I don't sleep after Mara leaves.
Just lie in my bed staring at the ceiling, replaying every lie I told her. Every time I held her while she cried about the exact situation I'm causing.
My phone buzzes around 6 AM.
Kane: You okay?
No. I'm the opposite of okay.
She doesn't know it's me. Just knows you're seeing someone.
That's... good?
Is it? She's devastated, Kane. And we're the reason.
Three dots appear. Disappear. Appear again.
I know. I'm sorry. I wish I could fix this.
You can't. We can't. Not unless we tell her the truth.
Soon. I promise. Just... not yet.
I want to scream. Want to throw my phone across the room.
Instead I just type: Okay.
Come over tonight? Please. Need to see you.
I should say no. Should create distance. Give myself time to think.
What time?
Whenever you can get here.
Work is a blur.
I go through the motions. Smile at the right times. Nod during meetings.
But my brain is elsewhere. Stuck on Mara's face last night. Her trust. Her pain.
"Elena?"
I look up. Marcus Chen is standing by my desk.
Again.
Does this man have actual work to do or does he just hover around my desk all day?
"Hey. Sorry. What's up?"
"Just wanted to say, great job on the Meridian presentation yesterday. Catherine was really impressed."
Was that yesterday? Feels like a lifetime ago.
"Thanks. Team effort."
"Well, the team is lucky to have you." He smiles.
Lingers. "Listen, I know you're seeing someone. But if that ever changes..."
"It won't," I interrupt. Maybe too sharply. "Sorry. I just... I'm very happy. Very committed."
"Lucky guy," he says again. Like he said at dinner.
I wait for him to leave. He doesn't.
"Was there something else?" I ask.
"Actually yeah. There's a networking event next Friday. Industry people. Potential clients.
Catherine asked me to extend the invite to the new team members. You interested?"
A networking event. Professional. Normal.
"Sure. Send me the details."
"Great. It's at that rooftop bar downtown. Open bar. Should be fun."
He finally walks away.
My phone buzzes immediately.
Kane: Who was that?
I look around. Where the hell is he?
Are you watching me?? How.
Your office has windows. I'm across the street.
Coffee shop.
I stand. Walk to the window. Look across.
There he is. Sitting at a table outside the café. Watching my building with binoculars.
Actual binoculars.
You're INSANE.
About you? Yes. Who was that guy?
Marcus. My coworker. The one from the dinner.
Why is he at your desk?
Because we work together? Kane this is creepy. Go home.
Not until you tell me what he wanted.
He invited me to a networking event. WORK EVENT. Now go home before someone sees you.
Fine. But I don't like him.
Noted. Love you. Now LEAVE.
I watch him pack up his stuff. He looks up at my window. Blows a kiss.
Despite everything I'm smiling.
He's ridiculous. Possessive. Completely over the top.
And I'm so stupidly in love with him it hurts.
I get to Kane's place around seven.
Use my key. Let myself in.
The house smells incredible. He's actually cooking. Again.
"In the kitchen," he calls.
I find him at the stove. Dark jeans. White t-shirt. Barefoot. Hair messy like he's been running his hands through it.
Looking unfairly good for someone who was stalking me with binoculars six hours ago.
"Hey," I say.
He turns. Smiles. "Hey yourself."
Then he's crossing the kitchen. Pulling me into his arms. Kissing me like I'm oxygen and he's been holding his breath.
"Missed you," he murmurs against my mouth.
"You saw me six hours ago. Through binoculars. Like a creep."
"Still missed you."
His hands slide under my shirt. Find bare skin. I'm not wearing a bra, came straight from work, too tired to care about propriety.
He notices immediately.
"Fuck," he breathes. Palms my breasts. Thumbs my nipples. "You trying to kill me?"
"Maybe. Is it working?"
"Extremely."
He lifts me onto the counter. Steps between my legs. Kisses me deeper.
And I'm melting. Like I always do. Like I always will.
"Dinner," I gasp between kisses. "Something's on the stove."
"Don't care."
"It'll burn."
"Let it."
But he does pull away. Turns off the burner. Moves whatever he was making to a cool spot.
Then he's back. Hands on my thighs. Pushing my skirt up.
"Kane."
"Daddy," he corrects. Fingers hooking into my panties. "When we're alone you call me Daddy."
"Daddy please."
"Please what baby girl?"
