CHAPTER 2 Interrogation & Confusion
The five AM training gong was designed to wake warriors. It turned out to be penguin-proof.
The bronze clang hit the Jade Palace like a fist. Walls shuddered. Dust rained from the rafters. The Furious Five snapped upright in their barracks, combat-ready before their feet touched the floor. Somewhere down the hall, Po jolted awake screaming.
In the storage room, four penguins snored in a pile and did not move.
Shifu opened the door. Stared. The round one was drooling on the tall one's head. He kicked the doorframe. Nothing. He barked "WAKE UP!" twice. Nothing.
Tigress appeared behind him. "Should I handle this?"
"No. I will try water."
The bucket caught Rico square in the face. He erupted from sleep swinging — and coughed up a chainsaw. The blade screamed to life six inches from Shifu's nose.
"WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?!"
The other three snapped awake in combat stances. Skipper low and scanning. Kowalski checking exits. Private with his flippers up. They registered the room, the red panda, the lack of actual threat. Stood down.
"Morning already?" Skipper yawned. "What time is it?"
"Dawn. Training begins at dawn."
"Bit early. We usually start at oh-nine-hundred."
"You will follow OUR schedule."
"Noted. Any chance of coffee?"
Shifu blinked. "What is coffee?"
Kowalski turned to the others. "We're in trouble."
They were escorted to the training hall, where the Five flowed through forms — Tigress shattering boards, Viper coiling through poles, Crane sweeping arcs in the air. Po stumbled in late and tripped over his own feet in the doorway.
"Fascinating biomechanics," Kowalski murmured, watching Tigress. "That power-to-weight ratio—"
"Focus," Skipper said. "We're being studied too."
He was right. The Five kept stealing glances between strikes.
* * *
Shifu had interrogated many warriors in his time. None had been this confusing.
He sat behind a low table in the formal chamber, ears flat. The Five flanked him. The penguins sat on floor cushions — the chairs were too tall — looking completely unbothered. Po's face peeked through a crack in the door.
"State your names."
"Classified."
"Your names are classified?"
"Standard protocol."
"This is not a negotiation!"
"Everything's a negotiation."
"I'm Private, sir," Private offered helpfully.
Skipper glared. "PRIVATE!"
"Sorry, Skipper."
Shifu pressed his fingertips together. "Skipper. Is that a name or a rank?"
"Yes."
A vein pulsed at Shifu's temple. "The others?"
"Kowalski. Rico. And you've met Private."
"What ARE you? Some kind of bird?"
"Technically," Kowalski said, straightening, "we are Spheniscidae, order Sphenisciformes—"
"SIMPLE ANSWER!"
"Penguins."
"What is a penguin?"
All four exchanged a look. "Oh boy."
Skipper tried to explain New York. "Big city. Millions of people." Shifu didn't believe a word. Private tried to explain zoos.
"We lived in an enclosure where humans observed us."
Tigress stepped forward. "You were PRISONERS?"
"More like... exhibits?"
"SLAVES?!"
"No! It was nice! They fed us fish!"
Viper coiled tighter. "This is disturbing."
Kowalski tried the portal. Worst of all. "We came through a dimensional vortex built by Dr. Blowhole. He's a dolphin."
"A dolphin," Shifu repeated, "built a portal."
"An evil dolphin."
Monkey leaned toward Mantis. "Are we sure THEY'RE not evil?"
Shifu's palm hit the table. "ENOUGH! You birds—"
"Penguins."
"—WHATEVER YOU ARE — are clearly from somewhere very strange. Until I determine if you are a threat, you remain here under guard." He stood. "That is final."
"Fair enough." Skipper didn't argue. "Can we at least see the panda?"
"Why?"
"He seems fun."
* * *
Po was, in fact, fun.
They found him in the courtyard during a training break, dumplings balanced on his belly. He spotted them and waved both arms. "HEY! Penguin guys! Want a dumpling?"
Rico sniffed it. Eyes wide. Swallowed it whole. "MORE!"
"You eat! And talk! I like you already!" Po shoved the bowl toward them.
Private bit into one and closed his eyes. "These are delicious."
"My dad makes them! So — you guys are the weird ones too?"
Skipper raised an eyebrow. "Define weird."
"Everyone thinks you don't belong here?"
"...Accurate."
"SAME!" Po held up a paw. "High-five?"
Four penguins stared at the paw.
"Oh MAN, I have so much to teach you! Are you gonna learn kung fu? I am — or trying to. Shifu's supposed to train me." The grin flickered for half a second. Came back. "This is AWESOME!"
Private glanced at Skipper. "I like him."
"Yeah. He's alright."
"PO!" Shifu's voice cut across the courtyard. "Stop fraternizing with the INTRUDERS!"
"But they're nice!" Po protested.
