Raat ka waqt tha.
Shehar poori tarah jaag raha tha, lekin mera kamra ajeeb si khamoshi mein dooba hua tha. Fan ki awaaz bhi aaj zyada tez lag rahi thi, jaise woh bhi mujhe yaad dila raha ho ki main akela hoon.
Table par rakha phone achanak vibrate hua.
Screen glow hui aur seene ke andar kuch sa hil gaya.
Message sirf do line ka tha.
"Humein alag ho jaana chahiye. Ab aur nahi."
Main kuch pal tak bas screen ko dekhta raha.
Na gussa aaya.
Na hi aankhon mein aansu.
Bas ek bhaari sa sannata.
Yeh wahi ladki thi jiske saath maine future imagine kiya tha.
Jiske liye main raat-raat bhar jaagta raha.
Jiske liye maine khud ko convince kiya ki sab theek ho jaayega.
Aur aaj…
sab kuch ek message ke saath khatam.
Main bed par baith gaya. Phone haath mein hi tha, lekin reply likhne ki himmat nahi ho rahi thi. Dimag mein sau sawaal the, par kisi ka jawab nahi.
Kitchen se pressure cooker ki seeti ki awaaz aayi.
Maa khana bana rahi thi.
Unhe lagta tha sab normal hai.
Shayad isi liye main chup tha.
Main uth kar khidki ke paas chala gaya. Neeche sadak par log haste hue nikal rahe the. Koi office se aa raha tha, koi doston ke saath chai pee raha tha. Duniya bilkul theek chal rahi thi.
Bas meri hi nahi.
Kisi ko bhi andaaza nahi tha ki upar ek chhote se kamre mein koi apni zindagi ka direction kho chuka hai.
Us pal mujhe ehsaas hua ki log pyaar ke baare mein bohot baat karte hain.
Movies, reels, quotes — sab pyaar se bhare hue hote hain.
Lekin tootne ke baad kya hota hai…
us par koi baat nahi karta.
Phone phir se vibrate hua.
Is baar maine dekha nahi.
Main jaanta tha agar ek baar aur screen dekhi, toh khud ko sambhaal nahi paunga. Isliye maine phone band kar diya aur table par rakh diya, jaise kisi bojh se chhutkaara mil raha ho.
Mirror ke saamne khada hua.
Wahi chehra tha, lekin aankhon mein kuch missing tha.
Maine khud se poocha, "Ab kya?"
Jawab nahi aaya.
Sirf itna pata tha ki agar main yahin ruk gaya, toh dheere-dheere khud ko hi kho dunga. Shayad is dard se bhaagna aasaan hota, lekin main thak chuka tha bhaagte-bhaagte.
Maa ne awaaz lagayi, "Beta, khana tayaar hai."
Mainne normal tone mein reply diya, "Haan maa, aa raha hoon."
Unhe sach batane ki himmat nahi thi.
Kyunki maa ke saamne strong banna aadat ban chuki thi.
Khana khate waqt har cheez normal lag rahi thi. Maa apni baatein kar rahi thi, TV chal raha tha. Bas main beech mein baitha hua tha, jaise kisi aur duniya se aaya hoon.
Room mein laut kar maine light band ki aur bed par let gaya. Andhere mein ceiling ko dekhta raha. Dimag baar-baar usi message par jaa raha tha.
"Humein alag ho jaana chahiye."
Shabd simple the, lekin asar gehra.
Us raat neend nahi aayi.
Lekin ek cheez clear ho gayi.
Main sirf kisi ka ex ban kar nahi rehna chahta tha.
Main apni failure story nahi banna chahta tha.
Agar zindagi ne mujhe tod diya tha, toh shayad yahi mauka tha khud ko naye tareeke se banane ka.
Subah ki pehli roshni khidki se andar aa rahi thi jab main utha. Thakaan thi, lekin mann thoda shaant tha. Jaise raat bhar kuch settle ho gaya ho.
Maine phone uthaya. Message ab bhi wahi tha.
Is baar maine delete kar diya.
Pehli baar laga jaise maine control wapas le liya ho.
Us din main bahar nikla, bina kisi plan ke. Sirf chalna tha. Sochna tha. Samajhna tha ki main kaun hoon, aur aage kya banna chahta hoon.
Mujhe nahi pata tha aage ka raasta kitna mushkil hoga.
Kitni baar girunga.
Kitni baar khud par doubt karunga.
Par ek baat pakki thi.
Is kahani ka end yahin nahi hona tha.
Yeh sirf ek breakup nahi tha.
Yeh meri nayi shuruaat thi.
Aur isi liye…
main phir se ban raha tha.