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Chapter 30 - Chapter 29 – From Leaving to Staying

Early the next morning, Xie Yu was awakened by birdsong.

There were birds in the capital too, but far fewer than in the countryside, and they never rose this early.

She stretched lazily and immediately noticed that Shen Changyin had begun distancing herself.

Shen Changyin was never talkative, but this morning she was even quieter.

When she stood in the courtyard brushing her teeth with a willow twig dipped in salt, they stood far apart. The sunlight fell between them, and even their shadows did not touch.

During breakfast with the village head's family, Shen Changyin chose a seat farthest from her, yet one that didn't require facing her. Her posture was still elegant as always, but she behaved as if Xie Yu did not exist, avoiding any possible interaction.

Sometimes Xie Yu merely passed by, yet Shen Changyin stepped away as if dodging a sharp weapon.

Xie Yu was confused.

Last night, she told Shen Changyin she already had someone she liked. If the other wanted to avoid suspicion and pull back a little, that was perfectly reasonable.

But this was more than keeping distance.

What made Shen Changyin act like this?

Did something else happen last night?

After trying and failing to recall anything, Xie Yu simply shook her head and stopped thinking.

The salted locust flowers prepared by the village head's wife smelled delicious. Paired with white porridge simmered over a wood stove and salted duck eggs with flowing yolks, it warmed her stomach wonderfully.

She drank three large bowls of porridge in one go, sighing without end.

"Auntie, if you opened a shop in the city, it would be a huge success. You could even beat those big restaurants—their chefs can't compare to you."

The village wife was delighted, her face flushing as she kept pushing side dishes toward Xie Yu.

"If you like it, eat more. When you leave in a couple days, I'll pack some pickles in a clay jar for you to take."

After breakfast, Xie Yu tried to help wash dishes, but they pushed her away.

"You still have injuries," the village wife said. "Why touch water? We'll finish in no time, then head to the town."

Two ox carts were prepared to go to the nearest town. Xie Yu climbed onto the first one and sat beside the woman driving, trying to secretly learn.

She was talking when she suddenly looked up and met Shen Changyin's gaze. In just two breaths, the other woman looked away, walked past, and boarded the second cart.

Xie Yu said nothing.

She waited quietly for everyone to gather. Before departure, a seventeen-year-old village girl hurried over to her.

Her hair was styled in a way Xie Yu had never seen—tidy, neat, with a pale-purple velvet flower pinned in, fresh and natural.

The girl pressed a handful of small coins into Xie Yu's hand. Maybe from running too fast, her face was flushed. Her eyes didn't meet hers, staring at the ground instead, speaking anxiously and quickly:

"Big sister, could you buy me a sachet from the powder shop on the east side of town? One with mandarin ducks embroidered on it."

She spoke so fast that afterward she realized it wasn't clear, and grew more flustered. She lifted her eyes to repeat herself, but seeing Xie Yu listening intently, she froze.

Her cheeks grew even redder, and she could not speak another word.

Seeing her like this, Xie Yu assumed she was shy, embarrassed to impose. She smiled warmly.

"I heard you clearly. A sachet with mandarin ducks, right?"

The girl couldn't suppress her smile and nodded, then caught sight of teasing looks from the elders. She stomped her foot and ran away in embarrassment.

"Huh?" Xie Yu didn't know what had happened.

She followed the girl with her gaze—and ran straight into Shen Changyin's eyes.

It seemed she had been watching the entire time.

What was so interesting to watch?

Xie Yu shook her head and sat back down.

With two calls from the driver, the ox carts started moving. Before halfway through the trip, Xie Yu had already coaxed the old woman to let her drive.

Green mountains rolled on both sides, dyed in uneven shades of green like watercolor.

The sky was a clear blue, high and broad, with only a few clouds drifting like cotton.

It was the season of renewal. Wild grass burst from the ground, wildflowers bloomed in chaos but with vitality. Sometimes rabbits or wild ducks darted out from the bushes.

The wind against her face wasn't cold at all. It felt wonderful. Xie Yu plucked a foxtail grass and held it between her teeth, humming a tune she didn't know the name of.

When the sun grew stronger, a villager placed a straw hat on her head. She felt even more relaxed.

Anyone who passed by would never guess she was an outsider—she looked like a girl born and raised in the countryside.

Around mid-morning, they reached the town. Xie Yu hopped off the cart, then turned back to see Shen Changyin gracefully lifting her skirt hem and stepping onto flat ground before looking in her direction.

They had tasks to accomplish here; avoiding each other was impossible.

Shen Changyin knew this too. She stood still and waited quietly for Xie Yu to walk over.

"Let's deliver the letter first."

It was a remote little town. They needed to post the letter at the relay station, sending it to the closest node in Shen Changyin's intelligence network. The rest would be handled by the agents there.

Since they lacked brush and ink, they went to a study hall to borrow some. Shen Changyin wrote at a desk, while Xie Yu leaned on the doorframe, watching the people passing by outside.

Writing took longer than expected. After quite some time, Shen Changyin passed by her with a folded slip of paper.

They went to the relay station and sent the letter.