"They crashed our CEREMONY!"
"So did I!"
"That is DIFFERENT!"
"How?"
Shifu opened his mouth. Closed it. "GET BACK TO STUDYING!"
Po dropped his voice. "See you later?"
Skipper nodded. "Count on it, Big Guy."
* * *
Dinner changed things.
Skipper expected rice, maybe stale bread. Instead, a goose appeared at their door carrying a tray that smelled extraordinary — noodles, dumplings, vegetables, and a plate of whole fish that made Rico whimper.
"Hello! I am Mr. Ping! Po's father!" The goose beamed. "He told me you liked my dumplings!"
"That's very kind, Mr. Ping," Private said, taking the tray.
"Such polite penguins! Po explained what you are!" He set down a second basket. "Are you really from another world?"
"Different dimension, technically," Kowalski said.
"How exciting! Do they have noodles there?"
"Yes, actually."
"GOOD! Noodles are universal!" He clapped his wings and left humming.
They ate quietly. Good food. Warm room. Nobody trying to interrogate them or locate the chainsaw.
"So the panda's dad likes us," Skipper said.
"Everyone seems nice," Private said. "Except Tigress."
"Classic protective behavior," Kowalski said. "Understandable."
"Should we still plan escape?"
Skipper chewed slowly. "Always have an escape plan. But maybe we don't need it yet."
Voices drifted through the door. The Five, passing in the corridor.
"They don't seem dangerous," Viper said.
"Just strange," Crane agreed.
"Did you SEE the one with the chainsaw?" Monkey hissed. "Where does he KEEP that?"
"I still don't trust them," Mantis said.
"Agreed." Tigress. Cold and final. "Stay vigilant."
Footsteps faded. The penguins looked at each other.
"Do you think we'll ever get home?" Private's voice was small.
Long silence. Skipper set down his chopsticks. "I don't know. But until we do, we make the best of this."
"Is that an order?"
"Advice. Being lost is temporary. Being defeated is a choice." He met their eyes. "We choose not to be defeated."
* * *
Po's training began the next dawn, and the penguins had front-row seats to the disaster.
He attempted the splits and toppled sideways. Punched the wooden training dummy and it swung back into his face. Tried sprinting the courtyard steps and doubled over wheezing at step six.
The Five watched from the colonnade, unimpressed. Shifu's expression curdled more with every attempt.
"He's not good," Skipper said.
"Profoundly uncoordinated," Kowalski agreed.
"But he's trying so hard," Private said.
Rico shook his head. "Sad."
Tigress materialized beside them. "THIS is your Dragon Warrior. Pathetic."
"He's doing his best," Skipper said.
"His best is not good enough." She walked away.
After training, Po sat alone on the bottom step, staring at his bruised paws. The penguins waddled over.
"Come to laugh at me too?"
"No. Everyone starts somewhere."
"Did you start THIS bad?"
"Worse. Private couldn't swim when we found him."
"HEY!" Private sputtered.
Skipper glanced at him. "Am I lying?"
"...No."
"But you learned?" Po asked. Private nodded. "With help."
Po managed a small smile. "Thanks, guys."
"From observation," Kowalski said, "your center of gravity is off-balance. If you shifted your rear foot about fifteen degrees—"
"You know kung fu?"
"No. But I understand physics."
"That might actually help!"
"STOP bothering the Dragon Warrior!" Shifu's voice cracked across the yard.
"They're not bothering me! They're helping!"
"They know NOTHING of kung fu!"
"True," Skipper said. "But we know tactics. Strategy. Combat."
"That is NOT the same!"
"Isn't it though?"
"NO!" Shifu stormed off.
Po watched him go. "He's intense." The penguins nodded.
"You guys really believe I can do this?"
They looked at each other. Skipper turned back. "Honestly? No idea. But belief is half the battle. So yeah, Big Guy — we believe in you."
Po's eyes glistened. "That's the nicest thing anyone's said to me today."
"Then today's been rough," Private said gently.
Po laughed — wet, shaky, real. "Yeah. It has."
That night Skipper sat on the Palace roof, watching stars he didn't recognize. Slow footsteps behind him. Ancient, deliberate.
"You cannot sleep," Oogway said.
"Observing. Assessing."
"And what do you see?"
"A panda who can't fight being told he's a warrior. Warriors who don't want him. A master who's already given up." He paused. "And us. Four penguins from another world, stuck in the middle of it."
"You see clearly. What do you feel?"
"That someone needs to help that panda. Before it breaks him."
"And will you?"
"We're not heroes. We're commandos."
"The difference," Oogway said, "is smaller than you think."
He rose and walked away, staff tapping softly on stone. Skipper stayed on the roof a long time, turning the old turtle's words over like a coin he couldn't spend.
— End of Chapter 2 —