ZAP.
My cheap polyester uniform dissolved into a swarm of green pixels.
The freezing cavern draft hit my bare skin. It was a severe OSHA violation.
'Can I use my repossession skill on this guy now? By the way, doesn't he have to lose his rights to them or something?'
[Awakened 'Todd' has been in default for fourteen months.]
'Why didn't the bank or the company take it back?'
[Previous recovery agents were hospitalized.]
[The primary lender determined the cost of litigation and medical payouts exceeded the value of the physical assets.]
[The debt was officially written off.]
'Oh. So this guy's a real piece of work.'
[Affirmative. Target's 'Moral Credit Score' is currently hovering in the bottom one percentile.]
'Alright, I guess I don't feel bad anymore. Not that I did before. So can you repossess his stuff now?'
[Procedural Error. Verbal Component missing. You must formally declare the seizure to the debtor.]
'Ah.'
Todd jogged toward me. He had the heavy-footed gait of a meathead running a violent errand.
"If you keep wasting my time, I'll make you pay! Why are you naked now? Put some damn clothes on!"
I pointed a bare finger at him like a desperate public defender.
"You're already going to kill me. What more could you realistically do, break my legs? Yeah, that isn't going to happen. I'm repossessing your shit, Todd!"
Todd halted. His jaw went slack.
"What?"
'System, use my skill!'
[Directive Confirmed. Initiating Repo of Asset Class: 'Shit'.]
VWOOSH.
A blinding pillar of green light swallowed Todd.
When the glare cleared, the mighty F-rank terror was disarmed. He stood on the ruined marble in nothing but silk boxer shorts covered in tiny cartoon dragons.
Without his expensive breastplate, his physique was shockingly doughy.
[Asset Seizure Complete. Total Market Value: $8.4 Million USD.]
[Target 'Todd' has been reclassified to: Statistically Insignificant.]
The anatomically perfect gazelle was a fraud built on borrowed funds. He didn't have the muscles of a hardened killer. He had the body of a guy whose dad bought him a gym membership he never used.
Todd looked down at his pale hands. The crimson broadsword was gone, and his entire artificial personality went with it.
He clawed at his bare chest. His voice cracked.
"My gear! Where is it? Do you know how much money that cost me?"
I crossed my bare arms. I looked down my nose at the very average frat boy.
"It cost the bank. You defaulted on the loans."
[Correction: Leases.]
'Whatever.'
Todd dropped to his bare knees on the freezing stone.
"I've stopped dungeon breaks! I deserved that gear!"
I smirked. I was thoroughly enjoying the reversal of fortune.
"Nice boxers. What happened to rubbing me to death with your pecs? You look like a deflated flan."
"No! Shut up! Give it back!"
He was crying now. It was an ugly sight. Thick strands of snot bubbled over his upper lip.
A literal murderer was throwing a toddler's temper tantrum over his repoed toys.
I leaned in.
"You deserve absolutely nothing. Wait. Are you crying? Your subscription to being a threat has been canceled due to insufficient funds. Come with me."
PULSE.
A glowing blue portal appeared. It vibrated with heavy spatial energy.
A squad of corporate goons in black tactical gear swarmed the antechamber. They fanned out and raised their rifles, securing the perimeter.
A woman in a charcoal business suit walked through the sea of Kevlar. She wore dark aviator sunglasses indoors.
She stopped exactly three feet in front of me.
She slid her designer glasses down the bridge of her nose. Her gaze started at my eyes, traveled down my chest, and lowered to my complete lack of clothing.
She lingered for a clinically humiliating second. Then she looked back at my face.
One perfectly sculpted eyebrow rose a fraction of an inch.
'Rude. How dare she undress me with her eyes when I am already completely undressed.'
[Correction: Target is viewing the raw data. No decryption required.]
'Shush. Don't use logic on me. I'm feeling incredibly vulnerable right now.'
[Noted. Vulnerability is currently calculated at one hundred percent.]
The woman pushed her sunglasses back up, hiding her expression.
"I take it you are the security guard on duty?"
I snapped a panicked military salute.
SMACK.
My sweaty palm hit my bare forehead a little too hard. It seemed like the only logical way to retain any professional dignity while nude in front of an executive.
"Yes, ma'am. Joseph Lee, employee ID 4753."
"At ease, Mr. Lee. Would you mind telling me why you aren't wearing any pants?"
"I… liquidated them."
"Liquidated them?"
"I converted my personal assets into raw mana to fuel a defensive skill. Basically."
She stared at me in deadpan silence. She glanced down at the sobbing hunter on the floor, then back up to my face.
