystery stew along with a small, incredibly hard bread roll.
I stared down at the sad meal in total disgust. As the son of an ordinary baker, I know exactly what good bread is supposed to look like.
My dad wakes up at three in the morning every single day, spending hours perfectly measuring flour and yeast for the morning rush. This school roll looked exactly like a dusty river rock. It was an absolute crime against the noble culinary arts.
I found an empty seat at a table in the far dark corner. Sitting down, I poked the hard bread roll with my metal fork.
The cheap utensil bent completely backward against the solid crust.
"Are you going to eat that?"
I looked up from my ruined eating utensil.
A girl with bright fiery red hair stood across the wooden table, grinning at me with a deeply mischievous expression. She wore the standard academy uniform customized with a dozen colorful pins.
"Sakura."
She dropped her heavy leather backpack onto the table with a loud thud.
"In the flesh."
Sakura was my incredibly annoying childhood friend from the lower city district. We used to throw loose flour at each other back in my dad's bakery.
"What are you doing here?"
She slid onto the wooden bench directly across from me.
"I go to school here now, obviously."
I rubbed my tired eyes with my knuckles.
"How did you even pass the magical entrance exam?"
She winked at me playfully and leaned forward.
"I have my own highly secret methods."
I pushed the plastic plate with the hard bread roll toward her.
"You can have this literal weapon."
Picking up the roll, she knocked it against the wooden table. It made a loud, hollow sound exactly like a solid wooden block.
"Your dad would absolutely weep if he saw this bread."
I nodded my head in solemn agreement.
"It is a total disgrace to the proud baking profession."
Sakura blindly tossed the rock-hard roll over her left shoulder, hitting a random student perfectly in the back of the head. The rich student turned around looking incredibly angry and offended.
Sakura pointed an accusatory finger directly at my face.
"He threw it."
I raised both of my hands in total surrender.
"I absolutely did not do that."
The angry student glared at me intensely before storming away, leaving Sakura to laugh a very loud and completely obnoxious laugh.
"You are still incredibly easy to frame for my crimes."
I pulled my bowl of gray mystery stew slightly closer to me.
"You are literally the worst person alive."
She rested her chin on her hands and smiled sweetly.
"So, how was your big magical entrance exam today?"
I thought deeply about the totally crazy morning I had just survived. First, I had to deal with a glowing blond lunatic named Leo, and then I had to fight an evil dark lord named Dantalion.
"It was extremely exhausting and totally weird."
Sakura stole my metal spoon and dipped it straight into my gray stew.
"Did you cast a super cool magical fireball?"
I shook my head slowly back and forth.
"I just punched a guy straight in the face."
Sakura paused with the spoon halfway to her mouth.
"You used raw physical violence in a magical exam?"
I crossed my arms over my chest defensively.
"He was trying to drop a blazing meteor of infinite sorrow on me."
Sakura slowly lowered the stolen spoon back into the gray bowl.
"A literal meteor."
I nodded my head very seriously.
"It was the exact size of a small neighborhood bakery."
The heat was pushing well past 450 degrees Fahrenheit, even starting to slightly melt my cheap white canvas shoes.
Sakura stared at me with completely wide and amazed eyes.
"That is legit insane."
"I know right."
"Did you totally die?"
I gave her a very flat and completely unamused stare.
"I am sitting directly in front of you eating lunch."
Sakura shrugged casually.
"Ghosts are definitely a real thing in this weird magical kingdom."
I pinched the bridge of my nose to fight an incoming headache.
"I am absolutely not a ghost."
"Prove it."
I reached across the wooden table and flicked her forehead hard. She yelped loudly and rubbed the red spot on her skin.
"Okay fine, you are a living human."
I pulled my gray stew back to my side of the table.
"So, what rank did you get placed in?"
The magical strength ranks at this school went from D to SSS. Sakura just waved her hand dismissively in the empty air.
"I have not checked the big glowing board yet."
I stood up from the wooden bench, completely leaving my lunch behind.
"Let's go check our permanent academic fates right now."
Sakura grabbed my arm tightly.
"Wait."
I looked down at her.
"What now?"
She pointed eagerly at my half-empty bowl.
"Are you going to finish that gray slop?"
I pushed the bowl toward her immediately.
"You are an absolute monster."
She began eating the mystery stew rapidly. Once finished, we threw our cheap plastic trays away and headed into the crowded hallway to face our permanent destinies.
