Harsh winds blowing past the restaurant window I sat at making the glass seemingly wanna break ....same as the rain....wat a messy weather.....across me sat my boyfriend .....he was wasted .It was my first time seeing him in this state ever since we dated for one and a half year or more .
I had driven here despite the heavy rain to check him out myself.
"Jojo...." he slurped my name out of his lips
'Disgusting'
"We need to talk..." he continued .the harsh weather wasn't really helping with the cold I felt at the moment so I pulled out mu cigarettes and lit one.
"Yes ...Davy ,you can talk...." I said raising my hand foe the waitress to come and clear the table and to get me a tequila buy in plastic cup ...I knew watever he was gonna say would piss me off I am only twenty five I can't go to jail yet...
"I ...." he started . I avoided looking into his eyes ...I didn't want to ...I know this one...
"I need space jojo..." he finished and I immediately looked into those familiar black eyes ...signed fortunately the waitress was back with my order so I chugged all 10 shots down at once...we needed tears ryt?!....
"You want space ? Like NASSA ?" I joked and he sneared ....I smirked.
"Jojo am not wasted ."
"Yes, you are ." I replied almost immediately.
"Why?"
He listed alot of things of which I conclude he was his family bread winner ,he is short on money ,and I spend a lot.
Not like it mattered, I couldn't care less sooner or later one of us was gonna do this....and weird to admit but I felt wrong cuz he said it first....
"I understand but ...."I paused darted my eyes all over him ..."did u have to get this wasted to break up with me ,you make me seem like a bad person all that money I used u gave it to me at your own will ,further more I suggest we get the space not once not twice but three fuckin times and wat did you say ?"
I watched as he fidgeted with his cigarette in hand and avoiding eye contact....it was time ....
"I am not breaking up with you..."he said barely even audible he seemed like a mutt being bullied .
'annoying '
"If u want space that means u wanna break up ...anyways ..."
"It's not like that Jojo ,a lot is going on right now ..."he cut me short
Ahhhhh men .
I really loved someone like him too bad it wore of just like the others ....I feel bad for him but I am not gonna stay regardless .
"It's Joan ,not Jojo" I snapped to pick momentum of how I want this to land "You are a funny I ask for space and u deny it and then u want space am I some joke to you....I have let you do what you want with this relationship so far isn't it enough you are still entangled with your ex or the fact that you already broke up with me three times .Listen ,and listen carefully am not waiting for you ....we both should know that ....I..."
"I said I need space ...not breaking up wat don't you understand....fine then move out of my place I don't want to see you.."he cut me off
You might think this whole scenario is a real break up or something but I knew and always knew the men I wanted and for him in specific...he was one of these who always seek reassurance and want to be needed always ....ever since I lost my job and moved in with him 'he suggested I did.' Alot had changed but I just watched and adjusted my heart already left but being with him was more convenient than studying another guy for a few months before dating....I liked him when I fould out he was this kind of person especially how he was a nice person in my ever I had seen worse....and yes he might have been a cheater who broke up with me every time I confronted him about it but I also cheated he just never found out....
My moral base ...
Let's leave that all I can say is I didn't cheat because he cheated but he just gave me no reason to not cheat since he cheated...he made it open I let it be ...I just never let him know I never made him feel cheated on or anything I was clean about my activities...I knew he didn't like me even but he loved the idea of me the cool pretty hot girlfriend who would blow him out ...give him massages ...make sure he is never bored ...that's wat he sought ....as for me ....I loved his naiveness...He always thought I cried and yesterday him because I was in love....yes I was precisely I don't know buy it has always been like this for me.....I loved the thrill of sting the relationship on his guilt about the things sometimes I mad him do...some he really didn't have control over it but I made sure it was his fault ...he did like communicating so I made him bottle up the resentment and all the shit inside....wheni noticed he wanted to talk about it I would ask a few more questions as to why he felt that way...I loved the way he cried when we argued but he thought he was manipulating me or making me feel empathy but it was ....cute...he was the first man i saw crying....and I discovered he did so everytime I led the situation to something he did and had no excuse about it...
I was behind all of it...
He didn't know.
I wasn't the victim.
I stopped being.
"You know I care about you...."I sniffe, he looked at me...