"Touch me. I need you so bad."
He pulls my panties down. Off. Pockets them with a smirk.
"These are mine now."
"Thief."
"Your thief."
He spreads my thighs wider. Just looks at me.
"So pretty," he murmurs. "Always so wet for me."
"Always," I agree breathlessly.
His thumb finds my clit. Circles slowly. Teasing.
I'm already trembling. Already so close.
"Tell me what you need," he says.
"Your mouth. Please. I need your mouth on me."
"Good girl. Asking so nicely."
He drops to his knees. Right there in the kitchen.
And oh God his mouth.
He's not gentle. Not teasing. Just hungry.
Devouring me like he's starving.
"Argghhh, Daddy, fuckk"
"That's it baby. Let me hear you."
"Mmmmmhh, Fuck"
His tongue works magic. Circling. Flicking.
Sucking my clit until I'm gasping.
Two thick fingers push inside. Curl perfectly.
I'm gone. Already gone. Crying out as I cum on his face.
He works me through it. Gentle now. Soft kisses to my inner thighs.
When I can finally breathe again he's standing.
Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.
"Better?" he asks.
"So much better."
"Good. Now let me feed you."
Dinner is some kind of chicken thing with rice.
Perfectly seasoned. Restaurant quality.
"Where did you learn to cook like this?" I ask around a mouthful.
"My mom. She insisted. Said a man who can't feed himself is useless."
"Smart woman."
"She'd like you," he says. Then pauses. Realizes what he said. "I mean... if she met you. Eventually. When we..."
"When we tell Mara," I finish quietly.
"Yeah."
Silence. Heavy. Full of things we're not saying.
"I held her last night," I finally admit. "While she cried about you seeing someone. About being scared this mystery woman would hurt you. And I just... I sat there lying to her face."
Kane sets down his fork. "I know. I'm sorry."
"Are you though? Because we keep saying we'll tell her soon but soon never comes."
"I will tell her. I just need."
"What? The perfect moment? There's no perfect moment for this, Kane. There's just... telling her. And dealing with the fallout."
"I know that."
"Then why haven't we done it?"
He's quiet for a long moment. Then: "Because I'm afraid."
The honesty catches me off guard.
"Of what?"
"Of losing her. Of losing you. Of..." His voice cracks slightly. "Of everything falling apart."
God.
I reach across the table. Take his hand. "It's going to fall apart anyway. The longer we wait the worse it'll be."
"I know. You're right. I just..." He squeezes my hand. "Give me one more week. Let me figure out how to tell her. How to explain this in a way that doesn't make it sound as bad as it is."
"It is that bad though."
"I know. But maybe... maybe if I'm honest about how I feel. About how much I love you. She'll understand."
I want to believe him. Want to trust that love is enough.
"One week," I agree. "Then we tell her. Together."
"Together," he echoes.
We finish dinner in silence. Each lost in our own thoughts.
Then he stands. Offers his hand. "Come here."
I take it. Let him pull me up. Into his arms.
"I love you," he says quietly. "I know this is messy. I know we're probably going to hurt people. But I love you. And I don't regret choosing you."
Tears prick my eyes. "I love you too."
He kisses me. Soft. Sweet. Different from earlier.
This isn't desperation. This is tenderness. Promise.
"Bedroom," he murmurs. "Let me show you how much."
Kane's bedroom is dimly lit. Just the lamp on his nightstand casting warm light.
He undresses me slowly. Deliberately. Like he's unwrapping something precious.
"You're so beautiful," he says. Tracing the curve of my hip. "Sometimes I can't believe you're real. That you're mine."
"I'm real. I'm here. I'm yours."
He lays me on the bed. Covers my body with his.
And for once we're not rushing. Not desperate. Just... connected.
He kisses me everywhere. My mouth. My neck. The valley between my breasts. My stomach. My thighs.
Worshipping every inch.
"Kane"
"Shh. Let me take care of you."
His mouth finds me again. But this time it's different. Slower. More deliberate.
He's not trying to make me cum fast. He's savoring. Learning. Memorizing what makes me gasp.
And it's so intimate it makes my chest ache.
When I finally cum it's slow. Rolling. Wave after wave of pleasure that leaves me shaking.
"Beautiful," he murmurs. Kissing his way back up my body. "So fucking beautiful when you let go."