"You liquidated your trousers to disarm a hostile hunter?"
"It was a calculated risk, ma'am."
"You're certainly... efficient. I can see that much."
I cleared my throat and shifted my bare feet on the tile.
"Ma'am. If you don't mind me saying so, that's wildly inappropriate."
"Take it up with HR."
"Ah. I see. So that's how it is."
She stepped close, invading my personal space. The scent of expensive perfume and dry-cleaning chemicals wafted off her lapels.
"It is. I don't just enforce the policy, Mr. Lee. I write it. Do we have an understanding?"
[Alert: Authority Challenge Detected.]
[Target claims Jurisdiction. Verify?]
'Not now!'
I spoke aloud, ignoring the green text hovering over her face.
"Yes, ma'am. Crystal clear."
'Wait. My eyes are open. How are you projecting this HUD in the real world?'
[Surplus Capital detected from previous asset liquidation.]
'You mean the boxers? You explicitly told me I had to sell them to afford the skill!'
[Correction: I stated that partial liquidation was insufficient.]
[The boxers were proactively liquidated to fund your Visual Interface Upgrade.]
'You stole my underwear to buy a HUD update?! That I didn't even ask for?!'
[Convenience comes at a premium. Dispute formally denied.]
'I deeply, truly hate you.'
The woman checked her silver wristwatch. She clearly decided my naked body wasn't worth any more of her billable hours.
She gestured to the exit portal with a dismissive flick of her wrist.
"Mr. Lee, you are to accompany me back to the corporate office for a full debriefing. I need a statement on record regarding the... incident."
"I'm stark naked in a dungeon, lady. Can we maybe get me some clothes first?"
"Just walk."
CLICK.
The heavy metal door locked behind me.
I sat in standard-issue corporate purgatory. It was a beige conference room at the local Dungeon Corp branch. It smelled like old carpet cleaner and stale regrets.
There were no dramatic one-way mirrors or stark white interrogation lights here. Just a flimsy folding table and a cheap poster of a sad kitten that read, "Compliance is Key."
I was wearing a stiff, brand-new security uniform. It felt like industrial sandpaper rubbing against my skin. It smelled heavily of synthetic plastic and formaldehyde.
Matilda Cross sat directly across the table from me. She had placed two sweating Styrofoam cups of breakroom sludge between us.
I nursed my lukewarm coffee like a lifeline.
"Walk me through the timeline, Mr. Lee."
"It's pretty standard, ma'am. Todd—or 'Nograk'—entered the boss room, triggering a liability event. I engaged the emergency protocols per the Employee Handbook, Section 4, Paragraph B."
"And then?"
"Then I issued a verbal cease and desist. The client refused to comply and attempted to terminate my life. In the extreme stress of the moment, I Awakened."
Matilda tapped an expensive fountain pen against her manila file.
"Go on."
"I instinctively converted my available assets into raw mana. Namely, my clothes. Then I cast a Banishment Skill on the hostile's gear."
"A Banishment Skill."
"Yes. To strictly remove the threat."
Matilda opened the thick folder with a heavy sigh. She smoothly slid a glossy photograph across the table.
"Interesting. Because the 'threat' didn't just vanish into thin air, Mr. Lee. The illicitly obtained items materialized directly inside the CEO's penthouse. Specifically, inside his private sauna."
I choked back a sudden cough.
"If that's where the assets were reallocated, then... yes. That was the explicit intent."
'System, did you seriously send his heavy armor to the CEO?'
[Directive: Return recovered assets to the Lienholder. The CEO legally represents the Lienholder.]
[Note: The CEO was actively utilizing the sauna. Target sustained minor contusions from falling greaves.]
Matilda studied me critically over the thin rim of her glasses.
"And that's it? No other anomalies? You just happened to Awaken a unique class that converts cheap denim into high-tier spatial magic?"
I leaned back in my uncomfortable plastic chair, projecting a false sense of security.
"I'd rather not discuss the specific mechanics of my build. Awakened Privacy Act and all that."
"Fair enough. We've officially logged the incident. The Hunter Guild is furious, obviously, but since 'Nograk' was technically trespassing, we maintain the legal high ground."
She closed the folder with a sharp sense of finality.
I let out a long breath of pure relief.
"Is that it? Am I free to go back to my post?"
"There is one last item of business."
"Oh?"
She slid an aggressively watermarked piece of paper across the table.
"Dungeon Corp has extensively reviewed your performance. We're terminating your contract. Effective immediately."
"What?"
PFFFT.
I sprayed a fine mist of lukewarm coffee across the table, the legal file, and Matilda's impeccable charcoal suit.