"Let's buy two sets of clothes. We can't keep wearing borrowed ones," Xie Yu suggested.

Shen Changyin nodded lightly.

They entered a ready-made clothing shop. The fabric quality was much worse than in the capital—not to mention palace-quality material.

Xie Yu picked quickly. First requirement: suitable for movement. Second: colors that didn't show dirt, like grey or dark blue.

She bought hers quickly. Seeing Shen Changyin still undecided, she instinctively began picking for her.

She knew Shen Changyin liked light colors, even white, so she grabbed a pink-white dress of relatively fine fabric.

"Shen Changyin," she said, showing it to her.

Shen Changyin looked, then gave no reaction. She purposely turned away, as if going against Xie Yu's guess on purpose, and chose a light purple dress.

Both changed into their new clothes, then Xie Yu went to the powder shop in the east to buy the sachet for the girl. Shen Changyin didn't speak, kept half a meter of distance, but stayed with her the whole time.

Afterward, they found the villagers and returned together.

The village had bought sugar, salt, and clay jars for the first batch of spring pickling.

Back in the village, Old Li and the hunters dragged Xie Yu over to help handle the meat from yesterday's hunt. Shen Changyin helped pick flowers for pickling.

They worked separately in the village square, not disturbing each other, but within sight. The atmosphere was peaceful.

Soon, the girl who had requested the sachet heard they were back and ran over again.

Xie Yu noticed at once that the violet velvet flower in her hair had been moved to a nicer position, looking almost like a real blossom.

Ah, adolescence, she thought. The age of loving beauty.

The girl accepted the sachet, her face going red again. After a shy thank-you, she opened her palm to show a red woven cord studded with fragrant wooden beads.

"Big sister, this is for you. I made it myself."

The weaving was extremely delicate, made with two shades of red cord twined into a pattern. The beads were selected with care.

Xie Yu quickly waved her hands.

"I only brought something back for you. It was no trouble. No need to give me anything."

The girl stomped lightly, anxious.

"This is something I made on purpose."

"That's why I can't take it. You're at the age of liking pretty things—keep it for yourself."

Xie Yu insisted. No matter what the girl said, she wouldn't take it.

In the end, the girl teared up, glaring at her with a mix of anger and embarrassment, then turned and ran off.

Xie Yu scratched her head, baffled. She looked around, and all the villagers stared at her with expressions she couldn't decipher.

She then looked toward Shen Changyin, who had also finished watching. Shen Changyin lowered her head again and resumed picking clean flower buds.

Xie Yu didn't get an answer, so she went back to working.

After a while, the young girl was called over by her family to help spread out the flower buds for drying.

Her eyes and the tip of her nose stayed red the whole time, and from time to time she secretly peeked at Xie Yu with a sad expression.

Xie Yu noticed, but she still couldn't understand why.

So when the villagers asked her and Shen Changyin to go down into the cellar to bring up a few jars of last year's pickled vegetables, she actually let out a quiet breath of relief. At least she felt more at ease.

The cellar had been dug out by the whole village together. The underground space was very large. After lifting the wooden door covering the entrance, a staircase led down into the dark.

Standing at the entrance, Xie Yu lit an oil lamp, tied it to a rope, and lowered it down, then waited quietly.

This was to check the oxygen level inside the cellar. If the oxygen was too low, no one could safely go down.

Shen Changyin waited with her, also looking down into the dim space.

Xie Yu was already used to her silence. Yet when she pulled the oil lamp back up and found the flame extinguished, she unexpectedly heard Shen Changyin say:

"Your Highness the Third Princess… During this time, has your romance with the person you said you love been nothing but pure happiness?"

Xie Yu picked up the lamp, saw that the flame had gone out, and realized they still couldn't go down. She left the cellar entrance open to let the air circulate.

She casually replied, "Of course. I'm in love—obviously I'm one hundred percent happy, one hundred percent blissful."

"But Lin Yan isn't happy. She's very sad."

Lin Yan was the young girl who had tried to give Xie Yu the red bracelet.

"Huh?" Xie Yu looked over, confused. She didn't understand how these things were connected at all.

Shen Changyin lifted her eyes to look at her.

Lin Yan didn't even truly like you. At most, she had a small crush. Yet just because you refused her gift, she was already that sad.

But you say you like someone deeply, that you're separated from her by thousands of miles—yet you claim you're totally happy.

"Xie Yu." Shen Changyin rarely spoke so seriously. "You've never actually liked anyone."

Love isn't sweet. Love brings pain, jealousy, anger, sorrow.

You don't even need to be in love—just having feelings for someone is enough for those awful emotions to strike.

"If you're separated by thousands of miles yet feel no sadness or pain, then either you've never liked anyone… or what you call 'liking' isn't real liking at all."

Shen Changyin spoke with certainty.

Xie Yu felt offended by that tone and argued back:

"Oh, and you're some kind of experienced love expert now?"

"And where's your wife then? Weren't you planning to enter a political marriage with me in the end?"

The timing seemed right, so she relit the oil lamp and lowered it again.

"Fine, you caught me. I was lying." She admitted easily—she didn't have the skill to keep up a fabricated love story anyway, and she didn't feel like pretending.

