Vario woke up slowly, painfully aware that consciousness had returned against his will. The breakroom ceiling stared back at him, cracked slightly in the corner, a single flickering light buzzing like it was mocking him. His body felt fine. His soul did not.
He sat up.
Immediately, he heard footsteps.
Vario froze.
A shadow passed the doorway.
He dove off the couch and rolled behind a stack of soda crates with surprising athleticism. "N-nope. Not today. I stocked everything. I said sorry. I said it twice."
Nyx peeked around the corner, eyebrow raised. "Vario?"
"PLEASE DON'T ASK FOR THE MANAGER," he yelled, clutching a mop like a weapon.
Nyx blinked. "…Wow. She really broke you."
Bella entered next, arms crossed. Vario screamed again, this time higher-pitched.
"WHY ARE THERE TWO OF YOU."
Bella sighed. "Get up."
Vario shook his head violently. "I can't. What if you're disappointed in me. What if I did something wrong. What if the shelves are crooked. What if the vibes are off."
"The vibes are definitely off," Nyx muttered.
From that moment on, the curse became undeniable.
Every time a female customer entered the store, Vario entered full survival mode. He would stiffen behind the counter, eyes darting, sweat forming instantly. If someone cleared their throat, he flinched. If someone said "excuse me," he immediately bowed.
"I'm sorry for existing." "I'm sorry the freezer hums." "I'm sorry if you were unhappy in 2017."
A woman once asked where the bathroom was.
Vario nearly fainted again.
Seraphine tried to help, placing a calming hand on his shoulder and whispering prayers of reassurance. "You are safe. No one here means you harm."
Vario nodded, calming slightly—until a woman laughed near the candy aisle.
He screamed and hid in the freezer.
Garruk watched all this unfold with his arms crossed. "Let me get this straight. You tanked Oni attacks. You blocked a fatal blow. You survived genderbending, whiskey, and retail chaos."
"Yes," Nyx said.
"And now you're afraid of women asking questions?"
Vario's muffled voice came from inside a box of frozen food. "You don't understand. Oni roar. Karens judge."
Bella pinched the bridge of her nose. "Unbelievable."
To test him, Nyx casually leaned over the counter. "Hey Vario, can you hand me that receipt?"
Vario screamed, tripped over nothing, and accidentally hit the emergency snack alarm.
Seraphine sighed softly. "This is… psychological damage. Deep psychological damage."
The worst part was that Vario knew it was irrational.
He tried explaining it later, sitting on the floor, wrapped in a blanket. "I know not all women are like that. I know. But my brain hears a firm tone and immediately prepares for emotional execution."
Bella stared at him. "You're ridiculous."
"I KNOW," he cried. "THAT'S THE WORST PART."
Nyx crouched in front of him, unusually gentle. "You'll recover. It'll take time."
Vario sniffed. "Promise no one will say 'I want to speak to the manager' ever again?"
Nyx hesitated.
Bella didn't.
"No."
Vario curled into a ball. "Then this is how I die."
That night, as the store quieted and the lights dimmed, Vario sat behind the counter, peeking nervously at the door every time it chimed. Thousands of Oni couldn't stop him. Demon Generals couldn't break him.
But one angry customer had done what no villain ever could.
She made him afraid of retail.
And somehow, everyone agreed—
this was the most terrifying curse Vario had ever suffered.
The change happened quietly.
No light. No dramatic spell circle. No explosion of majiv or sarcastic commentary from Nyx. Vario simply fell asleep on the breakroom couch, exhausted in a way that went deeper than bones. When he woke up, something felt… different.
He sat up slowly and blinked.
His voice, when he yawned, was deeper.
Vario froze.
He looked down at his hands. Bigger. Rougher. Familiar. He rushed to the cracked mirror behind the storage shelves and stared.
There it was.
His face.
His normal face.
Sharp jaw. Familiar scars. That unmistakable gigachad expression that looked permanently confused but stubbornly confident. His hair sat wrong in the exact same way it always did. No lingering magic. No trace of the genderbend at all.
For a long moment, he just stared.
"…I'm back," he whispered.
Relief hit him so hard his knees buckled. He leaned against the shelf, laughing softly, half-delirious. "I'm me again. Thank every god, demon, and expired coupon."
The door creaked open behind him.
Nyx peeked in. "You alive?"
Vario turned around.
Nyx stopped mid-step.
"Oh," she said. "You're… back-back."
Bella followed, took one look, and nodded. "Good. I was getting tired of adjusting the uniform sizes."
Vario ran a hand through his hair, still half-expecting it to feel wrong. "So it's over? No side effects? No surprise magic rebound?"
Nyx squinted at him. "How do you feel?"
Vario paused.
"…Still afraid of women."
Bella snorted.
"Emotionally damaged," Nyx concluded. "But physically? Yeah. You're you again."
Vario let out a long breath he felt like he'd been holding for days. "I don't care. I'll take trauma over existential confusion."
Seraphine appeared at the doorway, smiling warmly. "Your form has returned because your body has finally stabilized. Rest was the key."
Vario nodded, then hesitated. "So… I didn't, like, permanently mess up reality?"
Nyx smirked. "Oh, you absolutely did. Just not in a way that stuck."
Bella tossed him his uniform. "Get dressed. You're on shift."
Vario caught it, then paused. "…You're sure it won't turn to ash again?"
Bella's smile was thin. "No promises."
He sighed, but there was something different in it now. Lighter. Grounded. He stood a little straighter as he pulled the apron on, adjusting it like he used to.
The store door chimed.
Vario flinched.
A woman walked in.
He froze… then took a breath.
"I'm fine," he muttered to himself. "I'm a man again. I survived Oni. I can handle this."
The woman glanced at him. "Excuse me, where's the—"
Vario screamed internally.
But this time, he didn't faint.
Progress.