I pull him down. Kiss him deep. Tasting myself on his tongue.
"I need you inside me," I whisper. "Please Daddy."
"Yeah baby. I've got you."
He positions himself. Pushes in slowly.
And God. Even after everything we've done, he still takes my breath away.
"Okay?" he asks. Always checking. Always careful.
"Perfect. You're perfect."
He starts moving. Long slow strokes. Nothing rushed. Nothing rough.
Just us. Connected. Together.
"I love you," he says. Forehead pressed to mine. "I love you so fucking much."
"I love you too."
Our rhythm builds gradually. Pleasure coiling tighter with each thrust.
His hand finds mine. Laces our fingers together. Pins them above my head.
And there's something about that, the intimacy of it, the trust, that breaks me.
I cum crying. Actually crying. From how overwhelming it all is.
"I've got you," he murmurs. "I've got you baby. Let go. I've got you."
He follows seconds later. Groaning my name as he spills inside me.
We stay like that. Connected. Breathing hard. Hearts racing in sync.
"You okay?" he asks eventually.
"Yeah. Just... that was intense."
"Good intense or bad intense?"
"Best intense." I kiss him softly. "I've never felt this way about anyone."
"Me neither. And I'm forty-five. I've had time to know."
We disentangle slowly. He grabs a washcloth. Cleans us both gently.
Then pulls me back into his arms.
"Stay tonight," he says. "Stay every night."
"I can't stay every night. People will notice."
"Let them notice. I'm tired of hiding you."
"One week," I remind him. "Then we tell Mara.
Then we can stop hiding."
"One week," he agrees. "I can do one week."
I wake up around 3 AM to my phone buzzing.
Multiple texts. All from Mara.
Hey you awake?
I need to talk.
Elena please. I'm freaking out.
Call me when you get this.
My stomach drops.
I slip out of bed carefully. Grab my phone. Go to the bathroom.
Call her back.
She answers on the first ring. "Elena thank God."
"What's wrong? Are you okay?"
"I don't know. I can't sleep. I keep thinking about my dad and this mystery woman and..." She pauses. "Can I come over? I know it's late but I really need my best friend right now."
Fuck.
"I'm—I'm not home. Remember? I'm at my mom's. Family stuff."
"Oh. Right. Sorry. I forgot." She sounds small. Lost. "When will you be back?"
"Tomorrow. I'll be back tomorrow. We can talk then okay?"
"Okay. Yeah. Sorry for being needy."
"You're not needy. You're my best friend. I'm here for you."
Liar liar liar.
"Thanks Elena. I don't know what I'd do without you."
The guilt is crushing.
"Try to get some sleep," I say. "We'll figure this out tomorrow."
"Okay. Love you."
"Love you too."
I hang up. Lean against the bathroom counter. Trying to breathe.
Kane appears in the doorway. "Everything okay?"
"No. Everything is not okay. Mara just called. She's spiraling. Wants to see me. And I lied to her again. Told her I'm at my mom's."
He crosses to me. Pulls me into his arms. "I'm sorry."
"Sorry doesn't fix this."
"I know. But in one week."
"One week might be too late, Kane. She's falling apart."
"Then what do you want to do?"
I pull back. Look at him. "I want to tell her. Now. Tomorrow. Before this gets any worse."
"Elena."
"I'm serious. I can't keep doing this. Can't keep lying to her face while she's hurting."
He's quiet for a long moment. Then: "Okay."
"Okay?"
"Yeah. You're right. We tell her. Tomorrow. Together."
My heart stops. "Really?"
"Really. I'll call her in the morning. Ask her to meet us. And we'll tell her everything."
Relief and terror war in my chest.
"What if she hates us?"
"Then we deal with it. Together." He cups my face.
"But Elena, no matter what happens tomorrow, I'm not walking away from you. Understand?"
"Yeah. I understand."
He kisses me. Soft. Reassuring.
"Come back to bed. We'll face this in the morning."
Morning comes too fast.
We wake up tangled together. For a moment it's perfect. Peaceful.
Then reality crashes back.
Today we tell Mara.
Today everything changes.
Kane makes coffee. I pace the kitchen.
"You sure about this?" I ask for the fifth time.
"No. But it's the right thing to do."
He pulls out his phone. Calls Mara.
She answers quickly. "Dad? What's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong. But I need to talk to you. Can you come over? Around noon?"