"But that has nothing to do with my behavior. It's just that your understanding is too narrow." She defended herself. "Love shows itself in many ways."

Shen Changyin asked, "Then what is your way?"

Xie Yu paused, then surprisingly gave it serious thought. After a moment, she came to an answer:

"If I really love someone…"

"I would fight for her." She met Shen Changyin's eyes.

"I fight for the things I care about. I fight until I die."

She added, "So if back then, I hadn't preferred 'being an ordinary person in a peaceful era' over 'surviving alone in a terrible world'—I never would have agreed to go back with you."

She pulled the oil lamp back up and saw that this time the flame was still lit, so she went down.

Inside the deep cellar, she hauled up seven or eight jars of pickled vegetables, handing each one up to Shen Changyin as she stood at the top of the ladder.

After the last one, she climbed out. A pale hand appeared in front of her. She didn't refuse, took the help, and returned to the ground.

"If you returned to that day and had the chance to choose again—without considering people's livelihood or the state of the world—would you still come with me?"

Xie Yu placed the jar onto the cart. "Time doesn't rewind. What's the point of asking? You should be grateful I did go with you. When someone tried to assassinate you, I was there to save your life."

The two of them each grabbed one side of the cart handle and started pulling it back toward the village.

In the fields nearby, leafy greens were sprouting tender leaves the length of fingers. The toon trees had already been harvested several times; their new leaves were lush and deep reddish-purple, full of life.

"I'm just curious," Shen Changyin said. "What kind of situation would make you fall in love with someone?"

Xie Yu looked back proudly. "None. There is no situation."

She was proud of the logic behind her worldview.

"I just said, if I fall in love, I'd fight for her until death. But I really don't want to die."

"You probably can't tell from how brave I look, but I'm actually terrified of pain."

She poked the wound at her side. "So I definitely won't fall in love with anyone."

She formed a finger-gun gesture at Shen Changyin. "Here's an advanced idea for you—long live being single."

"And why are you suddenly so philosophical?" she shot back.

"No reason," Shen Changyin answered.

Because I want to know whether I should let you go.

They dragged the jars back to the village center and continued helping others.

Shen Changyin was always given the lightest tasks—just selecting intact fresh flowers.

The villagers didn't feel right asking her to do heavier labor. It was a sort of polite distance.

But Xie Yu was wildly popular. She was treated like everyone's own child—pulled here to help, dragged there to learn something new. By the end of the day, she had practically learned every auntie's pickling and seasoning techniques.

And she was genuinely happy—full of energy all day, bragging at night that her acacia-flower scrambled eggs would definitely taste better than anyone else's.

Shen Changyin simply watched quietly.

Until late that night, when the village was silent and everyone was asleep—a pebble struck their window.

Both women rose immediately, alert, and pushed open the door. In the courtyard stood a homing pigeon, a red string tied to its leg.

Shen Changyin picked up the pigeon, untied the note, and read it.

Old Jin had received her message. She had her people ready and could take control of the village at any moment, then escort them back to the capital.

She lifted her eyes. Xie Yu was looking at her quietly. And for a moment, her vision wavered.

A hallucination appeared—standing behind Xie Yu—silently mouthing words.

Shen Changyin recognized every one of them.

The hallucination repeated:

"Don't let her go."

Last night, when the tide inside her body receded, she had—inside the quiet village courtyard—her first calm conversation with this apparition.

Most of the time, the hallucination was crazed, irrational, and emotional.

But not last night. Last night it was calm. It wasn't wounded or bloody. It wore simple, clean clothing.

Shen Changyin had said: "I want to let her go."

The hallucination replied: "And what reason do you have to let her go?"

"Is it because you feel desire for her?"

"You've lived twenty-nine years in your past life, and three years after rebirth. Thirty-two years in total. You've gone that long without anyone close to you. She's the first woman to get this close, and she just happens to be someone whose appearance stirs your heart. Feeling desire is normal. Since you feel it—keep her."

"Besides, you still hate her. You should return that hatred in kind. Make her spend her life unable to control her own fate."

"And even if you no longer hate her—her status as a princess is extremely useful. You should keep her at your side."

The night breeze brought in the scent of fresh grass. Shen Changyin shook her head.

"You're just an emotional fragment. I won't take your advice."

"No. I'm not," the apparition said.

"When you need rationality, I am the part of you that split off your emotions."

"But right now, I am the rational one. And you have split off your rationality. You are the emotional one."

The memory drifted away. Shen Changyin folded the note, looking at Xie Yu.

The apparition had been right.

The rational thing to do now was to immediately summon Old Jin, return to the capital, and keep Xie Yu under her control from then on.

But perhaps it was the village's fresh night breeze and Xie Yu's bright smile from the day that had muddled her judgment.

She had seen Xie Yu's happiness all day long.

She asked, "How do you feel about living here?"

Xie Yu didn't know why she asked but answered honestly:

"Except for that terrifying moment on the first day, the rest of the time has been way more comfortable than the capital."

Shen Changyin nodded. "Good."

"Old Jin needs a few dozen days to arrive. We'll be staying here for a while."

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