I get into my car, which I rarely use, usually preferring taxis in the city. Parking here is a real problem—spaces are scarce, and finding a free spot sometimes becomes a true challenge. My car has been sitting idle, and I hardly notice it until I decide to leave this overcrowded, noisy city to go to the one who is my real goal. The thought that I need to be with her, that I have to see her again, rings in my head. I don't know exactly how it will happen, but I know I need to get there—to her.
The news that I have become a father, and that Katrin is mother, shocks me. The joy of having a child with her mixes with anxiety. But the fact that she decides not to share this with me leaves a strange aftertaste. Instead of feeling happiness from the news, I feel somehow betrayed. Why hadn't Rebel Girl told me earlier? Why had she kept it hidden? That uncertainty torments me. Anger mixes with a sense of loss, and the joy of fatherhood… it feels too distant to fully experience.
I don't know how I will behave when I see her again. Emotions overwhelm me like a storm: fear, joy, anger, confusion. At the same time, I want to kiss her, hug her, scold her, figure everything out. What will I do first? I don't know myself. I want to feel her lips on mine, her arms around me again. But I don't know if my beloved is ready for that. I don't know what she feels, and that feeling of uncertainty is agonizing. I simply decide that everything will become clear when we meet. Then I will understand how to act. For now, there is only this path, this road, and my thoughts seem endless.
The car drives me along the road, and I call Vi again to make sure I am heading to the right place. The town is bigger than I expected: shops, buildings, multi-story houses, and cozy private homes hidden behind green trees and bright garden flowers. This place is so… alive. Every corner has its own charm, just like every detail of my story with Katrin. She lives with her grandmother in one of those private homes.
When I arrive, I speak with Vi again and ask him to send me all the photos and videos related to Katrin and Mary. I have missed so much of their lives, and I want to catch up, even just a little. Every photo, every frame feels like a small milestone in our shared life that I haven't been able to live with them.
Stopping at the house, I get out of the car and approach the door. My heart is racing, as if it wants to burst out. I feel strong waves of emotion washing over me. Nervousness, fear, excitement, joy—it all blends into one sensation.
I knock, and a moment later the door opens. There she stands—my beloved. I look at her and feel as if I can't believe that Rebel Girl is just a few steps away from me. My eyes try to find the familiar features of her face, but everything is so alive, so real, it is hard to believe. I close my eyes for a moment, as if she could vanish, as if I were in some kind of dream. I want to hug her, to kiss her, but… I understand that my actions could scare her. I can't just burst into her life, can't invade her space. At first, I just need to say hello. Her gaze… it is full of questions, yet warm.
"Hello, Katrin," I say, trying to calm my breathing.
My words come almost as a whisper, as if I am afraid to break the silence between us. My hands tremble slightly, but I try to hide it. She stands before me, and it feels as if time has stopped. All the thoughts I prepared, all the conversations I imagined on my way here, now seem to vanish, and I just stand there, trying to read her gaze.
Rebel Girl looks at me silently, as if not fully realizing that I am really here, that I am close. Her eyes are wide open, and I see a mix of surprise, doubt, and… something else. As if she is trying to convince herself that I am not just a mirage. I have felt this before, but now it seems so real, almost painful.
"What are you doing here?" Her voice sounds slightly strange, as if she herself doesn't understand what is happening.
These words hit me like a knife to the heart. I expect her to be happy to see me, that her voice will be warm and familiar, but instead there is coldness, distance. It seems as if she doesn't recognize me, even though I am so close.
I need to answer honestly, without evasion. There is no time left for games or deception. Thoughts flash in my mind about what I should say. I don't know what she will think, but inside me, there is determination. I can no longer hide what I feel.
"I came to take what's mine," the words come almost automatically, but they carry all my inner charge. I want her to understand that I haven't come without reason. I am not here to stay in the past. I have come for what is rightfully mine.
"And what's yours here?" She doesn't fully understand what I mean. Her eyes are full of confusion. I see her thoughts struggle between believing my words and rejecting them. She can't accept everything at once. And I understand that.
"My Rebel Girl and our daughter," the moment I say this, something changes in her gaze. I see how stunned she is. Katrin hasn't expected that I know about Mary. And it shows in her eyes. She seems to freeze, and I feel her inner world shatter into pieces, trying to put them back together.
The silence between us becomes even more palpable, as if all the feelings accumulated over the years are now being released. Every glance, every word, every gesture feels so loud in that quiet. She is shocked, and I… I am ready. Ready for any response, ready to face whatever awaits us. We both stand in that silence, trying to understand what to do next.
I know I have to talk with her, and also with her grandmother. I understand that the conversation with Katrin will be difficult. But it isn't something to run away from. We need to figure out what has happened, and, most importantly, what will happen next.
I approach my girl, but she clearly isn't going to let me in. I see determination in her eyes, but also a vague confusion, as if she herself doesn't know what is happening. Her gaze is tense, and there is a struggle in it—a struggle with her feelings, with the decision she has to make. Rebel Girl doesn't know how to react, and I can see it in every movement of hers. I take small steps forward, and she begins to back away, her feet sliding across the floor until her back hits the wall. She is cornered, unsure how to respond to my approach. That moment stretches into eternity. Everything around us feels unnatural, compressed, and I feel our eyes meet. I hope there is at least a tiny response in her soul, that she can feel me. We are close, yet between us lie so many unspoken words.
I lean toward her, and, inhaling her scent, I feel shivers run through my entire body. How familiar she is… her smell, her closeness makes my heart beat faster, as if it knows this is a moment that will change everything. My sweet Rebel Girl, I will bring you back. I promise myself that, and I am sure we will make it. Everything between us cannot just be thrown away. We cannot be torn apart. We cannot lose each other. I know that. And I won't let it happen.
"I'll come in, baby," the words slip from my lips, and immediately I realize they sound ambiguous.
I feel my cheeks flush with embarrassment, but there is nothing I can do about it. I just want her to feel that I am near, that I need to be with her, that I am not here for no reason. But as soon as I say those words, they echo in the silence, leaving us both a little confused. I hope it doesn't scare her. I hope she understands that I don't want anything more than to be close.
I step further into the house, and there, before me, sits her grandmother. She is sitting at the table, calmly drinking something from a mug. Everything in her posture, in her gaze, is quiet and measured. Her eyes are tired, but calm, like someone who has grown used to the fact that life is sometimes unpredictable and sometimes requires decisions. Grandmother doesn't show strong emotions, but I can feel that her eyes hold everything—love for Katrin, disapproval, and the understanding that much still needs to be clarified. And I know that talking to her won't be easy either.