The central bulletin board was a massive slab of glowing blue crystal that floated magically a few inches above the perfectly manicured courtyard grass. Hundreds of anxious new students crowded tightly around the bright glowing names, and the warm afternoon air buzzed heavily with nervous whispers and excited shouting.
Sakura and I stood at the very back of the massive crowd.
"I bet the teachers placed you in the kitchen staff tier."
I totally ignored her terrible and highly unhelpful joke, scanning the glowing blue text at the very bottom of the crystal instead.
Rank D was heavily reserved for the totally useless trash, but I did not see the name Dylan anywhere in that section. I checked the Rank C section for acceptable battle fodder, yet my name was absolutely not listed there either.
"Do you see my name anywhere up there?"
Sakura stood tall on her tiptoes, trying to see over a giant guy.
"I am looking for my own awesome name first."
I moved my eyes quickly up to the Rank B list for elite frontline soldiers. Still no Dylan.
I was starting to get a very bad feeling in my stomach. My dad definitely bribed the administration with a heavy box of blueberry pastries. Maybe a greedy teacher ate them and totally forgot about me.
I checked Rank A and Rank S with a rapidly rising sense of pure panic.
"I am totally not on the board at all."
Sakura tapped my shoulder repeatedly and very urgently.
"Look all the way at the very top."
I slowly tilted my head upward toward the peak of the glowing crystal.
Rank SSS was written in massive fiery golden letters, a specific rank strictly reserved for terrifying dark gods. There were only three names listed under it.
The first name was Sakura. The second name was Dantalion. The third name was Dylan.
I stopped breathing completely for a solid five seconds.
"That magical board is entirely broken."
Sakura pumped her fist incredibly high into the warm air triumphantly.
"I am officially a magical living legend."
I grabbed her arm and pulled her away from the crowded board.
"We are going to die."
She easily shook off my panicked and sweaty grip.
"You need to seriously chill out, man."
I pointed a violently shaking finger at the glowing crystal board.
"Dantalion is in that exact same class."
Sakura looked at me with total and utter confusion.
"Who is Dantalion?"
I ran my hands rapidly through my messy brown hair.
"The crazy edgelord guy who summoned the blazing meteor."
Sakura gasped dramatically and covered her mouth with her hands.
"The guy you punched in the face?"
I nodded my head rapidly.
"I punched him straight through an incredibly thick stone wall."
Sakura started laughing loudly and hysterically in the courtyard.
"This is going to be the absolute best school year ever."
I grabbed the tight collar of my cheap uniform shirt, the fabric suddenly feeling way too tight around my sweaty neck.
"He is going to completely murder me during homeroom."
Sakura patted my back completely and totally unhelpfully.
"Just punch him through another brick wall."
I glared at her intensely.
"That is not a sustainable long-term survival strategy."
She shrugged her shoulders again without a single care.
"It worked perfectly fine the first time."
A loud magical bell rang, echoing across the entire school courtyard. The piercing sound signaled the immediate start of the first afternoon class, and I dragged my heavy feet toward the main building like a condemned man walking to the execution block.
A heavy door of solid black iron blocked the entrance to the Rank SSS classroom, covered entirely in extremely edgy glowing red skulls.
I stood outside the heavy metallic door for a full terrifying minute. Sakura kicked the back of my ankle very gently.
"Open the door, you absolute coward."
I pushed the heavy iron door open with a loud metallic groan. The room inside was ridiculously huge and lavishly decorated, with massive glowing crystal chandeliers hanging directly from the high ceiling. Thick, expensive Persian rugs completely covered the cold marble floors.
There were no normal wooden desks in this fancy classroom at all—only massive plush velvet thrones arranged in a perfect semicircle.
A tall guy in a black cape sat carefully on the far right throne. He was definitely Dantalion, the descendant of the Supreme Demon Lord. He wore a massive white medical bandage wrapped thickly around his entire nose, and both of his eyes were completely bruised and swollen shut.
He turned his head quickly toward the loud opening door.
"You."
I froze completely in place on the thick Persian rug.
"Hey man."
Dantalion jumped up from his soft velvet throne immediately, scrambling backward quickly until his back hit the cold stone wall.
"Stay entirely away from me, you absolute monster."
I blinked twice in rapid succession.
"I just want to find a seat and chill."