"Um. Yeah. Sure. Is everything okay?"
"We'll talk when you get here. And Mara...can you ask Elena to come too?"
Silence. "Elena? Why?"
"Just... please. I'll explain everything when you're both here."
"Okay. This is weird but okay."
They hang up.
Kane looks at me. "It's done. She'll be here at noon."
Three hours.
Three hours until our world implodes.
"I need to go home," I say. "Shower. Change.
Prepare for my best friend to hate me forever."
"She won't hate you forever."
"You don't know that."
"No. But I believe it."
I wish I had his faith.
I go home. Shower. Change into something comfortable. Jeans. Oversized sweater.
Armor for the worst conversation of my life.
My phone buzzes. Mara.
What's this about? Why does my dad want us both there
I don't know. I guess we'll find out.
More lies. Always more lies.
This is so weird. Are you sure you don't know something?
My hands shake typing the response.
I promise we'll figure it out together.
Not a lie. Not quite.
At 11:45 I drive to Kane's. Park down the street.
Walk slowly to his door.
Every step feels like walking to my execution.
He lets me in. Pulls me into a quick hug.
"You ready?" he asks.
"No. You?"
"Not even a little."
We wait in the living room. Silent. Holding hands.
At 11:58 we hear a car pull up.
Mara's here.
Kane squeezes my hand. "Together."
"Together."
The doorbell rings.
Kane answers. Mara comes in. Sees me on the couch.
"Okay seriously what's going on?" she asks. "Why are you both acting so weird?"
Kane takes a deep breath. "Sit down, Mara. Please."
She sits. Looking between us. Confused. Starting to worry.
"Dad you're scaring me."
"I know. I'm sorry." He sits across from her. I stay on the couch. Frozen. "There's something I need to tell you. Something I should've told you weeks ago."
"Okay..."
"I'm seeing someone. You already knew that part. But what you don't know is who."
Mara's eyes flick to me. Then back to Kane. "Okay. So who is she?"
Kane looks at me. Silently asking permission.
I nod. Barely.
He turns back to Mara. "It's Elena."
Silence.
Complete. Deafening. Silence.
Mara blinks. "What?"
"Elena and I. we're together. We have been. For a few weeks now."
A
"Together. You and Elena." She laughs. Short. Disbelieving. "That's not funny, Dad."
"I'm not joking."
She looks at me. Really looks at me. And I see the exact moment she realizes we're serious.
"No. No. You're... Elena tell him this isn't true. Tell him you're not..."
"Mara" My voice breaks. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
Her face crumples. "How long?"
Q
"Since your graduation party," Kane says quietly.
"Since the night we met."
"Since." She stands abruptly. "That was three weeks ago! You've been lying to me for three weeks?!"
"Yes," I whisper.
"Both of you. You've both been lying to my face. While I..." She's crying now. Angry tears. "While I told you things. Asked your advice. Trusted you."
"I know. I'm sorry."
"DON'T!" She backs away when I try to approach.
"Don't touch me. Don't." She looks at Kane. "How could you? She's my age! She's my best friend!"
"I know how it looks."
"How it looks?! Dad she's twenty-two! I'm twenty-two! This is..." She's sobbing now. "This is so fucked up."
"Mara please." Kane stands. "I love her. This isn't some, it's real. We're real."
"I don't care! I don't care if you love her! She's my best friend!" She turns to me. "How could you do this to me? I trusted you with everything."
"I'm sorry," I'm crying too now. "I never meant to hurt you."
"But you did! You did hurt me! Both of you!" She grabs her purse. Heads for the door.
"Mara wait." Kane tries to follow.
"Stay away from me. Both of you. I can't... I need..." She's at the door now. Hand on the knob. "I never want to see either of you again."
"Mara please."
But she's gone. Door slamming behind her.
We hear her car start. Tires screeching as she leaves.
And then silence.
Horrible. Suffocating. Silence.
I'm standing in the middle of Kane's living room. Crying. Shaking.
"She hates me," I whisper. "She hates us."
Kane pulls me into his arms. He's shaking too.
"She'll come around," he says. Doesn't sound convinced.
"What if she doesn't?"
"Then we deal with it. Together."
But as I stand there in his arms, listening to my own sobs, I wonder.
Was it worth it?
Was loving him worth losing her?
I don't know.
God help me.
I don't know.