Dave Archer is a freshly 18 year old high school graduate from Minneapolis, Mississippi, USA. His idiot parents are hounding him to get a damn job instead of spending all day in the basement, "playing around" as they call it.
Dave stares at a purple viscous blob floating in the midst of hydrochloric acid. "What the fuck is this..." He looks at his notes. He done fucked up somewhere, this is absolutely not what was supposed to happen. If the concoction had stabilized properly, a yellow basic solution should have been the result.
He scratched his chin. "Mm, well..." his nostrils flared. "Oh this smells horrible. Shit, I need to neutralize this and dump it out before it stinks up the whole basement." His eyes shot towards the door upstairs. "Can't give that old clown any more reason to hassle me while I'm doing science." He hurriedly reached out to grab the glass vat, but when his fingers touched it he instantly recoiled, knocking it over in the process. It was searing hot.
"Ayayayayooooo!!! Augh! Ah! Why!! ... FUCK! I just spilled acid all over the place." He patted himself down, making sure none of it had gotten on him and then hurried over to the sink. "Now what was I supposed to do in case of an acid spill... Water? Fuck it. What's the worst that can happen."
Dave filled a jug of water, rushing back and dumping it onto the acid. A massive explosion occurred.
...
Dave opened his eyes, seeing the clear blue sky above him. A person leaned over his face, blocking out the sun. Dave's heart jolted. "It exploded! Did I burn down the house!?"
"Son... Welcome to da mothafuckin Ghetto Futanari System!"
The man standing over him wore a robe white as snow, with long sleeves hanging off the arms, covering his hands. He appeared to be middle aged with strong features, a strong brow with sharp eyebrows, and dark eyes.
"I. Am Zhong Fu Yaoi." He introduced himself politely, cupping his hands and bowing towards Dave.
<3 "... Dave," said Dave. He looked around, seeing that he was lying in the grass of a clearing in the woods. "Did you save me?"
Zhong stroked his chin. "Save you, haha, no. I found you here by chance. I was passing by and saw you passed out."
"Well then, where am I."
"My friend from another world, you have arrived in Central Empire. How you got here I cannot tell you, for I do not know."
"Another world? Wait whaaaat."
"Hahaha! You arrived here by mistake yes? I have heard rumors that otherworlders never know how they arrive, it seems it is true then."
"What do you mean otherworlder? Am I not in America? Wait... Am I even on earth?"
"America... Earth... I have never heard of such places no. Well I will not repeat myself entirely, but you are in Central Empire now. May I ask your name?"
"I'm Dave, Dave Archer."
"Dave, interesting name. It was interesting to meet you as well, but I must go. I will leave you with a parting gift."
Zhong swiped his arm up, letting the long sleeve of his robe reveal a clenched fist. He dropped something into Dave's palm. An oddly realistic keychain in the shape of a phallus.
"... Dude., why would you give me this? That's kinda gay."
"It will be of aid~" Those were Zhong Fu Yaoi's parting words as he floated into the air and shot off into the distance.
"..." Dave was speechless.
After calming down and pacing around, making sure he wasn't dreaming, Dave thought back to what Zhong Fu Yaoi said to him when he woke up.
"The ghetto? Fu... Kung fu? Argh, I was too out of it to hear it properly. It had to be important... Or did he just tell me I landed in a fucking ghetto?" Dave looked around at the grass, the beautiful flowers, and the trees, some standing tall and firm, other swaying gently in the wind. "Hphm, what kind of ghetto is out in the god damn woods..."He scratched his chin and looked up at the sky.
"All I have is this faggy keychain Zhong Fu Yaoi gave me, I should inspect it." He held the keychain up in front of his face, jiggling it around. It had some flop to it disgustingly enough. "Man what the fuck..." He flicked the balls and some fluid seeped out from the tip, more interestingly it began to glow. Dave fumbled and dropped it onto the ground in a state between disgust and surprise. When he reached down to pick it up he noticed something. The fluid had formed an off white stain on the grass, in the shape of an arrow.
"I guess I should follow the arrow then, this has to be some kind of compass. Sigh. I'll have to see where it leads, what else can I do."
Dave followed the arrow deeper into the forest. He got disoriented walking around trees and rocks, stopping to take a piss, or drinking some rainwater pooled in cup shaped leaves. Luckily flicking the keychain on the balls produced a new arrow without fail.
"Oi! You, boy, over there! Stop!"
Dave heard a strange voice yelling at him, clearly the voice of a man, and he froze, but he couldn't see anyone nearby. Not a moment later a shady figure stepped out from behind a thick tree trunk. "What are you doing. Why are loitering around the woods. What are you? Rank two? Are you even a cultivator? What's going in with your aura, it's weak but I can't deduce what type it is. Tell me, or else... I'll resort to violence!"
Skill activation: Hood attitude
"Ay, ay ay, you messing with the wrong nigga!"
"Hmph, you are barking like a rabid dog. I'll just kill you and investigate your corpse!"
The man lifted a hand, dust gathered in his palm, rapidly forming a rock which he launched towards Dave who could only cover his face in shock.
Skill activation: Petty theft
The rock was a hair's length away from Dave when it disappeared. His attackers' face turned pale. His attitude changed and he bowed. "Forgive my rash attitude, I am Zhang Liu."
"Chinese mothafucka!"