Dexter Doodle had never been in charge of anything before. Well, except maybe one time when he "supervised" a jellybean eating contest and accidentally ended up covered in sticky candy for three days. But today… today was on a whole new level.
He had been shoved into the middle of the Town Talent Hall, which smelled like a mixture of popcorn, gym socks, and something suspiciously like pickles. A banner read:
"WELCOME TO THE 42ND ANNUAL ABSURDLY AMAZING TALENT SHOW!"
Dexter cleared his throat. "Uh… hi everyone! I'm… your host?"
The crowd of 200 townspeople stared at him with expectation. Meanwhile, a very serious old man in the front row was holding a clipboard and muttering, "He'll never survive the goat…"
Dexter froze. "Goat? What goat?"
At that moment, the double doors burst open, and in marched Mr. Snuffles, a goat wearing a tiny tuxedo and sunglasses. It strutted across the stage like it owned the place, bleating dramatically. Behind it was Clarence, the town hypnotist, waving his arms wildly.
"Behold!" Clarence shouted. "The most talented goat in history! Watch as it…" He paused dramatically. "…sings the national anthem backward!"
Dexter blinked. "Sings… the national anthem… backward?"
Mr. Snuffles nodded—or at least he bleated in what Dexter assumed was a confident nod. Then he opened his mouth.
And… nothing.
"Uh… maybe it's stage fright?" Dexter suggested, trying to improvise.
"No!" Clarence yelled. "The goat only performs under extreme panic! Induce panic!"
Dexter panicked immediately. He ran in circles. He tripped over a microphone cable. The microphone fell directly onto a stack of cymbals, which crashed together like a thunderstorm in a tin can. The goat bolted. The crowd screamed. Someone's wig flew off. A juggling clown tripped and landed on a unicycle that went spinning into the popcorn machine.
Popcorn exploded everywhere. Dexter slipped on popcorn. The goat jumped on the judges' table. Clarence fell into the snack table. And somehow, amidst the chaos, a woman in the back row started dancing with a broom like it was her long-lost soulmate.
Dexter wiped sweat off his forehead. "Okay… I think this counts as talent?"
A child in the front row shouted: "Best show ever!"
Dexter stared at the goat, who was now chewing the judge's tie. "Yep… that's it. That's the day. I am officially doomed. And probably going to be famous on TikTok."
Then the goat looked directly at Dexter, removed its sunglasses with its hoof, and bleated in a way that sounded suspiciously like:
"You have no idea what you're doing, human."
Dexter flopped on the stage floor. "You're right. I don't. But somehow… I'm still alive… barely."
And somehow, the crowd loved it.