The awkward weight of the Pizza Hut conversation still lingers like grease on my fingers, but evenings have a way of smoothing things over. One second you're sweating through veiled threats and half-lies with your girlfriend's former co-star; the next you're back on the couch, pretending the world hasn't tilted.
I balance the laptop across my thighs, careful not to jostle Lana's legs draped over mine. She's curled against the armrest, phone in hand, fuzzy pink socks brushing my hip every time she shifts. The TV flickers with Love on the Spectrum—soft voices, earnest dates, the kind of gentle hope that always makes her smile.
"This show gets me every time," she murmurs, eyes on her screen. "Everyone should get to find someone who really sees them."
"Yeah," I reply absently, fingers already moving across the keys.
I'm in the private chat with Redheadloverx—the one Discord friend who's become my weirdly reliable sounding board these past couple months.
Smolblunts: bro you won't believe the day I had. Ran into my gf's coworker again. Most uncomfortable talk of my life.
The typing indicator pops up almost instantly. Red's always around when I need to vent.
Redheadloverx: damn lol. she clock you from somewhere?
Smolblunts: not quite. but plot twist—she's read ALL my stuff. even the zelda wip that's server-only.
Redheadloverx: wtf how??
Smolblunts: apparently gf's been showing people my writing at work. hyping me up like i'm the next big thing.
Lana readjusts, pressing her calves more firmly against my side as she gets comfortable. She glances up, catches me smiling at the screen.
"Who's got you grinning?" she asks, voice light.
"Just Red. Guy stuff."
She nods, satisfied, and goes back to her phone. It's oddly peaceful, this arrangement we've fallen into—her work life walled off, my online hobbies mostly private. We share the couch, the house, the bed, but certain rooms stay locked.
Redheadloverx: that's actually kinda cute. she's proud of you fr.
The warmth in my chest feels real. Having someone who gets it—without judgment—helps more than I like to admit.
Redheadloverx: she still clueless about the cuck side projects tho right?
Guilt pinches. I only ever told Red about the secret cuckold shorts I write to process… everything. The rest of the server thinks I'm just femdom-obsessed. It's my private outlet. Therapy with extra steps.
Smolblunts: thank fuck no. she'd die.
Redheadloverx: they're not even that bad man
Smolblunts: she'd still be horrified if she knew the inspiration
I sneak a look at Lana. She's laughing softly at the TV now, completely absorbed, oblivious to the digital confession happening inches away.
Smolblunts: coworker figured out i've been watching gf's vids tho
Redheadloverx: lmao how'd that happen
Smolblunts: cornered me. i tried lying—said i was just looking her up after starbucks—but she knew i had to have seen gf's stuff to recognize her in the scene.
Redheadloverx: rookie mistake dude. what'd she say?
Smolblunts: called it "emotional masochism." said it leaves invisible scars.
Redheadloverx: she's not wrong. been telling you that for weeks.
I exhale through my nose. Red's blunt, but he's consistent. He doesn't sugarcoat.
Smolblunts: it's messy. i love her.
Redheadloverx: love shouldn't feel like punishment. not saying leave her—just talk. real talk. about boundaries. about her staying in forever.
Same advice, different wording. Gentle shove.
Smolblunts: coworker's retiring soon. acted like it was no big deal.
Redheadloverx: different tiers. top girls like your gf have longer locks, bigger buyouts. not the same.
My brow furrows. That's… oddly precise for a random discord dude.
Smolblunts: since when are you an expert on porn contracts?
Slight delay.
Redheadloverx: articles. interviews. girls post about it on reddit/twitter sometimes. just doing homework before i talk shit lol
Redheadloverx: coworker gonna keep quiet?
Smolblunts: hope so. she played nice but felt like she enjoyed holding the card.
Redheadloverx: prolly won't burn you.
Redheadloverx: but real talk—if you're stuck on dating someone in the industry and hate the jealousy… why not switch to the one who's already leaving? clean slate.
I actually laugh out loud—sharp, disbelieving. Lana glances over.
"What's funny?"
"Guy stuff," I say, waving it off. She rolls her eyes playfully and turns back to her show.
Smolblunts: you're actually suggesting i trade high school sweetheart for the coworker who just caught me jerking to my own gf's porn? insane.
Redheadloverx: practical. you're obviously turned on by the porn aspect but wrecked by the jealousy. she's exiting—problem solved. plus she already knows your writing and seems chill with it.
Smolblunts: you're deranged. i love lana. barely know morgan.
Redheadloverx: morgan huh? cute name.
Shit. Slipped.
Smolblunts: yeah whatever. point is no. not happening.
Redheadloverx: imagine tho. ex pornstar who'd probably let you fuck her while her old scenes play. dream setup.
The image hits uninvited: Morgan under me, moaning on screen in sync. Worse—Lana, fresh from set, still slick with someone else, me sliding in while we watch her own footage together.
My cock twitches hard against my sweats.
Smolblunts: that'd be fucked. railing her while she's still full of another guy, both of us watching the vid.
Redheadloverx: your gf would never go for it. too sweet for that level of freak.
He's right. Lana's gentle. Loving. The thought of asking her to indulge that kink feels like betrayal.
Smolblunts: too terrifying to even bring up. what if she hates me for wanting it?
Redheadloverx: she probably would. don't ask.
Redheadloverx: just saying—if that's the fantasy you're chasing, coworker might be easier path.
I shake my head, close the laptop a little too firmly.
Lana sets her phone aside, turns to face me fully, legs tucked under her now. There's a nervous energy in the way she picks at her shirt hem.
"Hey… tomorrow I've got that podcast with Amber Silver."
"Right. Forgot that was this week."
She bites her lip. "Is it okay if I mention I have a boyfriend? I hate pretending I'm single. I just… I want people to know you're mine." Her eyes meet mine—soft, hopeful, a little scared. "I love you so much, Adam."
The sincerity cracks something open in my chest. Despite the mess in my head—jealousy, secrets, dark fantasies—she wants to claim me publicly.
"Of course," I say, reaching for her hand. "I'm not ashamed of us."
Relief floods her face. "Really? Because some guys in your shoes wouldn't want the spotlight."
I scratch the back of my neck, honest. "I love the idea. Just… maybe don't use my name? I'm not ready for my mom to hear it on some podcast."
Lana tilts her head. "Sarah already knows though."
"Family beyond Sarah," I clarify. "You know how Mom gets."
She smiles—gentle, understanding, a little sad. "I get it."
I squeeze her fingers. "Thanks, babe."
She leans in, presses a soft kiss to my cheek, then settles back against the cushions.
The TV keeps playing—quiet hope, small victories.
I stare at the paused Discord window on my closed laptop, Red's last messages still glowing in my mind.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm telling him too much.
Sometimes I wonder if he's listening a little too closely.