He pointed a violently shaking pale finger at my completely average face.
"You completely shattered my ultimate dark magical barrier."
I took one very slow and careful step into the quiet classroom.
"I just punched you."
Dantalion shook his head violently from side to side.
"No normal human possesses that kind of terrifying raw physical strength."
I thought about kneading heavy, sticky sourdough for six hours straight. It was a very intense upper-body workout.
"Baking is a highly demanding physical profession."
He pressed his skinny body totally flat against the hard wall.
"You are a terrifying god of pure destruction."
Sakura pushed past me and walked straight into the fancy room.
"This guy is an absolute riot."
Dantalion glared at her through his badly bruised and puffy eyes.
"Who are you supposed to be, peasant?"
Sakura dropped her heavy leather backpack onto the middle velvet throne.
"I am Sakura."
Dantalion sneered, revealing his perfectly white teeth again.
"Another completely pathetic stepping stone."
Sakura picked up a heavy solid silver candlestick from a nearby table and threw it with terrifying, absolutely pinpoint accuracy. It hit Dantalion squarely in the exact center of his bandaged forehead, and he collapsed completely unconscious onto the smooth marble floor instantly.
I stared at his totally unmoving body in absolute shock.
"You definitely just killed him."
Sakura sat down comfortably on the plush velvet throne.
"He was completely ruining my highly positive vibe."
I walked over carefully and poked Dantalion with the toe of my shoe. He groaned very softly but remained entirely passed out on the rug.
"He is going to be so incredibly salty when he wakes up."
I slumped heavily into the empty velvet throne right next to Sakura. The velvet cushion was ridiculously soft and incredibly comfortable.
Maybe being in the absolute God Tier class was not entirely terrible. I closed my eyes tightly and waited in total dread for the homeroom teacher to finally arrive.
A deafening trumpet blast shattered the quiet atmosphere of the luxurious classroom, the loud sudden noise making me jump straight out of my comfortable throne.
A dozen heavily armored royal knights marched into the room in perfect unison. They carried massive silver halberds and wore pure shining white capes, their heavy metal armor clanking loudly with every synchronized step.
The weapons crackled faintly with pure, highly dangerous blue lightning magic as they lined up perfectly, forming a neat clear pathway toward the iron door.
A man wearing a fancy blue military uniform walked briskly between the knights. He had a long gray beard and a deeply serious facial expression, with a shiny bright golden medal resting proudly on his broad chest.
"All rise for the Crown Princess of Tharnys."
I looked around the entirely empty and silent classroom. Dantalion was still completely unconscious on the cold marble floor, and I was definitely not a royal princess.
I turned my head very slowly to look directly at my childhood friend.
Sakura was desperately trying to hide her face behind her heavy backpack as the fancy military man stopped directly in front of her velvet throne. He bowed incredibly low at the waist, showing deep respect.
"Princess Sakura, we have totally secured the perimeter for your magical education."
My brain completely stopped working for a full ten agonizing seconds. I stared blankly at the bright red hair of my highly annoying friend.
"Princess."
Sakura slowly lowered the heavy leather backpack from her red face and offered me a very small, completely awkward smile.
"Surprise."
I gripped the soft velvet armrests of my throne incredibly tightly.
"We literally grew up together playing in the muddy slums."
Sakura rubbed the back of her neck very nervously.
"My royal parents wanted me to experience the real gritty world."
I felt incredibly dizzy and totally confused by this insane revelation.
"You used to actively eat dirt behind my dad's bakery."
The serious military man glared at me with pure lethal intent.
"Do not speak to her royal highness in that highly casual tone, peasant."
Sakura stood up quickly and waved her hands rapidly in the air.
"Stand down commander, he is my highly trusted elite bodyguard."
I pointed a shaking finger squarely at my own chest.
"I am absolutely not a royal bodyguard."
The commander bowed his head slightly toward me in apology.
"Any noble protector of the crown has my utmost and total respect."
This entire situation was spiraling entirely and utterly out of control. First, I was forced to fight an evil dark lord, and then the magical board placed me in the absolute highest rank.
Now, my dirt-eating childhood friend was actual legitimate kingdom royalty.
I looked down enviously at Dantalion sleeping peacefully on the floor. I really wished I could join him in totally blissful unconsciousness.
My absolute idiot of a childhood friend was actually the future ruler of the entire kingdom!!!